A New World is Born
by InfinityStar
Summary: When a new student joins her class, Maggie puts everything on the line to protect him. Big changes hit Major Case and Goren struggles to find his way in a world that he no longer recognizes. Part of the Choices AU.
1. So the Stubborn Shall Fall

**A/N: Here is the next installment of the Choices series. Changes are afoot, so brace yourselves. We know how well our boy deals with change. So hang on for the ride :-) I'd like to thank Lexi Lynne for the suggestion that led to the meat of this story.  
**

* * *

_Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born._  
_ - Anais Nin _

The frying pan on the stove sizzled as Alex stirred bacon pieces with a wooden spoon. She drained the bacon fat into a mason jar. She knew that Bobby liked food cooked in bacon fat, but he wasn't twenty-five any more and she wasn't going to contribute to his cholesterol level if she could help it. She laid out the bacon on a paper towel and patted the grease from the pieces.

There was a knock at the door. She rinsed her hands under hot water and dried them on a towel as she trotted to the door. Tommy followed her from the toybox on the other side of the room. She pulled the door open and smiled at Carolyn. "Hey, come on in."

Carolyn grinned. "I am so tired of packing. I thought I'd take a break and come over for a visit. Hi, Tommy!"

"Anny Car! Binded me beebee?"

"Yes, sweetheart. I brought the baby to see you."

She took Sean's jacket off and set him on the floor as Tommy trotted over to the toybox and joined the baby with an armful of toys. Sitting by Sean, he held out a vinyl giraffe to the baby. Sean beamed at him and took the toy, sticking the giraffe's head into his mouth. Tommy giggled and grabbed a penguin. Holding it out to Sean, he was delighted when the baby took it and replaced the giraffe's head with the penguin's. Then he tried to put them both in his mouth and Tommy giggled.

Alex motioned to Carolyn. "Come on in the kitchen. I'm making dinner." She got out the flour, milk and eggs and walked to the counter by the bacon. "So, are you ready for Arizona?"

"Arizona, yes. My parents, no. My mother is convinced that I waited for them to move across the country before I decided to give them a grandchild. Everything is a conspiracy to her."

"You never did tell me why you've waited six months to go for a visit."

Carolyn smiled. "My family is very Catholic. It's taken her this long to accept my status as an unwed mother. She only stopped asking me where she went wrong last month."

Alex smiled. "Well, if Logan would get on the ball..."

Carolyn shook her head. "Let's not discuss Mike's commitment phobia."

Alex nodded at the ring on Carolyn's left hand. "He did propose."

"And some day he'll follow through with it and we'll have a wedding, too."

"Do you think maybe he'll miss you enough while you're gone that he might be ready to finish the job he started with that ring?"

"I don't know. I guess we'll find out. I've found out that the best way to deal with Mike is indirectly. If you challenge him outright, he'll buck for all he's worth. But if it seems like it's his idea, then it's all good. So I'm waiting for it to be his idea. I'm fine with things the way they are. Mike's home every night and he's attentive to me and the baby. Things are good between us. It doesn't matter what my mother thinks, especially since I don't have to deal with her every day. If I did, I think I'd have to hurt someone."

Alex laughed. "He's not making any points with her by not going with you, is he?"

"I don't know, but I can't blame him, really. My mother can be a lot to take on a good day."

Molly started crying, and Alex went into the living room to get her from her playpen. Tom followed her. "Beebee, Mama!"

She smiled at the little boy, who looked up at her with open, curious eyes. She could see his father in his expression, and it made her heart lurch. She leaned over to kiss him. "Let me feed her and then you can hold her."

"Kay, Mama!" He hurried off to Maggie's room. "Maga! Mama me beebee!"

Alex sat on the couch as Carolyn came out of the kitchen. "Putting dinner on hold?"

Alex laughed. "Like I have a choice. Molly certainly won't be put on hold."

Carolyn looked around the room. "Where's Maggie?"

"She's reading."

"But usually, she's out here in the middle of the babies, reading to them."

Alex laughed softly. "Well, she and Bobby have a deal. They were in the bookstore the other day, and she found a chapter book she really wants, so he made her a deal. He got her _The Story of Ferdinand_ and told her if she can read the whole book to him, he'll get her the book she wants. She wants it to be perfect, so she's practicing."

Carolyn smiled. "He already got her the book she wants, didn't he?"

"Better than that. She wants _Little House in the Big Woods_, and he got her the entire set."

She laughed. "Why did he choose _The Story of Ferdinand_?"

"It's not a chapter book but it's advanced enough that he'll know she's ready to move on."

Carolyn nodded. "Do you think I can borrow him from time to time?"

"What for?"

"Well, he teaches his kids to read, and Mike teaches Sean to blow raspberries. Bobby is teaching Maggie and Tom German, and Mike teaches them to blow spit bubbles."

Alex laughed heartily. "It's a balance. Bobby teaches them the practical things and Mike reminds them that they're kids and it's okay to be silly. Mike also reminds Bobby that it's okay to let go every once in a while." Her smile faded a little. "He's too serious."

"It's good that Bobby keeps Mike more or less in line. Sometimes more and sometimes less. Where is Bobby, by the way?"

"He's sleeping as far as I know. He played with the kids all afternoon and went in to the bedroom about an hour ago. He was up all night."

"Pain?"

Alex nodded. "This last surgery was a rough one, but he refuses to take his pain medicine and he stopped using the cane a few days ago. This is the first time he's been in the bed since before the surgery. He's been staying out here on the couch so he doesn't keep me up. A little while ago, he started to doze off, but Tommy kept waking him up, so he finally listened to me and went into the bedroom."

"What does he think he'll gain by not treating his pain?"

She shrugged. "I stopped trying to figure him out a long time ago." She watched Molly nurse, saddened that feeding the baby didn't have the same effect on Bobby that feeding Tom had when he was nursing. She didn't know what was wrong, or even if he realized that anything was. "He won't talk about it. He won't talk about much of anything. I don't know what's going on with him."

"What does the doctor say?"

"I don't know. I haven't been able to go with him to his appointments lately. All I know is that the surgery went better than he anticipated, and there's a good chance Bobby will be back to work soon."

"And that doesn't make him happy?"

"I don't know—he won't talk about it. Sometimes, I'm lucky if I get a grunt from him."

Carolyn heard and understood her frustration. "Maybe you should take a firm line with him."

Alex hesitated. "Bobby doesn't tolerate being pushed any more than Mike does, and I don't want him to slip further away. I'm not sure what to do. I can't even tell you if this is intentional. He's totally distracted by the pain, and he's miserable about not being able to work."

"You may have no other choice but to push him, Alex."

"Maybe I should crush his pills and hide it in his food."

Carolyn laughed. "Well, there's an option for you. I won't tell."

With a smile, Alex handed the baby to her and returned to the kitchen to finish dinner. As she was cooking, she looked at the prescription bottle on the refrigerator, but she left it there. She couldn't betray Bobby's trust, so she had to find a way to get through to him. There _had_ to be a way.

* * *

Carolyn stayed for dinner, enjoying time with Maggie and Tom. Alex, she noted, was clearly worried, and she wondered what was going on with Bobby. He could be stubborn and difficult, but she couldn't help wondering if there was a deeper reason behind his behavior. As she got ready to leave, she asked, "Do you think Bobby would take us to the airport tomorrow? Our flight is at three."

"I don't see why not. Plan on it unless you hear differently."

Carolyn smiled as she balanced Sean on her hip. "Thanks, Alex." She waved to Maggie and Tommy. "Bye, kids."

Maggie had a book opened on the coffee table and she was reading to her brother. They looked up and said good-bye to Carolyn and Sean. Alex closed the door and sat on the couch, watching Maggie point to each word as she said it. Tom mimicked her, but Alex noted that he didn't miss a word. Her heart swelled with pride and love for the children. They were so much like their father, and she always saw that as a good thing.

After the children were in bed, she carried Molly into the bedroom and laid her in her crib without turning the light on in the room. She undressed and slid into the bed beside Bobby, thinking he was still sleeping. She rolled toward him and nestled into his side, surprised when he kissed her forehead. She touched his cheek. "I thought you were sleeping."

"I was for a little while."

"How do you feel?"

He shrugged. "It's hard to tell." He gave her another kiss before he slid out of bed. "Sleep well, Alex."

"Bobby..."

He touched her lips with his fingertips. "I'm going to get something to eat and go for a walk. If I feel like I can go back to sleep, I'll come back."

She could feel his absence when he left the room, and she knew he wouldn't be back that night. She couldn't help the tears that fell from her eyes.

* * *

Carolyn stood in front of the coffee table where her suitcase was open and half-packed. Another fully packed suitcase sat by the door. Her hands were braced on her hips and she surveyed the stacks of folded clothes on the couch. She picked up a couple of Sean's outfits and laid them in the suitcase, then turned her attention to a small stack of shirts. A knock at the front door disturbed her concentration. "Come on in," she called over her shoulder.

The door opened, and Bobby limped onto the apartment. She smiled at him. "Hey, no cane. How's your knee?"

"It's okay," he lied, and she could see the pain shining in his eyes. He was three weeks out from his last surgery, and the months that had passed since his mother's death had been hard on him. He was too quiet, too serious.

She tried to lighten his mood. "Any word on going back to work?"

He shook his head as he stopped beside her, looking over the suitcase and piles of clothes. She reached out and rubbed his arm. "Don't pout. At least they're still saying you can go back to work, right?"

"Right."

"When's your next appointment?"

"Tomorrow." He withdrew his arm from her and changed the subject. "So, when are _you _going back to work?"

Carolyn watched Sean beat on his teddy bear with a block. "I'm on terminal leave, Bobby," she said.

He stared at her and blinked. "Terminal leave?"

She nodded. "Mike and I decided that we don't want both of us out in the field. So he'll stay on active duty. I'm taking a part-time teaching position at John Jay while I go back to school for my doctorate."

He gave that some thought. "How do you feel about that?"

"It's a good move for me. I'm happy with it." She placed a baby quilt in the suitcase. "Have you ever considered going back to school, Bobby?"

He shook his head. "I like what I do, Carolyn. I'm...I'm happy."

"Are you really? You don't seem very happy."

"I'm not working at the moment."

"Do you have to work to be happy? What about your family?"

"What about them?" he asked defensively.

"Don't take that tone with me," she challenged. "Bobby, you can't dichotomize your life. You're miserable because you're not working, and your family is suffering."

"That's not true!" he objected.

"When was the last time you slept with your wife?" she snapped. She looked away quickly. She hadn't meant for that to come out that way.

He opened his mouth to protest, but no words came. Carolyn looked back at him when he remained silent. He looked shocked. She reached out and caressed his cheek. "Do you love your wife?"

"Of course I do! Never...never think I don't."

"What do you think is going through her mind? Bobby, you need to pull your head out of the sand and look around. Everything you do impacts your wife and children. She feels you slipping away, and she doesn't know what she can do to pull you back. You're going to sabotage the best thing in your life if you don't watch your step." She watched the panic cross his face and she grabbed his hand. "Listen to me. You had knee surgery less than three weeks ago. We hate to see you in such pain. Take your pain medicine and get the pain under control. Then spend some time with your wife. It will do you both a world of good."

He sat on the edge of the coffee table and she smoothed her hand affectionately over his hair. "Do you want to lose your wife?"

"No!" he answered, almost panicked. "I...I can't lose her. Do you think...I mean, is she...?"

"No, she's not going anywhere yet. But she's going to allow you to push her only so far away. She'll only let you cut her out of so much of your life. She suffers when you do, and watching you try to make it without the medicine you need is killing her. Do you trust me?"

"Yes." He knew that Alex and Carolyn were close, and if she thought there was any chance at all that Alex was even thinking of leaving him, she would know. "I do trust you," he assured her.

"Then take the damn medicine and spend some time with Alex. She needs you, too, you know, and you've been shutting her out."

"I...don't like the medicine. It fogs my head and clouds my judgment. It makes me...I don't know...I just want to get by without it."

"That's fine, but right now you still need it. Take it for two weeks and then try to do without it. Be smart about it, Bobby. Think about Alex and the kids, too."

He looked at the ceiling, and she watched a tear roll down his cheek. She chose not to mention it. He finally looked at her. "Are you sure she's not...talking about leaving me?"

"I would have noticed if she was. But she's not going to put up with this for long. Now give me a hand here with the rest of this packing or I'm going to miss my plane."

He picked up a stuffed turtle from the table beside the suitcase. "Alex told me your flight is at three."

"Yes, and I had better finish packing or Sean isn't going to have half the things he needs. Mike goes nuts when I buy things the baby already has." She reached out and closed her hand over his. "Please, promise me you'll talk to Alex so I don't worry the whole time I'm gone. You take things too seriously. Relax. It's okay to relax and let go once in awhile."

He made an annoyed sound. "Okay, Carolyn. I'll talk to her."

He helped her finish packing and, in spite of her protests, he carried her luggage down to the car.

* * *

Bobby walked Carolyn into the terminal, carrying the baby since she wouldn't let him carry her luggage. He held Sean while she checked in and walked her as far as the security area. "Do you want me to walk you to the gate? I have my badge."

She smiled. "I'll be fine. Thanks for coming this far."

He kissed Sean's head and handed the baby to her. She leaned up and gave him a kiss. "Take your medicine and talk to Alex."

He nodded. "Enjoy your visit."

Another smile and she walked away, with Sean looking over her shoulder and waving. Bobby waved back. Lost in thought, he walked back through the terminal. Naturally, Alex had picked up on his moods. He hadn't thought it would bother her if he slept on the couch. He was stubborn about not taking his medicine and she'd been upset when he discarded the cane, but he knew she'd get over it. But leaving him? He still felt a simmering panic in his gut that he couldn't dispel, making him dizzy and nauseous. _Son of a bitch...

* * *

_

**_A/N: The Story of Ferdinand _is by Munro Leaf. The _Little House _books are by Laura Ingalls Wilder.**_  
_


	2. BlindSided

After leaving the airport, Bobby went directly to the squad room. He said hello to a couple of other detectives as he crossed the squad room toward Mike's desk, where Alex was leaning over, tapping her finger on a closed file to make a point. Mike was her partner until he was cleared to returned to work, and Bobby was okay with that. He trusted Mike to take care of his wife.

Alex was too involved in her debate with Mike to notice when Bobby stepped up behind her. He placed his hands on her hips, drawing her back against him. Startled, she jerked upright and slammed her elbow into his gut. He let out a soft 'oof' and stepped back as she spun around, ready to deliver another blow. He eyed her suspiciously as she lowered her arm and relaxed. In another uncharacteristic gesture of familiarity in the squad room, he rested his hand on her hip. "Who comes up behind you like that?"

Her face flushed at the touch of his hand. "Dammit, Bobby...No one does. That's why I reacted like that. And I didn't expect you to be here."

Mike watched from his seat, an amused smile on his face. "Serves you right," he chuckled. "Did Carolyn make her plane?"

"Of course she did." He shifted his eyes toward Alex. "I need to talk to you."

"Can't it wait? We have..."

Bobby gently pulled her hip toward him, releasing her when she resisted. "I have to talk to you now."

"Go ahead, Alex," Mike urged. "I'm not in any rush to see Mrs. Pilchorne."

"Don't be a baby, Logan," she warned as she crossed the squad room to her desk, pulling her purse out of her desk drawer. "Bobby, Mike and I have to get going. We have a couple of witnesses to interview before the end of the day."

He limped around to his own desk and leaned forward, bracing his hands on the desk. His eyes were pain-glazed but pleading. "This will only take a minute. Come on."

She couldn't resist him and he knew it. She sighed, feigning annoyance. "Make it fast."

Stepping around the desks, he gently grasped her arm and led her across the squad room, back into an empty interrogation room. Mike watched them, sorely tempted to follow and watch from observation, but he had no doubt Alex would change his outlook on life if he did. He valued all of his body's assorted bits and pieces, and he had no desire to have them rearranged. So he gathered the papers on his desk and dropped them into a drawer, slipping his notepad into his pocket. He went to wait for Alex by the elevators.

Bobby shoved open the door to the empty room and flipped on the light as he pulled Alex inside. He spun her toward him. "I...need to apologize," he said, his voice intense.

She looked confused. "What did you do now?"

"It's what I've _been_ doing. I...I haven't meant to shut you out, Alex. I didn't realize you thought I was."

Realization dawned. "Carolyn..." she began, getting angry.

He shook his head, touching her lips with the tip of his finger. "She was right to say something. You should have talked to me." He moved half a step closer to her. "You know how I get."

She did indeed know how he got, but she wondered what he was thinking now. "Yes, Bobby. I know how you get, and I didn't want you to withdraw even further. I...I haven't found a way to reach you."

"Alex..."

She shook her head. "Can we talk about it when I get home?"

Deflated for a moment, he quickly recovered. Leaning down, he caught her mouth in a deep kiss, backing her toward the wall, where he pinned her with his hips. She braced her hands on his chest to give him a shove, but his tongue teased her lips and she forgot to push. Instead, her arms snaked their way around him as his tongue explored her mouth. His hips held her against the wall, and she shifted against him. With a groan, he fingered the edge of her shirt. She came crashing back to reality a few seconds before she totally lost all control. Grabbing his wrists, she reluctantly turned her head, breaking the kiss, and shoved him back a step. "Not here," she hissed. "Not now."

He struggled to calm himself as he pulled his wrists from her grasp and stepped away. She offered him a bemused smile. "For weeks you refuse sex at home, and then you try to do it in the squad room. What am I going to do with you?"

He shrugged, but she couldn't read his expression. She tried to encourage him. "Take Maggie to Dad's when you pick her up and I'll ask him to keep the kids for the night. I think Jake's spending the night, too. Then we can talk. Okay?"

He studied her with a burning intensity that made her move further away before she was drawn in too far. Reluctantly, he looked away. "Okay."

She straightened her shirt and made sure she was presentable. Then, she walked to the door, where she paused. Without warning, she turned and hurried back to him, throwing her arms around him and kissing him hard, with an abandon rare for her. She withdrew just as suddenly and he was alone in the room. He sat down to give himself time to recover, then he left the squad room without a word to anyone else.

* * *

Maggie hurried to the car and climbed into the back seat. She leaned into the front seat to wrap her arms around her father's neck and kiss him. "Hi, Daddy! How do you feel?"

"I'm fine, baby. How was school?"

"Good. We have a new boy in our class. His name is Harry, and he's really shy."

"He probably just needs time to adjust. Be nice to him and he'll come around."

She buckled in and smiled at him. "I'm nice to eve'ybody, Daddy."

That came as no surprise to him, and he smiled. "I'm going to take you to Grandpa's, and you're going to spend the night. Mommy said she thinks Jake will be there, too."

She studied him quietly. "Will you spend time with Mommy?"

"Uh, yes. That is the plan."

"Is she gonna make you better?"

"Better?"

"You haven' been talkin' to Mommy, or smilin', or anythin', and that makes her sad. She said you need to get better, an' then eve'ythin' will be good with you again."

He didn't know what to tell her, but he should not have been surprised that she'd picked up on the tension he'd created at home. Try as he might to insulate the children to his moods, Maggie was more perceptive than most. "I don't know if she can make me better, but we're going to talk."

"An' you'll take your med'cine?"

"What do you know about that?"

"I know that you al'ays hurt and Mommy's been tellin' you to take your med'cine so it doesn' hurt so bad an' you can sleep."

If Maggie had joined with her mother and ganged up on him, he would have conceded defeat long ago, no matter how much he hated the medicine. One of them he could resist, but not both. "Yes, Maggie. I'm going to take my medicine."

She nodded. "Good."

He was quiet for a few minutes. "Why haven't you said something before?"

"Because Mommy says somethin' eve'y night an' you get mad. I didn' wanna make you mad, too."

He ran his fingers over his lips. "Are you afraid of me, Maggie?"

She shook her head. "A course not. I wan' you to be happy."

His face softened. "I am happy, honey. I've just been...distracted lately."

She gave that some thought. "Let Mommy he'p you, Daddy. Please."

His gut tightened. "Don't worry, baby. Mommy and I will be fine."

"So we won' hafta live with Grampa?"

His stomach lurched and his heart jumped into his throat. "What?"

"Mommy was talkin' to Grampa about us stayin' with him. I love Grampa a lot, but I wanna live with you, Daddy."

He felt sick. He had no idea Alex was thinking of leaving, and Carolyn's words came back to haunt him. _She's not going anywhere yet_. It was the word _yet_ that troubled him. That one word told him she was considering it, and Maggie just confirmed that for him. How could things have gotten so far out of hand without him even realizing it? Had he been that deeply buried in his own pain? He hadn't meant to cut Alex out; he'd been protecting her from his moods. He hoped there was still a chance for him to correct his mistakes and make this up to his wife. If he lost his family, he would lose everything. He made up his mind not to let them go without a fight.

* * *

Bobby stood in the kitchen, his prescription bottle in his hand. _Take one or two tablets every four to six hours as needed for pain_, the label read. His hand tightened around the bottle in a fist. _Take your medicine and talk to Alex_. Opening the bottle, he dumped a couple of the pills into his hand and tossed them into his mouth. He swallowed them with a glass of water and limped into the living room. Picking up the remote, he turned on the television as he eased his injured leg onto the table. His knee was on fire and he was suffering for it. Of the two surgeries he'd had on his knee since the accident the day his mother died, the last one had been the most extensive. It had also proved to be his breaking point. He had let Alex take care of him after the first one, but he was done with that. He wanted to be back to normal, to go back to work, to chase his children in the park. So he ditched the cane and refused to take any medicine. He was pushing himself hard, trying to force his body to do what he wanted it to do, and he was angry. He slept poorly, staying on the couch at night because he knew Alex needed her sleep. She didn't harass him about anything but taking the medicine, so he didn't think there was a problem. He felt blind-sided, and only the fear of losing his family kept his anger at bay. He groaned softly as he began to flip through the channels, looking for something mindless to watch.

As the medicine began to take hold, his body began to relax and he would have slipped toward sleep but for the fallout of other circumstances. In the squadroom, he had been desperate to apologize, to show Alex that he needed her. Then, his talk with Maggie had set him reeling toward panic. He wasn't sure he could fix things with Alex, but he had to try. He'd been through so much for her, and he loved her more than he knew how to show. He was floundering, and the past three weeks had not helped matters any at all. As time wore on, he progressed well beyond thought or reason. All he wanted was her.

* * *


	3. Reconciliation

Alex opened the door and stepped into the apartment, fully expecting to find her husband laying on the couch, fighting sleep. She certainly did not expect the greeting she got. Like his temper, Bobby's passion could be explosive. She had come to welcome that explosive passion, even to look forward to it, but since his mother's death, it had gone missing. She almost didn't recognize the man who grabbed her when she came through the door.

He was on fire, both in body and mind, and he lost control quickly. By turns rough and tender, he overwhelmed her completely. She responded to him, her own passion ignited by his. Losing sight of the problems between them that needed to be addressed, they lost track of everything and focused on each other. It was something they both needed desperately.

Finally spent, with no sense of place or time, he rolled off her, breathing heavily. They'd never even made it to the couch. She rolled into his side and rested her head on his shoulder as she recovered. Lightly kissing his jaw, she said, "I'm going to shower and then I'll get us something for dinner."

He grunted softly and looked at her with barely open eyes. He struggled to focus on her smile and the soft kiss she gave him as she got up from the floor and left the room. Where every muscle in his body had ached for release when she came through the door, now he was overwhelmed by a deep desire to sleep. He couldn't fight it any more.

When she finished showering, she returned to the living room, dressed in white sweats. Bobby had pulled his shirt over his waist and he was sleeping soundly, right on the floor where she'd left him. With a soft laugh, she knelt beside him, sitting back on her heels. She ran her fingers through his hair, but he didn't stir. Even when she kissed him, there was no reaction. He had slept so poorly since his last surgery it was no surprise that it caught up to him and hit him hard. She continued to stroke his hair. "This is not going to get you out of anything, Goren," she softly scolded. "We still have things to work out."

She retrieved a blanket and pillow, and laid down on the floor beside him. Covering them both with the blanket, she snuggled beside him and went to sleep.

* * *

As utterly exhausted as he had been, when the pain bit into his sleep, Bobby woke. He was surprised to find Alex on the floor with him, and he wondered what that meant. He got up slowly, trying not to wake his sleeping wife, and limped down the dark hallway to the bathroom and then the bedroom. Dressing in a pair of sweatpants, he returned to the kitchen, where he grabbed his medicine off the refrigerator. He got a glass of water and stood by the sink, staring at the bottle.

He closed his eyes when Alex stepped up behind him and ran her hands over his warm skin. When she began to kiss a path along his spine as her hands lightly caressed his back, he dropped the pill bottle. As it rattled in the sink, she reached around him to retrieve it, placing it back in his hand as she slipped between him and the sink. "Take it," she murmured, kissing his chest.

As she swirled her tongue around one nipple, then the other, his knees wobbled. "Do that again," he murmured.

"Medicine first," she answered, kissing his chest again.

"Al..." he began.

"Medicine," she repeated, half reminder, half scolding.

She covered his hand, taking the medicine bottle from him. Dumping two pills into her hand, she reached up and pressed first one pill and then the other past his lips. With the tip of her index finger, she stroked his lips, then turned and left the kitchen.

He chased the pills with the glass of water, and he joined her on the couch. Sliding his arm behind her, he leaned in toward her. She braced her hand on his chest and said, "Slow down. We need to talk first."

What the hell...she'd started it. He groaned. "Do we have to?"

"If you want to play around some more, yes."

He slid away from her, frowning. She was right. Ignoring the problem was not going to resolve their issues. "Where do we start?"

"You talked to Carolyn. What did she tell you?"

He closed his eyes as the sick feeling in his gut returned. He let out a slow breath. "She, uh, she inferred you were thinking about leaving, but said you weren't going anywhere yet. And then Maggie told me she heard you talking to your dad about moving in with him."

"Oh..." she said softly. "I didn't realize she overheard us."

Part of him hoped Maggie had misunderstood the conversation she overheard, but when Alex did not deny it, his gut sank even further. "That's not the point, Alex. You are thinking about...about leaving me? When were you going to spring that one on me?"

She looked away, hurt by the pain in his voice. "Bobby, I...I don't know how to get through to you, and I am sick and tired of being shut out by you. If you can't find some way to let me in when you're in trouble, I..." She trailed off. "God, Bobby, I don't know what to do with you."

"Alex...I told you...sharing myself is not something that comes easily to me. Do you expect miracles?"

She shook her head. "Not miracles, but _some_ effort. Do I have to threaten to leave you just to get your attention?"

Closing his eyes, he rubbed his temple. He was deeply hurt. "So...love isn't enough for you. You can't just take my heart and soul...you need my mind, my thoughts...Be careful what you're looking for, Alex. My mind can be a frightening place."

"Bobby..."

"No. Hear me out for a change," he snapped angrily, shifting his injured knee to a less painful position. "I have done everything you ever asked me to do. When you called me in the middle of the night, for whatever reason, I was there for you. I canceled dates for you, changed my plans for you, took more than one beating for you. My life revolved around you, even when you were married to another man. I put everything on the line for you, and I don't know what more you expect. You can't forgive me for protecting you. What about protecting myself? Oh, wait...I'm not allowed to do that."

He lurched off the couch and limped into the kitchen. She remained on the couch until he came back out. "Make up your mind, Alex." He held his arms open. "You knew what you were in for when you married me. I never hid any part of who I am from you. I will do anything for you, and I think I've proven that, but if I fall back on the patterns of my life, or I make the mistake of being myself, you'll have to forgive me. If you can't handle me as I am, tell me now and all I will ever ask of you again is not to keep my children away from me. Don't torture me by stringing me along. I can only do so much to change who I am, and I try only because you want me to change. I'm sorry if I...uhm, if that's not good enough for you."

He limped down the hall and slammed the bedroom door. She remained where she was, trying to make heads or tails of what he'd just said. She didn't understand what was so difficult about not closing himself off to her. If he even tried, she wouldn't have an issue. But he didn't try. He withdrew into himself and called it protecting her. She'd never asked to be protected from him, and he didn't seem to get that.

She was surprised when he came back out of the bedroom, fully dressed. He wasn't limping as badly, so she knew his medicine was beginning to work. She got up and met him in the center of the room. "Where are you going?"

He stopped and looked at the floor, shifting uncomfortably. "Out."

She grabbed his arm. "Tell me what you're thinking."

After a pause, he answered, "I'm thinking if you can't take me the way I am, then you really don't want me. I try to change, even if you don't think I do. The past few weeks I haven't been hiding anything. I've just been trying to deal with the pain, to get past it so I can heal and get back to work. I _need _to get back to work. I haven't been hiding from you, in spite of what you think. The only reason I stayed away at night is because I didn't want to keep you up. You need your sleep, and there's no reason for you to suffer my pain. But instead of asking me, you start plotting to leave me." The more he thought about it, the angrier he got. His gut was on fire and his eyes burned with rage and hurt. "This information highway you want between us goes both ways, but you put up the barricade on your end and then blame me for it! That's not fair, Eames. When are you going to start being fair to me?"

She reached out and he let her touch him. He closed his eyes, trembling as he tried to let go of his anger. Alex stepped close and laid her head against his chest. Reflexively, he put his arms around her. When she squeezed him and ran her hands over his back, he began to relax. "I love you," he whispered, struggling to sort through his emotions. "I'd die for you. Please...don't set me up to fail in this marriage. I know you want everything your way, and I try, but if you threaten to leave every time I fail...you might as well just go. Don't play games with me. If you want to leave, then leave. I won't stop you, Alex. One way or another, you always get your way."

She wasn't sure how to respond to that, and it took a moment before she could acknowledge to herself that it was true. In most things, he did bend over backwards to make her happy. He always tried to let her have her way, and maybe that wasn't quite fair to him. "You never try to argue with me about getting your way," she said, trying to defend herself.

He withdrew from her arms and stepped away from her. His gut was still churning and he tried to hold his anger in check. "Because it never mattered to me. When it does, I'll let you know." He rubbed the back of his neck. "The only thing that I ever asked from you was to see Maggie. And now, the only thing I ask is that you not take my children away from me. I won't force you to stay if you don't want to, but I need them."

"Bobby, I don't want to leave you. But I do want to feel like I'm part of your life."

"We've been over this, Eames. You are the center of my life, but if I don't share every thought with you, that doesn't mean I don't love you. I've spent my life being conditioned to put my own needs and feelings aside, to bury what I feel and keep what I think to myself. Do you have any idea how much stress it puts on me to change the only way I know to be?"

"You said you'd try to be more open with me," she said, not quite able to keep the accusation from her tone.

He struggled to keep his frustration at bay. "I _do_ try, but you have to give me time. I can't change just like that. I'm not saying I won't keep trying. I just need you to give me a break. Work with me, please. If you put it all on me, I'm not going to make it. I already don't live up to your expectations."

"That's not true."

"The hell it's not."

"Bobby..." she began, but she didn't know just what to say. She moved closer to him. "Please, don't think you disappoint me. You have never disappointed me."

He looked away. "Don't lie to make me feel better. Just tell me what you want."

"I want to be happy with you, that's what I want. Look, I can meet you halfway, as long as you don't push me away."

"Damn it, Alex. If I push, then push back. Sometimes I don't realize I'm doing it. Don't be afraid to argue with me. I'd rather face you in an argument than have you take the kids and sneak away behind my back!" He dipped at the waist to look into her face. "Don't make me not trust you."

She placed her fingers on his chin. "Don't self-destruct on me."

He studied her, distracted by the buzz in his head as well as the desire that flared at her touch. He was doomed, God help him. No matter what she did to him, he would always love her, always forgive her. "So save me," he challenged. "Don't destroy me."

She moved closer, sliding her arms around him and resting her head on his chest. She had not meant for him to find out that she'd been thinking of leaving. In spite of the fact that she'd talked to her dad about it, she had not truly intended to go, not permanently. She planned it more as a wakeup call for him. Carolyn's warning would have been enough without sending him into an unnecessary panic. She made up her mind to pay attention to Maggie's whereabouts when she was having sensitive discussions. Now he would need a great deal of reassurance, and she was unprepared for that.

She turned her face up and was deeply relieved when he leaned down to kiss her, deeply and with passion. She relaxed. Pressing herself into him, she was relieved to find his arousal full and ready. If she could stir his desire, he wasn't as angry as she first thought. She shifted her position and teased his lips with her tongue as she tried to distract him.

He didn't want to be distracted and was barely able to pull himself out of the fog of desire and medication that blurred his mind, but he managed. He backed out of her arms to gather himself, raising his hands. "Sex isn't the answer to anything. We haven't resolved this. Alex...I can't live my life wondering when you're going to leave. You need to commit to me completely or you need to leave me. I can't handle this halfway bullshit. I love you more than you know, and I always will, but if you don't feel the same way, we aren't going to make it. I have made very few demands of you, but this one I have to insist on. It's all or nothing. Make up your mind."

She snorted, annoyed. "I've been married before..."

"And I never have. You know how it works...yeah, I get that. But every marriage is fundamentally unique. I know you weren't happy with Ricky, and I tried not to interfere. I also know that Joe was the love of your life and I'll never measure up to him. I would never try to. I don't want to erase your past. I just want to build a future with you." He looked at the floor. "If I expect too much, tell me..."

She approached him tentatively. He did not look up until she touched his arm. There was no mistaking his pain, and her chest constricted. He withdrew his arm from her touch. He had made the mistake of believing she was committed to this marriage, but apparently, it was old hat for her. Maybe this was all his fault. It wouldn't be the first time. In his inexperience, he'd driven their marriage up onto the rocks, and she had let him, just to prove he didn't know what he was doing. "Look," he said, moving away from her toward the door. "If you want me, I'll be at Mike's..."

She cut him off quickly, stepping into his path and shaking her head. "So you can watch porn and pour beer on top of your medication? No, I don't think so."

He tossed his hands in the air. "I don't know what you want," he growled angrily, near the end of his rope.

"I want you_,_" she insisted, reaching up to caress his cheek. "Dammit, I love you and I want you right here, with me, at the center of my life. We have children to raise and a life to build together."

He had no trouble reading the sincerity in her face. "And you don't want to face Maggie and explain to her why I don't live here any more."

"That, too."

He studied her face. He could not imagine loving a woman more and that was the bottom line for him: he loved her. He knew that he would always forgive her, no matter what she did. He wished she could be as forgiving, but he wasn't going to try to change her. That wasn't his way. The frustration she caused him was part of her charm, kind of.

"So...you want me to stay?" he asked.

"Yes, I do."

"You'll meet me halfway if you have to and confront me when you think I'm not being open enough with you?"

Confrontation was something she knew how to do. "Yes."

Impulsively, he brushed his lips over hers. "Don't threaten me. Talk to me."

"I will." She drew his lower lip into her mouth and ran her tongue along it. "Now stop talking so we can make up."

She slipped her hands beneath his shirt and pushed it toward his head as he grasped it and yanked it off. Kissing his chest, she murmured, "What was it you wanted more of?"

She teased one nipple with her tongue, then the other one, as she rubbed her hips against him. He closed his eyes and his balance faltered. He stumbled backwards toward the hall. His head was spinning, and when he crashed into the wall in the hallway, his momentum carried him sideways and he hit the floor. She dropped beside him and he pulled her onto him, burying his face in her sweatshirt. Tugging at the offending garment, he growled, "Off."

Fear gave way to relief, and rage turned to passion. Expert fumbling shed clothing quickly, and she was soon breathing hard, begging him to continue. He needed no encouragement. When she cried out and arched into him, he tumbled over the edge with a groan.

His head was swimming and spinning as he rolled off her and tried to catch his breath. The world around him began to fade until she called his name. He struggled to open his eyes and focus, but he wasn't very successful. She called him again. "Come on," she whispered into his ear. "Let me help you up and into the bedroom."

She gently stroked his side, and his eyes began to slide closed again. He groaned softly, and she leaned down to kiss him. "Come on, baby," she whispered, nipping his ear.

The sharp pain that accompanied her nip drew him back to her. She helped him to his feet and steadied him against the wall. He drew his lower lip between his teeth and took a couple of deep breaths. Squeezing his arm, she asked, "Are you okay?"

He nodded. "Just...very tired."

"Let's get you to bed, then. Come on."

He was unsteady and reluctantly leaned on her for support. The adrenaline that came with anger, fear and lust was gone, leaving him drained and compounding his exhaustion. Once they got to the bed, he collapsed onto it and watched the room dip and spin. She sat at his side and touched his cheek as she ran her thumb along his chin. "How do you feel?" she asked.

"Good," he assured her. "I'm good."

He wasn't lying. The pain had finally retreated, leaving behind a dull ache in his knee, a buzz in his head and a deep fatigue in his body. She placed her hand on his chest and lightly caressed. He stroked her side. "Please don't leave," he murmured. "Don't leave me."

She leaned down and kissed him. "I won't leave you," she promised.

He scooted over and gently pulled her down beside him, wrapping his arms around her and nuzzling her neck. She laughed and squirmed against him, nestling deeper into his arms. He buried his face in her hair and drew in a deep breath. "Never go," he whispered.

"Never," she replied, resting her head against his chest.

He settled his cheek against her head. In his mind, few things were better than making up with his wife. Fighting with her was intensely stressful, and making up with her nearly matched it in intensity. That almost made it worth the fighting.

"You know, you were wrong about something," she said as he stroked her stomach.

"What was that?" he wondered, keeping sleep at bay with an effort.

She reached over him to grab the blanket and cover them, shifting her position and draping her leg over his. She stroked his side and pressed herself against him, teasing his mouth with her lips and tongue. She wanted more and he mustered the energy to accommodate her.

When she fell back onto the pillows, finally sated, he turned onto his side to face her. He was completely relaxed and beyond exhaustion, and he grinned sleepily at her, stroking her hip. He was at the end of his endurance and fighting sleep as he pressed his body against hers and pulled her into his embrace. "Tell me how I was wrong," he whispered into her ear.

His breath tickled her ear and she laughed and squirmed. He squeezed her, nibbling her ear. She nestled comfortably in his arms and sighed. "About Joe," she said softly.

"How was I wrong about Joe?" he asked.

"Joe was my first true love, and I will miss him forever. But he isn't the love of my life. Not any more. He has a special place in my heart, but _you _are the love of my life, Bobby. Never forget that."

Her admission surprised him, but he didn't doubt her sincerity in saying it. "I've never loved any woman more," he murmured into her ear.

His mind was wrapped in a fog and he was sleepy. She turned to face him and rubbed his chest. He softly hummed, content. "Keep doing that," he whispered drowsily.

His eyes grew heavier as sleep became an overwhelming need. He couldn't fight it and he slid into a deep, content slumber.


	4. Checkmate

Maggie sat on the floor with her legs crossed, studying the chessboard in front of her. On the other side of the board, in the same position, was her cousin Jake.

Their grandfather came into the room, carrying baby Molly. He smiled at the two little chess players. Jake was 11, a strong chess player with a natural aptitude for strategy. But Maggie, who would soon be six, was learning quickly. She had a quick, logical mind, just like her father. He sat on the couch and wondered how Alex would feel about Maggie learning chess at such an early age. He'd overheard her and Bobby discussing it one evening. Bobby's argument was that Maggie had mastered checkers very quickly, and he felt she was ready to learn to play chess. Alex, however, was in no hurry for Maggie to grow up. She was too mature as it was. Bobby had backed down, agreeing to wait until she was seven to teach her the game. But no one had told Jake he couldn't teach Maggie his favorite game. John was amused.

He sat on the couch and laid Molly on his arms out in front of him, as he'd done with all of his grandchildren, smiling and talking to her. Waving her arms and kicking her feet, Molly squealed happily and laughed at him. Maggie looked over her shoulder when she heard her sister's happy noises. She smiled. "Molly is a happy baby, isn' she, Grampa?"

"Yes, she is, sweetheart."

"Was I a happy baby, too?"

He nodded. "Yes, you were. Especially when you were around your daddy."

She moved her bishop. "Daddy is my best guy," she said simply. "He al'ays makes me happy."

Jake moved his knight. "Check, Mags."

Maggie studied the board as John leaned over to check out the game. "Good move, Jake."

Maggie made her countermove and smiled at her cousin. John laughed. "Looks like you finally have some competition, my man."

"Maggie learns quick, Grandpa. Uncle Bobby will be surprised."

John smiled and leaned back with Molly on his shoulder, patting her back. "He certainly will. And so will Aunt Alex," he chuckled.

Maggie turned to look at him. "Do you think Mommy and Daddy are okay, Grampa?"

"I'm sure they're fine, sweetheart." He patted her back. "Go ahead and play your game. Mommy will be here in the morning to pick you up for school."

Jake moved his rook. "How is your dad, Mags? Mom told me he had to have surgery on his knee again."

She nodded. "He's okay but it hurts him. He's grumpy because he just wants to be better."

"And your mom?"

"She's okay, too. Daddy makes her mad b'cause he don' take his med'cine. But he will. He promised me."

She studied the board and moved her knight. Jake pointed out the path of the knight on its next move. "That's check, right there."

Maggie grinned. "Check!"

With a chuckle and a fond smile for his favorite cousin, Jake moved his king.

* * *

The morning sun woke Alex instead of the alarm she'd forgotten to set. Nestled deep in a comfortable embrace, she wasn't immediately aware of the time. She wriggled her hips against him as she glanced at the time, then she swore. She had two problems—she was late and she wanted him. Only one of them was going be resolved any time soon. Turning over, she kissed Bobby, then she slid from the bed, grabbing her phone and dialing as she headed for the bathroom.

Once she was dressed, she sat on the edge of the bed and gently woke him. He rolled onto his back and looked at her. She smoothed her hand over his curls. "When is your doctor's appointment?"

He placed his hand on her thigh. "Uhm...two o'clock."

"I'm going to have my sister take Maggie to school and pick her up. Do you want the car?"

He shook his head. "No. You take the car. I'm better off taking the train."

"Then I'll pick up the kids after work." Leaning down, she kissed him softly, lingering. When she pulled back, she laid her hand on the side of his face. "I'm late. I'll see you tonight."

"Be careful."

"You, too."

He watched her leave, then tucked his hand beneath his head and let his mind wander.

* * *

Richard Wrightweiler sat down on his stool and pulled out his prescription pad, dropping it onto the desk. He tapped his pen on the pad and thought. "We need to find a compromise here, Bobby. You won't use your cane."

"No. I'm done with that."

"Then I'm going to give you another prescription, an anti-inflammatory to help reduce the swelling. I also want you to stay off it as much as you can. Is the pain medicine working well enough?"

Bobby nodded. "Well enough. When can I go back to work?"

Wrightweiler was expecting that question, and, as usual, he was ready with a firm answer. "I need to see more improvement. If you don't want to use the cane, then you need to rest your knee as much as possible. That's the only way it's going to heal, and I am not going to release you to return to work until I see more healing and less inflammation." He paused for a moment, noting the tightness around his patient's mouth. "You cannot will your knee to heal any faster than it's going to heal. But you can help it along by listening to me and following my recommendations. That's how you're going to get back to work as soon as possible. You don't have to use the cane, but you do have to limit the time you spend walking."

"Can you at least give me a time estimate?" Bobby pressed, his voice tight with anger and resentment.

Wrightweiler ignored his tone. "Three weeks, if I see the improvement I am looking for. I understand your impatience..."

"No. I don't think you do," Bobby snapped, stepping off the exam table and pulling on his sweats over his boxers. "My job is an important part of who I am. I _need_ to work."

He could not clearly define, even to himself, his need to remain at work. He wasn't the kind of man who would do well in retirement. He grabbed the prescription the doctor held out to him. Wrightweiler watched him limp toward the door. "Bobby," he called. Bobby stopped at the door but didn't turn around. The doctor continued, "Do you have someone you can talk to?"

Bobby turned, his eyes flashing angrily. "What do you mean?"

"I don't think it would hurt if you talked to someone about what you're feeling."

"Don't worry about my feelings. Just get my knee well."

"Do you have someone you can talk to?" the doctor repeated patiently.

"Yes," he answered after a long pause.

"A professional?"

Bobby stiffened. "I don't need a professional."

Wrightweiler hesitated. "I see a lot of anger and resentment in you."

"So let me go back to work. My wife, my children and my job are all I need."

"At least consider the suggestion. I won't make it a condition of your return to duty unless I feel it is absolutely necessary."

Bobby's grip on the door handle tightened. "It's not necessary," he insisted. "My wife can handle me."

The surgeon smiled. "So I have seen. And that little girl of yours will some day be a force to be reckoned with as well."

Wrightweiler was surprised when Bobby's entire demeanor suddenly changed at the mention of his little daughter. The smile that touched his mouth also reached his eyes. "She already is," he said.

"I'll see you back in two weeks and then I'll firm up a date for you to return to work, as long as I see significant improvement, so stay off that knee."

With a nod, Bobby left the room. The doctor picked up the file, stood and returned to his office.

* * *

After leaving 1 Police Plaza at the end of the day, Alex called home. After too many rings, Bobby answered, groggy and disoriented, "Uhm...yeah?"

"I woke you," she observed.

"Uh...okay."

She smiled. "How did your appointment go?"

There was silence on the other end of the phone. "Bobby?"

"Alex?"

She laughed softly. "Go back to sleep. I'll talk to you later."

"Mmn...'kay."

The line went dead and she closed her phone with a smile.

* * *

Maggie took off her jacket and hung it on her hook, then she helped Tommy off with his. Tom looked around the living room. "Where Dada?"

Alex sat on the couch to take off Molly's jacket, which Maggie took from her to hang by the door. "Daddy's sleeping, Tommy," Alex told him.

"Oh." He looked at the couch, confused. "Where?"

"In his bed, silly," Maggie answered.

"Oh." He looked toward the hallway, contemplating seeking out his favorite adult playmate.

Maggie read her brother's intention, and she intervened. "Daddy needs sleep, Tommy. I'll get my Scrabble game and we can play with Mommy."

"'Kay," he said happily and he trotted over to the toybox as Alex laid the baby in her playpen. Maggie disappeared down the hallway but instead of turning into her room, she slipped into her parents' bedroom. She walked over to the bed and watched her father sleep. He was laying on his stomach with his arm tucked beneath his pillow. She remained silent, just watching him, until the door opened. "Maggie?" Alex whispered.

Maggie turned to look at her. ""I didn' wake him up."

"I know. Come on out here and let him sleep."

"Okay, Mommy." She reached up and kissed Bobby on the cheek. Then she scurried into her room to retrieve her Scrabble Junior game.

Alex stood silently by the bed. It was rare that he slept so soundly, and she was glad that he was. He needed the sleep badly. She touched his bare shoulder and trailed her fingers along his back to where the sheet gathered at his waist. Smiling, she leaned over and placed a soft kiss on his temple. Then she left the room, softly closing the door behind her.

* * *

The children were eating dinner when Bobby came limping slowly out of the bedroom. In the kitchen, he took a dose of medicine and went to the table, where he kissed them each on the head. "Do you feel better, Daddy?" Maggie asked.

"Yes, I feel better."

Alex got up from her chair and said, "I'll get your dinner."

As she passed him, he reached out and grabbed her around the waist. With a small smile, she leaned up and kissed him, then stepped from his embrace and continued toward the kitchen. He watched her walk to the stove, a smile quirking the corners of his mouth. He turned his attention to Maggie when she grabbed his hand. "Mommy said we aren' gonna go to live with Grampa. Did you let Mommy he'p you, Daddy?"

"Yes," he answered with a soft smile. "Thank you, Maggie."

She smiled. "We're done eatin'. Will you play Scrabble with us?"

"I'd love to."

Happily, she slid off her chair and hurried off to get the game ready. Bobby helped Tommy down. The toddler laid his head against Bobby's leg as a hug, then scurried after Maggie.

Alex returned with a plate as he sat at the table, setting it in front of him. She sat down and studied his face. He looked rested and healthy. She moved her chair close to his and ran her fingers through his hair. "God, you look so much better. You've got to stop pushing yourself, Bobby. You aren't twenty-five any more."

She ran her index finger down his back, alongside his spine and he leaned over, kissing her. She sighed into his mouth as his tongue gently parted her lips and his hand slipped under her shirt.

Maggie and Tommy trotted into the room to let him know the game was ready. Maggie skidded to a stop and held out her arm to stop her brother. Leaning down, she whispered to him, "See, Tommy? Mommy and Daddy are better."

"Bedder," he answered back, mimicking her quiet tone.

Maggie didn't remember being little and rushing to her father whenever he kissed Denise, not to stop the kissing, but to collect her own from each of them. She also didn't remember separating her mother and Ricky because she didn't like Ricky being that close to anyone she loved. Her memories of him were vague and unpleasant, mostly relegated to her dreams. Once he was gone from her life, she purged him from her conscious mind, as children will do. She had not liked him, but he had never caused her any harm so there was no reason to keep him around in her head.

She had not seen her parents kiss in weeks, and it had troubled her. It wasn't normal and Maggie always sought the normal in her life. She noticed when things changed and she always questioned it. The past few weeks, she had asked what was wrong, but Daddy was grouchy and Mommy was sad, and neither of them answered the question to her satisfaction. Now everything was right again, and she was happy.

Holding Tommy's hand, she led him back into the living room.

Alex pulled away from Bobby, gently grasping his roaming hand and smiling. She mouthed 'Later' which coaxed a grin from him. He ran his nails up and down her thigh, and she wished later would hurry up and get there.

He gave her another kiss and stood up, grabbing his plate. "I think there's a game waiting for us."

When they came into the room, Maggie motioned to the board. "C'mon, Mommy. You can play, too. I'll he'p Tommy."

Alex sat beside Bobby on the couch, sliding herself closer until her hip rested against his. He slid his arm around her, gently caressing her side beneath her shirt as they played the game with their children.

Bobby stretched out on the couch with the remote after Alex refused his offer to help get the kids to bed. When she came back out into the living room, he watched her with open desire. He shifted his position and she sat down by his waist. "What did the doctor say?" she asked.

"He wants to see me again in two weeks. Then he'll give me a firmer idea of when I can go back to work. He gave me more medicine and said I have to stay off my knee as much as I can."

"How much attitude did you give him?"

He shrugged. "About as much as I usually do."

She shook her head. "He's only trying to help you, Bobby."

"Then he should let me go back to work."

Leaning down, she kissed him. "Cooperate," she whispered against his mouth.

With a soft groan, he slipped his hand beneath her shirt. "Mmhmn...okay..." he murmured, closing his lips around hers again.

The remote slid onto the floor, unnoticed.


	5. Amber Alert

Alex overslept Monday morning. As she hurried to dress, she scolded herself. By the time she dropped Tommy and Molly at her dad's and made it back to the city, it would be past nine. Logan was going to give her hell. She had to remember to set the damn alarm _before_ getting into bed. By the time she was ready to sleep, her mind was fuzzy and the alarm was the furthest thing from it. She couldn't complain, though. She had her husband back, and she had missed him.

As she stood at the mirror, running her brush through her hair, he came up behind her and slid his arms around her waist. When he began to nuzzle her neck, she almost dropped her brush. "Bobby," she said, laughing. "I'm late."

He glanced at the clock. "No, you're not."

"Aren't you supposed to be resting that knee?"

"Come back to bed and I will."

"I have to get the babies up and get to my dad's so I can make it to work before nine."

He continued to kiss and nibble at her neck. "Leave them here with me."

"You have to stay off your knee."

"So, have your dad come pick them up. He doesn't mind."

"He's 75 years old, Bobby."

Undeterred, he murmured against her skin, "Then have Reggie come. She loves taking care of them."

Reaching around her, he began to unbutton her shirt. She started to laugh again, squirming, which was the wrong thing to do. She turned around, intending to talk him into letting her be on her way. Her intentions were lost in his arms.

* * *

Mike leaned back in his chair as Alex hurried off the elevator and across the squad room toward him. He gave her a lazy smile and wagged his eyebrows at her. "Shut up, Logan," she snapped as she dropped her bag into the bottom drawer of her desk.

"Busy morning?" he asked, making a display of looking at his watch.

"I overslept," she answered curtly.

"Let's see, it's nine-thirty. When I talked to Maggie at eight-twenty, she said you and Daddy were busy..."

She pointed a finger at him. "Finish that sentence and I will castrate you," she warned.

He held his tongue and picked up a pen, but he was grinning. Setting pen to paper, he muttered, "I'll be willing to bet you left him home a happy man."

"On the contrary," she countered without missing a beat. "He left me a very satisfied woman."

She didn't look up from her work, hiding a sly smile when he fumbled and dropped his pen.

* * *

When Reggie arrived at her sister's apartment, she knocked and opened the door to the sound of assorted happy laughter. She closed the door and watched her brother-in-law, lying on the floor with his three children. He held Molly above his head while Tommy lay on his chest, looking up at his baby sister. Maggie lay on the floor beside him with her head nestled into the crook of his shoulder. Molly was giggling and the children were laughing with her. Bobby was enjoying every sound.

Reggie smiled at the sight. Bobby was a big man who could be intimidating in a very real way. One afternoon before Christmas, several years ago, she had gone into the city to do some shopping. Alex was pregnant with Maggie and she'd arranged to meet her for lunch. While waiting for her sister to arrive, she witnessed the homicidal rage of a very large man turned against a much smaller woman. Fortunately, Bobby had accompanied Alex, even though they weren't together yet, and he had stepped in to defuse the situation. After maneuvering the guy away from the woman, Bobby managed to get his attention. Reggie had marveled at his calm, reasonable manner as he talked the guy down from his rage. But as he was cuffing the man, the rage returned full bore and the suspect broke free, this time turning his fury onto the cops who were arresting him. The afternoon had almost had a peaceful resolution, and she would have certainly been willing to take another chance on Bobby's smooth talking to calm the man down. Unfortunately, that particular afternoon was fated to end in bloodshed. Two marked patrol cars had arrived and in the scuffle, the suspect had grabbed a gun, which went off. Bobby took a frantic moment to search out his pregnant partner, but when he couldn't find her, he came unglued on the suspect. She heard a call for more backup as three of the uniforms pulled him off the guy. Two more patrol cars arrived, and they finally got the suspect in cuffs and in a car. Alex had been tending to the woman who had been injured by the suspect, but when she saw her partner lose his cool, she hurried over. It took her a moment to calm him enough for the officers to be comfortable letting him go.

Reggie remembered how badly Bobby's hands shook after that, but he waved off both her and Alex. He'd insisted that they enjoy their lunch, and he walked away. She could tell Alex wanted to go after him, but when Reggie tried to insist, her sister just shook her head and told her it wasn't something she could do. Even back then, Reggie could tell that Bobby loved his partner. She never worried about Alex when Bobby was around.

She smiled when the children noticed her. Maggie and Tommy hurried to hug her, and she told Bobby, "I knocked. I thought I heard you call out."

He tucked Molly against his shoulder and stood, trying to be careful of his injured knee. "That's fine, Reg. I'll get their stuff."

"No, no...you just sit down. Alex told me the doctor wants you to rest your knee."

He lowered himself onto the couch and propped his leg on the coffee table. "No secrets in your family," Bobby complained lightly.

Tommy climbed up beside him as Maggie went to the door to get the little ones' coats. Reggie rummaged through Molly's diaper bag and Tommy's backpack, making sure both were fully stocked. "Oh, I don't know. We kept your secret pretty well."

"What secret is that?"

She looked up at him. "We knew how you felt about Alex before either of you did."

He opened his mouth to say something, but decided it best to remain silent. Reggie smiled at him. "You make her happy, Bobby. That's all that matters. Are you sure you're okay taking Maggie to school?"

"Yes."

"Alex is going to pick her up?"

"That's what she said when she left."

"Can I get you anything before we go? Breakfast, maybe?"

Bobby shook his head. "No, thanks. And the kids already ate."

She walked to him and leaned down, kissing his cheek as she took Molly from his lap. "Come on, Tom."

Tommy stood, wrapped his arms around his father's neck, then slid to the floor and took his coat from Maggie. She helped him put it on and zipped it up for him.

He waved. "Bye, Dada. Bye, Maga."

With a warm smile, Bobby waved back. "Be a good boy, Tom."

"'Kay!"

When the door closed on his happy chatter, the apartment grew silent. Maggie climbed up onto the couch beside him. "Want to watch TV?" he asked.

"What's on?" she answered.

He handed her the remote and she looked through her favorite channels, finding Looney Toons on the Cartoon Network. "Look, Daddy...Bugs Bunny!"

He smiled and leaned back. "Uncle Frank and I used to watch Bugs Bunny when we were little."

She leaned against him and he put his arms around her. "Did you like Uncle Frank when you was little?" she asked.

"Yes."

"So why don' you like him now?"

This was the first time she'd brought Frank up since the fight. "It's complicated, Maggie. We kind of drifted apart as we grew up. We didn't like the same things any more, so we had no reason to hang out together. Uncle Frank made some bad choices in his life, and I had to make some hard decisions about our relationship. I don't think it's good for him to be around you and the little ones."

She had been thinking about Uncle Frank for a long time, ever since the day they buried Gramma, the day he'd fought with Daddy. "I wan' to meet him, for real."

"What?"

"He's your brother, Daddy. When Gramma died, it was a bad day. And when we said good-bye, it was a bad day, too. Eve'ybody felt bad. Now I wan' to see Uncle Frank on a better day."

"Honey, I don't know if Uncle Frank ever has a better day."

"Please, Daddy."

Between Maggie and her mother, he was never able to find his balance. "I'll discuss it with Mommy. No promises."

She accepted that with a nod. "Okay."

Maggie held no grudges, he was glad to see. The only time she'd ever seen Frank, she'd attacked him with a crutch. But what disturbed him most was the accurate description of rage she had given after it was over. Alex wasn't worried, but he still was. He knew that he'd given Maggie his gentle nature and loving heart, as well as his protective streak, but the knowledge that he had also passed on his rage...that did not sit well with him at all.

He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, trying to relax. His knee throbbed but he put off taking anything for it, except for the anti-inflammatory he'd taken when he'd had cereal with the children. Maggie moved, resting her head against his thigh. She reached out and gently rubbed her hand over his injured knee. "Your knee is hot, Daddy."

"That's because it's healing."

"Will you be able to play ball with Uncle Mike again soon?"

"Uh...no. Not the way we used to. If I tried to play ball like that with Uncle Mike, Mommy would send us both to time out. But I think catch is pretty safe. We can play catch, and you and Tommy can play with us."

"I can use my baseball glove or we can play with Tommy's football Santa gave him."

"Yes, we can."

She turned over to look up at him. "Do you think you'll be better by my birthday?"

"I don't know, baby. Why?"

"B'cause I think I want to go to the museum with the whale for my birthday. But it's a big museum, and I want your knee to be okay."

"I don't know. Your birthday is next month. I'll try to have it better by then. If I can be back to work in a couple of weeks, then I think I can handle the museum."

"If you can't, then maybe we can see a movie."

He smiled at her willingness to compromise for him. "We'll go to the museum, because that's what you want. If I have to, I'll use my cane."

"But you hate your cane."

He smiled. "Not as much as I love you."

She smiled back at him. "I love you, too, Daddy."

She turned back over to watch her cartoon, continuing to rub her hand over his hot knee. He rested his head back and listened to Elmer Fudd. _Kill the wabbit, kill the wabbit...

* * *

_

After taking Maggie to school, he returned home, fixed himself a sandwich and took his medication. He found a documentary on Aztec religion he had not seen before and tried hard not to resent Dr. Wrightweiler for not letting him go back to work yet. Even if he was on limited duty, he would be content for awhile, but the doctor would not budge.

He hated being inactive, but more than that, he missed being around Alex. He never got tired of being with her, and he wondered if she felt the same. Suddenly missing her, he glanced at the time. She should be waiting for Maggie to come out of school. Grabbing his phone, he called her.

The moment she said hello, he knew something was wrong. "What is it?" he demanded.

"Not now. I'll explain when we get home."

"Al..."

"I can't talk right now, Bobby. Please, be patient. Maggie is fine; we'll see you in about twenty minutes."

She hung up and he dropped his phone on the coffee table. Something was definitely wrong. Worry stirred his restless anxiety and he tried to contain it. Like a nagging itch, however, it would not be ignored, and he gave up trying. Lurching to his feet, he paced around the room as he waited for Alex to bring Maggie home.

When he heard the key in the door, he sat in the recliner. Maggie came through the door and ran to him. "Hi, Daddy!"

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. There were lots of police at school today."

"Why?"

"Maggie," Alex interrupted. "Go to your room for a few minutes and let Uncle Mike and me talk to Daddy."

"Okay, Mommy."

She gave her father another hug and trotted from the room. Alex and Mike sat on the couch, their faces worried. Alex began, "There was an Amber Alert at Maggie's school."

"What happened?"

"She told you about her new classmate, Harry?"

"Yes. She said he was very quiet."

"The kids went outside for recess at 1:30 and when they came back in, Harry wasn't with them. They locked down the school and called the police. When Mike and I got there to pick Maggie up, they were talked to each of the kids and checking everyone's identification against their records."

"Were Harry's parents there?"

"We didn't see them," Mike answered.

"Did you talk to Maggie? Maybe she saw something. She doesn't miss much, and she was trying to make friends with Harry."

Alex shook her head. "No. The principal talked to her and I didn't want to upset her any more than she already is."

He hesitated, but finally nodded. "Do they have any idea what happened?"

Bobby moved over to the couch, beside Alex, as she said, "They'd just started the investigation and didn't have any information. They released the kids as they were done talking to them."

Bobby propped his elbow on the arm of the couch and rubbed his temple as he fisted his other hand against his leg. Alex laid her hand over his fist. "This did not happen because you aren't working," she said quietly.

"I know. But what if it had been Maggie?"

She tightened her grip on his hand as Mike said, "It's probably best not to think that way." Pausing for a moment, he continued, "We need to get back to work."

Alex nodded. She stood up, then leaned over to kiss Bobby. "I'll pick up Tom and Molly. Are you all right?"

Bobby nodded tightly, and she kissed him again, this time lingering long enough for a response. He touched her chin with his fingertips. "I'm all right," he assured her.

"I'll see you in a couple of hours."

Silently, he watched her leave. Leaning back, he swung his leg up onto the couch. Closing his eyes, he thought about the missing boy.

Maggie remained in her room for a long time, until she was certain her mother had gone back to work. She didn't want to answer any more questions, and Daddy hadn't talked to Mrs. Morgan, the principal. Mommy would fill him in later, when she came home from work. Then they would be distracted and they wouldn't ask her any more questions. The fewer questions she had to answer, the better she would feel. She couldn't lie to her parents, so it was better if they didn't ask.

When she went out into the living room, Daddy was asleep. She sighed a soft sigh of relief, picked up the remote and climbed up onto his lap to watch TV.


	6. Keeping Her Word

Bobby tossed restlessly in his sleep, unable to rest. Just past eleven, he got up, not wanting to disturb Alex's sleep. As he limped across the room, she asked, "Where are you going, Bobby?"

"I can't sleep and I don't want to keep you up. You have to work tomorrow."

She patted the bed beside her and said, "Come back over here, please."

He hesitated, but he really did need to be near her. He slipped back into the warm bed and pulled her into his arms. "I'm worried about Maggie," he confessed.

"Do you think whoever took Harry might come back?"

"No. I don't think that. But I wonder if she does. She was so quiet at dinner, and then she went to her room. I went in to talk to her, but she was sleeping already. That's not like her."

"It was an exciting afternoon for the kids. They're too young to understand exactly what was going on."

He frowned until she began to rub his chest with her fingertips. He kissed her forehead. "Tell me you think Maggie doesn't understand. I think she understands only too well, but she doesn't want us to worry about her worrying about Harry."

"I'll tell you what. Go check on her, and if she's sleeping peacefully, come back in here and do the same."

"I can't promise you I'll sleep peacefully, Alex."

"Then I'll just have to wear you out."

Tipping his head to look at her face, he smiled. "Do you think that will work?"

"It can't hurt to try," she answered with a sly smile.

He softly kissed her and slipped out of the bed. She watched him limp out of the room and slipped out of her nightshirt to wait for him.

Bobby opened Maggie's door and looked in on her. She seemed to be sleeping peacefully. He continued into the kitchen for a glass of water before returning to the bedroom. He climbed back into the bed, pleasantly surprised to find Alex still awake and entirely naked. He smiled as she worked off his boxers, and after she was done with him, he finally slept.

* * *

When he woke in the morning, Alex was already gone. Unfortunately, she'd taken Maggie to her father's as well as the two little ones. He called her. "Why did you take Maggie with you?"

"She wanted to go to Grampa's," Alex explained.

He tried not to sound annoyed. "I wanted to talk to her."

She could read him like a book, but instead of responding with annoyance, she tried for reassurance. "You can talk to her after school. Honestly, baby, she was fine this morning. I think you're worried about nothing."

"I won't know until I talk to her."

"Try to relax, okay? Brooklyn SVU called in the FBI this morning, and they're talking to all the kids who were out on the playground when Harry went missing."

"Didn't they talk to the kids yesterday?"

"The SVU detectives did. The FBI agents want their turn."

"I want to be there when they talk to Maggie," he insisted.

"I already told them that," she replied. "They'll give you a half hour's notice before they talk to her."

"Thanks." He paused. "Can I see you for lunch?"

Another pause on the line amused him. He knew Logan must be too close for her comfort. When she spoke again, she whispered, "You want a quickie?"

"If you're offering, I won't say no."

She laughed. "We'll see. I'll talk to you later."

He smiled as he hung up, but his smile quickly faded when he thought about Maggie. Something was troubling her; he was certain of it. All he could do for the moment, however, was worry.

* * *

They called him just after one to let him know they were going to talk to Maggie. Alex had been gone for less than half an hour, and she and Mike were involved in a witness interview, so she was unable to get away. He had no choice but to walk down to the school. It was about ten blocks away, which was further than he was supposed to be walking, but he had to be there for his daughter. He'd pay for it later, he knew, but he had no choice.

Maggie was sitting in a chair, swinging her legs, as she waited in the hall outside the library. She looked up when he called her name, her face worried. "Daddy!"

She ran to him and hugged him. "Where's Mommy?"

"She couldn't get away from work."

"How did you get here from home?"

"I walked."

"You shouldn'a done that," she scolded.

"I didn't want you to have to talk to the agents alone. I thought you would feel better if Mommy or I was with you, so here I am."

"For me?"

"I'd walk to the moon for you," he said with a reassuring smile.

She giggled. "Silly. You can' walk to the moon."

The library door opened, and a young agent stepped into the hall. "Detective Goren?"

Bobby held out his hand. "Yes."

"Your wife told us you would be here. I'm Special Agent Brad Williams. Come on in with Maggie."

Maggie held tightly to her father's hand as they went into the library. Williams' partner stood up and extended her hand toward Goren. "I'm Special Agent Mary Garner, detective." She smiled kindly at Maggie. "Hello, Maggie."

"Hi."

She sat down and waited for Maggie to sit in the little chair across from her. Williams pulled up a regular sized chair for Bobby, who nodded his thanks. Garner began, "Maggie, we want to talk to you about what happened at recess yesterday. Your teacher told us that Harry is your friend."

She nodded. "He's quiet and shy, but he likes me. I play with him at recess."

"Did you play with him yesterday?"

"For a little while. Then I wanted to play on the slide with Devon but he didn'. He stayed on the swings."

"Is that the last place you saw him?"

"Yes."

"Was anyone else playing with him?"

"No, I don' think so."

"Did you see any adults around?"

"Miss Fernandez was there with us, and Mrs. Blake."

Agent Garner smiled and looked at her partner, who was also smiling. "Did you see any strangers around the playground, Maggie?" he asked.

She shook her head. "A coupla people walked past the school but peoples al'ays walk past our school when we're outside."

"Did anything make you feel uncomfortable? Like there was someone watching you and your friends who shouldn't be?"

"No. I wasn' scared. I don' think Harry was, either."

"Would he have told you if he was?"

She gave that some thought. "I think so. Harry talks to me."

Garner gave her an encouraging smile. "What does he talk to you about?"

"When he first came to school, he didn' talk to any of us. But I was nice to him, like Daddy said, an' he talked to me. He likes cartoons, like me. He said it's neat that my parents are police. His daddy works but his mommy doesn'. Jus' stuff."

"He didn't tell you what his dad does?"

She shook her head. "He doesn' know. All he knows is that he does stuff around the city, sometimes at parks and sometimes near schools. He hears his parents talk about where he worked some days."

The two agents looked at each other, and red flags went off in Bobby's head. "Who is Harry's father?" he asked.

Garner looked at the file in front of her and answered, "His name is Martin Gomez."

Bobby motioned toward the door with a nod of his head. "A word, Agent Williams." He kissed Maggie's head. "Stay here with Agent Garner, baby. I'll be right back."

"Okay, Daddy."

Bobby stepped into the hall with Williams. "Harry's mother...Is her name Betty Trafalgar?"

"Yes. We talked to her last night."

"Did she tell you what Gomez does for a living?"

"She said he works in Manhattan, some kind of broker."

Bobby shook his head. "No. He's a dealer. I worked Narcotics when he was busted about sixteen years ago for dealing to middle school kids. He was sent up for twelve, but I'll bet he was paroled after seven, when he would have been eligible. He wasn't married to Betty when he went up, but he was with her."

"Dealing to kids and he was out in seven?"

"The detectives made a mistake and his lawyer was able to cut a deal with the DA. He didn't go up for dealing to kids." He was clearly agitated. "They caught him hanging around sixth and seventh graders, but they jumped the gun and never actually caught him dealing to them. They also had suspicions he was dealing to younger kids, but they were too impatient to bust him. It wasn't my case, and I didn't make many friends when it went down. They should have been patient, waited to catch him in the act. They could have put him away for good."

Williams continued writing in his notepad. "You have a good memory, detective."

"For some cases, yeah. I do."

"I'll look into this and we'll kick that part of it to Narcotics. Thank you."

"Can I take my daughter home now?"

"As long as it's okay with the school, sure."

They went back into the room and Bobby held out his hand to Maggie. "Come on, Maggie. I'll take you home a little early."

"Okay, Daddy." She took his hand and waved to the agents. "Bye."

"Thank you for talking to us, Maggie," Garner said with a smile. "And thank you, Detective Goren."

"Call me if I can help," he offered.

He took Maggie to the office and signed her out ten minutes before the end of the day. As they drew closer to home, Bobby's limp worsened, but he didn't notice. His mind was in the past, with the detectives working the Gomez bust. Gomez was a dealer, but he was smart and careful. The detectives were impatient, and that was their downfall. They were never able to pin his worst crimes on him. He dealt to children, and he was responsible for the death of an undercover cop, a man Goren had been partners with for three of his four years in Narcotics. They'd pulled Tralaney to help with the bust, and he'd been killed during the arrest. No one had ever been able to tell him just what had happened to get his partner killed. No, he hadn't made any friends after that bust went down.

He was so distracted, he didn't notice that Maggie did not even try to talk to him on the walk home. Once they were in the apartment, she hurried off to her room. A thin sheen of sweat coated Bobby's face and he limped into the kitchen, grabbing his medication off the refrigerator.

* * *

He was still pacing restlessly, lost in his thoughts, when Alex came home. She stood by the door and watched him for a few minutes before she said, "What happened?"

He stopped midstride and gave her a guilty look, his mind reeling from thoughts of the past and their implications for the present, as well as from the medicine he'd taken. She walked to him and grabbed his arm, steering him toward the couch. He didn't resist. She sat beside him. "What happened?" she repeated.

"Harry's father," he said. "I know him. He's a dealer who likes to target kids. They messed up when they arrested him sixteen years ago and they couldn't get him for trafficking to minors, so he was sentenced to twelve years. He could be the reason Harry's gone missing."

Alarmed, Alex asked, "Has he been seen around the school?"

"I don't know. The agents are going to kick it to Narcotics." He looked around the room. "Where are the kids?"

"I haven't been to Dad's yet. I came right home. Where is Maggie?"

"In her room."

"What did she have to say?"

"Not..." he trailed off, realizing for the first time that Maggie hadn't said anything to him since they left the school. "Not much...Maggie!"

Maggie came into the living room, spotting her mother. She ran to Alex and hugged her. "Hi, Mommy!"

Bobby laid his hand against her back. "Maggie..."

"Yes, Daddy?"

"You said Harry doesn't know what his father does for a living."

She shook her head. "No, he doesn'."

"Who else does Harry talk to?"

"Devon an' Millie an' Ferdie an' me. That's all."

He pushed his fingers through his hair. "The four of you play together?"

"Yes. Eve'y day."

"And you haven't seen any strangers hanging around school?"

She shook her head. "No, Daddy."

"What about Harry's dad? Have you seen him hanging around the playground at all?"

"Not by our playground. We see him by the older kids' playground sometimes."

Bobby felt his stomach clench. "Could Harry have gone with his dad yesterday?"

"No. His daddy wasn' around."

"Maggie, is there something you aren't telling me?"

"Like what?"

"Doesn't it bother you that Harry is missing?"

She studied her hands as she stood in front of him. He was convinced that she knew more than she was saying. "Maggie? What do you know?"

She remained silent and her parents exchanged worried looks. "Answer Daddy," Alex urged.

"Harry's not really missin'," she said quietly. "He jus'...misplaced himself."

She refused to look at them, but she did place her hand on his knee. Alex looked at Maggie's hand. Like her father, she sought contact when she was uncertain or distressed. "Why didn't you tell anyone?" she asked.

"Nobody asked me if I know where he is."

"That's word play, Maggie," Bobby said angrily. "You _know_ we're looking for him. His parents are worried and..."

"No, Daddy, they're not! They don' care where he is and they...they do things to him, Daddy! I promised him I wouldn' tell! I been protectin' him!"

Swallowing his anger, he asked, "Do you know where Harry is?"

Slowly, she nodded, but she didn't offer an answer.

"Where is he?"

"I promised not to say."

"Maggie..."

The little girl looked up, her face set in a stubborn scowl. "I _promised_, Daddy. Harry doesn' trust grown-ups."

"But you trust us. You know we would help Harry."

"I _tol'_ him you and Mommy would he'p him, but he started to cry an' he said if I tol' anybody he would find another place to hide. I can' he'p him if I don' know where he is. So I promised I wouldn' say."

"Maggie..." he paused, regaining a grip on his temper. Alex squeezed his arm and he closed his eyes. "We have to know where Harry is," he insisted, his voice calmer.

"But they'll take him home an' he can' go home. His daddy is mean. He hits Harry an' he does things to Harry's mommy. He told me that after his daddy gets home, he takes his mommy into the bedroom and then she starts actin' all funny after they come out. Sometimes she gets mean, but mos'ly she acts really silly. Harry hides in his room but he can still hear them...doin' stuff. He has to sneak out of his room an' get his own dinner, but he's glad they forget he's there."

She stopped talking when she saw her father's expression turn to rage, which he struggled to control. "Maggie, you don't have a choice here. You have to tell us where he is so we can protect him."

"I _am _protectin' him," she insisted. "An' I promised him."

Bobby was quiet for a long time as he looked at Alex. Maggie understood what it meant to give her word, and she was as stubborn about keeping it as he was. Finally, he turned back to Maggie. He clenched and unclenched his fist, barely aware of Alex's hand lightly caressing the back of his neck. "Maggie, there are police officers whose only job is to help kids like Harry. His home is a bad place for him to be. Mommy and I know detectives who can take him away from his bad home and find a good one for him. But we have to know where he is to help him."

She stared at his knee in silence and rubbed her hand over it. It still felt hot to her and she knew that wasn't right, the same way she knew that the things Harry had told her weren't right. "I hafta ask Harry. If he tells me okay, then I can tell you where he is."

"Is he alone, Maggie?"

She nodded. "But I sneaked away from school and gave him a sandwich and an apple."

"You..." He could feel his head wanting to explode and he stopped talking. She snuck away from school. His mind stopped working after that.

He got up from the couch and paced around the room, uncertain where to direct his anger. With no target, it kind of roiled around in his gut and his head, and he tried to burn it off by pacing. His mind raced in a hundred directions, always coming back to the fact that she left school and no one had noticed. _She left school_...that meant Harry was close by. She obviously hadn't gone far. He dropped into his recliner and scrubbed his hands over his face.

Alex didn't try to stop him when he got up. With silent concern, she watched him. Maggie climbed up beside her and watched him as well. When he sat down, Alex turned her attention to Maggie. "Can you tell me what you did wrong?" she asked, waiting for Maggie to analyze her actions.

"I left school," she said. "But I had to! I had to bring Harry food. He doesn' have any and I'm the on'y one who knows where he is."

It was so simple in her mind. The ends justified the means. She knew she could get in trouble for leaving school, but she had a better reason to leave than she did to stay. Maggie's logic was the simple logic of a child, and she had her own concept of right and wrong that was much easier to grasp than the reality of right and wrong.

Bobby got to his feet again. "We're going for a walk," he said.

"Where?" Maggie asked.

"For a walk. Get your shoes on."

She sensed he was not open for negotiation, and she left the room to get her shoes. Alex stepped up to him and rested her hands on his chest. "Are you up for a walk?"

He brushed his lips over hers. "I'll take another anti-inflammatory. Alex, Maggie took Harry food during recess. She was gone and back before anyone missed her. Harry has to be close to school. That's a good neighborhood, and there are only a few places he can be."

"And when we find him?"

"We'll bring him back here and I'll call Williams and Garner. We'll figure something out."

"What about Harry's father?"

His expression was grim. "He's a dealer. He deals to kids. I'll talk to Narcotics in the morning. I wasn't involved in his case back then, so I never had contact with him. We have to get him sent back up, for good this time."

"Bobby..."

He silenced her with a kiss. "We'll play it by ear."

"You know that you're putting it all on the line, don't you? If you get involved in this, and you do any more damage to your knee, you'll be facing a medical retirement. And you'll spend the rest of your life in pain."

He tipped his head to the right and focused his eyes on hers. "He deals to kids, Alex. Kids. If I can stop him...I can't sit by and let the chance slip away. I can't."

As always, she was caught up by his intensity. "Do you feel guilty that he skated sixteen years ago?"

He shook his head. "No. It wasn't my case. I warned them, and they messed up. The DA did what he could with it, but his hands were tied and Gomez had a damn good lawyer. If I let him slide now..." He looked toward the bedrooms, his mind turned to their children. "We have to do what we can to make the world safer for them," he murmured.

That was the bottom line, and she had no argument against it. Maggie trotted back into the living room. "I'm ready."

"Let's go."


	7. A Safe Place

By the time they left the building, Alex had arranged for her father to keep the two little ones overnight. She'd also made up her mind that they were not going to walk all over three neighborhoods looking for Harry. At the sidewalk, she steered Bobby toward the car. When he balked, she said, "Maybe you are willing to take a chance with your knee by walking all over Hell's Half Acre, but I'm not. Get in the car."

Maggie grasped his hand and followed her mother's lead. "Mommy's right, Daddy. We should go inna car."

He looked down at the determined little girl who pulled him toward their car, and he surrendered. A few minutes later, Alex drove down the street toward the school. When she pulled up in front of the school and parked, both adults turned to look at Maggie.

Her face set in a determined scowl, Maggie said, "I promised."

Alex sat back in her seat and looked out the windshield, then she looked at Bobby. The child had his moral compass, so she would leave him to deal with her. She would back him up, but convincing Maggie to bring them to her friend was up to him.

Bobby looked at his wife, and he knew she was leaving it to him to deal with Maggie. With a heavy sigh, he looked back at Maggie. "Maggie, Harry needs to be someplace safe."

"He is safe, Daddy. It's at his home that he isn' safe. If we tell the other police where he is, they will take him back to his home, an' his daddy will hurt him for runnin' away. I-I won' see Harry no more!"

She was certainly loyal to her friends. That would become very important as she grew up, but now it was just exasperating. He didn't want to make her a promise he could not keep, but he wanted Harry to be safe, too. Martin Gomez was one of the few cases he had not been involved with that he remembered in detail. Gomez was a gateway to a dark world for the children he ensnared. Once hooked, it would be a long road back for those who had the fortitude to return. Others would sink further into a nightmare existence—runaways, drugs, prostitution. Some would never return; many would die young. He'd seen it far too many times. He'd watched it happen to Frank. It was a world he himself had avoided only by pure dumbass luck. The temptation had been there, but his duty to his mother had helped him to avoid it.

There were many temptations, many gateways for children into that dark world. Taking Martin Gomez off the streets would close only one, but that would be one less opening through which young souls could be lost. "Harry won't go back home. I'll make sure of that," he promised.

Alex closed her hand over his arm, but he meant what he said. He would do everything he could to keep that little boy safe from his father. Maggie studied him. "Can you do that, Daddy?"

"I'll make some calls. I'll keep him safe."

Maggie knew he would try, but if Harry ended up being sent back home... "You can' send him home, Daddy."

"We're not going to send him home, baby. Let's just take this one step at a time. Show us where Harry is and we'll take him home with us. Then I'll make some calls."

As Maggie considered his promise, Alex jabbed his side sharply. He looked at her and saw the question in her eyes. He was always making promises she wasn't sure he could keep, and this time was no different. He gave her the same 'trust me' look he always did, but she wasn't so inclined to give him his head this time. The ends didn't always justify the means. "Do you know what you're doing?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper.

He nodded. "I do."

She still hesitated, wondering if this was about Harry or his father. Would he jeopardize Maggie's trust in order to get Harry's father back behind bars? She didn't feel the same way he did about it, but then again, she had never been a narcotics detective. She looked away, silently giving him permission to continue, even though he had not asked for it. He was going to do what he was going to do, like he always did, whether she approved or not.

He looked back at Maggie, who had been watching them, sensing that her parents did not agree. She was still undecided, and her father could see that on her face. "If we do this my way, Maggie, then Harry can come home with us and I will have the officers involved in this come to our house to talk. If I have to call them now and tell them Harry is hiding in one of these buildings, then they will do the searching, and the finding, and Harry will be at the mercy of whatever they decide."

Maggie looked at her mother. "What do you wanna do, Mommy?"

Alex refused to present a divided front to Maggie. She felt that the detectives in charge of the case should deal with Harry, but that obviously wasn't what Bobby wanted to do, not directly. He wanted to play maverick once again, taking things into his own hands in an attempt to retain control over a situation he had no business being involved in. But she did believe that, above everything else, he wanted what was best for Harry and he would fight for that little boy for all he was worth. She just wasn't sure how effective his battle was going to be. "Tell Daddy where Harry is, honey. We'll bring him home with us and then see what Daddy can do."

She was quiet for a moment. "Can we keep him?"

"He's not a puppy, Maggie," she chided gently. "What happens to Harry will be up to a judge."

"Like Your Honor?"

Alex smiled. Maggie still had good memories of her friend the judge. "Yes, but a different kind of judge than your friend."

"Maybe if I talk to Your Honor he can help Harry."

She nudged Bobby to get his attention. "Maybe."

Bobby nodded. "We'll see how things go. First, we have to get Harry somewhere safe, and then we have to talk to the detectives involved in finding him."

Alex knew that was not likely to go well, but she was going to let him handle it. If anyone could talk his way into, or out of, a situation, it was her husband.

Maggie unbuckled her seatbelt and stood behind her father, sliding her arms around his neck and resting her cheek on his shoulder. "Will Harry be okay?"

He reached back and rested his hand on the back of her head. "I will do everything I can to make sure Harry is okay, Maggie. That's the best I can promise."

She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "That's good 'nuff, Daddy."

"Where is Harry?"

"I can go an' get him."

"Not by yourself."

"But, Daddy, if I go an' get him, I can keep my promise."

"Maggie, it's dark out and you are not going anywhere by yourself."

She didn't move for a minute. "Do I gotta?"

"Yes."

She waited a minute longer, obviously weighing her choices. "Okay. It's jus' 'roun' the corner."

They got out of the car and followed Maggie to an apartment building around the corner from the school. She walked around to the back of the building and knelt by a broken window. "Harry," she called. "It's me, Harry."

A small face appeared in the window. "Maggie! You gots me food?"

"No, but you can come with me and eat all the food you want."

Harry clearly didn't know what to think, and Maggie could tell he was scared. She leaned closer to the window. "Come home with me, Harry. Mommy an' Daddy know how to he'p you."

Harry looked terrified. "No! No, Maggie! They'll make me go back home!"

"No, Harry. They're gonna keep you safe an' a judge will keep you from goin' back home."

Harry jumped up and down. "I don't wanna go home. I'll leave an' run away to...to...to China!"

"Please, Harry," Maggie pleaded. "Come with me an' you don' gotta go to China."

Alex looked at Bobby, wondering what had happened to make this little boy so much against going home to his parents that he would run away to China, probably the most faraway place he could think of. He watched Maggie as she tried to convince Harry to leave his hiding place to come home with them.

"C'mon, Harry. You can have dinner an' we can play a game or watch TV b'fore bed."

"TV? An'...food?"

"Yeah. Good food."

The food was the final selling point for Harry. When he started to climb out of the window, which was how he'd gotten into the basement, Bobby stepped forward to help him. The little boy let out a horrified scream and dropped away from the window, back into the basement. Before either parent could stop her, Maggie scrambled after him.

Alex dropped to her knees. "Maggie!"

She turned to say something to Bobby, but he was gone. Shaking her head, she leaned down and poked her head in the window. "Maggie! Answer me!"

"I'm okay, Mommy."

She heard a crash deeper in the basement, then Maggie telling Harry to stay where he was. "Maggie, don't you dare. Stay right where you are! Maggie!"

The only sound she heard were Harry's sobs. As she moved to squeeze through the window, Maggie finally answered her. "It's okay, Mommy. Daddy's here."

"Bobby?"

"Yes?"

"What was that crash?"

"Oh, it's okay. It was nothing. We'll be right out."

She met them at the front of the building. Each child held onto one of Bobby's hands. He looked at Alex. "Harry got scared. He thought I was his father. He's terrified of his father, Alex."

Alex looked at the children and she felt her heart go out to Harry. He was about Maggie's size but painfully thin. He had sandy hair and sad eyes, which touched her heart.

They walked to the car and Alex settled behind the wheel. She looked at Bobby. "Are you all right?"

He nodded, but a thin sheen of sweat coated his face. "I just need to rest my knee."

"That crash?"

He shrugged. "The basement is a storage area, not well lit. I ran into a stack of boxes. No harm done."

"You're sure?"

He reached out and closed his hand around hers. "I'm sure."

Ten minutes later, they were home. Maggie took Harry into her room as Bobby pulled out his phone and dropped onto the couch. Carefully, he propped his leg on the coffee table. Alex sat beside him and ran her fingers through his hair. "Are you sure you're all right?"

"I'm positive. It was careless and clumsy, but I didn't hurt myself."

"He's so little, and so scared."

"I remember his father. He's a heartless bastard. Betty was 17 when he got her hooked, and he treated her like a slave. I don't know what happened to her after he went to jail." He paused, then added, "But whether or not she was clean before he got out, it sounds like she's hooked again."

"Have you ever met her?"

"No. The guys who worked the case said she was just a scared kid, but she worshiped Gomez."

"Do you think she would have been faithful while he was in jail?"

He shook his head. "Not if she was still hooked. She'd have done whatever she had to do with whoever could give her what she wanted. Her pregnancy would have been her chance to get clean, but I somehow doubt she did. You know how that goes."

"Unfortunately, I do. Make your call and I'll fix something for dinner."

She brushed her lips across his and went to the kitchen. He stuffed his hand into his pocket and pulled out a paper with a number written on it. Dialing the number, he looked toward the kitchen. He wasn't sure if Alex was mad at him or not, and that had him unsettled.

"Brooklyn SVU."

"This is Detective Goren, from Major Case. I need to talk to one of the detectives working the Gomez case."

"Hold on, detective."

A few moments later, another detective came on the line. "Detective Goren? This is Detective Garrison. How can I help you?"

"I'm calling about Harry Gomez. We, uh, we found him."

"You...where? When? What hospital are you at?"

"No hospital. He's fine. He wasn't abducted. We found him tonight, and he's with us right now."

He gave the detective the address and then said good-bye. Struggling to his feet, he limped to the kitchen, where he watched Alex preparing their dinner. "Are you mad at me?" he asked finally.

She looked over her shoulder at him. "Yes and no. What did they say?"

"They'll be here in about a half hour." He hesitated, trying to decide what she meant by her answer to his question. Yes _and_ no? Was she or wasn't she? "So which is it? Yes or no?"

She stirred the contents of a pot, added a little milk, then said, "Everything isn't black and white, Bobby. I'm not mad at you, but I am annoyed. I know you want to help Harry, but what if you can't keep the promise you made to Maggie? Suppose they do send Harry back to his parents? It happens all the time."

"Martin needs to go back to prison, and I am going to make sure that happens."

"And what happens to us if something goes wrong? Narcotics has an added element of danger that compounds an already dangerous job! You don't work Narcotics any more. You're Major Case."

"I'm still a cop, Alex. And Martin is a bad guy. It's still my job to send the bad guys to jail."

"Can't you trust other good cops to do their jobs?"

He frowned. "He's still out there, still selling drugs to kids not much older than Maggie. He's been at her school, Alex. I can't sit by and let that happen. I can't. I'm sorry if you don't agree, but I'm used to that."

Turning, he went back to the couch. She had mixed feelings about what he'd just said. She hated the idea of drugs at Maggie's school as much as he did, but it was not their job. There were other cops whose job it was to nail scum like Martin Gomez. But Bobby was in protective mode. A threat existed toward his little girl, toward children just like her, and he saw no further.

Finishing the macaroni and cheese she was making, she called to Maggie. "Wash up and come out here for dinner."

The children arrived at the table as Alex set down a ham sandwich each plate and began to dish out the macaroni and cheese. Bobby stepped up behind her and looked at the table. "There's something to be said for boxed macaroni and cheese and ham sandwiches," he teased.

"I never professed to be a gourmet," she retorted, poking him in the side as she slipped away from him and returned to the kitchen.

She brought a glass of milk for each of the children. "Coffee?" she asked Bobby.

He nodded as he sat down and watched the children. Harry seemed to be less frightened, but he remained right by Maggie, reassured by her presence. Harry took a bite of his sandwich but eyed the macaroni and cheese warily. "What the matter, Harry?" Alex asked as she sat in the chair beside Bobby's. "Don't you like macaroni and cheese?"

"I dunno," he answered. "I never had it."

Alex looked at Bobby, who frowned. "What do you eat at home?" she asked.

"Sammiches or cereal. Things I can get by myself. Sometimes Mommy makes ramen."

"Try the mac'roni and cheese, Harry," Maggie encouraged.

Harry took a bite and his face lit up. He finished what was on his plate and cautiously asked for more. Alex got up to get it for him as the doorbell rang. "I've got it," Bobby said, rising from the table.

He opened the front door. A stocky man with a military crew cut in a cheap suit extended a hand. "Detective Goren? I'm Chet Garrison. This is my partner Jen Bernard."

Bobby accepted Garrison's extended hand as he looked at Bernard, eyes filled with recognition. "Jenny," he said in a guarded tone.

Bernard gave him a tight grin. "Hello, Bobby."

"Uh, come on in. Harry is eating dinner."

He let the two detectives into the apartment as Garrison asked, "So how did you find Harry?"

"He ran away and was hiding in the basement of an apartment building. My, uhm, my daughter is friends with Harry. She's the only one who knew where he was. We brought him here, where he'll be safe, and I called you."

"Your daughter," Bernard said, her voice oddly hesitant. "She's in kindergarten?"

"Yes. She'll be six in a couple of weeks. She's one of Harry's few friends and he trusts her. She promised him she would protect him, and she didn't want to betray his trust, which is why she didn't tell us right away that she knew where he was."

Garrison asked, "Did she know it was wrong to hide Harry?"

"_I _don't know that it was wrong for her to hide Harry," Bobby answered. "She's five, detective. She knows what Harry told her, and when he ran away, she helped him find a safe place to hide. She brought him food and kept him as safe as she knew how by not telling anyone where he was."

"Brought him food? You let her roam the neighborhood unsupervised?"

Bobby turned on Garrison, his eyes blazing angrily. "No, Detective Garrison," he said dangerously. "She doesn't roam the neighborhood unsupervised. She slipped away from school during recess to bring Harry something to eat." He leaned forward. "And before you say something to really piss me off, yes, she is in trouble for that. The school will be, too, when I go down there tomorrow to let them know what happened on their watch."

His entire demeanor dared either detective to challenge him. Alex came into the room and stopped, realizing he was on the verge of losing his temper with the two Brooklyn detectives. She moved forward, defusing the situation with her interruption. "Detectives," she said by way of greeting, glancing a warning at Bobby. She turned her attention to their visitors. "I am Detective Alex Eames. Thank you for coming over."

Garrison introduced himself and his partner. "Are we to assume you also work Major Case?"

"I do, but as I'm sure my partner told you, our involvement in this is not through Major Case."

"Partner?" Bernard asked. She looked at Bobby. "So you brought your partner in..."

"Alex is my wife, Jen," he explained.

She reacted to his words, recovering quickly, but not before he saw the expression she tried to hide. He felt guilt wrench at his gut and looked away. Alex didn't miss the brief exchange, and it unsettled her. "Where is Harry?" Bernard asked, seeking to distract attention from herself.

Alex looked at Bobby, but his face was guarded. The thick silence in the room intensified after she left to get the children, and Garrison leaned closer to his partner. "Is everything okay, Jen?"

"Y-Yes, fine. Detective Goren and I were friends a long time ago." She looked at Bobby

The two children walked ahead of Alex, holding hands. They stopped just inside the living room, or, rather, Harry stopped. Maggie stayed right by him.

Bernard and Garrison studied the children. Harry, slender and timid, was obviously frightened. Maggie, strong-willed and determined, stood slightly in front of Harry, still holding his hand. It was clear to the two detectives that she was protecting her friend.

Bernard smiled. If she had seen that child on the street, she would have thought of Bobby. Looks were one thing, and Maggie certainly looked like her father, but there was more than that. There was something about her, the way she carried herself, the almost cocky self-assurance she presented that was more Bobby than the dark eyes and curly brown hair. "Hello," she said to the children. "My name is Jenny, and this is my friend Chet."

Maggie studied them with bright, curious eyes. "I'm Maggie," she said cautiously, advancing no closer. "An' this is Harry." She paused. "You're police, like my Mommy and Daddy."

"Yes, we are. We work with children who get hurt by their parents."

Immediately, Maggie's defenses came to bear. "Mommy an' Daddy never hurt me, but Harry has troubles at home."

Harry stepped closer to Maggie when Bernard looked at him. Alex squatted beside the frightened little boy. "What's the matter, Harry?"

"I don' like police," he said, his voice a frightened whisper.

Maggie turned to him. "Mommy and Daddy are police, an' you're not scared-a them."

"But...But they're your Mommy and Daddy. That's diffent." His grip on Maggie's hand tightened. "Mommy and Daddy says police is bad. Daddy uses bad words when he talks about police and he yells."

Maggie understood what he was saying. Harry saw her parents as she did—as parents, not police officers. But the two strangers sitting on the couch, they were police officers and there was no thinking about them as anything else. "Police aren' bad, Harry. I know lotsa police. You'd like my Uncle Mike. He's fun."

Bobby smiled at the tone of reassurance in Maggie's voice. "They just want to talk to you, Harry."

"I'm not goin' home," the boy said adamantly, fear fueling a bravado he did not feel. "I said I'll run away to China an' I will!"

Bernard looked at her partner, then at Bobby and Alex. Something at home terrified this little boy even more than facing the unknown. She rose from the couch and approached the children, squatting in front of them. Harry moved closer to Maggie, who remained between him and Bernard.

She smiled. Maggie had her father's reckless bravado. She felt for the little girl's mother. "Harry, we aren't going to hurt you."

"You'll take me home. Then my daddy will hurt me for hiding from him, like he did when I hid in the closet and wouldn't come out when he yelled for me."

"How did he hurt you?"

Maggie nodded encouragement when he looked at her. Reluctantly, Harry turned and lifted the edge of his shirt. Bernard reached out and raised his shirt higher, revealing a still-healing wound across Harry's waist. Garrison rose and stood behind his partner as Bobby and Alex shifted their positions to look at the wound. "A belt," Bobby said. His own back bore faded scars from similar wounds. "He was hit with a leather belt."

Alex felt the fury rise from her gut. Child abuse was something she neither understood nor tolerated. She didn't know a lot about Bobby's childhood, or Mike's either, but she did know that both men--two men she loved and held close to her heart--had been abused as children. She had seen Bobby's scars and she tried to understand his refusal to discuss them with her. He kept so much close to his heart, refusing to turn it loose, even for her.

Bernard knelt down beside Harry and pushed his shirt up higher, revealing more injuries in various stages of healing. She gently eased his shirt back down. "You aren't going back home, Harry," she promised.

"Really?" A glimmer of hope shined in his eyes. "Can I stay here with Maggie?"

"I don't know about that. We'll have to make some phone calls, and it's late. We'll see what we can do."

Alex smoothed one hand over Maggie's hair and rested her other hand on Harry's shoulder. "Take Harry to your room and play, Maggie."

"Okay, Mommy." She hesitated long enough to look at her father. He smiled at her, and she smiled back. "C'mon, Harry. I have a TV in my room with an Xbox. Daddy got me a new game las' week an' I haven' played it yet."

"What kinda game?" he asked as they walked toward her room, still holding hands.

"A racing game. _Mater National_! Did you see _Cars_?"

"No."

"We got it on DVD. We can watch it later."

For the first time, Harry sounded almost happy. "Okay!"

The four adults returned to the living room. Bobby sat on the couch and stretched out his injured leg beside the coffee table. The pain medicine he'd taken earlier was wearing off, and he was hurting. Alex sat in the recliner. She wanted to get him another dose of medicine, but she understood his need to maintain a certain image in the presence of other cops. He would tough it out until the two Brooklyn detectives left.

Garrison pulled out his phone and said, "I should call Williams and Garner. The Bureau can sign off since Harry wasn't abducted. We'll take it from here."

Bernard nodded agreement. While she waited for him to make the call, she sat on the couch near Bobby and nodded at his leg. "What happened?"

"Car accident, back in January. It's healing."

His tone did not invite further discussion, and she let it drop, changing topics. "How have you been?"

Alex looked from Bernard to Bobby. "You know one another?"

Bobby nodded. "But it's been a long time."

Bernard agreed. "It's been what? Fifteen years?"

"Something like that. I was still in Narcotics."

Garrison rejoined them and sat on the couch beside his partner. "Okay, the Feds are going to close the case on their end." He looked at Bobby. "Agent Williams said to tell you Narcotics has picked up their end of it."

Bobby responded to the unspoken question in Garrison's tone. "I remember Harry's father. He's a dealer who deals to kids. I passed that information on to the agents when I talked to them this morning."

Bernard rubbed her palms on her jeans, a gesture Bobby remembered stemmed from nervousness. She said, "So, what do we do with Harry? He's going to end up in one of the group homes until we can find an emergency foster home for him."

Alex shook her head slowly. "He's a runaway risk. You can't forget that. He's terrified and he'll keep running until his fears are addressed and abated. More than anything else, he needs to be someplace where he feels safe."

Garrison looked around the room. "Do you think he feels safe here?"

Annoyed, Bobby snapped, "He _is _safe here. But he feels safe with Maggie, and right now, he doesn't want to be separated from her."

Bernard asked, "Would you be willing to keep Harry here, temporarily, if we can get a court order?"

Bobby and Alex looked at each other, silently coming to a consensus. Alex responded, "I think it would be best for Harry if he was able to stay here with us."

"Give me a minute," Bobby said as he got up. "I can get a court order."

They watched him limp toward the kitchen as he pulled out his phone. He dialed Carver's number and, as he explained to the ADA what he needed, he took his medicine bottle from the top of the refrigerator. He dumped two pills into his hand and, after he finished the call, he took the medicine. Then he returned to the living room. "We can get a temporary order for Harry to stay with us. That will give us time to do what needs to be done."

Garrison and Bernard rose from the couch. "I'll give our ADA a jingle and tell her what to expect. Given the nature of his father's business, Narcotics will assign a detective to the school, to protect Harry. By morning he will be a ward of the court and our responsibility. We'll be in touch," Garrison said.

Alex and Bobby walked the detectives to the door. Bernard said, "It was good to see you again, Bobby." She looked at Alex. "It was nice to meet you."

Alex closed the door behind them and looked at Bobby. He returned to the couch and she sat beside him. "Harry's injuries are familiar," she said.

He nodded. "I've seen them before."

"In a mirror?"

"Some."

She sensed he was on the verge of withdrawing from her, so she changed the subject. "Do you think Harry's father will look for him?"

"Yes. He sees Harry as his property. He may show up at the school, but the court order will allow the school to refuse to let him take Harry. The detective on-site will back them up. Martin is not a stupid man. He's not going to cause a scene or try to overtly take Harry in violation of a court order. But that will not prevent him from trying to get him back by other means. I'm going to see what I can do about that tomorrow."

"What are you going to do?"

He shifted uncomfortably. "I'm just going to pay a visit to someone, that's all."

Over the years, she had learned to read him, and she knew by his restlessness that he had something in mind she was not going to like. "Don't put yourself in the middle of this, Bobby. It wasn't your case, and you are still on medical leave. Besides, you're not narcotics any more."

"I still carry a badge and I have a responsibility. He deals to kids, Alex—kids who are the same age as your nieces and nephews, kids not much older than Maggie. He's been seen with the older kids at her school, and he wasn't passing out candy bars. I can't...I can't just sit by and let him work the playgrounds. If I have a hand in saving just one kid from entering his world, don't you think it's worth it?"

"If I say no, what does that make me? But dammit, Bobby, we have three children, and I don't want to raise those kids alone. Narcotics is a world away from Major Case, just like Vice. We don't belong to that world any more."

He met her eyes with fire in his own. "My children never will," he said, his voice laden with emotion and the strength of his convictions.

"You would put it all on the line to put this one guy away?"

"I will do whatever I can to put him away because he's too close." He leaned toward her, and she could feel his intensity. "He's too close to my baby."

He got to his feet and walked away. She watched him stop to look in on Maggie and Harry before continuing to the bedroom. He was right. She knew he was. But in her heart, she was unwilling to let him go.


	8. Willing to Help

Bobby heard the bedroom door open, but he didn't move from where he stood at the window. He listened to Alex moving around the room. "Are Maggie and Harry in bed?" he asked, opening the path for conversation.

"Yes. I settled Harry in Tommy's bed. We can put another bed in there for him tomorrow." After a brief pause, she asked, "Do you know Detective Bernard well?"

Her question did not surprise him; he was expecting it. "I, uh, I did," he answered. "But that was a long time ago and we didn't part on good terms."

She pulled a nightshirt from her dresser and set it on the bed, then she sat beside it and looked at him. "Do you feel up to talking about it?"

He rubbed the back of his neck, then turned and leaned back against the wall beside the window. He studied her for a moment, trying to discern the motive for her question. _Let me in,_ her voice whispered to his mind's ear, urging him to explain. "When I was in Narcotics, she worked homicide up in the Bronx. We, uh, we dated for almost two years. She wanted more of a commitment than I was willing to give at the time, though, and that led to some heated arguments. Then she got pregnant." He tipped his head back against the wall and looked at the ceiling. "She tried to convince me that the baby was mine, but when I challenged her, she admitted that it wasn't, and she left me to be with the father. So...she went her way, and I went mine. I haven't seen her since."

"No wonder you were uncomfortable."

"I suppose."

She watched him concentrate on the ceiling. "Do you trust her to do right by Harry?"

"Yes," he replied without hesitating. "She's not a bad person, Alex. She could have done things differently back then, but what's done is done. She'll do what she thinks is best for Harry."

Slowly, she nodded. "She seemed okay with letting him stay here."

"If she wasn't, she wouldn't have left him here." He paused for a moment. "She wanted to have children with me, but that wasn't something I wanted back then. Not while I was working Narcotics, and I wasn't ready to move on to something else."

"I guess she remembers enough to know Harry will be safe with you," she replied with a warm smile. Then she changed the subject. "Who did you call for the court order?"

"I talked to Carver. He knows who to call. The order will be in place first thing in the morning. Harry's parents will fight it, but we have time to put a case together. The physical evidence alone gives us a lot of leverage."

The physical evidence...that was exactly where she wanted the conversation to go. "That mark on his back, from the belt..."

She trailed off, leaving it open to him. If he chose to withdraw, she would let him go, but she hoped he wouldn't. He stepped away from the window and limped to the bed, where he sat beside her.

When he said nothing, she turned toward him and gently pulled his shirt up. He allowed her to slip it over his head. Then she knelt on the bed behind him. Gently, she drew the tip of her index finger over each faded scar. She was testing him. He knew what she wanted—to discuss the abuse in his past. She was waiting to see if he would continue the discussion on his own, without being bullied into it. He closed his eyes, visualizing each thin white scar as she traced it. _Tip of the iceberg_, he mused. So much had happened to him that left no scars, except for those that were on his soul. Finally, he spoke. "I don't have many memories from before my mother got sick, but I remember bedtime. She would sit on my bed with a book and read to me. Every so often, she would stop the story and ask me what I was thinking about. Then we would talk about my train of thought, how I got to thinking about knights and dragons or pirates when she was reading _Tom Sawyer_ or _Call of the Wild_." He laughed softly. "'Never stop thinking, Bobby,' she would say. My mind became a refuge for me. It was the one place I could go where no one could follow, where I could never be hurt. That hasn't really changed."

_No, it hasn't,_ she thought. "Were things much different for your brother?"

"Yes and no. Frank was more of a straight arrow than I was. He stayed out of trouble, for the most part. He was an 'A' student, and Mom had high hopes for him. She always believed he lived up to them and I never had the heart to tell her he didn't."

She rested her chin on his shoulder. "When did he get involved with drugs?"

He shifted suddenly, catching her as he rolled onto his back and swung his legs up onto the bed. Settling against his pillow, he pulled her against his chest and kissed her head. "That's not something that happened all at once. It was gradual, but by the time he was twenty, he'd chosen his path in life...or rather, the drugs made the choice for him."

"And what about you?"

"It would have been easy for me to follow him, but..." He hesitated for a moment, lost in the memory of the incident that steered him from the path his brother had taken. "But I didn't."

"Why?"

He didn't answer right away. At last, he drew in a deep breath, releasing it slowly. "When I was a senior in high school...just before Christmas...Mom was in the hospital. Frank overdosed, and he almost died. She...she didn't know it was drugs. He was very good at keeping things from her—a lot better than I was—and she had no idea he used. He told her he ate bad clams. But I was with him when it happened. I saw what went on in the emergency room. Things changed for me after that. He went right back to using, but I didn't."

"You stopped?"

"Not at that time, no, but I cut way back. I stopped when I went into the Army."

Before she could ask another question, a scream tore through the apartment. Alex scrambled over him and ran out of the room. Bobby was right behind her. In Tommy's room, Harry sat straight upright, eyes closed, screaming.

"Harry..." Alex sat on the edge of the bed and cautiously touched his arm.

He lurched away from her, hitting the wall, which jarred him awake. He looked around the room with huge, terrified eyes until he saw Maggie, who stood beside her father. As soon as he saw her, he began to cry. This time, when Alex touched him, he scrambled into her arms, crying harder. "Shhhh..." she soothed. "It's okay, Harry. No one is going to hurt you."

Maggie rested her head against Bobby's hip, feeling safe as she watched Harry with worried eyes. Harry's sobs gradually subsided, and Alex asked, "Would you like a glass of milk?"

Harry nodded his head and Bobby stepped away from Maggie, leaving the room to get the milk. Maggie sat on the bed by Harry. "Did you have a bad dream?" she asked.

Harry nodded again. "Daddy came to take me away, and I didn't want to go."

Maggie patted his back. "Don' worry. Mommy an' Daddy won' let anybody take you. Right, Mommy?"

"That's right. You're safe here, Harry."

Bobby returned with a glass of milk for each child. By the time they were done with their milk, Harry had calmed down and he let Alex tuck him back into bed. "Are you okay now?" she asked him.

Harry nodded. Maggie walked to the toybox and dug through it until she found Tommy's stuffed rhino. She brought it to Harry. "Here, Harry. This is Dugger. He's the toughest pet that Tommy has. He'll p'tect you."

Harry smiled and pulled the soft gray rhino into a bear hug. Bobby touched Maggie's head. "Come on, mouse. I'll tuck you back in."

"G'night, Harry."

"'Night, Maggie."

As Bobby tucked the blanket around Maggie, she said, "Maybe now we should get a puppy, Daddy. He can p'tect Harry."

Bobby smiled and kissed her nose. "Nice try. Good night, sweetheart."

She giggled and snuggled into her pillow. "G'night, Daddy."

Back in the bedroom, Alex was changing into her night shirt. Bobby sat heavily on the bed, staring down at the floor. She sat beside him, entwining her fingers with his as she rested her head against his shoulder. "What are you going to do tomorrow?"

Drawn from his thoughts by her voice, he said, "Tomorrow...oh, I'm going to the school to talk with the principal, and then I'm going to talk to someone about Gomez."

"Talk?"

He nodded. "Just talk. It won't hurt to talk."

She smiled. "Oh, I don't know about that."

Reaching up, she kissed him. Leaning into her kiss, he followed her down to the mattress. She relaxed as she kissed him and enjoyed the sensations stirred by his roaming hands, pleased by the return of the passion that recently been missing in him. Laughing into his mouth when he tickled her, she surrendered to him completely.

* * *

Pain woke Bobby very early in the morning, before the sun rose. He turned toward his wife, seeking comfort, but someone else had beaten him to it. Harry lay between them, curled against Alex.

With a soft smile, Bobby kissed Harry's head and slipped out of the bed. Retrieving a glass of water and his medication from the kitchen, he sat on the couch, took the pills and turned on the television.

Alex woke him with a kiss, smiling when he forced his eyes open to look at her. "I have to leave for work," she said softly. "The kids are still sleeping, and Harry is in our bed. Is that why you're out here?"

He nodded. "My knee...I, uh, I didn't want to wake him up."

She sat by his hip and rested her hand on his chest, watching his face as his eyes kept slipping closed. Gently kissing him, she whispered, "I'll see you later, sweetheart."

He grunted softly and his eyes stayed closed. Alex went into the kitchen and poured cereal into two bowls, setting them on the table. Then she left the apartment for work.

* * *

When Maggie woke, she went into Tommy's room to check on Harry, but he wasn't there. After using the bathroom, she went into the living room, where she found her father sleeping on the couch. Continuing her search, she noticed the two bowls of cereal on the table. Finally, she went into her parents' bedroom and found Harry sitting in the middle of the bed, looking around the room. She smiled. "C'mon, Harry. We got cereal in the kitchen."

"Really?"

"A course. Do you like frosty flakes and milk?"

He nodded enthusiastically and scrambled from the bed. "Yes!"

He grabbed her hand and they scurried to the kitchen. Maggie asked, "Did you feel safer with Mommy and Daddy?"

Harry nodded as he climbed onto a chair. "I didn't even have a bad dream."

Maggie pulled a quart of milk from the refrigerator and poured it into the bowls. "Daddy al'ays makes me feel safe."

She set the milk on the table and got the orange juice from the refrigerator. "Do you want a banana?"

His face lit up. "I like bananas."

She pushed her step stool to the counter and retrieved two bananas. Then she sat by Harry and they ate breakfast.

They were almost done eating when Bobby came into the kitchen. He smiled at the kids, leaning down to kiss Maggie as he gently ruffled Harry's hair. Maggie watched him limp to the counter and begin to set up the coffee pot. "Mornin', Daddy. How is your knee?"

"It's okay, honey."

He finished making the coffee, then sat at the table with coffee and a bagel.

After breakfast, Maggie gave Harry a pair of her jeans and a Mets' t-shirt to wear to school. Alex and Mike were going to stop after work to get him a bed and some clothes. Bobby took them to school and walked them to their classroom. After a word with Miss Fernandez, who was happily relieved that Harry was safe, he went to the office.

Mrs. Morgan, the school principal, welcomed him into her office. "How can I help you, Mr. Goren?"

"A couple of things. First, Harry Gomez. We found him last night, but there is a problem. There is a court order in place giving my wife and me temporary custody of Harry. You are not to release him to anyone except one of us. We are also placing a detective here in the school to keep an eye on him, to protect him."

Mrs. Morgan frowned. "Protect him from what?"

"Primarily from his father. He is being investigated by Brooklyn SVU as well as the NYPD narcotics unit. There is evidence that he's been abusing Harry."

"Abuse? We haven't seen any evidence of abuse."

"I understand that. Children like Harry--" _like me_-- "are not prone to advertise their dilemma. But he is in protective custody now. The detective assigned to the school will have a copy of the court order with him."

The principal nodded. "As long as we have a copy of the order, there won't be a problem. Is there anything else?"

"Actually, yes. There is. Yesterday during recess, Maggie left school grounds without supervision."

A look of alarm crossed the woman's face. "You can't be serious."

"Unfortunately, I am very serious...and very angry."

"I am so sorry. I will find out who was supervising the class yesterday and I will deal with it, I promise you."

A knock on the door interrupted them. The door opened and the secretary poked her head in the office. "I'm sorry to interrupt. There is a police detective here who says he's been assigned to watch over the afternoon kindergarten class."

"Yes, send him in."

A stocky young man in jeans and a brown t-shirt came into the office. He studied Bobby warily as Mrs. Morgan rose from her seat. He extended his hand toward her as he pulled his badge from his pocket. "I'm Detective Carl Wrasser, narcotics unit."

She accepted his hand. "I'm the school's principal, Mrs. Morgan."

Wrasser looked at Bobby, who introduced himself. "I'm Detective Goren, Major Case Squad."

"Goren..." He pulled a paper from his pocket. "Robert Goren...you've been appointed temporary guardian for Harry Gomez."

"Yes. My daughter is in his class."

Wrasser passed the court order to Mrs. Morgan, who looked at the paper. She nodded. "It seems in order. I'll show you down to the classroom and introduce you to Miss Fernandez and the children." She looked at Bobby. "Are we done, Mr. Goren?"

"I think so."

"Please, don't be concerned. I will address the problem we just discussed."

"Thank you. I'll be back to pick up Maggie and Harry."

He nodded at Wrasser and limped out of the office. Pulling away from the school, he drove out of Brooklyn and headed to his old squad room.

* * *

Captain William Farragut flipped through one of the files on the desk in front of him. "Martin Gomez..." he said. "We have been trying to nail this bastard for years. He's a slippery fish. We know he deals to kids but we've never been able to catch him in the act."

"If they'd been more patient sixteen years ago..."

Farragut waved a hand. "That's ancient history, detective. I understand your frustration, but let's concentrate on the present and how we're going to do it right this time around." He studied Bobby. "I read your file. Your work when you were assigned to this squad was exemplary. Were you involved in the Gomez case back then?"

"No, captain."

_If I had been, we wouldn't be sitting here discussing how to bring him down,_ he thought to himself. Not only was he careful, he was patient. He had never jumped the gun and arrested a suspect too soon. He did what needed to be done so the charges would stand at trial. "We need to do whatever it takes to put Gomez away for good."

"I agree with you. I have a good squad, but there's more than enough work to go around. I am embarrassed to admit that we lost track of Gomez about six months ago. Do you have any idea where he's working these days?"

Bobby's anger flared but he kept a handle on it. "I do. My daughter has seen him hanging around the older kids' playground at her school."

"Your daughter knows Martin Gomez?"

"By sight. She is friends with his son, Harry, who is now in protective custody under my care."

"Protective custody? What happened to initiate that?"

"Harry ran away from home because he's terrified of his father and his mother can't protect him. We need to put him away, Captain, and I am willing to do anything you need me to do to ensure that happens."

Farragut was thoughtful for a moment. "Does Gomez know you, detective?"

"No, he doesn't. I had no involvement in his arrest sixteen years ago and I have never met him."

"Do you think your captain would loan you to us temporarily to help with this operation?"

"I'm on leave from Major Case right now."

"Why is that?"

"I was in a car accident in January. I've had to have surgery on my knee and I haven't been cleared to go back to work yet."

"Detective..."

Bobby's voice took on an intense tone. "Captain, he's dealing at my little girl's school. I want him."

Farragut studied him, understanding exactly where he was coming from. "I have two daughters myself," he said sympathetically as he turned around a framed picture on his desk so Bobby could see his daughters. "They're ten and twelve."

Bobby smiled at the picture. "They're sweet, and they are within the group he targets, sir. The fourth grade is the youngest grade that plays on the playground he's been seen around. I know for certain he's working in Brooklyn, and I am willing to bet he's back in his old neighborhood in Astoria."

That got a reaction from Farragut. "Are you sure about helping with this, detective?"

"Yes, sir. I'm positive."

Farragut looked down at the files on his desk. "Twenty-seven arrests, twenty-seven convictions across three sting operations you led. You are very thorough. Would you be willing to take the lead on this?"

"Yes, sir."

"I will talk with Captain Deakins. Do you think he will have a problem with it?"

"Once he understands my reason for wanting it, no, sir, he won't."

_My wife will be another story,_ he thought, but he kept it to himself. Farragut nodded. "I will call you tomorrow."

Bobby rose and shook the captain's hand. "Thank you, Captain Farragut."

He left the squad room to return to Brooklyn and pick up Maggie and Harry from school. As he drove over the bridge, his conscience growled, "Your wife is going to kill you."

But he could not generate enough guilt to feel bad about it. There was a man out there who was selling drugs to children, luring them into a world they had no business being in. He knew that first hand because he had been in that world; he'd almost become part of it. He was determined to see that the particular door held open by Martin Gomez was slammed shut permanently, the key not just thrown away but destroyed so it could never be opened again.


	9. Nail the Bastard

Jimmy Deakins hung up his phone and pinched the bridge of his nose. Alex was going to hit the roof. He took two Nacedrol before he called Alex and Mike into his office.

Once Mike had closed the door, he said, "I just got off the phone with Captain Farragut from Narcotics. He asked me to let Goren work with his squad on the Gomez case. I explained that Goren is on disability leave until his doctor clears him for duty. He was aware of that, and he still wants him for an undercover operation. I couldn't tell him no."

Mike watched Alex as her spine stiffened, and he knew that wasn't good. She was angry and Bobby was going to bear the brunt of that anger.

Alex knew there was no way Bobby would turn down an opportunity to work, and that made her mad. He was putting himself—his career and his health—in jeopardy. She stood up and said, "Thank you for telling us, captain."

"Alex," he said, his tone gentle. "The past few months have been very hard on Bobby. Go easy on him."

She just nodded before leaving the office, with Mike following right behind her. "He's right, you know."

"Don't, Logan. I know where you stand," she said tightly. Always, Mike would stand behind Bobby, and it did not matter if he was right or wrong. It fell to her, then, to be the voice of reason for them both, and that aggravated her. "I'll see you tomorrow."

He watched her leave the squad room, and—not for the first time—he was glad he wasn't Bobby. He'd been in Alex's sights before and it wasn't a pleasant place to be. But she had not warned him not to call Bobby—probably because she was too angry to care whether or not he knew she was pissed at him. He picked up the phone and dialed.

* * *

As she drove from the city toward her father's house, Alex could not get her anger under control. She was furious. She'd had a sick feeling that his 'talking' would lead to action of some kind. Pulling into the driveway, she got out of the car and stomped toward the house.

When the front door opened, the children looked up from the book they were reading by the coffee table. Maggie took one look at her mother's face and said, "Uh, oh."

Harry squeaked and moved behind Maggie. Tommy just looked at her, not moving. He wasn't sure what to make of his mother's angry look, so he took his cue from Maggie and remained at her side.

Struggling to project a calm front to the children, she looked directly at Maggie and said, "Where is he?"

Daddy had warned them that Mommy would be angry, and he'd been right. "In the kitchen with Grampa."

Alex stormed through the room to the kitchen. The two men looked at her, but wisely remained silent. "Outside," she said, glaring at her husband.

Bobby set down the towel he held and went to the sliding door that led onto the back deck. He opened it and waited for her to step through the doorway, then he followed. She spun toward him as soon as he closed the door. "Did Farragut talk you into it or did you talk him into it?"

"A little of both."

"Damn it, Bobby! I was afraid you were going to do this!"

"You aren't going to make me feel guilty about this, Alex."

"When are you going to learn to accept your limitations?"

"When I've done my job and there aren't any more criminals to chase."

She swore under her breath and shoved past him toward the door, too angry to discuss anything with him. "It's a good thing you're comfortable on the couch," she snapped as she slid the door open, went inside and closed it behind her.

Bobby sat down on the bench beside the picnic table and rubbed his hands over his hair. She was too angry to even yell at him. That wasn't good. He looked up when the door opened, hoping Alex was coming back out for a rational discussion. Instead, Maggie came through the door. She sat down on the bench beside him and rubbed his knee. "You made Mommy mad again."

"I seem to be good at that."

"Are you gonna get hurt again, Daddy?"

"That's not my plan, no."

"Are you gonna get Harry's daddy for hurting him?"

"Yes."

Slowly, she nodded. "Then you gotta do it, don't you?"

"Yes."

"Be careful. I will be mad if you get hurt again."

He smiled. "Then I'll have to not get hurt."

She climbed to her feet and hugged him. Wrapping his arms around her, he said, "I don't know what I'd do without you."

She smiled and kissed his cheek. "Me, too, Daddy."

* * *

After dinner, they brought the children home and put them to bed. Then Alex went into the bedroom and closed the door. Bobby knew better than to bother her, and he stretched out on the couch. When his phone rang he picked it up. Mike... He flipped it open. "Yeah."

"How'd it go?" Mike asked.

"About like I thought it would."

"Are you really going undercover with narcotics?"

"Apparently. Captain Farragut is going to call me."

"You've got balls, man. You had to know she'd be pissed."

"Yes, and I hate it. But I can't let that stop me from doing my job."

Mike sighed. "Bobby, your job right now is to heal."

Bobby looked at the ceiling and was quiet for a minute. Finally, he said, "There's a man out there dealing to children at Maggie's school. He's abusive to his son and probably to his son's mother. He's bad news, and I have a chance to put him away. I will not let that chance slip by. If Alex won't understand that, I'm sorry, but I'm going to do what I have to do."

"Yeah. You always do. I'll try to talk to her tomorrow. Good night, buddy."

"Thanks, Mike, but I can handle my wife. Good night."

He tossed his phone onto the coffee table and eventually, he went to sleep.

* * *

Bobby was woken from a sound sleep by a sudden, deep kiss. It took a moment for him to realize what was going on and respond to her. She easily coaxed him from the couch to the bedroom, but when he tried to question her, she shushed him and led him to the bed. He had no more questions.

Alex snuggled against him, content to be wrapped in his arms. She lightly stroked his chest as the fog cleared from his mind. When he was able to form a coherent thought, he said, "You aren't mad any more?"

"I haven't decided."

"So...uh...why..."

"Shh. Don't question it. Just be glad for it."

"I am. Very glad...and very confused."

She smiled. "Good night, Bobby."

"But..."

Lifting her head and leaning up toward his face, she silenced him with a kiss. Sensing he was not going to let it go, she teased him back into a state of arousal, drawing him into another round of play.

He met her demands without hesitation, but he was more deeply confused by her actions. He didn't know if she was angry or not and that unsettled him. But she succeeded in exhausting him to the point that his mind refused to form the questions he wanted to ask, and he drifted to sleep.

Smiling again, she snuggled against him and followed him to sleep.

* * *

When Bobby woke the next morning, Alex was gone and Harry was asleep in the bed beside him. He felt relaxed and deeply satisfied, something he had not expected to happen for a long time. He slid from the bed and left the bedroom.

Alex had taken Tommy and Molly with her, leaving a note by the coffee pot, which was ready to brew. _I took Tom and Molly to Dad's. Please try to stay out of trouble between the time you drop Maggie and Harry off and the time you pick them up. I'm not mad, but I am worried. Stay safe. I love you._

He set the note off to the side and turned on the coffee pot. Before he could return to the bedroom to shower and dress, his phone rang. Farragut was on the other end of the line. "I want to see you in my office as soon as you can get here."

"I have to drop the kids off at school at eleven."

"I'll expect you by eleven-thirty."

"Yes, sir. I'll be there."

There was an urgency in Farragut's tone that unsettled him. He went down the hall to get ready for his day.

* * *

Bobby parked the car and walked the children into the school, making sure that Wrasser was there before leaving them. Maggie could read his tension, he knew, but he didn't address it and she didn't ask. He sensed she knew it had something to do with protecting Harry, and she trusted him to save Harry from his parents while keeping himself from harm. He hoped he could live up to her expectations.

When he arrived at the narcotics squadroom, Farragut and another detective were waiting for him in the captain's office.

Farragut waved a hand toward the other detective. "Todd Capshaw, this is Robert Goren, on loan from Major Case."

The men shook hands. Capshaw had to be at least 21, Bobby knew, but he looked much younger. The man smiled at him. "Twenty-seven, detective," he said, answering Bobby's unasked question. "I spent four years in the 86th precinct and two years here in narcotics. I specialize in getting drugs away from our schools."

Farragut nodded. "You were right, Goren. Gomez has been a very busy scumbag. Between stints at your daughter's school and several schools in Astoria, he's been frequently seen at Roosevelt High and at nearby Polk Elementary in recent weeks. So Capshaw is going to be a sophomore at Roosevelt, and you are taking a position at the school as the junior class history teacher. The current history teacher just went on maternity leave." He opened a folder in front of him. "Gomez has been married for the last six years to the former Betty Trafalgar. They have one son, Harry, who will turn six in August. You said Harry has been removed from his parents' custody?"

"Yes, sir. He's been placed with my wife and me."

Farragut took a photograph from the folder and handed it to him. Bobby looked at it, then closed his eyes. After a moment, he reopened them and handed the photo back to Farragut. "What happened?"

"The local precinct received a call about a domestic disturbance last night. They found her at the bottom of a stairwell. She died at the hospital just after midnight. The ME hasn't determined cause, but we believe drugs played a role."

Harry's mother was dead. Bobby sighed heavily. "I wouldn't be surprised. Gomez was her supplier before he went to jail. She apparently went back to him when he got out. He probably kept her hooked. Did they find him?"

Farragut closed the file and the corner of his mouth turned up a little. "You know the answer to that, detective. Monday morning, you'll report to Dennis Ovilla, the principal at Roosevelt. Capshaw starts on Wednesday. Have a nice weekend."

Bobby nodded, realizing that Farragut knew nothing more about the case. It was now up to him and Capshaw to hook Gomez and reel him in. He turned and left the office. He was joined at the elevator by his new partner. "Think you can handle being a teacher?" the young man asked.

"I'll manage. Can you handle being in high school again?"

Capshaw laughed. "I've found it to be more fun this time around. Farragut told me you spent 4 years here before you moved to Major Case. Said everyone you busted was convicted. Can you keep that record?"

"I plan to keep it. I'm not going to let this fish get away."

They got into the elevator. Capshaw pushed the '1' button. "You got a kid in one of Gomez' target schools?"

"In Brooklyn. She's in kindergarten."

"That's the school Wrasser's working?"

Bobby nodded. "Yes."

"Gomez ain't dealing to babies, is he?"

"My daughter has seen him at the playground the older kids use, but he's never spoken to her."

"Now you've got custody of his kid?"

"Yes. Gomez hasn't been around the school since Harry was put in my care. He does not know me."

Capshaw looked at him. Bobby shifted his weight impatiently as he waited for the elevator doors to open. "Wrasser is my partner. He's got two kids of his own. Harry and your daughter will be safe with him there. For the time being, I suppose you and I are gonna be partners. That suit you?"

"That's fine with me. We both want the same thing."

They stepped off the elevator and walked toward the doors leading out onto the street. Capshaw noted Bobby's limp. "Hurt yourself?"

"Car accident. It's...healing."

"So this assignment should be a good one for you, teach. I'll see you sometime Wednesday, I suppose."

Capshaw stopped and extended his hand toward the bigger detective. Bobby accepted it. "See you then."

* * *

When Bobby pulled up to the school to pick up Maggie and Harry, Wrasser walked them out to the car. He leaned in the passenger window as the two children climbed into the back seat. "No sign of him," he said. "I got a call from Capshaw. Says you're gonna work with him in Queens. Don't let that baby face fool you. He's competent."

"I didn't think he wasn't."

"Listen...he got married last year. Nice girl. She's pregnant, due in late September."

Bobby gave the other man a reassuring grin. "I'll take care of him."

"I'll hold you to that, Goren. Have a good weekend."

"Thanks. You, too."

As he pulled away from the curb, Bobby glanced at the children in the rearview mirror. "We're going to stay at Grampa's this weekend."

"What about Mischief?"

"She's already at Grampa's."

"And Uncle Mike?"

"What about Uncle Mike?"

"He's all alone since Aun' Car'lyn and Sean are in Arizona. Who's gonna keep him comp'ny?"

Bobby smiled. "Uncle Mike is a big boy. He'll be fine. But I'll tell him to come out for dinner tomorrow night."

Maggie smiled broadly. "I can he'p Grampa make dinner!"

"Grampa always loves it when you help."

She looked at Harry. "Do you wanna he'p, too, Harry?"

Harry nodded eagerly. "I do!"

Bobby laughed quietly. It would be an interesting meal.

* * *

When Alex arrived at her father's house, the children were playing in the yard. Bobby was sitting on the couch with Molly, reading to her. She crossed the living room, leaning down to kiss the happy baby. She then kissed Bobby. "How was your day?"

"Good. Yours?"

"It was fine."

"I met with Farragut again today."

"And?"

He handed the baby to her. "We need to talk."

Alex laid Molly in her playpen and gave her a rattle. She motioned for him to wait while she went into the kitchen to greet her father. Returning to the couch, she handed Bobby a beer and set her glass of red wine on the coffee table. "Okay. Talk."

"Betty Trafalgar is dead."

"Oh, no. When?"

"Last night. We're waiting for a cause, but they found her at the bottom of a stairwell. I'll bet good money both Gomez and drugs were involved."

"That's a pretty safe bet, from what you've told me. Does Harry know?"

"Not yet."

"What about his father?"

"He hasn't been seen around the school, but he is working a couple of schools in Queens. My assignment starts on Monday."

Apprehensive, Alex studied his face, but he had a damn good poker face. "And?"

"I'm going to be teaching eleventh grade history. My partner is about twelve, and he'll be posing as a sophomore."

She arched an eyebrow. "Twelve?"

Amused, he explained, "He's 27. He just looks 12. He's been doing this for 2 years."

With a nod, she considered his assignment. "A high school history teacher. Where are they putting the target, on your back or in the center of your forehead?"

He smiled. "Don't worry. I'll be fine."

"I hate it when you tell me that."

He leaned over and kissed her, feeling it was time to change the subject. "About last night..." he began.

"Don't," she warned. "Just take it at face value and be glad I'm not pissed any more. All right?"

He nodded slowly. He hated not understanding, but he let it go because she asked him to. "All right. I should probably talk to Harry."

He was right. There was no sense avoiding the inevitable. "I'll talk to him with you."

Rising from the couch, she went to the back door and called to Harry. After telling Maggie to stay out in the yard with Tommy, she led Harry to the couch. He climbed up beside Bobby and looked expectantly at the two adults who had treated him so kindly.

"Harry," Bobby began gently. "I need you to tell me about your parents."

Panic filled the little boy's blue eyes. "You're gonna send me back!" he exclaimed.

"No, no," Bobby replied quickly, settling his forearm over Harry's small shoulders. "You are never going back to them, I promise."

Nervously, Harry darted his eyes from Bobby to Alex and back. "Can I stay with you?"

"For the time being, yes. After that, we'll have to see." Bobby could feel the tremor in Harry's shoulders. "Right now, I need to know some things about your parents."

Harry only nodded, and Bobby asked, "We know that your daddy has been mean to you and he's hurt you. Was he mean to your mommy, too?"

"Not usu'lly."

"What happened when your daddy got home every day?"

"Mommy couldn't wait for him to get home. She kissed him and touched him places that made him want to kiss her back. They went in the bedroom and made noises."

"What did you do?"

"I hid in the closet or behind the couch."

"Why did you hide?"

Harry looked at his hands. "If I hide, Daddy won't remember I'm around. And Mommy acts all funny when she comes back out. I don't like it so I stay hiding."

Bobby looked at Alex. Her face was a mask of pain and sympathy for the little boy who sat between them. He returned his attention to Harry. "Did your mother ever hurt you?"

Harry twisted his hands together. Maggie trusted her parents and she had been encouraging him to trust them, too. But trust did not come easy for him. He looked up at Bobby. "Maggie said you're gonna protect me from Daddy."

Bobby nodded. "I talked to some other police officers today. We are working to send him back to jail."

"And then Mommy and I will be safe? And she won't act funny no more?"

Bobby glanced at Alex, who met his gaze sadly. Then he looked back at Harry. "Did your mother hurt you, Harry?" he repeated.

Ho shook his head. "No."

"Did she take care of you?"

He nodded. "She did when she wasn't sick."

"How was she sick?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "She didn't wanna get outta bed until after I came home from school. She was tired and grouchy until Daddy came home. If she didn't give me dinner before Daddy came home, I had to get something to eat after Daddy and Mommy left or went to bed."

"Did Mommy always go with him when he left at night?"

He nodded again. "Mommy doesn't like not bein' with Daddy. She says he makes her feel good, and she likes to feel good." He looked at his hands again. "I didn't ever feel good around Daddy, but Mommy always did. She was happy and she laughed and sang sometimes after she was with Daddy. She walked and talked kinda funny, and she told me I was her guardian angel." He paused again before he whispered, "I...I watched them once."

Again, Bobby looked at Alex, then back at Harry. "Where did you watch them?"

Still whispering, Harry answered, "In the bedroom. They left the door open and I watched."

Bobby didn't want to ask the next question, but he had to. "What did you see, Harry?"

The little boy began to tremble again. "I was behind the couch, and I stayed there until Mommy and Daddy stopped making noises. Then they were just talkin'. So I came out and I went to tell Mommy I was hungry. Mommy was on the bed, and I saw Daddy give her medicine, a shot, like the doctor does."

His eyes were big and frightened as he recalled what he saw. Alex gently took Harry's hand as Bobby asked, "Then what happened?"

"Then Daddy saw me. He yelled at me, and he called me a little pre-prevert, and I ran, but he caught me. He...he hit me with his belt. An-and Mommy...Mommy watched, and she kinda laughed and told Daddy somethin'. I don't know what she said, but Daddy dropped me and the belt, and they went back in the bedroom and closed the door. She laughed a lot after that, and I went back behind the couch and I stayed there. The next tomorrow, I told Maggie I wished I could run and hide somewhere and be safe."

"Did you show Maggie the marks your daddy left with his belt?"

He nodded. "She helped me hide."

Gently, Bobby gathered Harry into his lap, and Alex moved closer, still holding his hand. The little boy squeezed her hand for all he was worth as he snuggled against Bobby's chest. Bobby slid his arm around the shaking child and closed his hand over Alex's and Harry's. Harry stopped trembling. Maggie was right. Her daddy was safe.

"Harry," Bobby said gently. "Your mommy has gone away."

"Where did she go?"

"She, uh, she went to heaven."

"Did Daddy send her there?"

"We don't know, but your daddy has done some bad things."

Hopefully, Harry asked, "Are you gonna send him to jail?"

"Yes."

Harry was quiet for a minute before he finally nodded his head. "Good" was all he said.

He remained where he was for a few minutes, and when he slipped his hand free and moved to climb from Bobby's lap, they let him go. He walked to the sliding door and went back out into the yard. The silence in the room was finally broken when Alex said, "Whatever you have to do, Bobby, do it. Just nail that bastard and do it good."

She kissed him, got up and walked away. He would do whatever it took to make certain that Martin Gomez never saw the light of day again.


	10. Surprise

The house was dark and quiet; it was very late. John and the children were long in bed, and Alex had finally drifted off to sleep, but pain kept Bobby awake, along with his rambling thoughts. He couldn't move past the things Harry had told him. Silently, he sat in the living room with a tumbler of scotch, staring into nothing and remembering the past. Harry had resurrected memories of his own childhood, and they were not good memories. He thought about Alex, lightly tracing the scars on his back, many of which his parents had made. He also recalled his years in narcotics. He'd had some close calls and some pretty hairy times back then. He was lucky to be alive.

A noise in the kitchen drew him back to the present, and he got up and went to see who was up. Setting his drink on the table, he continued to the kitchen. The refrigerator door was open, and he wasn't really surprised to find Maggie removing a quart of milk from the shelf. They had all learned very quickly to buy milk in quarts, since Maggie never let gallon containers stand between her and a glass of milk or a bowl of cereal. Milk wasn't the best thing with which to clean floors or children.

When she turned and saw him, she jumped and almost dropped the milk. "Daddy, you scared me. I thought you was sleepin'."

"Why aren't you sleeping?"

"My brain won't quiet down an' let me sleep, so I'm getting some milk."

"Would you like me to warm it up for you?"

She nodded. "That would be good."

Once the milk was warmed, he carried it to the table and sat down with her. "So tell me what your brain is thinking about to keep you up."

"It's thinkin' about Harry. He telled me that his mommy went to heaven. That means she can't come back, right?"

"Right."

"So all he has left is his daddy, but..." She paused and traced the pattern on the mug in front of her. "Harry's daddy is mean to him."

Bobby nodded. "I know."

"And his mommy...she couldn' pr'tect him. Now he has no one to pr'tect him."

"Yes, he does. He has Mommy and me to protect him, and we are going to do just that."

"But suppose the judge says we gotta let Harry go back to his daddy?"

"That won't happen."

She was quiet again, then she asked, "How do you know? You said judges can do whatever they wanna do."

He smiled. "It seems that way sometimes. But the judge who let us take Harry away from his parents is a friend of Mr. Carver's. And it's her job to do what's best for Harry."

"What if Harry's daddy tries to take him back?"

"We're ready to deal with that. Detective Wrasser is at the school to protect you and Harry. And I'm going to be working with another detective to put Harry's daddy in jail. Then he won't be able to hurt Harry ever again."

"Harry's daddy is mean. Is he dang'rous, too?"

Bobby wouldn't lie to her. "He could be. But I'm ready to deal with him."

"Is Uncle Mike gonna he'p you?"

"No. I'm going to be working with a different squad."

She frowned and looked up at him. "So who's gonna wash your back?"

He laughed softly at her misuse of police terminology. "Detective Capshaw is going to have my back, honey. It'll be okay, I promise."

More than anything else, Maggie trusted her father to keep his word. "Okay, Daddy."

She took a drink of her milk as he looked into his glass. He took a drink, then said, "You should have come to me when Harry ran away."

"I know, but he woulda run away for real. Harry doesn' trust big people." She grasped the handle of her cup and moved it in a circle. "I telled him he could trust you an' Mommy, but he didn' b'lieve me. He does now."

"Does he?"

She turned her head to look at him, and she smiled. "I been tellin' him that you're safe. I al'ays feel safe with you. Now, Harry does, too. An' when he gets bad dreams, an' he goes in with you and Mommy, all the bad dreams go 'way."

"Harry's had a hard time at home."

"He said his mommy's been sick."

"Yeah. She was."

She watched him finish his drink and she downed the last of her milk. "What will happen to Harry, Daddy? He doesn' have nobody to go home to anymore. An' he doesn' have a grampa or a gramma."

"That's up to the judge, Maggie."

"Can we talk to her?"

"About what?"

"About letting Harry stay with us for good."

He wasn't surprised by her request. "I'll have to discuss that with Mommy first."

"Yeah. She said she hasta talk to you first, too."

He smiled. "Come on, baby. I'll tuck you in."

She slid out of the chair. "Are you goin' back to bed, too?"

"Yes."

"Good."

With a soft laugh, he laid his hand on her head. After tucking her in, he kissed her forehead and said good night. Then he crossed the hall to the bedroom he shared with Alex. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he absently rubbed his hand over his knee.

Alex moved, rolling toward him. "How is your knee?"

"It's all right. I've been thinking about Harry."

She smiled and sat up, resting against his back and rubbing his side. "So have I."

"And so has Maggie. I just tucked her back in bed." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I...understand his fear. No one ever came to my rescue when I was a kid. He's lucky." She slid her arm over his shoulder and across his chest. He lightly stroked it. "Maggie wants to talk to the judge about Harry."

Alex nodded and kissed the back of his neck. "She wants him to stay with us. How do you feel about that?"

He continued to stroke her arm. "I look at that little guy and I can see myself when I was his age. It's not a good thing. If we can save him from those kind of memories, I'm all for it."

She smiled and kissed his ear. "I thought that was what you would say."

"Should I take Maggie to discuss the situation with the judge?"

"Take them both. She'll want to see what Harry wants, too."

Gently, she slipped his t-shirt over his head and coaxed him to lay down. He pulled her close and said, "We, uh, we should talk about something else."

She was curious. It wasn't often he initiated communication like that. "What's that?"

He sighed softly. "Four kids, Alex? We have a three bedroom apartment. I think we should talk about finding a house somewhere, in a good neighborhood."

"That's a serious commitment."

He shrugged. "What's thirty years compared to a lifetime commitment to you and the kids?"

She nodded. "Okay. A house. I never thought you'd take that step."

"Neither did I. But I went over our finances, and I think we can swing it."

"How long have you been thinking about this?"

"Honestly?"

"Of course."

"Since the first time Maggie asked me to get her a puppy."

She lifted her head and looked at his face. "She was two."

"Not quite, but yeah, it was before we got married."

"Got married? Bobby, that was before I ever left Ricky."

"You weren't part of the decision then. I was thinking about buying a house so that Maggie would have a yard to play in and I could get her that puppy. So...so I started putting away for a down payment."

"And you're only telling me about this now? How much have you saved?"

"I managed $2500 a year...on top of my other savings...about eighteen grand."

She sat up and stared at him in the light that filtered in through the curtains. "Have you started looking?"

"Not seriously, no. But I have a buddy in real estate. He said he has a sweet place that just came up, so I thought I'd mention it to you. It's got a yard, so maybe...for her birthday...we can get her that puppy she's always wanted."

Her head was spinning. "Just when I think you can't surprise me any more, you do." She settled back against the headboard and hugged her knees. He half-expected her to be angry, but her expression was happy. "Tell me about this house. First, what was your buddy looking for?"

"He knows we've got the three kids, and I said also wanted a decent yard and a porch big enough for a swing."

"Why the porch?"

He rubbed his knee again. "You told me you always wanted a big porch with a nice swing so you could sit on it on summer evenings with a nice glass of wine and dream about Prince Charming."

"What? When did I tell you that?"

"We went out for drinks after closing a case. We'd been partners for about a year and a half."

"And you remember that? Bobby, I don't even remember _wanting_ it."

"I do remember, and Freddy found one. It's got four bedrooms and a big family room. There's also a full, almost finished basement. The owners dropped the price for a fast sell, and it's not going to last. He called me this morning and agreed to hold off showing it until Monday."

She knew how thorough he was, and he would never have mentioned a specific place unless he'd done the math. "How does it work into our budget?"

"It should end up costing about $300 less than the rent we pay."

"And where is it?"

"About twenty minutes from here, and ten minutes from Reggie."

She tried to contain her excitement. "Can we look at it?"

"We have a ten o'clock appointment in the morning."

She made a noise and dove into his arms. He smiled and held her tight. For once, he'd surprised her and he'd done the right thing. As she kissed him with enthusiasm, he thought that maybe there was hope for him after all.


	11. A Worthwhile Life

On his way to Roosevelt High School Monday morning, Bobby placed a call to the Brooklyn SVU, asking for Detective Bernard or Detective Garrison. Jen Bernard came on the line after a moment. "This is Bobby Goren, Jen."

"Good morning, Bobby. To what do I owe this pleasure? How is little Harry?"

"Harry is fine, but I need a favor."

"This wouldn't have anything to do with Betty Trafalgar, would it?"

He smiled. "What makes you think that?"

"I remember how you are. Follow the evidence where it leads and nothing is inconsequential. We found out about Betty on Friday afternoon. The six-one caught the case. It was called in as a domestic; now it's a homicide. I talked to the lead detective Friday. Gomez is their primary suspect, but they don't have enough to bring him in yet. The 911 call was anonymous. Neighbors heard arguing, but no one will come out and admit it was Gomez she was arguing with."

"Of course not. He's a mean son-of-a-bitch and they all probably know it. They're afraid of him. They don't want him to find out who pointed a finger at him so none of them will. What did they find in the apartment?"

She let out a small, sad sigh. "They didn't believe me when I told them Betty had a little boy. They found a box of kids' clothes in a corner in the second bedroom next to a sleeping bag, but no toys or games—nothing that told them a child lives there. There was a dresser in that bedroom, but it was empty, except for the top drawer. They found drug paraphernalia in it, along with about four ounces of pot and some rolling paper. The kitchen was neglected and the fridge was empty except for a half gallon of spoiled milk, a package of moldy hot dogs and something they think used to be lettuce...or hamburger. The pantry had a couple of boxes of dry cereal, and that's it. In the master bedroom, they hit the jackpot. There was a lock on the door and they had to bust it down. They found drugs, paraphernalia, porn, a large assortment of sex toys, and eight thousand dollars in small bills."

Bobby shuddered at the thought of Harry in that place. The poor little guy deserved better. "Any sign of a struggle?"

"That was hard to tell, given the state of the place. Apparently, Betty was more concerned with getting high than with housekeeping."

"Or with taking proper care of her son," he said, unable to keep the anger from his voice.

Quietly, Bernard said, "You know how it is, Bobby. You saw it a hundred times. You know what drugs do to people."

"I do." He'd seen it in his personal life as drugs took his brother further and further away from him. "Harry talked to us about his parents. He said his mother always acted funny when his father was around. Whatever he did to her before she died, she was probably too high to be aware of any of it."

"Is Harry settling in?"

"Yes. He shares a room with my son for now. We're looking into buying a house near my wife's family. Then he'll be able to have his own room."

"Are you saying you're willing to take the little guy on a permanent basis?"

"That's right. I have a 4:30 appointment this afternoon with Judge Haversham. I'm bringing Maggie and Harry to talk with her."

He could hear the smile in her voice when she replied, "That's a good idea." She paused for a moment before adding, "It was nice to see you, Bobby. You look great and you have a beautiful family."

"Thanks, Jen. You look good, too. How is your baby?"

"Not so much a baby anymore, but doing well. He plays football in high school."

"Did it work out with his father?"

She paused, then answered, "Unfortunately, no. I'll look into the Trafalgar case and let you know if anything else turns up. The autopsy results should be in soon."

"Thanks, Jen."

He slipped his phone back into his jacket pocket. He arrived at Roosevelt at ten til seven and found the principal in his office. Dennis Ovilla looked up when Bobby stopped in his doorway. "Mr. Goren?"

Bobby stepped forward with a nod. "I'm Robert Goren."

Ovilla extended his hand. "Welcome to Roosevelt. I want to thank you for filling in for Mrs. Archambault, but I'll warn you that you have your work cut out for you. Trying to teach the past to a couple hundred apathetic teenagers who are mired in the present is a particular challenge."

"I'll do my best to make it interesting for them."

"Glad to hear it." He held out a thick envelope. "Here's your orientation package. Sorry to throw you to the wolves right away, but Mrs. Archambault was put on bedrest after she went into premature labor and the replacement I had lined up for her couldn't get away from a previous commitment on such short notice. So I had to scramble for an immediate substitute." He held out a manila folder. "Mrs. Archambault left this for you. The rest of her books and teaching aids are in her classroom. Come on. I'll take you there."

As they walked through the mostly deserted halls, the principal gave Bobby a brief orientation. "There's a map of the school in your envelope there, as well as a booklet of the school's rules and regulations. As for your class, Mrs. Archambault is currently teaching the Civil War."

Bobby grinned. "That's one of my favorite times in our history."

"Glad to hear it. The Civil War and Reconstruction will take you through the end of the school year." He unlocked a classroom and opened the door, flipping the light as he stepped into the room. "Here is your classroom. If you have any problems or concerns, just let me know. The school day starts at eight. Late bell is at eight-ten. You have classes every period except for the one immediately after lunch, which is a planning period—or a regrouping period, as you need it."

Bobby accepted the principal's outstretched hand. "Thank you, Dr. Ovilla."

"Good luck, Mr. Goren. You'll need it."

Bobby watched the principal leave. The Queens neighborhood that the school served had a reputation for being rough, and Ovilla's attitude reinforced it. He had never been one to shy away from a challenge, and he welcomed this one.

Sitting at the desk, he flipped open the folder Mrs. Archambault left for him. First he reviewed her lesson plans and then he turned his attention to her notes about her classes, which were detailed. There were more than a few students who caused her headaches but they were pretty evenly balanced with the students who made her career choice worth it all. Most of her students, however, were average performers who neither shone nor caused trouble.

He was still reading when the students in his homeroom class, a thirty minute period at the beginning of the day, began to trickle in. His only requirement during that period was to take attendance after the late bell.

After introducing himself, he took attendance, making note of the half-dozen kids who arrived after the late bell. He filled in the attendance book Mrs. Archambault left for him as the kids talked quietly among themselves. They fell silent while the morning announcements were made, and most of them left when the bell sounded to indicate the changing of classes. Four students remained for his first period class.

One of them approached his desk, and he looked up at her. She was a perky blond with streaks of blue in her hair. She gave him a sunny smile. "I'm Janis. Do you know if Mrs. Archambault had her baby?"

"No, she hasn't. Not yet. It's too soon for the baby to come."

"But they told us she was in labor."

He nodded. "Premature labor. They were able to stop it, but she can't return to work right now."

"So you'll be here for the rest of the year?"

"We'll see how it goes."

She smiled. "Don't let these jokers chase you off."

"Don't worry. No one chases me off if I don't want to go."

Her smile widened and she returned to her desk, making sure to put an extra wiggle in her step. Bobby turned back to the papers in front of him, amused. _Ah, teen hormones._

The bell rang two minutes later and he closed the folder. He flipped to the proper page in the attendance book and took attendance. Only two kids were absent. Not bad for a school in a troubled area. He stood up and limped to the board, where he wrote his name. Then he turned to face the class, looking over the assortment of students who looked back at him. There were girls with short hair and boys with long hair. He saw lip rings, eyebrow rings and nose rings. One boy and two girls sported dred locks, and hair color ran the spectrum of the rainbow. He knew better than to judge them, though. Placing his hands on the back of his chair, he leaned on it and said, "Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, July 1863. Who can tell me the significance of that time and place?"

* * *

Six classes a day, plus lunch and his planning period, made for a very long day. He'd broken up half a dozen fights and twice as many exuberant couples making out in the hall. As soon as the last bell rang, he gathered his things, including the textbook for his class, and went out to his car.

Alex and Mike had picked up the kids so that he'd be on time for his meeting with the judge. He drove to the squad room to pick up Maggie and Harry.

The two children were seated on his desk when he entered the squad room, watching Mike fill out a report. Maggie looked up before he got to the desk. "Hi, Daddy!"

Bobby smiled at her. "Hi, mouse. Hi, Harry."

Harry gave him a shy wave. He looked around the room. "Where's Mommy?"

"Getting coffee," Maggie answered.

Bobby looked over Mike's shoulder. "Still working on that case?"

"If there weren't children around, I'd tell you exactly where you can go."

"I'll use my imagination."

Mike laughed. "How was your first day of school?"

"Long. Are you guys ready to go?"

Both children nodded, and Maggie asked, "Are we gonna see Your Honor, Daddy?"

Bobby smiled as he lifted both kids to the floor. "We can stop by to see if he's in his chambers if you want." He nudged Mike's shoulder. "Come on over for dinner."

Mike grinned. "That sounds like a plan. I'm getting tired of burned grilled cheese sandwiches."

Bobby glanced at the captain's office, but it was empty. "Come on, guys."

They each grabbed a hand. Bobby led them to the break room, where he stood in the doorway and watched Alex pour freshly brewed coffee into two mugs. She added sugar and cream to hers, leaving the other black. Turning, she smiled when she saw Bobby and the children in the doorway. "How was your day?"

"I'll tell you about it later. We're going over to the courthouse."

She leaned over to give Maggie a kiss, then she kissed Harry's head. "I'll see you at home."

Bobby squeezed the kids' hands. "Go press the 'down' button for the elevator."

Maggie and Harry ran ahead as Bobby walked with Alex back to the squad room proper. "You haven't changed your mind about Harry, have you?" he asked.

"Of course not."

"I talked to Jen Bernard this morning. I'll give you the details later. Everything indicates that Harry was little more than an afterthought to his parents."

"Then it's a good thing he's with us now. Foster care would just continue his nightmare, and he would never recover from his childhood. Kind of like you..."

He paused for a moment, then brushed his lips over hers. "I have to go. I'll see you at home."

"Good luck."

He limped off toward the elevators as Maggie called to him. "The elevator's here, Daddy!"

"I'm coming, honey."

Alex walked to her desk, setting Mike's coffee in front of him as she watched Bobby follow the two children onto the elevator.

* * *

Marsha Haversham looked up from her desk as her bailiff led Bobby and the kids into her chambers. "Hello, detective, children."

Bobby extended his hand to her. "Hello, Judge Haversham. Thank you for seeing us."

She shook Bobby's hand and watched him lift each child into one of the large leather chairs in front of her desk before he sat in the other chair. She was a handsome woman in her mid-fifties with warm, compassionate eyes. "How can I help you, detective?"

"We've come to discuss Harry's future with you, Your Honor."

She opened a file on her desk and scanned its contents. "Well, obviously, he can't be returned to his parents." She looked at Harry. "Hello, Harry."

Harry smiled shyly and reached out to grab Maggie's hand. Haversham's voice was quiet and kind. "Who is your friend?"

"Maggie," Harry answered, his voice not much more than a squeak.

"Hello, Maggie."

"Hello, Your Other Honor."

Haversham looked to Bobby for an explanation. He smiled softly.

"Judge Burrows has the distinction of being 'Your Honor'. She had to testify in his court a year and a half ago."

"In a criminal court?"

"She was a witness to a crime, and her testimony helped put the suspect away."

Haversham looked impressed. "What a remarkable child."

"Thank you."

Haversham looked down at the file on her desk, then asked, "How has Harry been getting along with your family?"

"Fine. He fits right in. That's what I wanted to discuss with you. Harry knows that his mother has gone to heaven."

The judge looked at Harry, who still held Maggie's hand in a white-knuckled grip. "I'm sorry about your mother, Harry. It's my job to decide what is best for you, and I take that job very seriously. There are a few things I can do, but whatever I decide, my goal is to find the right family for you, so you can grow up happy, safe and healthy."

Harry looked frightened, and Maggie said, "Can't Harry stay with us? We can be his fam'ly! He a'ready gots a bed an' stuff. If he stays with us, then he'll have a mommy an' daddy, an' a brother and baby sister, and me!"

"Part off that is up to your parents, Maggie."

Maggie smiled at the judge. "Mommy and Daddy want Harry to stay with us. I a'ready asked."

Haversham smiled at the intelligent little girl, then looked at Goren. "Is she right, detective?"

Bobby nodded. "The last thing Harry needs is to be buried in the foster care system. He is comfortable with us and he's settling in. Why disrupt his life any further? We have the resources and the ability to make him part of our family, and it's what we want to do."

The judge looked back at the children, noting how Harry clung to Maggie. Bobby watched her for a moment before he spoke again. "Ever since Harry joined her class, Maggie has done everything she knows to do to protect him. When he finally told her what his life at home was like, she helped him to hide, to escape from his father. I don't have to tell you what probably would have happened if he had remained at home, under the radar."

Haversham looked at him, and a silent understanding passed between them. She turned to Harry. "Harry, what do you want to do?"

"I wanna stay with Maggie and her mommy and daddy."

Haversham smiled at the timid little boy, then she turned back to Bobby. "I'll have one of my court officers look into the situation. Once I am satisfied, I will issue a permanent order. In the meantime, I think it will be in Harry's best interests to remain in your custody. The provisions that have been made for Harry's protection will also remain in place as long as the danger to his safety exists."

"Thank you, Your Honor."

He rose and the children slid from the chair. Maggie looked up at him. "Does that mean Harry gets to stay with us, Daddy?"

He nodded. "Yes. He gets to stay with us."

Maggie released Harry's hand and ran around the judge's desk. Haversham turned toward her as Maggie hugged her. "Thank you, Your Other Honor."

The surprised judge hugged her back, then watched her leave with her father and her friend.

He guided the children out of the room and led them down the hall to Judge Burrows' chambers. He knocked on the door. After a moment, the judge opened the door, surprised by his visitors. "Detective Goren." He looked around for his favorite little witness. "Hello, Maggie."

A bright smile lit up her face and she ran to him as he knelt to accept her hug. "Hi, Your Honor!"

She pulled back and he looked at her. "Look how big you've gotten. Have you started high school yet?"

She giggled. "No. I'm in kiddygarten. This is my friend Harry. He lives with us now because his mommy went to heaven."

Burrows extended his hand toward the shy little boy. Harry tentatively touched his fingers as the judge said, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Harry."

He rose to his full height and extended a hand toward Bobby. "It's good to see you. I wish I had more time, but I'm due on the bench in five minutes. Bring Maggie back to see me. She's always a delight."

"Thank you, Your Honor. We couldn't be here in the courthouse without stopping by to see you."

Burrows smiled and placed his hand on Maggie's curly head. "It was a pleasure to see you again, Maggie, and a pleasure to meet you, Harry. I have to go now because I'm due in court, but you get Daddy to bring you back soon and we'll have milk and cookies while we catch up. Okay?"

"Okay!" She hugged his legs. "Have a good court time, Your Honor."

With a good-natured laugh, Burrows patted her head and watched as she grasped her father's hand. Harry took Bobby's other hand and they walked away. Maggie looked over her shoulder and waved. The judge waved back and then returned to his chambers.

* * *

By the time Bobby got home, Alex was already on her way to pick up Tommy and Molly. While Maggie and Harry played, he began dinner. Mike arrived about twenty minutes later. He pulled a six pack of beer from the paper bag he carried and set it in the refrigerator beside the dark German beer Bobby favored, then he began poking around in the pots. "Potatoes, green beans..." He cracked the oven door open. "And chicken. Not bad."

"I'm so glad you approve," Bobby replied.

"I admit, just about anything would be better than what I've been eating."

"Do you miss Carolyn and Sean?"

"Sure, I do. She called a little while ago. He's having a blast getting spoiled rotten and she's about fed up with her mother's judgmental comments."

"So when are they coming home?"

Mike shrugged. "She won't say. When she's ready, I guess. She's still mad at me for not going with her."

Bobby opened the refrigerator and pulled out the milk. He handed Mike a beer and took one for himself, opening it and taking a drink. Opening his beer, Mike watched as Bobby added milk to the potatoes and mashed them. "Why didn't you go?" Bobby asked.

"I get enough censure from the people I work with. Why should I subject myself to it from people I don't know or care about? They've already made their judgments, and nothing I do or don't do is going to change their minds. Carolyn is obligated to them; I'm not. I'd rather stay here and work, where I can do some good. She said she understood, and that she wouldn't force her mother on me, but she's still annoyed with me about it."

"Sometimes you just can't win."

"What would you have done?"

"I don't know. I can't work. Maybe I would have gone."

"You're working now."

Bobby smiled. "Yeah, I am."

"Do you like it?"

"After one day? I suppose. It's interesting, in any event."

"I don't think you could pay me enough to go back to high school, even as a teacher."

"Every job has its own rewards, Mike."

Mike took a drink of his beer. "More power to you, buddy, if you can see the rewards in that."

Bobby set the potatoes on a back burner to keep warm while he took the chicken out of the oven. He could see the rewards in a teaching career. The opportunity to enrich young minds was a powerful one. A lot of people couldn't see it, but he could. If he was able to reach even a few of the kids he'd seen earlier in the day, then it was worth the effort he put into the job. Granted, he had another goal, to save those kids from the likes of Martin Gomez, but if he could instill a love for learning in a couple of young minds along the way, so much the better.

Once, he'd allowed his mother to convince him that his was a worthless life. He'd gotten past that over time, and he'd gone to great lengths to prove to himself that he could make a difference. In recent years, since Maggie came along, and then her siblings after her, he began to believe that his life was, indeed, worthwhile. And now, he knew it was.


	12. A Series of Plans

Tuesday morning, Bobby arrived at Roosevelt just after seven. He unlocked his classroom and then his office. Opening his briefcase, he pulled out his textbook, lesson plans, the stack of typed notes Mrs. Archembault had left for him, and a few reference materials he'd found on the Battle of Gettysburg. Setting the briefcase beside the desk, he took everything else to his desk in the classroom and sat down. For him, learning was an interactive experience, and he planned to involve his students in the process.

A noise at the door caught his attention. "Knock, knock," came a pleasant voice as a tall redhead stepped into the room, smiling. "Hello."

Bobby rose from his chair. "Hello."

Her smile widened as she approached and extended her hand. "I'm Tiffany Longorato. My classroom is the one right next door. I teach junior English."

"I'm Robert Goren." He motioned to the classroom around them. "I'm filling in."

"Mary told me she was going to leave plenty of information for her substitute."

He looked at the desk. "She did that."

"I would have welcomed you yesterday, but Mondays around here are insane and I didn't see you after school."

"I had an appointment that I had to get to yesterday afternoon. I couldn't stick around."

"Oh, well, I'll let you get back to your prep. I just wanted to say hi and welcome to Roosevelt."

"Thank you."

Still smiling pleasantly, she left the classroom. He looked after her for a moment before he returned to his chair and the prep work that waited for him.

* * *

When he got home that afternoon, after spending more than an hour with students after school, Bobby was exhausted. He looked at the time. Just after five. Alex would be home with the kids within the hour.

He shuffled through the mail and listened to the messages on the answering machine. He smiled after listening to the last message, replaying it as he poured himself a drink. "Hey, guys, it's Freddy. The Turners accepted your offer on the house. There are some details they have to take care of, which will be done in a week or so, and we should be able to close on the deal by the end of the month. Congrats! Talk to you later."

A house. They were buying a house. In just a couple of weeks, they would own a porch, and a yard, four bedrooms, a kitchen and a garage...and he could get that puppy that Maggie had been asking him for since she was two. Alex would be happy. No, she would be thrilled, and that would make him happy.

Alex arrived home with the kids about thirty minutes later. Maggie and Tom charged into the apartment and made a beeline directly for him. Harry, uncertain, hung back near Alex and the baby until Bobby motioned to him. His face broke into a happy smile and he ran across the room to join Maggie and Tom on the couch with Bobby. When Bobby reached out to hug him, Harry launched himself into the embrace.

Alex slipped off Molly's jacket and placed the baby in Bobby's lap, giving him a kiss before she drew away. "We're going to Reggie's Saturday for Maggie's birthday, if that's all right with you."

"That's fine. Your dad will probably appreciate the change of venue. It's getting hard on him to have the Mongol hordes descend upon his place."

Maggie tipped her head to the side, curious. "What's that mean, Daddy?"

With a laugh, he answered, "It just means that it will be a nice change for Grampa to drive over to Aunt Reggie's for a family gathering instead of having the whole family at his house. He won't feel like he needs to do everything."

"Oh, you mean like alla cookin' and cleanin' and stuff. He can jus' relax and play with us."

"Exactly."

"But what's a Mongol hore?"

Alex laughed her way to the kitchen. It served him right that Maggie was so very much like him. She loved it when he was the target of her insatiable curiosity. When it was turned on her, it wasn't quite so funny. She didn't have her husband's vast pool of knowledge or ease with words. She peaked back out into the living room. He was comfortably discussing Genghis Khan with his five-year-old as the two boys listened, enraptured. Even Molly was watching his face with interest, as though she understood every word. He hadn't been quite so comfortable when three-year-old Maggie had asked him how her baby got into Mommy's tummy. That was one of her most cherished memories.

She returned to the stove, where she was fixing macaroni and cheese. The years that had passed since she'd known Bobby had been filled with ups and downs, but her memories with him were overwhelmingly good ones. He tried so hard to make her happy. She wondered what it would take for him to realize that he didn't really have to try. By nature of his very self, he was simply able to do it.

* * *

Alex was already in bed when Bobby came into the bedroom. He undressed and, as he slid into bed beside her, she rolled toward him. Draping herself over his chest, she smiled and said, "So, professor, how was your day?"

"It was fine, and I'm not a professor."

"You keep telling yourself that."

He brushed her hair back from her face. "I'm playing a role, the same as any undercover assignment. I'm just a cop, and that's all I'll ever be."

"That's where you're wrong. You are a cop, but you're so much more."

"You know what I mean." He continued to play with her hair. "There is something I'd like to discuss with you."

"What's that?"

"We got a call today from Freddy. They accepted our offer. He said we should be able to close on the house by the end of the month."

"Seriously?"

"That's what he said."

"I can't believe it. We're actually buying a house."

"Yes. We are. And that leads me into the subject I wanted to discuss with you. Since we're buying a house with a yard and all, I was wondering if we might be able to get that puppy that Maggie's been asking for since she was two."

"You mean the puppy you've been wanting to get her since she was two."

"That would be the same puppy, yes."

She studied his face, smiling at the hopeful expression lurking behind the love in his eyes. "Who am I to say no to either of you?"

"You have always been the voice of reason."

"Maybe so, but every great once in awhile, even reason needs to take a holiday. Can the puppy wait until we actually get moved?"

"Since we've waited this long, I suppose so."

"All right, then, you can get your daughter her puppy."

He moved suddenly, flipping her onto her back and hovering above her. She laughed in surprise, continuing to smile as she studied his face. "What?" he asked.

She raised her hand, laying it against his cheek. "You are happy. You're honestly happy," she said with wonder in her voice.

He kept his eyes locked on hers before leaning down to kiss her. "Yes," he admitted. "I am."

"I never thought I would live to see that."

"I never thought it was something that was ever meant to happen. Not for me." He kissed her again. "But here we are."

Sliding her arms around his neck, she combed her fingers through his hair. "Yes. Here we are. Want to take a shot at staying for awhile?"

She drew him back down for another kiss, teasing his mouth with her tongue.

"Uh huh," he murmured against her lips.

With a smile she couldn't contain, she teased his mouth for a moment longer before surrendering to him. He wouldn't relinquish his position above her, and after a few half-hearted attempts, she stopped trying. It never hurt to let him have his way once in awhile.

* * *

Deep in the night, pain woke Bobby from a fairly comfortable sleep. Alex had shifted away from him, so either she'd gotten hot or he'd been restless. Slipping from the bed, he limped over to the crib and looked down at his littlest daughter. She was a good sleeper, just like her mother. Her hair was growing quickly, as Maggie's had, though it wasn't as dark or as thick. He studied the baby's peaceful features. She had Alex's mouth and the shape of her eyes, which were beginning to darken like his. She had his nose and her hair was beginning to curl. She had her mother's beautiful smile.

Although for the most part, Molly was a happy baby, her dominant personality features were beginning to emerge. The other day, Tommy had taken a ball from her that she hadn't been ready to surrender. Although he'd done so with his usual gentle kindness, Molly had responded with fire and he'd immediately returned the ball. She seemed to have gotten her mother's temper, and that was going to be most difficult for her brother to deal with. Tom was such a gentle soul. He couldn't remember ever seeing his little son angry. He was the most even-tempered child he'd ever known. Granted, he had Maggie to fight his battles for him, which she willingly did, but Tom never got riled. His feelings were easily hurt because he had such a tender heart, and he was exceedingly slow to anger. Although Maggie, too, was slow to anger, it seemed as though Molly was not going to share that trait with her siblings.

With a tender smile, he touched the baby's dark head, then limped from the room. He looked in on the two boys, both sleeping peacefully. He was glad to see Harry finally seeming to let go of the darkness that had plagued his brief life. Maggie and Tommy were drawing him further into the light, and he was responding well.

Finally, he pushed open Maggie's door. As usual, she was snuggled under her covers, exposing only her pretty face and the top of her curly head. Her preferred sleeping position was the same as his, on her right side. He smiled at her peaceful expression. Curled up on the pillow near her head, Mischief looked at him and purred loudly. He smiled at the little cat and pulled the door shut.

He limped into the kitchen where he downed a couple of pills with a glass of water, grabbed an ice pack from the freezer and went out into the living room. He stopped by his recliner and looked at the form on the couch. With a smile, he shook his head and sat down, wondering when Mike had arrived and let himself in. Leaning the chair back, he set the ice pack on his knee and groaned softly.

Roused by the noise, Mike turned over on the couch. "Hey, buddy. How are you feeling?"

"Not so great at the moment, but it'll get better in a little while. What are you doing on the couch?"

"Well, you were in bed with Alex..."

He shifted when Bobby grabbed a stuffed animal from the end table beside his chair and tossed it at him, catching it with one hand as he laughed and said, "Ask a stupid question....where else was I gonna crash?"

"You know you're welcome here. I was just wondering _why _you were here."

Mike held up the stuffed toy, which was a turkey. "Is there a message here?"

"Maybe. Are you going to answer me?"

Mike sat up, gathering the blanket around his waist. "I don't know. I guess I just got lonely. After seven months, you kinda get used to that little pitter-patter sound, so I came over here to listen."

"It's not easy getting used to being alone again, is it?"

"No, not really."

"I told you that you should have gone with her."

"Hold on there. I didn't say getting yammered at was better. They aren't my in-laws yet, so I've got no obligation to them."

"Maybe not, but you do have an obligation to her. Wedding ring or not, she's the mother of your son."

"That still doesn't mean I have to share _her _mother."

Bobby shook his head. "Why don't you just man up and marry her?"

"In my own good time. Give me a break."

Bobby raised his hands in surrender, as he so often did with his wife. "Have it your way."

"It is my way right now."

"All the benefits and none of the responsibility?"

"Hey, I resent that. I do my part with Sean."

"I wasn't talking about Sean."

Mike pushed the blanket aside and got up. He went into the kitchen, returning shortly with a sandwich and a beer. "Just let it go, okay? I'm still trying on the hat to see if it fits. I've been a bachelor longer than you and I'm not so sure marriage is right for me. I don't need a piece of paper to tell me how I feel, and neither does she."

"She hasn't been giving you grief?"

"Not at all. I'm not so sure she's any more eager for it than I am. She's left the ball in my court. Seems to me she's happy."

Bobby gave that some thought. "I agree with you. I think she's very happy. As long as you don't use that missing paper as an excuse to tomcat around...because then I'd have to castrate you."

Mike laughed. "What makes you think there'd be anything left for you after she got done with me? I'm not stupid. Besides, no one's turned my head in awhile. Not since that sexy little thing up in the Bronx. Remember her?"

Bobby smiled. "Yeah. I remember. I remember her friend even better."

"I guess you would. Geez, when the hell did we get old and settled?"

"Not old, Mike. Just settled. That's not a bad thing."

"Maybe not. At least there's no jealous boyfriend turning up in the middle of the night with a baseball bat." He took a bite of his sandwich. After swallowing, he asked, "So, how's high school?"

"Better than I remembered it being."

"I guess it makes a difference when you're giving the homework instead of getting it."

"Maybe."

"Any sign of Gomez?"

"Not in the last two days, no. He'll turn up. Don't worry. The school is on his rotation."

"Any idea where he's rotated to?"

Bobby shook his head. "No. We haven't gotten any word." Changing the subject, he said, "We're having Maggie's birthday party at Reggie's on Saturday instead of at John's. Do you want to ride out with one of us?"

"How 'bout I drive so you don't have to strain that knee?"

"Okay, sure."

"Why the switch? Is John all right?"

"He's fine. We just wanted to give him a break. He's getting too old to have to worry about entertaining the entire clan. It's time to share the wealth, and Reggie offered. Most of the family lives out that way, and you know how well they all fit here."

"Only half the family fits here. You have to entertain them in rotation."

"Not for long."

"Oh? Did you get word on the house?"

With a nod, Bobby answered, "Freddy's setting it all up. We should close by the end of the month."

Mike took the last bite of his sandwich and chewed thoughtfully. Chasing it with a swallow of beer, he said, "I'm not so sure how I feel about that. I gotta take the car to visit you out there. Or you gotta drive into the city. Then we have to crash at my place...unless you particularly want to call Alex for a ride in the middle of the night. If I remember right, she doesn't really like that."

"We'll figure it out. This place has a great yard. I'm going to get Maggie that puppy she's been wanting all her life."

"Oh, the cat will love you."

Bobby laughed. "She'll adjust."

"Probably better than I will."

With a yawn, Bobby leaned his head back. "Yeah. Me, too."

Mike watched as the medicine finally caught up with Bobby. His chest rose and fell, slow and steady, and Mike grinned, finishing his beer before he laid back down on the couch. "Good night, buddy."

He rolled over and went back to sleep.

* * *

Friday afternoon, Bobby arrived home just after five. Pouring himself a drink, he set it on the coffee table and went to the bedroom, untying his tie as he went. He changed into sweats and returned to the couch, dropping onto it with a yawn. He was exhausted. Still recovering from his last surgery, his stamina was still not what it should be, and his busy week left him worn out. It was going to take him time to adjust.

He slowly rubbed his knee, which was throbbing. He probably shouldn't spend as much time pacing at the front of the class as he did, but he found it impossible to stay in his seat. He loved history, and the Civil War, in particular, was a favorite era. He could not contain his enthusiasm, which was infectious. In every class, the kids were getting involved, asking questions and volunteering opinions. He found value in everything they said, and they responded to his positive feedback.

He was pleased that his students were beginning to debate the merits of each side of the conflict. One hundred and fifty years after the end of the war and it was still causing dissension. He took the opportunity to turn their interest into a learning experience rather than a re-enactment of the war. Placing a list of topics on the board, he'd let each student choose one and gave them the freedom to be creative. His only criteria were that it be informative and original. The topics ranged from slavery and the underground railroad to fashion and entertainment, and they had until the last week of school to complete their projects. He was very interested to see what they would come up with.

He finished his drink, not surprised that it hit him hard. He set the empty glass on the coffee table, leaned back on the couch and drifted to sleep.

* * *

The room was dark when he woke, and he was covered with a blanket...and something else. The weight on his chest was familiar, the weight of a child, but it wasn't Maggie. When he shifted, the little body trembled and whimpered. "Shhh," he soothed, placing his hand on the small back.

"No..." a little voice cried softly.

"It's okay, Harry," Bobby said softly. "You're safe."

Harry continued to cry. "No, I'm not."

Slowly, Bobby sat up, cradling Harry's small body against him. "No one is going to hurt you," he said softly.

Harry grabbed onto him and held him tightly. "He was there," he whispered.

"Who was where?"

"At school. Daddy was at school today."

Alarm hit Bobby like a sledge hammer, causing his chest to tighten. "When?"

"When Maggie's Mommy got us and we went to Grampa's."

Bobby was stunned for a moment. Alex picked up the kids and took them to her father's house, and Gomez saw them...

Setting Harry beside him, he got up, lifted the little boy back into his arms and limped into the bedroom. Gently laying Harry on the bed, he touched Alex's shoulder. "Alex, wake up."

She rolled toward him. "Bobby...? What's wrong?"

"Your father...he said something about spending tonight at Reggie's. Did he go?"

She looked at him with sleepy confusion. "What?"

"Did your father stay at Reggie's tonight?"

The urgency in his voice alarmed her, and sleep fell away quickly as she answered, "Oh, uh, yeah. He was going to head over there right after we left. Why?"

"Harry saw his father at school today. He was there when you picked up the kids."

She watched him as he began to pace, rubbing the back of his neck. She sat up and gathered Harry into her arms. Gradually, his trembling ceased but he didn't let go of her. "I don't wanna go home with Daddy," he whimpered. "I wanna stay here with Maggie an' you an' Maggie's daddy."

Bobby shook his head. "You won't go back to him, Harry. I promise."

Alex stroked Harry's head. "Have you seen him, Bobby?"

"No. Neither of us have. Not yet."

She continued to watch him, and she knew by his agitation that his mind was racing. "Do you think he followed us home?"

He shook his head. "Not here, no. If he followed you to your dad's, he wouldn't have stayed in the neighborhood in broad daylight and taken a chance he would be seen. He'll have come back later."

"And found no one home."

She grabbed her phone and made a call. Setting the phone back on the nightstand, she said, "The locals are going to run out there and check the place out. If he thinks we live there, and that's where we're keeping his son..."

"He'll come back."

"No!" Harry sobbed.

Bobby approached the bed and sat down. He leaned in and laid his hand on the back of Harry's head. "You are safe with us, Harry. No one is going to hurt you, and you are not going back to your father. We'll keep you safe."

Harry looked at him and then at Alex. "I wanna stay here with you f'rever."

Bobby kissed his head. "We'll see what we can do about that."

He got up and limped out of the room. Alex also got up and tucked Harry into the big bed. "Stay here and try to go back to sleep, honey."

Harry grabbed the blanket and pulled it tighter, nodding his head, but his wide frightened eyes told her he wouldn't be sleeping any time soon. She cupped his cheek. "I'll be right back."

He seemed to relax just a little and he nodded again. She grabbed her robe and went into the living room, where Bobby had resumed his pacing.

"Bobby?"

"Your dad should stay with Reggie for a little while, until Capshaw and I can nail Gomez. He doesn't care about Harry, but he does care about saving face. He considers Harry his property. In his mind, we've stolen his property and he's going to try to get him back. It's matter of pride."

"Do you think he'll try to take him from school?"

He shook his head. "No. Too many witnesses. Besides, Wrasser is there, and Harry won't stray far from Maggie. But we are going to make some changes."

She looked skeptical. She didn't want their home life disrupted. "Like what?"

He motioned toward the couch, following her. He sat beside her and slid his arm along the back of the couch behind her. "I'm going to arrange for an unmarked unit to take the kids to and from school. In the afternoon, they'll be taken to the squad room instead of home. There's no way Martin will hang around Police Headquarters for any length of time. You and Mike can bring them home. Your dad can watch the little ones over at Reggie's."

"Do you really think all that is necessary?"

"I would rather not take a chance, would you?"

"No, of course not. But how far do you think he'll go to reclaim Harry?"

"That is something I can't predict. If he shows up at your Dad's, then I would say it's fair to assume he'll go pretty far."

Gently, he stroked her hair. She sighed and leaned into him. Kissing her head, he slid his arm around her. "We'll do whatever we have to do," he murmured into her hair. "Until we get him put away for good."

She relaxed in his embrace for a few minutes before she shifted away and kissed him. "I'd better see how Harry is."

He remained where he was, watching her until she left his line of vision, but his mind was busy. Grabbing a notepad, he made a list of the calls he had to make the next day. Then he went into the bedroom. Harry had gone back to sleep, snuggled against Alex. Bobby pulled off his shirt and slid into bed.

Alex reached over and rubbed his chest. "Do you think you can have everything in place by Monday?"

"I will. I'll call Farragut in the morning."

"Farragut?"

He nodded. "This isn't Major Case's problem. It belongs to Narcotics. It's their job to protect Harry outside our home."

She closed her eyes and kissed Harry's head. "I just...I want this all to be over. I want you back at work where you belong and I want the kids to be safe and happy."

"We'll get there, baby."

"Gomez is unpredictable and violent," she whispered. "I'm afraid you're going to get hurt again."

"I'll try not to let that happen."

"I'm serious, Bobby."

"So am I. I'm in enough pain."

She looked at him silently before leaning in and kissing him. "Go to sleep," she said with an affectionate smile.

He gave her a tight smile before reaching over to turn off the light beside the bed.

He lay there in the dark, listening to Alex and Harry's soft breathing and focusing on the deep throb in his knee. It was nearly dawn when he finally drifted to sleep.


	13. Birthday Party

After several hours of restless sleep, Bobby got up and placed the calls he'd planned to make. He wasn't in the mood for arguments or excuses, so his final words to Farragut were "Whatever it takes for you to get it in place, sir, you need to do it. I will not place my family, and that includes Harry, in harm's way."

Farragut gave his word that the children would be protected.

Bobby sat on the edge of the bed, turning his phone over in his hands. Lost in thought, he didn't notice the bedroom door open until a happy squeal followed by the mantra "Dadadadadadadada!" drew his attention back into the room. With a smile, he set down the phone and held out his arms, taking the happy baby from her mother. Delighted, Molly giggled and touched his face. He kissed her and looked at Alex, who said, "While you were sleeping, I talked with the locals who went out to Dad's after I called. They found evidence of a break-in. They met Dad and Aaron at the house this morning and went through the place, but nothing was missing."

"He was looking for Harry. Gomez is a dealer, not a junkie. He doesn't need to resort to burglary to get his money."

"Dad's going to stay with Reggie and Aaron until Gomez is arrested. He and Reggie will take care of the kids there."

He looked at Molly and lightly bounced her. "I...I'll get Gomez as soon as I can."

"I know you will. Bobby, no one blames you for this, except maybe you, and you shouldn't. We're doing the right thing by Harry."

"But if your dad had been home..."

"Don't go there, all right. I've already been and gone, and the bottom line is he wasn't. Dwell on that if you have to dwell on anything."

Molly touched his mouth and he kissed her fingers. "I talked to Farragut. He will arrange for the kids to be taken to and from school." He paused, then said, "Judge Haversham called me."

"About what?"

"She wants to see us for dinner tomorrow."

"On a Sunday? Why?"

"I don't know."

"That's very unusual."

"Yes, and I don't like it."

She rubbed her hand over his hair and then stroked the side of his face. "Well, don't spend too much time dwelling on it. We have a birthday party to go to. Is Mike meeting us at Reggie's?"

"He'll be here in a little while. He's going to drive instead of me."

"That's a good idea. Do you want to take Maggie and Harry along with you?"

"Sure."

"Then I'm going to take Tom and Molly and get going so I can help Reggie."

He kissed the baby. "Be a good baby, little button."

She giggled and gave him a big smile. "That's my girl," he said as he handed her back to her mother. "Are Maggie and Harry up?"

"That's a stupid question. All three of them have been up and ready since dawn."

He looked a little hurt. "They didn't wake me up."

"Only because I woke up first when Maggie came in here and warned the three of them not to wake you. You were up most of the night, Bobby, and you need as much rest as you'll let yourself get. Your body is still healing, and that takes a lot of energy. I know it annoys you, but that's the way it is." She leaned over and gave him a lingering kiss. "I'll see you at Reggie's. Everyone should be there by two."

"Mike will be here soon. We won't be too far behind you."

"Okay. I'll bring Maggie's gifts with me."

He nodded and stood up as she left the room. He took a quick shower and dressed while Maggie and Harry played video games. Harry was enthralled with them, and he played them as often as he was allowed.

Bobby stopped at Maggie's door, which was partly open, pausing when he heard her ask, "Do you still wanna go to China, Harry?"

"No. I wanna stay here with you."

He looked into the room, where both children were focused on the game they were playing. Then Maggie said, "You don' have a fam'ly, so you can share mine with me. My fam'ly can be yours, too."

Harry looked at her, his face bright with hope. "Really? I really can?"

"A-course. Where else are you gonna get a fam'ly that loves you?"

The little boy dropped his game controller and hugged her. "Thank you, Maggie!"

Maggie hugged him back and Bobby felt his heart lurch. Harry was being introduced to a world he barely knew existed. Since starting school, he'd caught glimpses of it, like looking through the never-washed windows of an abandoned building. Now he was living in that world, and Maggie and Tom were his guides. He was being introduced to Spongebob and Mickey Mouse instead of hiding in a closet and hoping his father would forget he existed. He was eating home-cooked meals instead of scavenging for cold cereal or sharing a package of cold hot dogs with a mother too stoned to figure out the stove. He knew how to beat out the flames of a fire started by the smoldering embers of the funny-smelling cigarettes his father gave his mother and how to dart away from swinging fists and kicking feet, but he didn't know how to play Candyland or Go Fish or soccer. Harry knew instinctively how to love, and now he had people he could give his love to, but more importantly, he was learning from them what it meant to be loved in return.

Bobby pushed the door open the rest of the way and the two children looked up at him, Maggie with adoration and Harry with a flash of fear. The fear quickly left his face, though, replaced by a happier expression. The fear, Bobby realized, was a conditioned response for him and it would take time for him to get over that, to learn on all levels of awareness that he was safe and loved.

He leaned against the doorjamb. "Uncle Mike will be here soon. Are you ready to go?"

"Yes, Daddy."

Harry nodded, but he didn't say anything. Bobby smiled at them and stepped back out of the room. He limped into the kitchen, where he took a dose of his medication and pocketed the bottle for later. There was always the chance they would spend the night whenever they went to any Eames function.

The front door opened. "Knock-knock."

"Come on in, Mike."

"Are we ready to go to a party?"

"I am!" Maggie announced as she ran into the room and into Mike's arms for a hug.

"Me, too!" yelled Harry as he hurried after her and then stopped, not sure exactly what to do.

When Bobby unexpectedly touched his shoulder, he yelped and jumped, then hung his head, embarrassed. Unable to squat or kneel, Bobby bent over at the waist. Harry raised his eyes to look at him. Seeing only kindness in the deep brown eyes, he brightened and scurried into a hug. Bobby straightened, lifting Harry up into a proper hug. Settling his head on Bobby's shoulder, Harry looked over at Maggie, who was giving Mike a similar hug. They smiled at each other.

Mike patted Maggie's back and said, "Let's get going, before all the cake is gone."

As the two men set the children down, Maggie laughed, "Nobody's gonna eat the cake b'fore we get there, Uncle Mike. I gotta blow out the candles!"

"Silly me."

They left the apartment and went down to the car, where the kids scrambled into the booster seats Mike had in the back seat and buckled in. Bobby slid into the passenger seat and looked down at the cardboard box that sat between the two seats. "Birthday present?"

"Presents, yes. And no, you can't peek."

"I wouldn't dream of it."

Mike started the engine. "Yeah, right."

Bobby laughed and settled himself in for the thirty minute ride to Reggie and Aaron's house.

* * *

The house was bustling with activity when they arrived. There were kids everywhere, both in the house and in the yard. As Maggie hurried into the house to find her brother and join their cousins in play, Harry stepped closer to Bobby, grabbing his hand and holding on tightly. Bobby led him to a quiet corner of the living room as Mike carried the box to the table on the other side of the room to add his gifts to the others that had been placed there.

Bobby sat in an overstuffed chair and drew Harry onto his lap. The little boy was trembling. When Bobby settled Harry against his chest and slid a protective arm around him, Harry rested his head against him. Maggie came trotting back to them once she realized Harry hadn't followed her into the din and fray. "What's wrong, Harry?"

"I think all the noise and activity are a bit much for him right now," Bobby answered.

Maggie looked around. "I freget how loud we can be sometimes. It's okay, Harry. Come on and I'll interduce you to our cousins."

"Our cousins?"

"A-course. I tol' you I'd share my fam'ly with you."

Harry sat still for a moment, then looked up at Bobby. "Can I really be part of the fam'ly?"

Bobby kissed his forehead. "You really can."

His face brightened and he slid off Bobby's lap. After all, he trusted Maggie as he trusted no one else, and if it wasn't okay, Maggie's daddy wouldn't tell him that it was. Maggie took his hand and they ran off to play.

After a few minutes, Alex came into the room. "I see Harry fits right in."

Mike laughed. "Not when we first came in. All the noise freaked him out."

"So what changed?"

Bobby smiled as he absently rubbed his knee. "Maggie told him she'll share her family with him. Since he's part of the family, all the noise and commotion is okay."

She sat on the ottoman near the chair and rubbed his thigh just above his injured knee, frowning at the heat she felt over his knee even through his jeans. "Your knee feels awfully hot."

"It's been like that."

"Stay here and I'll get you some ice."

She returned with ice in a ziploc bag, and she laid it over his injured knee. He leaned his head back and softly sighed. The cold ice drew the heat from his damaged joint, and with it, some of the pain. Alex smiled. "Better?"

He nodded. "Yes." He shifted his position and asked, "Where's your dad?"

"Where else? At the grill. He loves grilling. When we were kids, he would be out on the back deck at the grill every Sunday, no matter what the season or the weather. Rain, snow, sleet, hail...he was out there at that grill."

"At least he's happy."

"And so is Aaron, because he hates to grill. Unfortunately, Reggie and Jake love grilled meat, and Reggie's grilling forays leave a great deal to be desired. Denver will clean out a cat box, but he won't eat one of Reggie's burgers."

Denver was her brother Kevin's black lab. Mike laughed. "Labs will eat rocks."

Bobby nodded. "So will Denver. The last time Kevin took him along when he went fishing, he found something that used to be a fish. After rolling around in it, he ate half of it before Kevin realized what he was doing."

"Is that what we have to look forward to?" Alex asked.

"Every dog is different, baby."

"Did I miss something?" Mike asked.

"Since we're buying a house," Bobby explained. "I'm getting Maggie that puppy she's always wanted."

Mike's face lit up. "For real?"

"For real."

"What kind of dog are you getting?"

"I was thinking about a German Shepherd. Remember my buddy Dennis?"

"That skinny guy who works for the road department?"

"That's him. He has a place out on the Sound. His shepherd just had puppies. They'll be weaned by the end of the month, which is when we should close on the house. He told me Maggie could have the pick of the litter."

"Sweet. I can't wait."

Alex folded her arms over her chest. "When did you plan to fill me in on this?"

"Uh, now?" When she didn't change her posture, he added, "I only talked to him yesterday, and then I had other things on my mind."

With a laugh, she teased a curl near his temple. "A German Shepherd, huh?"

"Purebred. Champion lineage"

"What's he asking for the puppy?"

"He's asking for $600 for the females and $450 for the males, but he wasn't going to ask me for anything. I insisted on paying, and he finally told me he won't take more than $250. I wouldn't feel right not paying him for a dog like that. Three puppies from his last litter were sold to the department for the K-9 unit, and four from the litter before that went to foster homes to be trained as Seeing Eye dogs."

She nodded her head. "All right. You can take Maggie to pick one of your buddy's puppies."

He smiled widely. "Have I mentioned that I love you?"

She combed her fingers through his hair, a tender look on her face. "Frequently."

He rested his head against her and closed his eyes for a moment, both comfortable and content. Then the back door opened and children surged into the house.

With a laugh, Mike said, "The invasion force has landed."

Bobby softly chuckled, but made no move to pull away from his wife. He'd had a bad night and little sleep, so the sedating effect of his pain medicine was more pronounced than usual. Maggie appeared in the open doorway. "Mommy, lunch is ready and Tommy wants a hot dog. Can I cut it for him?"

"No, you cannot," Alex answered. "I'll be there in half a minute."

She leaned down and kissed Bobby. "I'll bring you a burger..."

"No. No, I'll come with you. I haven't said hi yet, anyway."

He handed her the ice pack and eased himself out of the chair as three of the kids came into the room, carrying plates. "Hi, Uncle Bobby!" said Rachel, the oldest of the three children.

They set down their plates and rushed over to hug him as Alex and Mike left the room. The children were always pleased to see him. After a hug, they returned to their plates and he went into the dining area. Reggie came around the table and hugged him. "How's your knee, honey?" she asked.

"It's improving. How are you, Reggie?"

"Wonderful. Alex says they have you teaching high school history in Queens."

"For the time being. I still have a few more weeks before the doctor will clear me for duty."

Reggie patted his arm. "I'll bet you're a natural at teaching, especially high school history."

"I'll admit I'm enjoying it."

He limped to the serving table, where John was piling hot dogs on a plate. John smiled at his son-in-law. "How are you feeling, son?"

"I'm okay, John. I'm sorry about last night..."

"Don't be. I kinda of wish I had been home to blow that bastard away. That would have saved you a lot of trouble and Alex a lot of worry."

"Unless it went south. It's not worth the risk, John. We both feel better having you stay here, but I'll do everything I can to hurry it along so you can go back home."

"Just don't take any unnecessary risks, Bobby."

"No, sir."

He took a cheeseburger and added potato salad and cole slaw to his plate before taking his seat between his wife and Mike. Tommy sat in her lap with his cut-up hot dog in front of him. He picked up a piece of hot dog, dipped it into the ketchup on his plate, and then pushed it into his mouth. Maggie and Harry came over to them with their food. Maggie climbed up into Mike's lap while Harry stood silently between the two men. Bobby looked at him, then smiled. He took the plate from Harry's hand and set it on the table. Then he gathered the little boy into his lap. Harry smiled and picked up his burger.

Reaching over, Bobby ran his hand over Maggie's hair. She smiled at him. "Is your knee okay, Daddy?"

He nodded. "It's okay. Are you having fun?"

"I al'ays have fun with the fam'ly. Harry's havin' fun, too, aren' you, Harry?"

Harry nodded his head vigorously. "I liked playin' ball," he said.

"We can play again after we eat," Maggie said.

Once they were done eating, the children went back outside.

* * *

Later that afternoon, everyone gathered in the living room where Maggie opened her presents. She was happily thrilled with each gift—a new outfit from each set of aunts and uncles as well as a video game or toy from each, a soft, floppy, purple puppy from her grandfather, the entire set of _Little House_ books she'd wanted so much from her father as well as a copy of _Tom Sawyer_, a new pair of jeans and four new T-shirts—Spongebob, the Little Mermaid and Sebastian, Snow White with Dopey, Happy and Doc, and a dragon—from her parents.

Mike had grabbed the two gifts he had for her and held them aside while she opened her other gifts. Then he called her over. One gift was the size of a shoebox; the other was much smaller. "Which one first?" he asked.

She studied them. "The little one."

He handed it to her. She tore off the paper and opened the little gold box that was under the paper, finding a heart-shaped, gold locket nestled in the cotton within the box. She pushed a little button on the side of the golden heart, and it popped open. Within the locket was a picture of her father. Her face lit up and she looked at Mike. "It's Daddy."

"Your best guy."

She jumped into a hug then brought the locket to show her parents. "Put it on me please, Daddy."

Bobby fastened the locket around her neck. She ran to Mike and hugged him again. "Thank you, Uncle Mike! Now I'll al'ays have Daddy close to my heart for real!"

"That was the idea. Now, this one. Be very careful. Don't jostle it around."

"Is it breakable?"

"Kind of. Here, let me hold it while you unwrap it."

Carefully, she tore the paper off the gift. Beneath the paper was a terrarium with a purple lid. Tommy moved closer, tipping his head to one side as he looked into the container. He suddenly squealed with delight. "Maga! 'Pider!" He bounced up and down, clapping his hands. "Mama! Dada! 'Pider!"

Maggie's eyes lit up as she dropped to her knees in front of Mike and watched the large spider creeping along the floor of the terrarium. "Oh, wow! A spider! Look how big and hairy he is! Thank you, Uncle Mike!"

Alex leaned forward, looking into the box at the furry spider. She looked at Bobby and said, "A spider."

"A tarantula, to be exact. Very striking. Is it a Mexican Redknee?" he asked Mike.

"Yep. It's a good spider to start with."

"_Start _with? Where do you think this is going to go?" Alex looked suspiciously at her husband. "Did you know about this?"

He shook his head. "On my honor, I had no idea."

She looked at Maggie, who had taken the terrarium and set it on the coffee table, watching the large arachnid with Tommy and Harry. All three children were delighted with the animal. Their cousins also gathered around, fascinated with the spider. Their comments ranged from "Wow, cool!" to "Eeeeeewwww!"

Leaning toward Mike, Alex whispered, "I am going to kill you, Logan."

"At least this time it was worth it."

"Can I hold him?" Maggie asked.

"Absolutely not," Alex answered before either her husband or his best friend could open the container and take out the huge spider.

With a smile, Bobby said, "There's a little too much commotion around here, baby. We don't want to scare him."

"No kidding, we don't," Alex muttered.

"Can I hold him later?"

"If you want."

"Why would you want to hold him?" Alex asked, as bewildered by her daughter as she often was.

"Why not, Mommy? I hold Mischief alla time."

Mike grinned. "Yeah, and Mischief's fangs are four times as long."

Alex pointed a warning finger at Mike. "I think I've heard enough from you, mister."

He laughed and leaned toward Bobby. "Nice to know I can still get a rise out of a woman."

Alex snorted. "Oh, bring a friend like that spider along and you'll get plenty of rises. Some might even draw blood to go with the bruises you'll get."

"It'd be quite a conversation starter, you have to admit."

"And the words 'What is wrong with you?' would be a prominent part of those conversations."

"What are you gonna name him, Mags?" Jake asked.

Her expression became pensive as she considered a perfect name for her new pet. She looked at her father. "Daddy, what are spiders called?"

"Nightmare fodder," Alex muttered under her breath.

Bobby grasped his wife's hand and lightly squeezed as he answered, "They're arachnids."

She let the word roll around in her head. "I will call him Archie."

"Are you sure we can't take him out, Aunt Alex?" Jake asked.

"I am positive you can't take him out, Jake. And, Maggie, if that spider is going to live at home with us, I have a couple of rules. When I am home that, uh, Archie stays in your room. And make sure your father or Uncle Mike are there if you decide to handle him, which I wish you wouldn't."

Maggie didn't understand her mother's objection to her new pet. "Why not?"

"It makes me uncomfortable, that's all. I guess I define 'pet' differently than the rest of you do."

"What do you mean, Mommy?"

"A pet is a dog or a cat or a bird, a hamster or a guinea pig, even a rat. Bugs aren't supposed to be kept as pets."

Bobby rubbed the back of his head. "Actually, spiders aren't bugs. They're..." He trailed off at the look on Alex's face. "Never mind."

"Good idea," Alex said. "What are the chances that creature will bite one of my babies?"

"They aren't really prone to bite, Alex. It's their very last line of defense."

After watching the interaction between her parents, Maggie wondered if her mother's concern was based on more than her extreme dislike of spiders. "Daddy, will Archie bite me?"

"I can't make any promises, mouse. All animals have the potential to bite. But if he's handled carefully and he doesn't feel threatened, he's not likely to bite."

Reassured, Maggie turned her attention back to the spider. "Okay, I'll be careful."

_Just like her father..._, Alex thought. "Please, honey, just make sure Daddy or Uncle Mike are with you if you want to hold your spider."

"Okay, Mommy."

Alex looked at Mike, who grinned at her. "I knew she'd love it," he said by way of explanation.

Bobby laughed softly. "Did you know Alex would hate it?"

"I didn't really consider that. As fearless as you are, Alex, I didn't think you'd have a problem with a little spider."

"Not a little spider, Logan, a _big_ spider."

"Squeamish, honey?"

"I just don't like spiders, but since Maggie and the boys love it, what can I say? Just make sure that one of you supervises closely if she handles that little monster."

Bobby smiled. "What about you? What are the chances that you'll hold the little monster?"

She looked at the two men. It struck her at the most inconvenient times how much she loved them both. "I'll make a deal with you. The day you get married, Mike, I will hold the spider."

Mike laughed. "I'll hold you to that, Alex."

Bobby kissed the side of her head. "So will I," he promised.

She poked him in the ribs and left the room to help her sister clean up the kitchen. Bobby reached over and picked up the terrarium. He settled back in the chair and studied Archie as the children gathered around him. "Isn't he great, Daddy?" Maggie said excitedly.

"He sure is."

Mike leaned over and said, "If you think Archie is great, wait until you see what Daddy is getting for you."

Maggie looked at him. "You have another present for me, Daddy?"

"As a matter of fact, yes, I do."

The bright look of curiosity on her face reminded Mike of her father as she asked, "What is it?"

"It's a surprise," he said. "Next weekend, we'll go for a ride and then you'll see."

"Just you and me?"

"Just you and me."

"What about Harry and Tommy?"

Mike said, "I've got plans for Tommy and Harry, don't worry. We'll have a good time."

"Then Mommy can have special time with Molly."

"Mommy will like that. How about we put Archie up on that bookcase over there, so he doesn't get knocked over."

"Okay, Daddy. I think I'll keep him on my little bookcase in my room, right by my bed, so he won' get lonely."

"That sounds like just the right place for him," he answered with a smile.

"Mommy will like him, won' she?"

Bobby set the spider on the bookcase, well out of harm's way. "I think the best we can say is that Mommy will get used to him."

"I didn' know Mommy doesn' like spiders."

With a laugh, Bobby said, "Neither did I, sweetheart."

* * *

Late that night, after Archie was settled in place where Maggie wanted him and the children were in bed asleep, Bobby and Alex sat on the couch, watching television. Snuggled against him, Alex said, "I really am going to kill your buddy, you know. What was he thinking? A spider."

"Maggie does love it."

"Because she's your daughter. She has an inherent curiosity and love for anything that moves. Do you remember when she was little, when you took her to the park and chased butterflies? Remember bringing home that caterpillar? She was so excited when it made a cocoon and then hatched. You were the only one who could convince her to turn it loose."

He smiled at the memory. His thumb lightly stroked the skin just below her breasts. "Remember when she dug up your father's flowers, looking for worms?"

"Part of that was Jake's fault. Dad let him dig up worms from the flowerbed the week before when he took him fishing. She just wanted to find the worms." She laughed softly. "She had dirt in her hair, in her clothes, everywhere....and eight earthworms in a mason jar. She was very proud of those worms."

"She takes great pride in her accomplishments," he chuckled.

She snuggled closer to him. "Bobby, what do you think about Harry?"

He tensed a little, and she lightly stroked his arm. He kissed her above her ear. "I think...he's had a hard life. His father never wanted him and his mother was unable to be a proper mother to him, to protect him and let him know that he was loved. So he doesn't know what it's like to be loved unconditionally, to be cherished and protected. He was scared and lonely for so long he doesn't know how to feel anything else."

"But he's learning."

Bobby smiled. "Yes. He's learning."

"Just like you did."

He smile faded but he didn't dismiss what she said. Finally, he said, "Yes. I...I know how he feels because I was there once. The main difference is that I didn't have anyone to rescue me and change my life. Everything I did to get past what I was, I did on my own."

She rubbed his knee lightly. "He'll never go back to his parents, fortunately, but I don't want to see him tossed into the foster care system. That will just add to the damage that is already there. He's in such a fragile state."

"Maybe that's what Judge Haversham wants to discuss tomorrow."

She shifted her position so she was reclining across his lap, able to look up into his face. "Do you want him to stay?"

"Of course I do. Being here is the best place for him."

She continued to study his face. "Is that the only reason?"

He looked back at her, trailing a finger along her jawline. "He belongs here," he said softly. "With us."

"Do you think Judge Haversham will let him stay?"

"If she wants what's best for Harry, she will."

"That isn't how it always works."

"But Haversham is known for being fair and for actually caring about what's best for the children that come through her courtroom."

"Let's hope she keeps up that track record with Harry."

"We'll find out soon enough," he said.

She nodded her agreement as he leaned down to kiss her. His hand, already stroking her abdomen beneath her shirt, began to wander. Smiling against his mouth, she drew his lower lip in, past her teeth, and lightly sucked on it. "Let's go to bed," she murmured.

Fumbling for the remote, he turned off the television and chased her down the hall.


	14. Dinner With the Judge

Deep in the night, Bobby woke, drenched in sweat with his heart pounding. He didn't remember the nightmare that woke him, but he could not shake the restlessness it left behind. He slid out of the bed and made his way to the bathroom in the dark. As he was washing his hands, he heard a noise. Turning off the water, he pulled the towel off the rack and dried his hands, listening. There it was again...a whimper.

He walked to the tub and peeked around the shower curtain. Harry was sitting in the bathtub, hugging his knees and sobbing quietly. Bobby got a sudden flashback to his own childhood, to nights he sought refuge in the same place when his parents were yelling at each other and the closet in his room was an unfriendly option.

Harry looked up at him, eyes red-rimmed with tears. Bobby sat on the edge of the tub, moving the curtain aside. "What's the matter, Harry? Did you have a bad dream?"

Harry nodded. "He's gonna find me, Maggie's daddy. And he'll hurt Maggie and you and everybody."

He motioned to the frightened child. "Come here, buddy."

Harry hesitated, and Bobby waited patiently for the timid little boy to respond. Suddenly, Harry scrambled to his feet and dove into his arms. He gathered Harry against him as the little boy sobbed into his chest. Rubbing Harry's back, Bobby spoke softly. "It's okay. No one is going to get you and no one is going to be hurt, especially not you or Maggie. He doesn't know where you are, and we're going to be moving to a new house at the end of the month."

Harry pulled back and looked up at him. "A new house?"

Bobby nodded. "Yes. And you'll have your own room there."

"I will?"

Smiling, he ran his hand over Harry's head. "That's right. Your own room. Alex is very excited about decorating it for you, too."

Harry became more animated, excited. "Will we still see Grampa?"

"Of course. The new house is a lot closer to Grandpa's."

Harry finally smiled, and he rested against Bobby's chest, yawning. "Can I have a blue door?" he asked.

"I'm sure we can give you a blue door."

Bobby gently rocked him, and Harry yawned again. "Come on, Harry. I'll tuck you back in bed."

Harry slipped down to the floor and he took Bobby's hand. Bobby led him back to the room he shared with Tommy and tucked him into his bed. He placed Dugger in his arms. Harry held tightly onto the stuffed rhino and yawned again. "G'night, Maggie's daddy."

"Good night, Harry. Sweet dreams."

He stopped on his way out of the room to kiss Tommy's curly blond head, and he went back to bed.

* * *

The next day, Mike showed up in the middle of the afternoon. He was going to watch the kids while Alex and Bobby went to dinner with Judge Haversham, but he came by early to break up the monotony of a boring day. He made himself comfortable on the couch beside Tommy. "So, has the cat found Maggie's spider yet?"

"No," Alex answered from across the room, where she was dressing Molly. "And all I have to say is she better not. The last thing I want to deal with is that cat knocking over the spider's cage in the middle of the night."

Mike grinned as he motioned toward the recliner where Bobby was icing his knee. "Isn't that why you have your big brave hunter over there?"

"Big brave hunter, my ass," she snapped as she handed the baby to Mike then sat at the other end of the couch. Tommy climbed into her lap as she explained, "My preferred method of dealing with spiders is with a rolled magazine or newspaper, or the bottom of my shoe. Mr. Sensitivity there picks up the damn things and turns them loose outside so they can make their way back into the house. If I didn't know better, I'd say he's the transit system for the same five spiders."

"Is he just quicker to grab them than you are to smash them?"

"No. Do you want to tell him about the last time I killed one of your minions, spider boy?"

Bobby managed to keep a straight face. "Maggie saw her do it, and it broke her heart."

Alex wagged her finger at him. "It's your fault, you know. She has spent her entire life watching you rescue the damn things from a messy end, carrying them out of the house with your bare hands."

"There are very few dangerous spiders, Alex."

"And they're hairy and creepy and the size of a saucer."

Struggling not to laugh, Bobby answered, "No. They're shiny and black and the size of a quarter with a red hour glass on their abdomens. Tarantulas are not dangerous."

Alex looked at Mike. "Do you know that he and Maggie once spent most of an afternoon trailing a little fuzzy black spider around Dad's yard?"

"It was a jumping spider," Bobby explained. "They're very intelligent and fascinating to watch. We've also watched orb spiders spin their webs in the bushes and under the back deck. Maggie is fascinated by life and nature."

Mike gently bounced Molly. "More power to ya, buddy, if you have the patience to spend entire afternoons watching spiders." He looked at Alex. "It does explain why Tommy lays down on his belly in the dirt and watches ants carrying food back to their nest. I have watched those two out in your dad's yard by the flowers, just standing there watching the bees. Did you know that Maggie once reached out to a bumblebee and the damn thing landed on her hand?"

Alex looked at Bobby and smiled fondly. "I'm not surprised. Bobby taught her that in Central Park when she was three. Maggie and Tom both inherited his insatiable curiosity. They can't get enough of the world around them." She smoothed her hand over Tom's curls. "They also inherited his gentle nature."

Maggie and Harry came out of her room. She was carrying Archie's little tank. "Daddy...oh, hi, Uncle Mike!"

"Hello, sweetheart. Hi, Harry."

As Harry waved shyly, Alex said, "I wish you wouldn't carry Archie around like that, Maggie."

Maggie answered, "But I wanna hold Archie, Mommy."

Tommy bounced in his mother's lap. "Me, too!"

Maggie gently set the tank on the coffee table. Bobby set his ice pack aside and got up from the chair as Tommy climbed down from his mother's lap. Alex took Molly from Mike and moved to sit in Bobby's recliner. She would watch, though reluctantly, as her children played with a monster-sized spider. As she passed Bobby, she leaned up to whisper in his ear. "If one of my children gets bitten by that spider, I'm going to bite you."

"Is that a promise?"

He laughed as she smacked his arm and sat in the chair, picking up a rattle from the table beside the chair and offering it to the baby. He sat down on the couch beside the waiting children, who were kneeling by the coffee table. Bobby took the lid off the spider's home and set it aside. He placed his hand beside Archie and gently coaxed him onto it. Then he sat back on the couch, where Maggie scrambled up next to him. Quietly, Bobby said, "All you have to do is hold him. Don't make any sudden moves or startle him. Just let him go where he wants to go and let me know when you want me to take him back. Are you ready?"

She smiled. "I'm ready, Daddy."

She held out her hand, and Bobby let Archie crawl onto it. Tommy squeaked with delight and Mike pulled him onto his lap so he wouldn't startle the spider. "Unna My! 'Pider!"

"I see the spider, buddy."

"Maga got 'pider!"

With a laugh, Mike hugged the toddler. Tommy always made him feel good, and he didn't miss Sean quite so much. "Shhh," he said. "Just watch."

Tommy snuggled back into his chest and watched in awe as Archie crawled up Maggie's arm. Sitting beside her on the couch, Harry also watched the spider's progress. When Archie got to Maggie's shoulder, Bobby asked, "Do you want me to take him?"

"Not yet, Daddy. He's good."

Archie climbed up Maggie's hair onto the top of her head. Bobby watched the spider make his cautious way across the top of Maggie's curly head and then down to her other shoulder. He continued to crawl down her other arm. When he got to her wrist, she smiled and said, "Okay, Daddy."

Bobby slipped his hand in front of Archie. "Harry? Do you want to hold him?"

Harry watched the spider as it crawled over Bobby's hands. He was uncertain. Bobby said, "I'll tell you what. Why don't you take him on your hand, and as soon as you want me to take him back, just say so, okay?"

He was asking Harry for his trust, not sure the little guy trusted anyone but Maggie. Slowly, Harry stretched out his arm, holding his hand out to Bobby, who reached out and let Harry's hand rest on his. Then he let Archie crawl from his hand onto Harry's. Fascinated, Harry watched the spider crawl over his hand and start up his arm. Once Archie got to his elbow, he began to get nervous. "Okay, Maggie's daddy."

Bobby took the spider back onto his hand. Harry was grinning from ear to ear. In Mike's lap, Tommy bounced up and down. "Me, too, Dada! Me, too!"

"All right, buddy. Hold still."

"Bobby..." Alex cautioned nervously.

He looked at her. "Trust me." When she nodded, he turned his attention back to Tom. "Now hold still, Tommy."

"'Kay, Dada."

Bobby brought his hand down slowly and held it beside his little son's leg. Archie crawled forward onto Tom's jeans. Tommy giggled and trembled with delight as he struggled to hold still. He only moved his eyes. "Mama!" he whispered, trying to be quiet. "'Pider on me!"

"I see, honey," Alex answered, trying not to imagine her sweet little boy being eaten by the spider in his lap.

Bobby retrieved Archie from Tommy's leg and returned him gently to his home, snapping the lid back in place. Alex breathed a sigh of relief that the spider was back where he belonged. Maggie threw her arms around Bobby's neck before he sat back. He slipped his arm around her waist, and she kissed his cheek. Then she trotted over to Mike and hugged him. "Thank you for letting me hold Archie, Daddy, and thank you for giving him to me, Uncle Mike."

She picked up the little plastic terrarium and started back for her room with her spider. Harry automatically followed her as she said, "C'mon, Tommy. Play with us."

With a happy squeak, Tommy bounced off Mike's lap and scurried after his sister and Harry. Bobby leaned back on the couch, absently rubbing his knee. He watched Molly, sitting in her mother's lap, happily chewing on her rattle.

Alex rose from the chair and carried the baby to him. Kicking her feet, Molly's face lit up and she dropped her rattle as she reached out to him. He took her and cradled her against his chest. "Hi, baby," he cooed.

Mike smiled and looked at Alex. "It must be nice to be so totally adored."

"Which one are you talking about, him or her?"

He laughed. "Does it matter?"

Bobby nuzzled the baby's belly, making her laugh. "Pay no attention to them," he said, kissing her head.

He settled her against his shoulder and she snuggled into him, saying, "Dadadada."

Alex leaned over and kissed him. "You were exactly the same way with Maggie and Tom. Never change. I'm going to shower and get ready for dinner."

Bobby watched her cross the room, and Mike grinned. "It's good to see you in love," he said.

"I-I don't remember ever not being in love with her."

"No, not with her. With your life. It's been a long time in coming."

Bobby was quiet for a moment. "I guess it has."

Mike smiled. "I'm happy for you, pal. I really am."

Bobby leaned into the cushions and rubbed his daughter's back. She burped softly in his ear and he kissed her neck. "What about you, Mike?"

"Me? I'm happy with my life the way it is right now. I love Carolyn, and I adore my son. I don't want things to change."

"Change is...unsettling."

Mike knew only too well how much Bobby hated change. "So, how do you feel about what you're facing? You're moving out of the city to a home of your own, and you're adding Harry to your family. And what if...what if you don't get the okay to go back to work? Suppose they decide to strap you with a medical retirement?"

"I try not to think about that." He rubbed the side of his head against the baby. "I never did well with change, but now...I can handle anything as long as I have Alex. This house is going to be good for the whole family. I'll...I'll have a lawn to mow and the kids will have a yard to play in and trees to climb."

Mike chuckled. "I remember the last tree Maggie climbed."

Bobby smiled. "She's a daredevil."

"It's more than that; there was a little life at stake. She's definitely your kid, and Harry's one lucky kid to have her in his corner. Your family would be the best thing in the world for the little guy. I hope the judge sees that."

"I hope so, too. I'm kind of nervous about dinner tonight. I don't know what the judge wants to discuss with us, but I can't help thinking it's not good."

"Pessimist."

He looked at the baby, who had fallen asleep against his shoulder. Rising, he limped to the playpen and laid her down. "I suppose I ought to get ready, too."

"If that's what you want to call it," Mike said with a wink. "I'll go in and play with the three little monsters."

Bobby grinned. "Thanks, Mike."

Mike watched him disappear down the hall, then he got up and went into Maggie's room to play with the children while his best friend played with his wife.

* * *

They met Judge Haversham at the Greenhouse 36 restaurant at the Wyndham Garden Hotel in Times Square. "I'm so glad you could join me," the judge said graciously.

"Thank you for the invitation," Alex said as they were led to their table. "We assume you want to talk with us about Harry."

Haversham smiled. "In part, yes. But first, we eat. Then, we talk."

Alex looked at Bobby, who was already tense, and she hoped he would survive the meal without flying apart at the seams. She reached out and laid a hand on his leg. Looking at her, he held her gaze and tried to settle down.

They had a pleasant meal with the judge, who steered the conversation toward family. Alex did her best to silently reassure her husband, but he was still too wound up to finish his meal.

"Did you not enjoy the food, detective?" Haversham asked as the waiter cleared their plates.

"It was fine. I just don't have much of an appetite tonight."

"I noticed your limp. How were you injured?"

"I was involved in a car accident in January. My knee was injured in the accident and it's required a couple of surgeries to repair the damage."

"How is it now?"

"It's healing, thank you."

Haversham ordered coffee for the three of them and removed a thick file folder from her briefcase. She set the file on the table in front of her. Looking at Bobby, she said, "As I told you on Monday, detective, I had one of my court officers do some background research regarding the Gomez case. I must admit, there are some things that were uncovered that have caused me real concern."

Alex looked at Bobby for a moment before she asked the judge, "Things about Martin Gomez?"

"Some things, yes, but I also had him look into your backgrounds, so that I can determine your suitability as permanent guardians for Harry. You do still wish to retain permanent custody of him, don't you?"

"Yes, we do."

"Let's go over the things my officer uncovered." She consulted the top page of the file before her. "First, Detective Eames...professionally, you retained your maiden name. You have been married twice before, once widowed, once divorced. Your first husband, Joseph Dutton, was killed in the line of duty. Your second husband, Richard Waters, was killed while serving time in Rikers for the aggravated assault of your partner. You have a long history of good service with the NYPD. Your father is a retired police officer with a good, clean record, although he did run into some trouble after he retired, working for the city while taking a pension. Still, I find no fault with a man who works with kids. Let's see...your siblings all work in honest, productive professions, including another police officer and a firefighter. I find no concerns with you or with your background."

As she turned over another page in the file, Bobby and Alex looked at each other. They knew what was coming. Alex reached over and closed her hand over his, pleased when he didn't withdraw from her. The judge noted the gesture, hiding a brief smile as she went on. "Now you, Detective Goren, are a different matter. There are circumstances in your background and upbringing that I find very disturbing. Your mother suffered from schizophrenia for most of your life and spent the last years of her life in a residential psychiatric facility. Your father was a gambler with several DUIs on his record. Your brother has been a drug addict and gambler all his adult life. That is a very unstable and concerning family history, you must admit."

"I am very aware of that, Your Honor," Bobby said in a guarded tone.

She turned over another page. "Looking at your record—you have not been married before. You received a purple heart in the army and were honorably discharged after ten years' time in service. Your career with the NYPD has been somewhat troubled. You have received several reprimands and letters of counseling, a few mandated psychiatric consultations...more than a normal officer would receive."

Alex felt her blood begin to boil, as it did every time someone misjudged her husband without knowing him. "You do not understand," she began, struggling to contain her anger.

Bobby was very used to this kind of scrutiny. He tightened his hand around hers and tried to soothe her. "Alex..."

She silenced him with an angry gesture. "No. I am going to be heard on this. Judge Haversham, after I first met my husband, as I got to know him, I forced myself to rethink the definition of 'normal'. Some people may consider him odd, but those people never take the time to get to know him. A long time ago, I came to realize that some of his behavior simply comes from having been raised by a schizophrenic mother, not from any inherent illness of his own. There is nothing wrong with him, your honor, or his mind."

Haversham smiled at Alex's staunch defense of the man she loved. "I stand corrected. Thank you, Detective Eames." She looked back at Bobby. "Many of my colleagues would have stopped at this point, however, I took it a step further. I looked into the circumstances behind each reprimand, counseling incident and mandated evaluation. I get a strong feeling that your major problem, detective, is that you don't play politics. Not even procedure and policy will stand in the way of justice, as far as your cases go. The brass do not appreciate an officer who does not play their games according to their rules." She flipped over another page. "You have the unusual idea, for a police officer, that punishment should fit the crime, rather than punishment for punishment's sake. Public office and popularity do not matter to you, and that has not contributed to your own popularity among your fellow officers or with the brass. Have I misspoken?"

Bobby shook his head. "No, your honor."

She placed her hands around her coffee cup but did not lift it to drink. "Are you as inflexible at home?"

"No, ma'am." He glanced at Alex. "My wife lays down the law at home."

"As it should be," Haversham said with a smile. "That's why my husband and I vacation in Florida instead of Alaska."

The two detectives laughed briefly as the judge took a drink of her coffee. "It's a good move to laugh at my jokes," she teased as she set down her cup. Then she became serious. "I cannot imagine the obstacles you have overcome, Detective Goren, considering your background and your upbringing. I can only say I am very, very impressed." She turned over another page in her file. "Now, on with business. Martin Gomez. This is a bad man. Do you know the status of the investigation into Harry's mother's death?"

Goren nodded. "The investigation turned hands a couple of times. Brooklyn SVU caught it initially when Harry went missing, and the FBI worked the case with them until Harry was found. Brooklyn Homicide picked it up when Betty died. Now Narcotics has it because of Gomez. As Betty's husband, he's a person of interest in her death. Before he went to prison sixteen years ago, he'd been brought in on a couple of domestics, but she never pressed charges. Since being paroled, he's kept a low profile. The only reason he's shown up on the radar at all is because of Harry."

Alex added, "So far, there is no direct evidence to tie Gomez to her death. Neighbors heard yelling and assumed they were arguing although none of them will classify the man's voice as angry. Two neighbors claim they heard Betty yelling something about her son. They said she sounded upset, like she had since Harry disappeared, but she did not sound hurt or panicked."

The judge pulled out a paper from her file. "This is Betty Trafalgar's autopsy. Preliminary toxicology shows quite a cocktail in her system. Demerol, Prozac, ecstasy, marijuana and crack cocaine. Would Gomez have supplied any of these drugs?"

Goren answered, "Probably all of them. He has the connections to get any drug Betty may have wanted, or needed."

Alex added, "They didn't find any prescription drug bottles in the apartment and she hasn't had a regular doctor since Harry was born."

Haversham studied the autopsy report in her hand. "This says that the injuries she sustained were pre-mortem."

Goren nodded. "The assumption is that Gomez inflicted them just before he killed her, but so far, there is no evidence to prove that. There is no evidence directly tying him to her death at all."

"What other explanation could there be for the injuries?"

He looked down at his hand, joined with his wife's, and he could not imagine any situation that would lead him to cause her harm. "Her injuries could have been self-inflicted," he postulated.

Haversham looked intrigued. "Why would you say that?"

"The drugs may have caused her to do things—to herself and maybe even to Harry—that she would never have done normally, when she was straight. The evidence tells us what happened to her, but it hasn't told us who did it. Not yet." He rubbed the back of his head. "Betty would not have won any mothering awards, but we have no reason to doubt that she did love her son. The drugs Martin kept supplying to feed her habit interfered with her ability to be a better mother." The same way his own mother's schizophrenia had robbed her of the ability to be a good mother to him and his brother. A disease is a disease, and addiction was a disease, but that did not keep him from being angry at the trauma poor Harry had been subjected to all his young life. It was something he understood only too well.

Haversham gathered the pages together and then turned to the last page in her file. "Detective Goren, I am not quite finished with you. In addition to the reprimands and evaluations in your file, we found a number of letters of commendation. Your solve rate is impressive. 100% during your four years with Narcotics, and close to 98% since you have been with Major Case. According to your file, you have a gift for profiling. I would like your professional opinion of Martin Gomez."

"Gomez thrives on power and control. He lures people in with his charm and then keeps them under his control by getting them hooked. He preys on children because they are so easily manipulated and controlled."

"Were you involved with the Gomez case in 1998?"

"Not directly. I was involved with a different case at the time."

"Can you explain to me how Gomez escaped a charge of dealing to minors?"

Bobby looked down at the tabletop but didn't answer. Haversham leaned forward and said, "I have seen the reprimand, detective."

There was no need for him to ask what she meant. He bypassed the coffee and took a drink of his scotch, then he looked at Alex when she squeezed his hand. He sighed and said, "They botched the case, in my opinion. They jumped the gun and nailed Gomez too early. If they had been a little more patient and waited, they could have gotten him for all his crimes."

"Obviously, you made your opinion known."

"I was angry. We knew this guy dealt to kids, but they couldn't pin that on him because they didn't wait."

"Perhaps they took the earliest opportunity to get him off the streets."

He nodded. "That's what they said, after the fact. But a little patience and they could have put him away for a much longer time. The sentence he got was...insufficient, but it was what they gave him for the charges they were able to bring against him."

"And your problem...?"

"My problem was that he didn't get put away for the worst crimes he committed."

He was getting agitated, angry all over again at the impatience of his colleagues. Alex tightened her hold on his hand and he took a deep, calming breath. "I'm sorry, your honor."

Haversham smiled. "Please, detective, do not apologize for being passionate about justice. Believe me, I understand completely."

Bobby let out a slow breath. "It's not just Harry, although I am angry enough that he is in danger. My daughter..."

He trailed off and looked back into his glass. Alex looked at the judge. "He feels that if they had done their job back then, we would not be going through this now. Your Honor, Maggie is a great deal like her father. She often acts first and thinks later. She instinctively puts other people ahead of herself. If it comes down to it, Maggie will do anything she thinks is necessary to protect Harry. That alone puts her at as much risk as Harry. Maggie is very loyal. Whatever threat exists from Martin Gomez, it will encompass both children."

Haversham nodded. "I can understand how that would worry you. Suppose the Narcotics team jumps the gun once again?"

"That will not happen, Your Honor," Bobby assured her firmly.

"How can you be so sure?"

His voice took on a tone Alex had not heard in a long time. "Because this is _my_ operation. I call the shots this time and my partner will follow my lead. There will be no mistakes this time. Gomez will do the time for his worst crimes because that is the evidence I am going to get."

Haversham was not intimidated by his tone, as a lot of people would have been. Her manner reflected only curiosity. "Have you transferred back to Narcotics?"

He seemed to calm, and his tone was calmer. "No, ma'am. I'm on loan."

She nodded, pleased. "Very good. Detectives, my reasons for getting together with you tonight are very important-to me, anyway." She laid her hand on the now-closed file on the table in front of her. "I wanted to discuss this information with you, but more importantly, I wanted to see you together, to see how you respond to one another."

"Why?" Bobby demanded.

Alex jerked his hand but he was annoyed. Haversham's smile was understanding. "Trust me when I say it is pertinent to my decision." She slipped the folder back into her briefcase and closed it. "I have no reservations about terminating Mr. Gomez' paternal rights, but I need one more thing to happen before I can make a decision about Harry's future. I want him to be seen by a psychiatrist. I have already spoken to Dr. Elizabeth Olivet, who has experience with these kinds of interviews. Given Harry's timid nature, if you would consent to having the interview done in a non-threatening environment, like your home, since Harry is comfortable there, I will allow it. A court reporter will accompany her to videotape the interview, but no family members may be present during the interview."

The two detectives looked at one another, and after a moment, Bobby nodded. Alex said, "That is fine, Your Honor. Just let us know when."

"Tuesday evening at 7:00." In response to the surprised looks she received from the two detectives, she said, "I had a feeling you would consent, since it has been clear to me from the start that you want what is best for Harry."

Alex nodded. "That is exactly what we want, Your Honor." She released Bobby's hand and stood up. "Thank you for giving us the benefit of the doubt."

Bobby, however, did not move. Haversham looked at him. "Is there something else, detective?"

"You talked to Dr. Olivet about me."

It was more accusation than inquiry. "Yes, I did. Department-directed evaluations are not privy to confidentiality."

"What did she say?"

The judge smiled. The lack of confidentiality in official matters worked both ways, although she was in a position to refuse to divulge what was said between her and the psychiatrist. "Her feelings and her professional opinion are in sync regarding you. She is very fond of you, detective. She said that Harry will thrive in your care. She has never had any doubts about your suitability to be a good father."

The fact that he still had a job spoke of Olivet's belief in his suitability for his job as well. "I only have one request of you, Your Honor. Please, don't judge me based on my background or my past. When you make your decision, consider the man I am now, my suitability to be a father to Harry and to help him to overcome the trauma he's been through."

"Trust me, detective. The decision I make will be entirely in Harry's best interest."

He nodded as he rose to his feet and pulled out his wallet. "That's what we all want."

Haversham tried to dismiss his attempt to pay. "It was my invitation..."

Bobby shook his head. "No favors."

The judge smiled as the detective laid several bills on the table. "You have integrity, detective. I have one final question before you leave. If I should decide to leave Harry in your care, would you have any interest in making it permanent by adopting him?"

Bobby and Alex exchanged a look, then she answered, "We have not discussed that, Your Honor, but it is something we would be open to."

"I will keep that in mind."

"Thank you. Good night, Your Honor."

"Good night, detectives."

They walked off and left the restaurant. Outside the restaurant, Alex turned toward Bobby, stopping him. "You did well, Bobby." She reached out and straightened his tie, smoothing her hand over it. "She will do what's best for Harry."

"I trust that she will," he agreed.

She leaned up to give him a quick kiss. "Let's go home."

With a smile, he slipped his arm around her waist and they walked away from the restaurant. Just inside the building, by the front window, Marsha Haversham watched them go.


	15. A Long Day

Tuesday morning, Alex rolled over when the alarm sounded and turned it off. It was rare that the alarm woke her instead of Bobby. He'd had a rough night. She rolled toward him and kissed him. His eyelids fluttered and slowly opened. "Morning already?"

"Morning already."

He raised his head and looked around the bed. "And we're alone in the bed?"

"So it would seem."

He smiled. "Do you have time for a quick turn in the sheets, detective?"

"That depends on how quick you can turn, professor."

"I can be quick when I have to be."

She lightly stroked his chest. "I love a man who can perform under pressure."

"So that's why you love me?"

"Just one of many reasons. Now stop talking and start performing, before your daughter wanders in."

With a soft laugh, he gladly complied.

* * *

Bobby arrived at school earlier than usual. There were kids hanging around in the schoolyard. A couple of basketball games were underway, but mostly kids were hanging out and just being teenagers. He scanned the yard with the practiced eye of the narcotics detective he once was. It was funny how easily one slipped back into old routines. He'd been out of narcotics for well over a decade, and yet, it was almost as if he'd never left.

At the far end of the schoolyard, several groups of kids attempted to hide their cigarettes when they saw him. Smiling to himself, he pretended he didn't see them. Cigarettes were the least of his concerns. He scanned the clusters of teens, but saw no overt indications of drug use, until a girl broke away from one of the groups.

She was giggling uncontrollably as she stumbled backwards, away from her friends. One of the boys followed her, also laughing. He caught her around the waist, kissing her neck. Bobby scanned the yard again, searching for Gomez, but he'd likely already come and gone. If he returned at all, it would not be until lunchtime.

As he approached the building, a terrified scream split the air. He spun quickly, his knee protesting the sudden turn. The girl who had been giggling in her boyfriend's arms a few moments before was now screaming and backing away from her group of friends. He dropped his briefcase and ran toward the teens.

When the girl turned to run, screaming, "Get away! Don't touch me!", she ran right into Bobby. She began to strike his chest with her fists, shrieking, "No! They're going to get me! I have to go!"

With a practice born of long experience, he spun her so that her back was against him, holding her in place gently but firmly. She continued to scream and struggle as one of the kids announced that an ambulance was on the way. Bobby spoke quietly and calmly to the girl, saying nothing specific. What he said wouldn't matter to her as much as how he said it. By the time the ambulance arrived, she had relaxed against Bobby and was softly sobbing. He continued to reassure her that he would protect her from anyone who was after her and she appeared to be trusting him, gripping the arms that held her.

As the paramedics crossed the yard toward them, she spotted them and began to freak out again, struggling and screaming. Bobby continued to hold her and reassure her as the medics examined her and gathered what information they could from her reluctant friends. Once they were finally told what drugs she had taken and they were able to sedate her, she went limp in Bobby's arms. Gently, he helped the medics lay her on the ambulance stretcher, and he told them what he'd seen and heard.

As they wheeled her out of the schoolyard, Bobby watched her group of friends. They were visibly disturbed by what had happened, but none of them approached him. They broke up into small groups and wandered off. He noted that several of them still showed signs of intoxication, and he felt his gut tighten with anger. The sooner they removed Gomez from circulation, the better.

He recovered his briefcase and went to his classroom. Over the course of the morning, he skillfully diverted his students' questions about the incident in the schoolyard, refocusing their attention on Lincoln's Gettysburg Address and the Battle of Chattanooga, both of which took place in November 1863.

He chose to remain in his classroom during the lunch hour, partly to avoid more questions from students and colleagues but mostly to ice his sore knee. He took a dose of pain medicine, the first time he'd done so at school. The morning's incident had resurrected disturbing memories of the many times he'd had to restrain his mother in a similar fashion, sometimes to prevent her from hurting herself, and sometimes to keep her from hurting him. He opened his history book and tried to distract himself with printed words.

Halfway through the period, there was a knock at the door. He looked up as a young student poked her head into the room. "Mr. Goren, do you have a minute?"

Closing his book, he leaned back as he rubbed his right eye and motioned her into the room. "Sure. What can I do for you?"

She approached his desk. "My name is Heather DeMarco. I'm a freshman. The girl who freaked out this morning, she's a senior—my sister Sally. You..." She paused as she teared up. Swallowing hard, she went on. "I wanted to thank you, for taking care of her. She could have been hurt."

He nodded. "You're welcome."

The girl hesitated, standing by the desk and drawing abstract designs next to his book with her fingertip. He leaned over to look at her face. "Is there something else?"

She was quiet for a moment. "Do you know what was wrong with her?"

"Do you?"

"Well...kinda."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She raised her eyes to meet his. "Do you mind?"

He gave her a kind smile. "Not at all."

She poked at the edge of his book as he stood up, set his ice bag on the desk and crossed to the corner, where he grabbed a chair. He carried it back to the desk and motioned for her to sit. She sat and looked down, rubbing her hands against her jeans. "This all began during the fall. Before that she was a straight arrow; I was the wild child. But just after we went back to school, she started talking about this new guy she met, Marty. At first, I thought he was another senior. She changed over the fall months, and I didn't understand what was going on. She never used to go out, until she met him. She'd go to meet him after school. At first, she'd be home by curfew, but then she started sneaking in before my mother came home off the late shift, or sneaking out after Mom went to bed."

He replaced the ice on his knee. "Did you know what was going on?"

"Not at first. I just thought she had a boyfriend. But then she started acting weird. So I followed her on Halloween night. Marty wasn't another senior. He was a lot older. He gave her a joint and a couple of pills, and once she was stoned, he had sex with her, right there in the middle of the living room. It was so weird to watch."

"Did you ever go with her to meet with Marty?"

"Once, right before Thanksgiving. She took me to a party, and he was there. I think he slipped something into the drink he gave me, because I started to feel really weird and I..." She stopped, embarrassed.

Patiently, he waited. When she remained silent, blushing furiously, he asked, "Did he take advantage of you?"

"I don't think so, but I don't really remember what happened that night. I don't like Marty. I think he's creepy, so I stay away from him."

"What happened with him and your sister?"

"She still sees him a couple of times a week. Sometimes she tells Mom she's staying at a friend's house because she's too stoned to hide it."

"So where does she stay?"

"With her boyfriend, Toby, maybe, or with Marty. Maybe with one of her stoner friends, Carrie or Debbie. I don't know; she doesn't tell me."

She seemed to be more at ease, so he pressed, "Has it been getting worse?"

She heard good things about him from her friends who had him for history, that he was kind and a good teacher. Mrs. Archambault was well-liked and popular; her replacement was becoming equally popular. Slowly, she nodded. "Since spring break. She gets high almost every day now, sometimes even before school starts. The group she hangs with...they all do drugs, and Marty always makes sure they have what they need."

"Your parents haven't noticed?"

"Parent. Dad's not around much. He's more interested in Lacy Macy, I mean, his new girlfriend, than he is in us." Bobby heard the bitterness in her voice. "I'm sorry," she apologized.

Bobby gave her an understanding smile. "How long has your father been gone?"

"Six months. Mom has to work two jobs to support us now. Sally is supposed to watch me and our little brother while Mom works, but she hasn't been. I've been taking care of Alan. I make dinner and get him to bed."

"How old is Alan?"

"Four. I pick him up from daycare after school."

"And your sister?"

"I don't know where she goes after school. Mom hasn't caught on yet. Sally's really good at hiding it and Mom has always trusted her. I guess the cat's out of the bag now."

"Kind of." Bobby rubbed his knee. The medicine had taken the edge off his pain, but it still hurt. It was never going to heal if he kept straining it. He leaned forward. "Heather, your sister is on a slippery slope and she needs help. I would hate to see you follow that path as well."

"I'm all right, Mr. Goren."

"Isn't that what your sister said, too?"

She looked down into her lap. "I don't take drugs, except at parties. I'm not like Sally. I'm not out of control."

"Slippery slope, Heather. There is no safe way to take drugs, no safe place. There's nothing okay about it."

"But I don't take anything at school or at home. I take care of my brother. Sometimes I party. What's wrong with that?"

Bobby moved the ice pack to the desk and leaned forward. "Listen to me. Learn a lesson from your sister. No good can come from drugs." He thought of his brother and he reached out to lightly touch her arm. "They'll lead you to a bad place, and I don't want to see that happen to you, or to any kid. You aren't in too deep yet. Step away before that happens, before you end up like your sister."

"That won't happen, Mr. Goren. I'll be all right. Thanks for talking to me."

She stood up and left the room. He sat there for a little while before he returned the chair to the corner. He limped back to his desk, sat down and placed the ice pack on his knee again. He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes, feeling an utter failure for being unable to convince another child to step away from drugs.

* * *

As Bobby packed up to leave for the day, one of his students stopped by. "Mr. Goren, Mr. Ovilla wants to see you before you go."

With a sigh, Bobby nodded. "Thanks, Glen."

He closed his briefcase and limped to the principal's office. The secretary motioned for him to go right in. He stopped in the doorway. "You wanted to see me, Dr. Ovilla?"

"Yes, Mr. Goren. Come in. I heard about what happened in the school yard this morning from a number of students. They said you were able to subdue Sally DeMarco and calm her down without hurting her."

"Yes, sir. My...My mother was schizophrenic. I have a lifetime of experience with restraining and calming her without harming her. Sally had a bad trip; she was out of control. I kept her from harm. Uh, how is she?"

"She's stable. They tell me she will be all right." The principal paused. "Someone is supplying my students with these drugs. This isn't the first time this has happened. Just before spring break, the same thing happened with another student. He was not as fortunate as Sally. He ran out into the street before anyone could stop him and was hit by a car. He died a week later."

Bobby tensed, but hid the core of his reaction from the principal. "I'm sorry to hear that, sir. I'm sure the police are doing their best to fix the problem."

Ovilla nodded but he didn't show much confidence. "I just wanted to thank you for what you did."

With a nod, Bobby said good night and left the office. His expression was grim, his jaw set in determination. Gomez had to be stopped, and he was going to stop him, one way or another.

He left the school and limped across the yard and the parking lot, not reacting to the sight of a student leaning against his car. The young man slid a cigarette back and forth between his fingers before sticking it in his mouth. "Got a light, teach?"

"Not one I can give you," Bobby answered.

Capshaw pushed off the car, following Bobby around to the driver's side. "I saw what you did this morning."

"I couldn't let her get hurt."

"You done good, big guy. The knee okay?"

"It's painful, healing slowly."

"Any word on Gomez?"

Bobby opened his car door and set his briefcase on the passenger seat. "You're the one with the ear to the ground, kid."

Capshaw grinned. "He made an appearance way early this morning. The kids who were expecting him, like Sally, met him. I'm still not in the loop, but I'm getting there." He caught the lighter that Bobby tossed to him. "How's the little boy?"

"He's good. He's settling in, getting to be one of the family."

He lit his cigarette. "He's a lucky kid. When I find out anything, I'll let you know. Later."

Bobby watched his partner walk off, then he slid behind the wheel and drove toward home.

* * *

Bobby arrived home just after Alex and Mike got there with Maggie and Harry. Maggie scurried across the living room into his arms. "Hi, Daddy!"

He lifted her and hugged her close. "Hi, baby."

She was quiet for a moment, sitting in his arms. Then she leaned forward and whispered in his ear, "We seen him today, Daddy."

His gut clenched. "Who did you see?"

"Harry's daddy. He was at school today. Detective Ben wouldn' let Harry an' me go outside at all, an' he taked us out the back door to the car to take us to Mommy an' Uncle Mike."

"Did you actually see him?"

She nodded. "He was over by the big kids when we got to school. Detective Ben was waitin' for us an' he bringed us inside quick."

He nodded, making a mental note to thank Ben Wrasser for taking good care of his children. "We're working on it, mouse. Don't worry. We're going to protect you and Harry."

Maggie hugged him. "I know, Daddy. Harry an' I will be okay."

He set her down and limped to the couch, sitting down and motioning to Harry, who stood near the toybox, watching in silence. "Come here, Harry."

Harry approached him slowly, stopping in front of him with downcast eyes. Alex watched from the kitchen doorway, her heart going out to the sad little boy.

Bobby reached out slowly and touched Harry's chin, gently lifting the child's face up toward his. His warm, dark eyes looked into Harry's sad, frightened ones. Softly, Bobby said, "Listen to me, Harry. I know you're scared, but he is not going to hurt you. We are going to protect you."

"Daddy scares me," Harry whispered, looking away.

"I know, but you're safe. We will keep you safe."

Harry was quiet as he looked down at Bobby's injured knee. Tentatively, he reached out, placing his small hand on the hot joint. "Don't let him hurt you, Maggie's daddy," he said quietly. Then he looked up and met Bobby's kind eyes.

Bobby leaned forward and kissed the little boy on the nose. With a smile, Harry hugged his neck. "Go play," Bobby said, returning Harry's smile.

Harry trotted off with Maggie to play. Bobby looked up at Mike, who stood by the television, watching the exchange. "Did you know that Gomez turned up at the school?"

"Wrasser told us."

"I'm going to get this bastard, Mike. I'll get him if it's the last thing I do."

"Let's not go there. How about we nail Gomez and then move on to the next creep? I think that's a better plan."

"Are you going to hang around? Olivet will be here around seven."

"I'd love to stay for the party, but I think I'll go home and give Carolyn a buzz, see what's going on. I'll see you tomorrow."

Bobby got up. "If you're sure."

"I'm sure. Good night, buddy."

"Good night, and thanks, Mike."

Mike left and Bobby went into the kitchen, where Alex had gone back to preparing dinner. He stepped up behind her and leaned down to kiss her neck. She reached up and stroked the side of his face. "How was your day?"

"Eventful," he answered.

She leaned back into him and he slid his arms around her. She was apprehensive. "Gomez?"

"Indirectly. I'll fill you in later."

He held her, eyes closed, until she stepped away to prevent dinner from burning. He let her go, limping over to the sink for a glass of water. "What did you do?" she asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Your knee. Your limp is worse."

"Oh, that. I, uh, I twisted it. It's sore."

She stirred the pot of mixed vegetables. "Are you at all concerned about returning to duty?"

"I'll be back, don't worry."

"Bobby..."

He silenced her with a kiss and repeated, "Don't worry."

In the living room, he retrieved his pill bottle from his briefcase and took a dose of medicine. He set the glass on the coffee table and sat down, rubbing his knee. He pulled out his lesson plans and began to review them.

* * *

Just before seven o'clock, there was a knock at the door. Maggie and Harry were finishing dinner, and Alex was on the phone with her sister after saying good night to Tommy. Bobby answered the door. Elizabeth Olivet smiled at him. "Hello, detective."

"Dr. Olivet. Come in."

She entered the apartment followed by the court reporter Haversham had mentioned. "How are you doing?" Olivet asked.

"I've been doing okay."

"I heard about your mother. I'm sorry."

"Thank you."

"I also heard about your accident."

"You're well informed."

She smiled. "There's that defensiveness I know so well."

His expression remained grim. "I'll see if Harry is done eating."

She watched him limp away, but she suppressed her concern. She was there to interview a little boy, not to evaluate Bobby. Bobby returned with Harry, who was holding tightly to his hand, eyes wide with apprehension. Olivet sat on the couch, bringing herself down to Harry's level. "Hello, Harry."

"Hi," he replied quietly.

"My name is Dr. Olivet. Judge Haversham asked me to talk to you today."

Harry stepped closer to Bobby. Olivet looked up at him. "Judge Haversham told you the conditions?"

"Yes. Do we have to leave the apartment?"

"No. Is there a room we can use?"

He nodded. "You can use the boys' room."

"That's fine."

Bobby sat down in his recliner and pulled Harry into his lap. "Harry, I've known Dr. Olivet for a long time. It's okay for you to talk to her. We'll be right here, waiting for you to finish."

"I don't want you to go."

"We're not leaving. It's important for you to talk to the doctor."

Harry whispered, "But I'm scared."

"That's okay. She's just going to talk to you. You don't have to be scared."

"Is it okay if I am?"

Bobby smiled at him. "Yes."

"Can I come and get you if I need you?"

"Yes."

He looked at Olivet, then back at Bobby. "Promise you won't go."

"I promise."

Harry stood silently, reaching out with both hands to grab Bobby's hand. "Okay. I'll talk to her."

Bobby kissed Harry's head. "Good boy. Do you want to show Dr. Olivet to your room?"

The little boy looked at her, then stepped away from Bobby and crossed the room. Olivet followed him. He stopped at the hallway and looked back at Bobby, who gave him an encouraging smile. Harry returned a sad grin, then continued down the hallway with Olivet behind him.

* * *

Harry and Olivet returned to the living room an hour and a half later.

Maggie climbed off her father's lap and joined Harry near the hallway. "Okay, Harry?"

He nodded, but reached out and grasped her hand, leading her over to Olivet. "This is Maggie."

Olivet smiled. "Hello, Maggie."

"Hi. Is Harry gonna be able to stay with us?"

"Yes. I think that here with you and your family is the best place for Harry."

"Me, too."

The court reporter finished packing up as Olivet spoke with Bobby and Alex. "Thank you for letting me talk to Harry." She nodded at Bobby's knee. "Are you all right?"

"I'm healing. It, uh, it happened the night my mother died."

She knew how important his mother had been in his life and it was a testament to improved coping skills that she had not had to see him when she died. She had a strong feeling the petite woman beside him played a very big role in his ability to cope better with life. "How long have you been married?"

"Two-and-a-half years," Alex answered.

Olivet's face relaxed into an affectionate smile. "You must be good for him. I haven't had to evaluate him in at least that long."

Alex returned her smile. "I do my best to keep him out of trouble."

"That's a full time job. Keep up the good work."

They walked Olivet and the reporter to the door. "I'm sure Judge Haversham will be in touch," Olivet said. She looked across the room, where Maggie and Harry were playing. Harry was a different child, no longer shy and sullen. She smiled when he laughed. "I am going to recommend Harry stay right where he is. He's very attached to Maggie and her brother-and to both of you. Changing his circumstances now will likely do irreparable harm to him. You're willing to take responsibility for him?"

"Absolutely," Alex answered.

"He's settling in to the family. We don't want him going anyplace else," Bobby added.

Olivet looked pleased. "I'm glad to hear that. Everyone seems to be on the same page as far as Harry is concerned."

"Thank you for coming over," Bobby said as he held the door open.

"It was good to see you. I'm glad that life is working out for you, finally. Good night, detectives."

Bobby closed the door and locked it as Alex sent Maggie and Harry to get ready for bed. Bobby sat down heavily and rubbed his knee. Sitting beside him, Alex gently eased his leg onto her lap and took over rubbing his knee. Tensing at first, he then sighed and leaned back, beginning to relax for the first time all day. It had been a stressful day for him. She massaged the muscle above his knee and asked, "So, what happened today?"

He told her what had happened that morning, courtesy of Martin Gomez. "It was like..." He paused, closing his eyes. "I've spent most of my life doing that with my mother, so she wouldn't hurt herself or me. It...It brought back a lot of memories, not good ones."

Maggie caught his last sentence as she came into the room."Did you have a bad day, too, Daddy?"

Bobby forced his eyes open and looked at her. Harry was standing right behind her. "Did you have a bad day, Maggie?"

"Part of it, when Harry's daddy showed up."

Bobby motioned her over. Harry followed her across the room. She stopped between her parents. Harry looked at the floor as Maggie said, "I don' know if I'm more scared or more mad. Harry's daddy hurt him, and that's not okay."

"Harry's daddy is dangerous, Maggie," Bobby cautioned. "You have to stay away from him; both of you do. Do you understand me?"

She looked away from him, which unsettled both of her parents. Bobby touched her chin and turned her face toward his. "Do you understand?" he demanded firmly.

Finally, she nodded. "I unnerstan', Daddy. But what if he tries to hurt Harry again?"

"Then you let Detective Ben deal with him. That's why he's there."

She nodded her head slowly. "Okay, Daddy," she agreed reluctantly.

Like her father, she had little tolerance for circumstances that got beyond her control. She would obey him, but if Harry's father slipped past Detective Ben and tried to hurt him again, she would act to protect her friend, just as she had protected her little brother from Nicole Wallace two years earlier. She had her father's courage and devotion, but she often lacked caution and she would never back down from a fight when the well-being of someone she loved was at stake.

Bobby pulled her closer. "I am very serious about this, Maggie. Harry's father is not a good man. He has hurt a lot of people, a lot of children. You stay away from him and let the rest of us take care of him. That's our job."

Very quietly, Harry said, "He hurt Mommy and now she's in Heaven. I would be with her if I didn't run away and hide. You aren't gonna send him to Heaven, too, so he can hurt Mommy more, are you?"

Bobby shook his head. "No. He's not going to go to Heaven. He's going to go to jail, for a very long time. People in Heaven don't get hurt any more, Harry. Your mother is in a good place."

Alex slid out from under Bobby's leg. "Come on, guys. I'll tuck you in."

Maggie hugged her father. "Good night, Daddy."

"Good night, baby."

Then Harry stepped forward to hug him. He whispered, "I'm not gonna let Maggie get near Daddy. I'm not gonna let him send her away, too."

Bobby's arms tightened around Harry's small frame. "Keep yourself safe, too, little man. Detective Ben will take care of both of you."

Harry nodded, then trotted off after Alex and Maggie. Bobby watched him go, then eased back against the corner of the couch. He had a feeling that under his timid exterior, Harry hid a dangerous rage. He understood that, because it was something that he had struggled to control all his life. He decided to give Olivet a call and ask her for the name of a good child therapist. He didn't want Harry to carry that around for the rest of his life. The little guy had a chance to start over, and Bobby was determined to make it a good start.

Alex returned and slid back under his leg. She resumed her tender ministrations. "You have to be careful, Bobby, or you're going to be collecting disability. Then I am going to be stuck with Logan and I won't be happy, I promise you."

He smiled. "I'm trying, baby, I promise. I didn't mean to strain it."

"You say the same thing every time."

Her fingers dug firmly into his thigh muscle, massaging the tenseness from it, and he softly groaned. As the muscle relaxed, his knee hurt less. "I'm not going to isolate myself in a bubble, Alex."

"So how about bubble wrap?" she suggested.

He laughed softly and played with her hair, changing the subject. "How was your day?"

"Uneventful. We talked with two witnesses and the victim's mother, then did paperwork. The most challenging part of my day was dealing with Logan's boredom." She paused. "I miss you. I'm so used to working with you, to being with you. I don't want to work with another partner."

He nodded understanding. "Neither do I. I liked working Narcotics, and Capshaw is competent, but I prefer working Major Case with you. I think he prefers his partner, too. I know I'm not the easiest partner to work with."

"That's not true," she smiled. "I'm experienced. I know how to handle you."

Smiling, he replied, "You do? So what's the secret?"

"No secret, but if you want a lesson, meet me in the bedroom."

She slipped out from under him again and kissed him. He watched her cross the room, putting a deliberate swing in her step. Exhaling softly, he got up and followed her.


	16. It's A Forever Thing

Friday afternoon, Bobby kept an appointment with Dr. Wrightweiler. After studying Bobby's x-rays, the doctor turned to him. "I'm very pleased, Bobby. The inflammation is reduced and I see a significant amount of healing compared to the last set of x-rays, which is encouraging. How do you feel?"

"I'm all right. It's still painful."

"Have you been resting it?"

He hadn't mentioned jarring it earlier in the week. Most of the swelling was gone. If he'd done any real damage, Wrightweiler would see it. "As much as possible."

"Keep it up. Continue with the anti-inflammatory medication as prescribed and the pain medicine as needed. I want to see you in two weeks, and if you continue to heal, I will approve your return to duty. I want you on desk duty for the first month. Then, barring any further injury, you can return to full duty."

"Thank you, doc."

"How have you been keeping busy?"

"I've been teaching history at Roosevelt High School."

"That sounds interesting. How's the family?"

Bobby smiled and some of his tense defensiveness faded. "They're fine, thanks."

Wrightweiler stood up. "I'll see you in two weeks, Bobby. Take care of that knee."

"I'll do my best."

The doctor squeezed Bobby's shoulder and left the room.

* * *

As he left the doctor's office and walked toward his car, his phone rang. Smiling at the caller ID, he flipped open his phone. "Hi, baby."

"Bobby, where are you?" she said, her voice concerned.

"On my way home. Why? What's wrong?"

"Don't go home. There's been a...problem. We're at Reggie's and we're going to stay here."

He stopped walking. "Problem? What kind of problem?"

"We'll talk about it when you get here."

"Al..."

"Not now," she said tightly.

The kids must within earshot of her. "Is everyone all right?" he demanded.

"Yes. Mike is here with us."

"Why?"

"Bobby, please," she hissed. "I'll talk to you when you get here. Just...don't go home."

His gut tightened even more. "Alex..."

"Not now," she repeated, her voice soft but stressed. "We're still trying to calm down the kids."

"The kids...?"

"They're upset, but unharmed. I just...I need you here."

"I'll be there soon," he answered, his voice gruff with tension.

"Be careful. Nothing is going to change if you rush, and I'll strangle you if you get into an accident. I'll see you when you get here."

"I'll hurry every chance I get," he promised.

She ended the call, and he felt sick to his stomach. He hated not knowing what was going on and the fact that something was very wrong made his stomach churn. Anxious and worried, he hurried to his car and drove to his sister-in-law's home.

* * *

When he pulled into the driveway, Alex came out of the house to meet him on the porch. He rushed up onto the porch and caught her in a hug. Then he pulled back and studied the right side of her face, which was swollen and bruised. "What happened?" he demanded, alarmed. He pushed her hair gently back from her face. With trepidation, knowing the answer before he asked the question, he asked, "Who did this?"

"Somehow...he found out where we live."

"Gomez?"

She nodded. "Mike drove us home. I wasn't paying any attention when we pulled up outside the apartment because I was talking to Maggie. I got out of the car and turned toward the back door to get the kids out, so I didn't see him approach. I didn't know he was there until Harry screamed. Bobby, that was the most bone-chilling sound I have ever heard. He was sobbing uncontrollably as I turned around. Gomez hit me twice in the face before Mike was even out of the car. He demanded that I turn Harry over to him. I told him to go to hell as Mike was coming around the front of the car. Gomez took off, and Mike went after him, but he lost him in one of the alleys."

Bobby's face grew dark with fury. "They saw what happened?"

"Yes. They saw the whole thing. Harry is only just now calming down, which is why I need you to be calm when you go inside. He, Maggie and Tommy are in the backyard with Dad and Mike, so I was able to get away to come out here and talk to you before you came into the house."

Bobby tenderly ran his thumb along her cheek below the bruising. He couldn't control the tremor in his hand. His entire body was tense with rage, but he had nowhere to go with the energy it fueled. He was barely under control. Gomez had crossed the line. He'd assaulted Alex and terrified Maggie and Harry. Bobby considered Harry to be one of his own, and he would protect him just as fiercely as he protected any of his family. Gomez would never touch that child again.

Alex read the fury in him and the distant look in his eyes left her deeply troubled. She touched his cheek, seeking a connection that would draw him back to her. "Please," she said softly. "Please, don't do anything stupid."

His eyes cleared and he turned his gaze to her, looking into her eyes. "I'm not going to let this go."

"I'm not asking you to let it go. All I am asking is for you to be smart about it. If anything happened to you, it would destroy the children. I don't even want to think about what it would do to me."

He drew her close and held her against his chest. "My life is finally worth living," he said softly. "I have more than I'd ever hoped to have. I am not going to throw any of that away on a dirtbag like Gomez. Trust me."

Reassured by the intensity of his conviction, she slid her arms around his waist and squeezed, comforted by his presence. He needed her trust as much as he needed her love. In spite of everything, she was finally able to relax.

Suddenly, she sobbed, and she couldn't stop. Burying her face deeper into his shirt and tightening her arms, she cried against his chest. He held her and kissed her head, murmuring softly into her hair. Balling his shirt into her fists, she cried herself out as he held her firmly in his arms, which was exactly what she needed.

Once she regained her control, he leaned his head back, away from her, so he could see her face. He traced the outline of her bruises again with his fingertips, still struggling with his anger. Then he softly kissed her injured eye and placed another loving kiss on her nose and her bruised cheek. Finally, he brushed his lips over hers. She raised her hands to cradle his face and pulled him back for a deeper kiss.

Finally, she stepped back, out of his arms. Composed, she smoothed her hands over her hair and straightened her shirt. "All right," she said. "How do I look?"

"Beautiful," he answered honestly.

She smirked at him, then turned toward the door and led him into the house.

The house smelled warm and inviting. Bobby had always enjoyed visiting Regina and Aaron. Reggie was in the kitchen, preparing dinner; Aaron wasn't home from work yet. Bobby stopped in the kitchen doorway as Reggie closed the refrigerator door. She smiled at him. "Hi, Bobby. How was your day?"

"It had its ups and downs. Thank you for your hospitality, Reggie."

"Hospitality? Be real. This is family. You are as welcome here as my own husband and son." She pointed to an upper shelf in the pantry. "Would you get that canister of chili powder down for me, please?"

With a smile, he retrieved the spice she requested. She gave him a quick hug, then returned to the chili she had on the stove. Bobby walked to the back door and looked out into the yard, where his children played with Mike and their grandfather. Alex stepped up beside him, slipping her hand under his jacket to rub his back as she rested her head against him. "Be honest with me, Alex. How badly did he hurt you?" he asked softly.

"They're just bruises. I'm fine."

He kept his arm protectively around her. He wanted to protect her, but he got into trouble with her every time he tried. At the moment, though, he simply held her, and it was the right thing to do.

Out in the yard, Tommy, happy as ever, laughed with abandon. Bobby would mourn that carefree innocence when it was stolen from his little son. Maggie, however, had never been like her brother. She'd always carried a heavy burden on her small shoulders and he blamed himself for that. And yet, she was able to find happiness in her life. He watched her grab Harry's hand as they ran from Tommy, who was pretending to be a monster of some kind. Dropping to his hands and knees, Mike because the monster pursuing the giggling children. Fearless and trusting, Tommy spun suddenly and launched himself at Mike, who rolled to his side, catching the toddler. Maggie and Harry piled on top of them. Standing off to the side, John laughed as Mike waved his arms, feigning distress.

Bobby watched the children as they played on the ground with Mike. He envied his friend. Because of his injuries and the subsequent surgeries on his knee, he hadn't been able to play with his children like that since before his mother passed away.

Sensing his tension, Alex rubbed her hand over his chest. He trembled. She always knew how to get to him. He tightened his arm around her and rested his cheek against her head. "You're sure you're okay? I mean, should you see a doctor?"

She continued to caress his chest. "I'm fine, Bobby."

She hesitated. This man had seen her at her best and at her worst, yet she still hesitated to admit to any kind of weakness, even to him. He gently rubbed her back and rested his forehead against the side of her head. "But...?" he pressed, his concern readily apparent.

"No buts. I'm fine. Mike..." She closed her eyes. "Mike was there, so Gomez never had the chance to hurt me."

He tried not to feel guilty that another man had to protect his family. "I wasn't there, and if Mike hadn't been..."

"I've been trying not to dwell on that."

He sighed heavily. "Don't worry. I have been." He placed his mouth beside her ear. "If anything happened to you, I would never forgive myself." He placed a light kiss just in front of her ear. "I will get Gomez...soon. I promise."

She turned her head suddenly, brushing her mouth over his. "The only promise I want from you is one that tells me you will be careful."

He nodded. "You have my word."

She gave him another quick kiss and said, "Judge Haversham called this afternoon before we left the squad room. She finished reviewing Dr. Olivet's report and first thing this morning, she issued two orders. One terminates Gomez' parental rights, and the other grants us permanent custody of Harry."

"She...She did?"

Alex's brow furrowed. "Why are you surprised?"

"I guess I'm not used to the court doing the right thing."

"You didn't think that Haversham was going to take Harry away from that bastard?"

"I don't trust anyone," he said bitterly.

"Bobby..."

He silenced her with a tender kiss. "I'm sorry, Alex. I...I'm just in a bad mood."

He gently fingered her bruised cheek, then he leaned in and kissed it. She smiled tenderly. "We have one more thing to discuss. The judge told me we should give adoption serious consideration. She honestly believes that Harry belongs with us, and if we decide to adopt him, we should give her a call."

"Shouldn't we take it one step at a time? She's given us custody. Next we need to send Gomez to prison."

She opened her mouth to caution him but closed it again without making a sound. He knew to be careful without her constantly reminding him. Instead, she continued to caress him. In silence, they stood together, watching their children play with her father and his best friend.

* * *

The house was dark. It was very late, but Bobby couldn't sleep. The throbbing in his knee woke him, but his medication took care of it and it was feeling better. What he was consistently unable to do, however, was shut down his mind. So he sat on the couch with his laptop, idly cruising the internet for something that would engage his weary mind.

The carpet muffled the sound of small feet as they crossed the room. By the time he realized a little someone was peering over his shoulder, she was climbing over the back of the couch, wide, curious eyes watching the action on the computer screen. "What is that, Daddy?"

"That is biology."

"What is it doing?"

"Living." He smiled. "These are images taken inside a living cell."

"That looks like a snail without a shell."

"That is a mitochondrion. They generate a cell's energy."

Snuggling comfortably into his lap, she watched the video with rapt fascination. "Do I have any of that inside me?"

Smiling, he stroked her dark curls. "You have all of that in you, in every cell of your body."

"Wow. Why can' I see it all?"

"This is an eye into a microscopic world. No human eye can see this without special microscopes that make very tiny things large enough to see."

She grasped his hand and continued to watch the video. "Why are you up?" he asked, leaning his cheek against her head.

"I hadda make sure Harry and Tommy are okay."

"Bad dream?"

She nodded and held onto his hand more tightly. "That's why I comed looking for you."

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

She trembled at the memory of the frightening dream. "Harry's daddy was still tryin' to find us. He wanted to hurt us for lovin' Harry."

He couldn't dispute the fear that fueled her nightmare. Gomez was likely still searching for his son. He was deeply troubled that the dealer had somehow found their home and still broiling with rage that Gomez had assaulted Alex. He kissed Maggie's head. All he could do was reassure her and try to calm her very real fears. "Baby, never be afraid to love someone."

"I'm not, Daddy. But I don' wan' him to hurt Harry or anybody else."

"Try not to worry about that. You're safe."

"But he hurt Mommy."

"That happens sometimes when we protect people, but it's our job. You know that."

"You also arrest bad peoples and send 'em to jail. Why don' you do that, Daddy? Shouldn' he be in jail if he's a bad man?"

If only it were so simple. "I'm working on that. Don't worry—he will be going to jail very soon."

"But why can' he go now?"

"Because it's not enough that we know he's a bad man. We have to make sure that when we arrest him, we have all the proof we need for a judge and a jury to agree with us that he's a bad man."

"Like when I talked to Your Honor about the bad lady?"

"Yes. But there's other proof we need, too. Once we have our case, then I will arrest him and he will go to jail for a very long time."

His word was always good enough for her. She yawned as she cuddled against him. "Okay, Daddy."

Ten minutes later, he carried her back to her makeshift bed in the family room, where all the kids were sleeping, including Jake. They always loved sleepovers. During the summer, Aaron often set up the tent in the yard so the kids could camp out, but tonight, they camped in the family room, which was almost as much fun.

After tucking her in under her favorite blanket, he joined his wife in the spare bedroom, checking on Molly, who slept in a crib in the corner. Alex smiled sleepily at him when he slipped into the bed beside her. "Where were you?" she asked sleepily.

He kissed her softly. "Explaining cell biology to our daughter."

"You have the oddest hobbies, Goren."

He laughed softly. "But you are my favorite hobby, Eames."

"Really? Want to show me what you mean by that?"

She didn't have to ask twice. He kissed her again, softly groaning when she pressed her body against his and began to wriggle. He laughed softly into her mouth as he began to work off her clothes.

She happened to turn her head at just the right moment to see the door open. She gave him a hard poke in the side to get his attention and muttered, "Child."

With a deep groan, he rolled onto his back, fighting to quickly calm his body. For him, the biggest downside to parenthood was the frequent need to chase away raging desire when he least wanted it to go. He looked at the child who appeared at the bedside. "What's the matter, Harry?"

Harry looked at Alex, then back at Bobby. Tears filled his eyes and spilled over, running down his face. "Daddy hurt Maggie's Mommy."

Bobby gently wiped the tears from his cheeks. "I know, but she's fine. That wasn't your fault."

"But he's after me." He trembled, fighting not to cry. "If I go with him, he won't hurt nobody no more. He won't hurt Maggie."

"Harry..." He shifted his position and reached toward the little boy, lifting him easily onto the bed. He sat Harry on his belly and placed his hands on the child's thin arms. "Do you remember the lady judge that I took you to see?"

"You mean Your Other Honor?"

Bobby laughed softly. "Yes. Do you remember talking to her?" Harry nodded. "Well, she has the power of the law behind her. She can issue orders from the court, and those orders have to be obeyed. The police have the authority to enforce them. What a judge says from his or her court is law. Do you understand that?"

Harry thought about it. "So if she said we can't eat hot dogs, then we can't eat hot dogs no more?"

"That's right."

Alex smiled. "And Uncle Mike would be a very sad man."

"Yes, he would," Bobby agreed.

Harry laughed a little. "Uncle Mike likes hot dogs," he asserted.

Bobby gave his arms an affectionate squeeze. "I think Uncle Mike and his hot dogs are safe. But the judge did issue a different order from her court. She said that it is now the law that your father is not your father any more. She said that he has hurt you and the things that he has done are bad enough that he no longer deserves to have you for a son."

Harry's brow furrowed as he thought about Bobby's words. "So," he said after a long silence. "Mommy is in Heaven and Daddy's not my daddy no more."

"That's right. But there's more. You're still little and you need people to take care of you and love you and be your parents. So the judge gave that some thought, too. She considered what you and Maggie told her and she talked to us about it, then she had Dr. Olivet come over to talk to you. She decided to add another court order. She said that you should stay with us and be part of our family."

Harry looked stunned. He looked at Alex, who nodded. "That's right. The judge said you can stay with us always."

Bobby touched Harry's chin, drawing his attention back. "It's the law, Harry. There is one more thing the judge told us that we can do, but this has to be something that you want us to do. We can adopt you. Do you know what that means?"

Harry shook his head. "No." he answered uncertainly.

"It's another order of law issued by the court, one that would make us your real parents, just like we are for Maggie and Tommy and Molly. You would be our son—always, just like our own children. Your last name would be changed and you would be all ours permanently."

Harry stared at him and blinked. "My parents?" he whispered. "So Daddy can't take me away, ever?"

"Not ever. You'd be our son, for good. Maggie and Molly would be your sisters and Tommy would be your brother."

"An'-An'-An' I'll have real cousins and uncles and aunts, and Grampa will really be my Grampa, too?"

Bobby nodded. "Yes."

He trembled, but from excitement rather than terror. "Will I have a happy birthday, then, like Maggie's? An' a happy Chrissmas...an'-an'..." He leaned closer, whispering as though he were afraid if he spoke the words out loud, everything would vanish and he would be home with Gomez, hiding for his life. "An' a happy life."

"That's exactly what that means. You will have that from now on anyway, but an adoption would make you our real son."

"Then...I can call you Daddy...and Mommy...and you'll be Maggie's _and_ mine."

"That's right."

Harry looked at Alex, whose expression was pleased. "Is that what you want, Harry?"

It was more than he'd ever dared hope. Slowly, he nodded his head, still afraid it was all going to be blown away on the wind and his life would be the same miserable, terrifying existence it had always been. "I want a fam'ly," he whispered. "I wanna be Maggie's brother." He looked from Alex to Bobby, then added, "I wanna be yours, like Maggie and Tommy are. I wanna be happy."

Bobby nodded. "We'll take care of that, and you will be happy—safe and happy."

"Is it okay, I mean, can I...can I call you Daddy and Mommy? Or do I gotta wait for Your Other Honor?"

"You don't have to wait."

Harry's expression turned hopeful. "So you-you are my daddy now?"

"Yes."

He looked at Alex. "And my mommy?"

She nodded. "Yes."

"For real? Nobody's gonna take me away?"

"Nobody will take you away," Bobby promised.

Harry dropped forward onto Bobby's chest with a happy sob and squeezed him, crying from sheer joy. Alex rested her head on Bobby's shoulder and rubbed Harry's back. The little boy sat up suddenly. "I gotsta tell Maggie!"

"Uh, I think that can wait until morning, Harry. Let Maggie sleep. Nothing is going to change; you'll still be ours when the sun comes up. This is a forever thing, my little man."

"Forever is a good time now."

Bobby nodded. "Yes, it is. Come on. I'll tuck you back in."

Harry slid to the floor and Bobby got up, winking at Alex before following Harry from the room.

In the family room, Harry slid into his little nest of blankets near Maggie, and Bobby leaned down to tuck him in. He dropped down onto his left knee and kissed Harry's head. "Sleep tight, Harry."

Harry looked up at him with bright eyes, smiling a purely happy smile for the first time. "Good night, Daddy," he whispered.

It sounded as natural to Bobby's ears as the happy smile on Harry's little face. He touched Harry's cheek, smiling back at him. Then he got up and looked around at the sleeping children. Smiling, he left the room to return to his wife.

* * *

**A/N: The video Bobby is watching when Maggie joins him is one I came across while using StumbleUpon. It's by Biovisions at Harvard University and I encourage everyone to check it out. Just Google "inner life of a cell Harvard"-it's a beautiful video!**


	17. Schoolyard Showdown

The weekend was uneventful and relaxing, but Bobby remained uptight. He could not work his way past the fact that Gomez had assaulted his wife and traumatized Maggie and Harry. He slept poorly, spending a major portion of each night roaming the house or working on his lesson plans. The lack of sleep added to his tension, although he tried not to let it show. Alex, however, could read him like a book and so, unfortunately, could Maggie.

Late Sunday afternoon, Bobby reclined on the sofa in the den with his laptop propped on his legs and his baby daughter sleeping soundly on his chest. The other children were in the yard playing with Mike, who had stayed the weekend...just in case. Bobby tried hard not to resent Mike for being a bodyguard for the family because thinking of him as such made him feel inadequate. A larger part of him, however, was glad that Mike was there. He served as a good distraction for Maggie, who was never far from her father's side.

Alex entered the room and walked over to the sofa. "Bobby, I..."

She trailed off when she saw that he was sleeping. With a tender smile, she lifted the computer from his lap and closed it, setting it on the coffee table. Then she leaned over and placed a loving kiss, first on Molly's head, then on Bobby's cheek. He drew in a deep breath and shifted, cradling the baby in his sleep.

Alex gently toyed with his hair for a few moments, then she busied herself with putting away the toys that were strewn about the room.

Twenty minutes later, Molly started to fuss. Alex picked her up and sat in Aaron's recliner to feed her. Bobby turned onto his side and opened his eyes, just in time to watch Alex prepare to nurse. She looked toward the couch as the baby latched on, surprised to see him awake. She smiled. "Hey, sleepyhead."

"I didn't mean to doze off."

"Don't apologize. I know you haven't been sleeping."

He tucked his arm beneath his head and continued watching her. "You're beautiful," he said after awhile.

She made a noise. "Did you notice the bruises on my face, Goren?"

"What bruises?"

"You're hopeless," she answered.

"I know, but I can't help it."

She watched him for a little while before giving him a familiar smile. "Give me a couple of hours and then, I'm all yours."

He smiled back, his eyes half-closed. "I can't wait."

She loved the warm feeling she got when he showed his desire for her. Even when she wasn't at her best, he still wanted her. That was something that had not changed over the years. He wanted her...because he loved her. His love was something she had never doubted.

He continued to watch her until she was done feeding the baby. Rising from the chair, she walked over to him and laid the sleeping baby on his chest. "Don't forget to burp her," she cautioned, leaning down to kiss his forehead.

He grasped her arm before she could walk away, pulling her back down for a proper kiss. She ran her fingers lightly along his jaw. "Pasta for supper," she said. "It'll be ready in about a half hour."

He watched her leave the room as he sat up and settled the baby against his shoulder to burp her.

* * *

Wednesday afternoon, Bobby sat at his desk at lunchtime. He reviewed his lesson plans as he ate his sandwich. The sound of running footsteps drew his attention from his planner. Todd Capshaw slid to a stop in the doorway. "It's time, Goren. Gomez just showed up."

Bobby got up and followed Capshaw through the hallways. As they approached the doors leading into the school yard, Capshaw held up his hand. "Let me make contact. I'll make a purchase, and then we'll have him dead to rights. When you see me walk away, then we can take him."

Bobby remained just inside the door, watching Capshaw cross the yard. The younger detective stopped to play basketball with his friends for a few minutes before he proceeded to the group of students around Gomez. Bobby recognized three of his students among them, and that made him angry.

He watched Capshaw talk with Gomez and then exchange something with him. When Capshaw moved away from Gomez and separated himself from the group, Bobby exited the building and crossed the yard, past the basketball courts, to the group of students clustered around the dealer.

Capshaw watched him, then turned and went back toward the group. One of the students noticed the teacher and spoke a word to Gomez, who quickly shuffled his hands to hide what he'd been holding. He started to move away from the kids.

"That's smart," Bobby said. "Moving away from the kids. But I wouldn't run, if I were you."

The two cops drew their guns and leveled them at Gomez, who drew his own weapon and held it on them. The dealer looked back and forth between them, but they were positioned just far enough apart that he could only take out one of them.

Students scattered at the sight of the guns; a couple of girls screamed. Bobby pulled his badge out of his jacket pocket and showed it to Gomez. "Put the gun down, Gomez," he warned.

Bobby had the man in his sights, but in his mind, he saw Alex's bruises and Harry's fear. He had visions of his own difficult childhood when he thought about the abuse to which this man had subjected Harry over the past five years. His entire body tensed with rage and his finger snugged against the trigger. Capshaw glanced at him, instantly reading and understanding what his partner was thinking.

"Don't do it, Goren," he warned.

Capshaw's warning sliced through Bobby's rage. _Children..._ There were kids all around. The first risk was to their lives. Stray bullets, wherever they came from, flew without prejudice. The second risk, one probably more far-reaching, was to their psyches. The scene in front of them was traumatic enough. To watch the police gun down a man in front of them...that would cause devastating harm, especially among the children he'd worked so hard to reach. Many of them came from tough areas where the police were not a welcome presence.

"Cover him," Bobby told Capshaw as he lowered his gun, flipped on the safety and tucked it away.

"What the hell are you doing?" Capshaw demanded in a growl as Bobby moved two steps closer to Gomez.

The dealer turned his weapon onto Bobby, who—though disarmed—represented the greater threat at the moment. Bobby held out his empty hands. "You're in enough trouble, Martin. Don't add killing a cop to the list. That will get you the death penalty."

"Ain't that already on the table?"

"You tell me."

"You're looking at me for Betty's death, ain't ya?"

"Why? Did you kill Betty?"

"They're gonna twist what happened so they can say I did it."

"It was an accident, wasn't it, Martin? She was all tripped out, freaking because you hadn't found her son."

"The little bastard ran away! How the hell was that my fault? When I get my hands on his scrawny little ass, he won't be runnin' nowhere! If I was gonna kill anybody, it woulda been him!"

Bobby refused to let Gomez rattle him. "The yelling that night, that was Betty, screaming at you to find her son."

"She went nuts. She was already stoned when I got home. I gave her something that would calm her, mellow her out so she'd forget the little creep existed, just like I always did when I got home."

"Something went wrong," Bobby pressed. "She got more agitated."

"No shit. I couldn't get her to settle down! She ran out of the apartment. I yelled at her to get back inside."

Gomez was getting agitated but he did not lower his guard. He kept his gun leveled at the center of Bobby's chest, his finger on the trigger. Bobby kept his hands in plain sight, moving two steps to the side, away from Capshaw, who kept his gun trained on Gomez. "You ran after her," Bobby continued, his voice calm. "To get her back into the apartment."

"She wouldn't listen to me, no matter what I said. She was at the top of the stairs..."

Bobby could read the grief on Gomez' face, and he knew that, for what it was worth, Gomez had loved his wife. Bobby continued to shift away from his partner, drawing Gomez' attention with him. "She was unsteady, from the drugs. She'd taken a lot of drugs, Martin, and then you gave her more. She was out of control."

Gomez nodded. "She was swaying and stumbling, still yelling at me to get the little bastard back for her. I just wanted to get her back to the apartment, so she could sleep it off and be reasonable again. Then she took a step back, and there was nothing behind her but stairs. She fell backwards, down the stairs, and she didn't move."

Tears ran down his face. Bobby moved two steps closer to him, still keeping Gomez from turning his weapon on Capshaw. "So you ran."

"That's right. I ran. Cops don't believe me because of what I do, but I'm no liar."

"I get that. You live by your own code of ethics. She was your wife and you loved her."

"Exactly! But I'll tell you this, cop. If I ever get my hands on that kid of hers, _then_ you can pin a murder rap on me. But not now."

"We're not Homicide, Martin. That's not why we're here. We're narcotics. Dealing to adults is one thing, but dealing to kids..._that's_ why we're here."

Gomez looked from one cop to the other. "What makes you think I'll go along peacefully? You're not going to start shooting around all these kids."

"We don't want to shoot at all. The best thing you can do, Martin, is give me that gun."

"So your buddy there can shoot me?"

"We don't want any shooting, Martin."

Bobby stepped forward, and Gomez tried backing away, but he backed himself into the fence behind him. Panic filled the dealer's eyes, and Bobby hesitated. Gomez was trapped, and like any trapped animal, he was dangerous, unpredictable. Bobby kept his hands away from his sides, but he did not make eye contact with Gomez, watching him obliquely from lowered eyes. Direct eye contact was a sign of aggression that could set off a cornered animal. "You have not taken any lives, Martin. Not directly. We don't have a murder charge standing yet. But if you pull that trigger, in front of all these witnesses, there's no way you'll avoid Death Row."

Gomez watched him down the barrel of his gun. He nodded his head toward Bobby's left hand. "Wedding ring. You're married. If you want to go home to the little woman tonight, maybe _you _should back off."

"My wife...My wife is also a cop. She knows the risks. I'm not going to back off, Martin. You can pull that trigger and take me out, I won't deny that. But my partner is ready to respond. Pull that trigger and you will not walk away from this. Give me the gun, and we both get to live."

"Live? Have you ever been on the inside?"

"Come on, Martin. A resourceful guy like you...you can make it...not so bad." He moved a few steps closer. "But Death Row, solitary confinement. Not much opportunity there."

"You talk like you've been there."

Bobby's mouth quirked into a small smile. "I know a lot of guys who have been."

"I'll bet you do."

Bobby closed the final gap between them, knowing that if Gomez did discharge his weapon, he couldn't miss. The danger to the students around them was minimal. Gomez' attention and his weapon were focused on him. "Don't make it any worse than it is, Martin. Give me the gun. It's over."

_All or nothing._ Bobby reached out and placed his hand over Gomez' gun, waiting for the man's response. He would either release the gun or pull the trigger. Bobby raised his eyes and Gomez released the weapon.

Shoving the gun into his belt, he spun Gomez toward the fence and shoved him into it. "Martin Gomez, you are under arrest."

After cuffing him and reading him his rights, Bobby turned him to face him. "Before they take you in, let's take just a minute to talk about Harry. Friday afternoon, you assaulted a woman in Brooklyn."

"She stole my son. The little cretin is my property and I want him back."

Bobby's anger rose again, like bile at the back of his throat. "Your son..." He paused, then asked, "What's his favorite color, Martin?"

Gomez stared at him. "What?"

Bobby leaned closer. "It's green. He likes carrots and zebras and earthworms. He likes to play tag and his favorite book is _Sign of the Seahorse_. His best friend is my daughter."

Realization slowly dawned in Gomez' eyes as Bobby's voice dropped dangerously low. "The woman you assaulted was a police officer, and she is my wife."

Gomez did not have the sense to be intimidated. "I want the little bastard back."

"That is not an option. You're going back to jail, Martin, and the court terminated your parental rights."

"What? They can't do that!"

"It's done," Bobby growled, stepping back from Gomez.

"I got it, partner," Capshaw said as he stepped forward and grabbed Gomez' arm.

Bobby let Capshaw take custody of Gomez. There was a squad car and two uniformed officers waiting by the curb. He watched as they took Gomez away, then he stepped back and leaned against the fence, closing his eyes.

"Mr. Goren?"

He looked to his left, to one of his students, a boy named Mitch. "Uhm," he said. "I, I think lunch is over, Mitch. You should get to class."

"Are you all right, sir?"

Bobby forced a smile. "I'm fine. Go on."

The boy hesitated. "Are you...are you really a cop?"

"I'm really a cop."

Mitch stood there and looked at him. "You're a teacher, too. And if you're as good a cop as you are a teacher, maybe there's hope for this city, after all."

With a grin, the teen turned and walked toward the school building. After contemplating the boy's words for a few minutes, Bobby stepped away from the fence and returned to his classroom.


	18. Forgiveness

At the end of the school day, Bobby packed his briefcase and locked his office door. Standing by his desk in the classroom, the principal waited for him. He nodded. "Dr. Ovilla."

Ovilla leaned against the desk and crossed his arms over his chest. "A police officer. I had no idea," he said.

"That was kind of the point of my being undercover," Bobby answered.

"I knew there were drugs, but I thought they were passed from student to student. I never could track it down. I had no idea there was a dealer coming onto school property to give drugs to my students until Sally DeMarco's unfortunate experience."

_Unfortunate experience?_ Bobby thought. The girl could have died. He swallowed the surge of anger that rose at Ovilla's comment, realizing that the principal was trying to be diplomatic. "This was a little more involved than a couple of kids hanging around, smoking a joint, sir. The dealer we arrested has done hard time. He has a history of dealing to kids."

"And he's back on the street?"

His eyes blazed with renewed anger, particularly over the mistake that allowed Gomez to serve just seven years, though it was fueled by the principal's criticism. Narcotics was a difficult, dangerous assignment. Though he'd done well at it, he didn't miss it-most of the time. "Our penal system isn't perfect."

"Will he going back to prison?"

"It's the DA's job to send him back, not mine. We've done our job and it's now out of our hands." _Almost_.

"I appreciate what you did, and that you were able to do it without gunfire or bloodshed."

"That's how I prefer to make my arrests."

Ovilla sighed. "This is not a well-to-do neighborhood, by any means. Many of these kids are troubled. They come from broken homes or have been neglected or mistreated. They are difficult to reach, to connect with. "

"I understand that."

"There is no way I can find a replacement for you before the end of the year. I don't imagine you have teaching credentials, but you have made a connection with your students. They like you, which is an achievement in and of itself, but more than that, they respect you, which is nothing short of a miracle with these kids, especially in the brief time you have been here. Can I talk you into staying until the end of the year? Unless, of course, your job won't allow for it..."

Bobby set his briefcase down beside the desk. Technically, he was still on disability. "The job isn't an issue."

"If the salary is a problem..."

He smiled. He was still drawing a salary from the police department, but he had an alternative solution. "I think that if you can arrange for whatever salary you were going to give me to be donated to the local rec center, it won't be a problem for me to finish out the year."

The principal smiled. "I know the kids will be happy about it. Thank you, detective."

Bobby nodded and Ovilla left the room. He stood there, looking over the classroom as his thoughts wandered. Capshaw would be waiting for him in the narcotics squad room, keeping Gomez on ice until he got there to interrogate him. The younger detective was willing to defer to Bobby's experience and let the senior detective talk to their collar. They wanted their case against Gomez to be bulletproof, and Bobby was very good at building bulletproof cases.

But he was on the edge, and it wouldn't take much for the dealer to push him over it. He needed to get a grip before he went to the station, but looking out over the empty classroom wasn't helping much. His mind crowded with images of the kids who filled those seats-Gomez' intended victims. He revisited his encounter with Sally DeMarco, holding her safe as she screamed and struggled. And he saw Harry, hiding in the basement, so terrified of his father he was ready to run to China to escape him.

He was drawn from his thoughts by a knock on the classroom door. He looked up to see Heather DeMarco, waiting to be acknowledged. He motioned her forward. "What can I do for you, Heather?" he asked.

She was pleased that he remembered her by name. "You arrested Marty."

He nodded. "Yes, we did."

She paused, then said, "You were going to shoot him."

He was ashamed of the impulse that had threatened to take over his good sense. He felt even worse that the kids out there in the schoolyard has seen his moment of weakness, correctly interpreting it. These were street-smart kids. They knew what they were watching. Many of them had seen it before, only this time, the cops weren't after them. Bobby knew the kids who were hooked would still find their drugs somewhere, but it wouldn't be as easy as stepping into the schoolyard. "But I didn't."

"Why not?"

He was surprised by the question; he had no ready answer for it. "Why do you ask?"

"My sister is still in the hospital, Mr. Goren. She's still afraid that everyone who walks past her door is out to get her. The drugs fried her mind and took her away from us. She may never recover. She may spend the rest of her life in a hospital, living on different kinds of drugs to keep her sane. He destroyed her mind and her life."

He thought of his mother and his heart went out to the girl. "I'm sorry. That has to be hard for your family."

"My father is blaming my mother and she's blaming him, and it's getting very ugly. But nobody's blaming Marty for giving Sally the drugs or her for taking them."

He understood her confusion. "You're a smart girl, Heather."

She managed a soft smile, then repeated her question. "Why didn't you shoot him?"

"Because then mine would be another life he destroyed. Mine and my family's. I have children, a wife...I can't take care of them from behind bars. I like my home, and I have no desire to change my address to Riker's Island."

"But you're a cop, aren't you?"

In the world these kids knew, the cops often made the law and enforced it with fists, nightsticks and bullets. "I am. But I'm not above the law. My job is to enforce the law, not dispense it. Martin Gomez is going to jail, but it's the court system that will send him there."

"Suppose they don't?"

Trust did not come easy to her, and he understood that, too. "Sometimes, we have to have faith that the system will work."

She looked skeptical. "If you'd just pulled the trigger, he'd be gone for good. He'd never hurt another person."

He sighed. "I understand how you feel, believe me, I do. But I can't operate outside the law, just like I don't tolerate people who do. That would make me a hypocrite." He cocked his head to the side. "I'm a cop, Heather. Not a vigilante. I took a vow before you were born to serve and protect. To the best of my ability, I live to keep that vow, and I'll die to keep it."

She studied his earnest face. "How many children do you have?"

"Three, uh, no, four. Four children. Two daughters and two sons."

"How old are they?"

He hesitated, wondering where she was going with her questions. But he answered her. "Six, five, two, and almost six months."

She smiled and looked at her watch. "I'll bet they're sweet."

He nodded. "They are."

"I can tell you cherish them. I wish I had a father who loved me like that. I have to go get my brother from daycare. Are you sure Marty is going to jail?"

He nodded. He was going to make certain he was. "I'm sure."

She accepted his word with rare trust. "Thank you, Mr. Goren." She walked to the door before she turned around. "I'm glad you didn't shoot him, after all. Your children are much better off with you than without you."

She left the room. He stayed where he was for a long while, musing over the girl's words. He liked to believe that she was right, that his children were better off with him than without him. In her words, he found the fortitude he needed to deal with Gomez and not lose his cool. He left the school and headed to the narcotics squad room to interrogate the drug dealer and seal his fate.

* * *

Mike pulled up to Reggie's home, and Maggie and Harry piled out of the car. Alex watched them run to the house and open the door. She looked at Mike and smiled. "Harry's getting better."

"He's one of the family," he said as he got out of the car.

Alex looked around. "Bobby isn't home yet."

Mike looked at his watch. "He's late."

Alex pulled out her phone and dialed her voicemail as they walked toward the house. After closing the phone, she said, "He's at the Narcotics squad room. They...They got him, Mike. They arrested Gomez today."

Mike smiled. "I knew he'd do it."

Filled with relief, Alex nodded. "I guess we can go home, then, huh?"

"I'll help you gather the masses."

* * *

It was late and the kids were sleeping. Alex fixed herself a cup of tea and took a beer from the refrigerator. She brought it to Mike, who was sitting on the couch, watching the movie she put on. She sat down and sighed heavily, absently casting a glance toward the door. Mike said, "You left him a message?"

She nodded. "I told him we'd be home, not at Reggie's."

"He'll be home. You know how these interrogations can go."

"Exactly. I know how wrong they can go, too."

* * *

Just after midnight, the door opened and Bobby stepped into the apartment. He stopped cold when he saw Alex and Mike, sitting on the couch, waiting for him. He hesitated before moving forward and closing the door. He had a bandage on his forehead above his left eye, which was bruised and swollen. His lip was bruised and swollen as well.

Alex stood and approached him. She noted the smell of alcohol on his breath but made no comment about it. "What happened?" she asked, her tone guarded.

His brain tripped when she didn't lash out at him. "Huh?"

She reached out and touched the bruise on his cheek. "What happened?" she repeated.

"Oh, that...uh, it's nothing. We got his confession. It will stand."

Mike shook his head. "He beat it out of you, huh?"

Bobby smirked. "Something like that."

"So where have you been?" Alex demanded.

He frowned at the shift in her tone. "I left you a voicemail."

"Your voicemail said you were at the station, interrogating Gomez."

"I was. After that, Capshaw took me to the emergency room to get stitched up and then we met Wrasser for a couple of drinks. Then I came home."

"Did you drive?"

"Drive? Of course not. Wrasser dropped me off. He, uh, he doesn't drink, a religious thing." He recognized her expression. "Why are you angry?"

"A damn call would have been nice, Bobby! I was worried about you."

"I did call!"

"But you haven't been at the narcotics station this whole time!"

"I didn't know I had to report a change of venue," he snapped.

She glared at him in stony silence for a long moment before she turned and stormed away, down the hall, slamming the bedroom door. The silence was broken by Molly's cries from behind the closed door.

Still seated on the couch, Mike reached over and picked up a throw pillow. He pounded it as Bobby came out of the kitchen with a beer. Then he dropped the pillow in place and said, "Just fluffing your pillow for the night."

"Shut up, Logan," he growled.

"Ooh, we're just trying to piss off everyone tonight, aren't we?"

Bobby dropped onto the couch beside Mike. He rested the beer bottle on his leg and leaned his head back. Mike watched him for a minute, then said, "She was worried."

"I can't help that. She worries about everything."

"Knowing that, maybe a phone call..."

"I did call! And if I'd called to tell her I was heading to the emergency room, she would have worried more."

"Good point, though I don't think she'll see it that way." He took the beer from Bobby's hand. "Maybe you've had enough. Go talk to her."

"You gonna take me back to the ER?"

"Sure."

Bobby got up from the couch and walked down the hall to the bedroom. He knocked lightly and opened the door, stepping into the bedroom and closing the door behind him. Alex was sitting in the rocking chair by the window with the baby, who had settled back to sleep. He hesitated for a moment before slipping off his jacket and his shoes. He draped his jacket over a chair. Still quiet, he took off his shirt and undid his pants. He dropped his shirt and pants on the chair by his jacket and sat down on the edge of the bed.

Alex rose from her chair and laid the sleeping baby in her crib. Trying to ignore the fact that he was watching her, she changed into sleep pants and a sleeveless tank top, then she walked around the bed and slid between the sheets, turning over with her back to him.

"Why aren't you on the couch?" she asked, looking at the wall.

"I want to be in here, with you," he answered honestly. He paused, then said, "I didn't mean to worry you."

"Did you look at the time?"

"N-No," he admitted.

"How much did you have to drink?"

"A couple of beers, that's all. I have to teach tomorrow."

"Too much to drive?"

"Maybe. Why take the chance?"

She paused. "Did you give me a second thought?"

"A second thought...and a third, fourth and fifth one. You have all my thoughts."

Several tense minutes passed before she turned over in the bed and got onto her knees behind him, gently running her hands over his upper back. Somehow, he always knew the right thing to say. "You've done this before," she said softly. "And I got mad. You'll do it again, and I'll get mad. But you never have to worry about that." She kissed the back of his neck. "When I don't get mad, then you should worry because that will mean that I don't care."

He closed his hands into fists and lowered his chin to his chest. That was a scenario he never wanted to consider, but it was one that haunted him all the time. He lived in fear of the day she would realize that she'd been wrong and that loving him had been a mistake. "I-I'll go out onto the couch, if that's what you want," he muttered.

"What do you want?"

"Me?"

"Yes, you."

"I already told you. I want to be in here with you."

She slid her arms around his neck and kissed him just below the ear. "Then stay," she whispered.

She pulled him back onto the bed and slid on top of him, straddling his hips. He looked up at her, confused as hell. "Are-You're not mad?"

"I was. Now I'm not."

"Why not?"

She wriggled her hips and placed her hands on his waist. "I got over it. I'm still a work in progress, too, you know. I'm working on getting over my anger once I make my point, because it's really not worth it, being angry with you."

He grabbed her hips and tipped his head to one side, intrigued. "Why not?"

As she leaned forward, he slid his hands up her sides. She braced her hands on either side of his head, leaning in to kiss his injured eye, then his bruised cheek. "You take it so hard when I'm mad at you. I hate feeling guilty when I have a reason to be mad, and that just makes it worse. It's not worth it, not when I see that look in your eyes. With you, grudges are just more pain than they're worth, for both of us."

She kissed his eye again, and then she moved against him and kissed the bruise on his mouth, once, twice...

He slid his fingers into her hair and returned her kiss. She moved her hips and he groaned softly. "Do that again," he murmured against her mouth.

She smiled and wriggled against him again, returning her mouth to his. He pulled off her shirt and she slipped out of her pants. When words failed, she found that actions carried her message quite clearly. And so she proved, beyond all doubt, that she was no longer angry with him.


	19. Perceptions

Bobby slept through the alarm in the morning, and Alex let him sleep. When she came out of the bathroom and went to the kitchen, she found the freezer door open, a chair pushed up against the refrigerator door. On the floor, kneeling in front of a towel, was Maggie, dumping ice cubes onto the towel. "What are you doing, Maggie?" Alex asked.

Maggie stood up and dropped the empty ice cube tray in the sink. "I'm jus' gettin' ice cubes, Mommy."

She knelt down again and folded the towel around the ice cubes that were on it. Alex suppressed a smile. "What do you need with the ice cubes?"

"I don' need 'em. Daddy does."

"Daddy needs them?"

Maggie nodded as she stood up and lifted the ice cube-laden towel. "Daddy's face is hurt. He needs ice on it, like he does for his knee."

Alex laid a hand on her daughter's head. "Did you wake Daddy?"

"No. I went into your room, but he's sleeping. His eye is hurt, so I came out inna kitchen to get some ice for it."

"I'll take the ice to him, baby. Why don't you go wake Harry and Tommy and then get ready for school?"

Maggie hesitated then reluctantly nodded, handing the ice to her mother. "Okay, Mommy. I'll wake the boys."

With a smile, Alex carried the makeshift ice pack in to the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed beside Bobby, who was laying on his side, his preferred sleeping position. She lightly fingered his hair as she studied his face. She hated Gomez for what he had done to poor little Harry, but she was grateful for one thing. Tracking and catching Gomez had given Bobby the focus he needed to stabilize his life. When one aspect of his life was off-kilter, his entire existence became out-of-sync, spinning him off-balance. When his injuries sidelined him earlier in the year, he floundered in his personal life as well. Once he was able to set his sights on Gomez and begin his pursuit, his home life settled down, too. Home and work, for him, were inextricably entwined.

She leaned down to wake him with a long, soft kiss. He woke slowly, turning onto his back and giving her a sleepy smile once she ended the kiss. "Nice," he said softly. "I like that."

Returning his smile, she gently rested the ice on the injured side of his face. "Maggie prepared that for you. She saw your eye when she came in a little while ago."

He raised his hand to hold it in place. "She's not upset, is she?"

"No. She was just taking care of you."

He frowned. "I should be taking care of her, not the other way around."

That was an argument that would take them in circles and possibly send them both off to work upset, so she changed the subject. "So, was Logan right?"

"About what?"

"About Gomez beating his confession out of you."

He laughed softly. "Gomez is an arrogant bastard. When he realized I got him to admit he was dealing to kids as young as fourth grade, he lost it, but I...I didn't expect him to attack me like he did. Capshaw grabbed him, two uniforms and another detective helped subdue him. It was worth it, Al. The confession will stand...and they're adding assault of a police officer to his list of charges."

She touched his left temple, which made him wince. "Did you get that x-rayed?"

He nodded, sliding his arm around her waist. "It's just bruised. I'm fine."

She lightly stroked his chest. "So, are you going to finish out the week at school?"

"Uh, not quite. Dr. Ovilla asked me if I would finish out the school year. It would leave them in a lurch if I left now, and that's not fair to the kids. I told him I would do it. I won't be cleared to go back to work before then anyway."

"But you're drawing disability..."

"I've got it covered. The school will donate what they were going to pay me to the local community center."

She ran her fingertips over his chin, smiling at him with pride. "You like teaching, don't you?"

He grasped her hand and kissed her fingers. "It's...a different kind of satisfaction, shaping young minds and possibly making a difference in their lives. We'll never know, but maybe what I do these next few weeks will keep some of these kids from ending up as part of our caseload in the next few years."

She gave him a quick kiss, but he pulled her back down for one that lingered. She relaxed in his embrace. Finally, she sat back and touched his lips with her fingertips. "You'd better get a move on or you're going to be late."

He set the ice aside and got up. Alex watched him walk to the closet and take out a suit, smiling as he got ready to shower. He stopped when he noticed she was watching him. "What?"

She shrugged. "Nothing. I was just thinking that I'm a very lucky woman."

"Why would you think that?"

Getting up, she walked to him and leaned up to kiss him. "Because I have you."

With that, she walked over to the crib and lifted Molly into her arms. She smiled at him as she carried the baby from the room. He sighed softly and went to take his shower.

* * *

During his third period on Friday, Bobby lectured his class about the capture of Atlanta that began Sherman's March to the Sea. Halfway through the class, a young man at the back corner of the class raised his hand. Bobby nodded at him. "Yes, Tyrone?"

"I watched that scene go down in the yard Wednesday. You had your piece on that dealer, man. How come you didn't pop him?"

Bobby was surprised only by how long it had taken one of the kids to bring up what had happened Wednesday afternoon. The revelation that he was a cop had shaken the students and it was taking time for them to come to terms with it enough to finally address him about it. They didn't like cops, but they liked him, and it was difficult for many of them to reconcile one with the other.

He limped around to the front of his desk and leaned back against it, folding his arms across his chest. "Why would I do that?"

Tyrone's eyes narrowed. "He was breaking the law. You're a cop."

Justice by lethal force...Bobby understood that the kids who sat in front of him had an overwhelmingly negative opinion of cops, based on their street experiences with his colleagues. Too many of them had been witness to beat downs and shootings. He wouldn't be able to change that general opinion, however, he could give them other scenarios to consider, maybe one or two reasons not to hate cops quite so much. "Just because I carry a gun doesn't mean I have to use it."

The young man's tone was aggressive as he waved his hand in the air. "But you put your gun away, man! And he still had his piece zeroed in on your gut!"

Bobby tossed the chalk in his hand up in front of him and caught it. "My gun is a tool, like this piece of chalk." He held it up for the class to see. "When I need it, I use it. But when I don't, I put it away." He set the chalk down. "Wednesday, I put my gun away so I'd have a better chance of getting him to put down his gun. No one can ever predict what damage will be done once a trigger is pulled. That was not a risk I was willing to take with a yard full of kids around us."

"What if he shot you?" asked a girl in the front of the class.

He wasn't sure if the kids were more upset that he was a cop or that Gomez could easily have killed him. Either way, he realized, the reason for their upset was their affection for him. "My partner would have dealt with him. It was a risk I was willing to take. I trusted that my chances to talk him down without any shots being fired were greater than the risk he would shoot me if I holstered my weapon."

A boy in the middle of the class asked, "Wouldn't your job have been easier if you'd taken him out for good?"

With a smile, Bobby shook his head. "No, Marcus. It wouldn't. Every time a cop discharges his weapon, he has to surrender it and account for his actions. Every shooting is investigated and every cop who is involved in a shooting must be cleared for duty before he gets his gun back. When someone dies from a cop's bullet, even more is involved, including visits to a departmental psychiatrist." He rubbed the back of his neck and looked around the classroom. "As a cop, my job is not to kill people. My job is to gather evidence of wrongdoing against men like Gomez so that the prosecution can build a case. Once I turn the case over to the D. A., it's out of my hands. It then falls on the courts to pass judgment and send the defendant to prison or send him home."

Closer to the front of the room, one of the girls asked, "So, then, why do bad guys end up back on the streets while innocent people get put behind bars?"

This wasn't a criminal justice class, but Bobby didn't object to the change in topic. A brief deviation from his class plans would cause no harm, and every face in the classroom was turned toward him, very interested in his answer. He sighed. "People are not perfect, Marcy, and neither is the justice system. Sometimes guilt and innocence get lost in the process. The job of the prosecution is to convince a jury-beyond a reasonable doubt-that the defendant committed the crime for which he stands accused. It's the job of the defense to raise reasonable doubt in the minds of the jury of his client's guilt. Everything revolves around the concept of reasonable doubt, and that is subject to interpretation by the jury."

Another boy at the left front of the class said, "So a good lawyer can get a guilty guy off?"

"Yes, Nick. And a bad one can get an innocent one sent up."

Smirking, another boy asked, "So what's the best way to keep from getting sent up, hope for an incompetent D.A. or bankroll a kickass defense lawyer?"

Bobby rubbed his hand over his hair. "The _best _way to keep from getting sent up is to not break the law in the first place. Don't look for a way to get off, Tim. Don't put yourself in a position to get arrested and sent to jail. Trust me, prison isn't summer camp. It's everything that's bad about the streets crammed into one small space and there's nowhere you can go to get away. There is no home base, kids. There is no escape, even after parole. It stays with you for the rest of your life."

Tyrone spoke up again. "Who give you that shiner, Mr. Goren? Your wife?"

Several students laughed. Bobby touched his bruised cheek. "No, not my wife," he said with a laugh. "She would have inflicted more than just a black eye if I deserved it. Sometimes, interrogations don't go the way we expect them to go."

Surprised looks scattered around the classroom. Marcus spoke up. "I thought the cops was the ones givin' the bruises."

Slowly, Bobby folded his arms across his chest again. "You thought wrong. I can't speak for other cops, but that's not how I do things."

Tyrone stood up and waved his hands in the air to emphasize his statement. "C'mon, Mr. G! Don't tell me you don't look around this school and think half these kids are the reason that dealer was here!"

Bobby knew that his reply would be an important one, but he did not hesitate with his answer. He wanted these kids to know what he really thought, and hesitation would breed suspicion within the young minds sitting in front of him. He wanted them to know they were neither disposable nor insignificant. Every child in front of him was important to him. He knew every face, every name, and he made no presumptions about any of them, except that they could succeed in life. "_Every_ kid in this school was the reason he was here. But only a handful are the reason he stayed."

"Which kids are those?" Tyrone challenged. "The black kids? The Puerto Rican ones?"

This kid played the racial card because it was the card he knew best. Cops targeted minorities in his world. Bobby had never fallen into that trap. He didn't see color in his work. He saw good and bad, and that was colorblind. "The only kids I know who kept him coming back are the ones I saw out there with him. Color doesn't buy drugs, Tyrone. Black, white, Hispanic, Asian...I don't care what color hand holds out the money. Those were the hands that kept him coming back for more."

Tyrone remained skeptical. "You mean to tell me you're a cop and you can look around this school and believe there are kids here who don't do drugs or rob liquor stores or steal cars? You can look at us and not see gang colors?"

Bobby's expression softened. "When I look around a school, _any _school, I see potential. I see lawyers and politicians, doctors and construction workers, teachers, cops and parents. I don't want to see a murderer or rapist in any child's face."

Tyrone jutted his chin toward Bobby defiantly. "What about mine? What do you see in me?"

Bobby smiled. "Confrontational, argumentative, bright. You seem like a prosecutor to me."

The young man's expression changed. "Seriously? You think I could be a lawyer."

"You can be anything you choose to be. Any of you can."

"I ain't a straight A student."

"That's never held anyone back before."

Tyrone's eyes narrowed. "Lawyers gotta go to college. My folks are a paycheck away from living on the streets. Do you know what kinda chance I have to go to college?"

Something told Bobby that if any kid could overcome difficult obstacles, Tyrone could. "I know prosecutors who came from backgrounds just like yours. They had to work harder, but they did it." He looked around the classroom. "Any one of you can be whatever you choose to be. Aim high, work hard and never give up. You can make a difference."

When he considered his own background, he believed every word he told those kids. They _could_ make a difference. He knew because he made a difference.

After class, as the kids left the classroom, he opened his briefcase and pulled out a piece of paper. "Tyrone, come here," he said, motioning at the boy. He wrote a name and number on the paper and handed it to the teen. "Give this man a call. He grew up in Harlem and worked hard to get where he is. He has worked as a prosecutor and a defense attorney, and he earned the respect of my closest friend. He'll steer you in the right direction."

"Thanks, Mr. Goren," Tyrone said as he took the paper and read the name Bobby had written. _Paul Robinette_.

* * *

Bobby arrived home to an empty apartment. He removed his suit jacket, draped it over the arm of the couch and sorted through the mail, opening the only letter that caught his interest. It was from the court. Nestled within the official court papers responding to their petition to adopt Harry was a note from Judge Haversham.

_Detectives, _

_Everything is in order. Your friend Ron Carver has agreed to address the legal aspects of the process and act on your behalf as necessary. Most of the required home study documentation has been completed by Dr. Olivet. A visit to your new home once you are settled is all I require to complete those reports. With my intervention, Harry will be your son by the time he starts his new school in September. What a wonderful year of new experiences for your beautiful family._

_All my best,_

_Marsha Haversham_

Smiling, he folded the letter and looked at the papers. He read over Harry's information. _Henry Edward Gomez_. Henry Edward...the names of almost two dozen kings of England, including St. Edward the Confessor. Bobby was familiar wth St. Edward because he was the patron Saint of difficult marriages, and his mother had prayed to him often for guidance during the last years of her marriage.

He focused on the papers again..._birthdate August 10th, 2007_. He was exactly three months younger than Maggie. It had saddened him when Harry couldn't tell them when his birthday was. Like Harry, he'd had a difficult childhood, but he'd known when his birthday was by the time he started kindergarten. His eye caught the names of the petitioners...Robert Oliver Goren and Alexandra Eames Goren. The words of her name caught him off-guard, as they did every time he saw _Goren _following her name. She almost never used her married name. He had not objected when she kept Eames, as she had after she married Joe and Ricky. He rarely objected to anything she wanted to do, and she had yet to call him on that. As partners at work, he sometimes challenged her. As partners in life, he chose not to do so. Perhaps, it was part of his subconscious master plan to make the marriage work. _Keep her happy and she'll stay. Just let her have her way. It's a small thing. _He seemed to forget that small things often added up until eventually, they became an elephant in the room, looming between them, holding them hostage from each other.

He folded the papers and put them into the envelope with Haversham's letter, laying them on the counter so Alex could see them and file them away. He poured himself a drink and then wandered from room to room, looking at the boxes that contained all their possessions. In Maggie's room, he touched the closest box. His fingers ran over his little girl's scrawl: _Maggie's toys_.

Another box caught his attention. It was a smaller box, not so heavy. Maggie's writing on the side read _Harry's toys_. He set down his glass and opened the box, finding an assortment of toys that both Maggie and Tommy had given to Harry, along with the toys he and Alex had gotten for the little boy. He ran his fingers lightly along the edge of the box as he picked up a Matchbox car from inside it: a white car with a light bar across the top and NYPD on the front doors. The rear doors were etched with the department's motto: _**C**ourtesy, **P**rofessionalism, **R**espect_. It was one of Tom's favorite cars. All his favorite adults in the world were cops, and that's what the car represented for him. It was significant that he had given it to Harry.

He set it back down and picked up a leather pouch. With a smile, he dumped its contents into his hand. He counted fourteen marbles. Since Maggie was old enough to understand that they were not food, Bobby had been giving her marbles and he taught her to play a couple of games. Sitting on the bed, he looked through the assortment she had given to Harry, lost in the memories the little spheres brought back to him. When he and Frank were kids, they used to play marbles every day after school. He was thirteen when Frank got him to play for shots for the first time. Frank could get him to do just about anything back then. Bobby was the better player, but Frank had arranged a sweet distraction named Ellie, and Bobby was off his mark with every shot. A few swallows of bourbon had evened the playing field; a few more led to Frank's victory. Part of the deal, however, had been the loser got Ellie, so Bobby didn't mind that Frank won, not at all. Frank, it turned out, hadn't cared about getting the girl-he had access to dozens. He'd wanted the satisfaction of victory over his little brother, and he didn't really care what it took to achieve that. At thirteen, Bobby wasn't very adept at sex, but Ellie, who was Frank's age and a junior, certainly had been, at least in the perception of a young teen boy. After she took him on the couch, Frank had joined them. At first, Bobby had been furious, but Ellie soon convinced him it would be fun, and it had been great fun, until Mom got home. She had not reacted well to finding her two sons, drunk and shirtless, on the sofa with a mostly naked girl. It hadn't been the first time Bobby had gotten drunk with his brother, but it was the first time Mom had caught them. She'd held Frank almost blameless; Bobby was the one who led his brother astray. Bobby never figured out why he always bore the brunt of the blame when he and Frank got in trouble. Frank had always been the innocent in their mother's eyes, the favorite son, the _good _one. Bobby was the miscreant, always in trouble at school and at home. The next day, miserably hungover, Bobby had cut school after second period and gone home to find the sofa gone. His mother had made both boys pay for the new one, but she still heaped most of the responsibility for it on Bobby's broad young shoulders. He ended up contributing fifty dollars more than Frank did for the new couch, a huge chunk of the meager under-the-table pay Mr. Campanelli gave him for his weekend stock and delivery work at the corner bistro. He learned at an early age that fortune did indeed favor the foolish, and he just was not foolish enough for it to shine on him.

He put the smooth spheres back into the pouch, one by one. Three shooters, an eyeball, two bugs, one earth, three sports marbles—the Yankees, the Mets and the Rangers, a dolphin, a shark and two aggies. He bounced the bag in his hand, closing his eyes to listen to the clatter of the marbles as they struck each other. He'd always liked that sound. It brought back good memories of Frank, and he treasured those.

He pulled the box to him and set the marbles back into it. With a sigh, he closed it and pushed it back into place. He rubbed the back of his neck and grabbed his glass as he left the room, crossing the hall to his bedroom, where Alex had begun to pack their things and Molly's. Several partially packed boxes were on the bed, half-filled with clothes and blankets and toys.

He pulled off his tie and unbuttoned his shirt, stepping out of his shoes. Walking to the dresser, he pulled out a t-shirt and a pair of jeans. After changing, he went out into the kitchen and started making dinner.

* * *

He heard them before the door opened, happy noises in the hall that made him smile. By the time he'd washed his hands and walked to the kitchen doorway, drying them on a towel, the door was open and his children spilled into the apartment. Everything around him suddenly got brighter. Alex followed them with Tommy's backpack slung over her shoulder. Behind her came Mike, carrying Molly and her diaper bag. Molly sat up in his arms as soon as they were through the door, looking around. Her face lit up when she saw her father across the room.

Tommy ran to him and began bouncing up and down, anxious to show him something. "Dada! Yook!"

Bobby turned his attention to the excited little boy. Tommy tapped his thigh and announced, "Dada!"

Then he ran to Alex and touched her leg. "Mama."

He continued with Mike, "Unna", and labeled everyone in the room: Molly, "Sisser", Maggie, "Sisser" and finally, Harry, "Brudder". Then he turned toward Bobby, beaming with pride at his accomplishment.

With a smile, Bobby dropped down to one knee, and Tommy ran to him. He folded his arms around the boy's small body and held him. Maggie came over to join in the hug. Harry held back for a moment...but only for a moment. Without waiting for an invitation, he overcame his timidity and scurried forward, into arms that always welcomed him.

* * *

The kids were tucked in bed, asleep, by ten and the lights in the house were off, except for the kitchen light and the television. The kitchen light switched off and Alex came out into the living room, carrying two beers and a wineglass. Handling Bobby and Mike each a beer, she sat beside Bobby, leaning into his side. He tucked his arm around her and placed a tender kiss on her head. Periodically, the room brightened with lightning. Bobby flipped on the news, which had been part of his daily routine for years. In many ways, routine was very important to him, and Alex was reluctant to interfere with it. He derived comfort from routine. She snuggled deeper into his embrace and tucked her hand beneath his shirt, resting it his abdomen. She felt his soft exhalation, pleased when he relaxed, content to simply hold her.

The news led off with the weather, projecting a Doppler display behind the weatherman that was riddled with angry reds and oranges. The approaching storm was a monster, the likes of which the city had not seen in many years. "Batten down the hatches," Mike said. "Maybe I should be going."

"Why?" Bobby asked. "The outer bands of the storm are already over the city. You may as well stay."

With a laugh, Mike said, "I spend more time here than I do at my place."

Grinning, Bobby gave him a sideways glance. "You did promise the kids a visit to _Chuck E. Cheese_ tomorrow, remember?"

"Oh, yeah, I did, didn't I? What was I thinking?"

Alex took a drink of her wine. "It's right up your alley, Mike-'where a kid can be a kid'. You'll fit right in."

"Ha, ha. What a comedian...don't quit your day job, Alex."

They returned their attention to the news. After hearing that parts of the desert Southwest were already seeing temperatures in the lower hundreds, Alex asked, "Have you talked to Carolyn lately?"

"Sure. Last night. She finally decided she's had enough of the Arizona heat. Eight more days, and I get my boy back."

"Don't you miss her?" she asked.

"Well, yeah, but it's different. She can get along without me, but Sean, I like to think he needs me."

Bobby smiled. "Of course he does, and you need him, too."

Mike looked at him as he took a drink of his beer. "Like you need your kids—and your wife. They give you something real, something important beyond yourself."

Bobby's expression changed and he moved his gaze back to the news, but Mike didn't understand what prompted the sudden shift of his friend's mood. Alex felt his tension and lightly stroked his stomach. He closed his eyes, taking a couple of deep breaths.

His grip tightened on his beer bottle, and, without opening his eyes, he leaned toward her. She met him halfway for a deep kiss. The beer bottle slipped from his grasp and fell to the floor. Mike drained his beer with a smile, got up and went into the kitchen. When he came back from the kitchen, they were gone. Laughing, he picked up the dropped beer bottle and the remote and settled on the couch.

* * *

Over the next few hours, the storm raged into the area, gradually increasing in intensity. Lightning lit up the rooms and thunder shook the walls. As the center of the huge storm approached their Brooklyn home, Alex snuggled closer to Bobby, who wrapped his arms around her as he stirred from sleep. More thunder shook the house, but it didn't bother him. He gently nuzzled her head, seeking her mouth. She relaxed against him, distracted from the powerful storm.

Suddenly, their bedroom door slammed open. Alex pulled away from him and sat up as Harry propelled himself onto the bed and scrambled to them in a panic. She gathered him into her arms and hugged him. Tommy came into the room as well, trotting over to his father's side of the bed. Another boom of thunder sent him running the last few feet. "Dada, boom!"

Bobby lifted him onto the bed with a laugh. "Big boom, little man."

Another round of thunder, and Maggie was at the door, too. She crossed quickly to the bed and climbed up, scrambling over Bobby to settle on the bed between her parents with Harry and Tommy. Bobby looked at Alex when Molly started screaming, also scared by the wall-shaking thunder. "I'll get her."

He got up and lifted the baby from her crib as the room was lit up by another flash of lightning. When the thunder followed, Molly jumped and cried harder. "Shhhh..." Bobby soothed. "It's okay. It's just noise."

He sat on the bed near the other three children and Maggie reached for her little sister. Bobby gently laid her in the middle of the children and watched as they talked to her, distracting her and calming her. He slipped back into his place in the bed, and Alex rested her head on his shoulder. Maggie snuggled into her father as Harry rested against Alex.

After the next round of thunder, Tommy suddenly slid off the bed, falling onto his butt. He scrambled to his feet and hurried out of the room, confusing his parents.

The little boy rushed into the living room, where Mike was sleeping on the couch. More thunder sent him scurrying onto Mike, waking him from a sound sleep. "Unna My!" he squeaked, burying his face in Mike's chest.

"Whoa, hey, little man, what's wrong?"

Hugging him, Tom launched into an extended explanation, of which Mike only caught a few words he understood. "Okay, okay," he said, cradling the boy to his chest and looking around. "Where's my translator when I need her?"

"'Mon, Unna My." Tommy slid to the floor and tugged on Mike's hand."'Mon!"

"Okay. I'm coming."

Tom dragged him down the hallway to his parents' room and then to the bed. Mike lifted him up onto the bed. "What's going on?"

"Storm," Bobby answered.

Mike looked up toward the ceiling. "And?"

He shrugged. "They've never seen a storm like this before."

"_I've_ never seen a storm like this before, but why does it involve me?"

They looked at Tommy, who repeated his explanation. Bobby understood more of it than Mike did, but they all turned to Maggie, who said, "It's a scary storm an' Tommy didn' want Uncle Mike to be all alone."

Mike laughed, then leaned down and kissed Tommy's blond head. "Thanks for including me, little man, but I am not sleeping in bed with your parents. I promise you, I'm not afraid of the storm." He grinned and said, "I am perfectly fine on the couch. Believe me, I'm more afraid of any storm that will develop _in _the bed than I am of the one outside."

He ducked the toy elephant that Alex threw at his head, laughing as he darted out the door and returned to his comfortable place on the couch.

Harry shifted so Tommy could snuggle against his mother's stomach while Maggie remained nestled against her father. Among them, Molly settled down to sleep. Alex curled around the children to rest her head back on Bobby's shoulder, and he tipped his head forward to kiss her, a loving kiss that lingered.

From his position between Tom and Molly, Harry watched them. When his former daddy used to kiss his now-dead mommy, he'd hated it. He'd felt threatened and excluded. With this new mommy and daddy, though, he felt very different. When they expressed their love for each other, it encompassed him as well, wrapping him in a protective cocoon of warm love. He snuggled deeper under the blanket as Tommy hugged him. Harry draped his arm over Molly's little form to touch Maggie's hand. She grasped his hand and held it. Harry drifted to sleep among his new siblings, cradled in love, comfortable and safe in spite of the violent storm that raged against the outside world.


	20. First Night in the New House

Alex wasn't sure which man earned the idiot prize for boneheaded ideas. Bobby decided to rent a truck for a do-it-yourself move rather than hiring movers to do the work, which was what she wanted to do. Mike was all for helping with the move, which made her even more nervous. Bobby called Lewis to help them move, which he was happy to do, and she called her brothers and Aaron. For safety's sake, she arranged for her father and Reggie to watch the kids. So she had a house full of men who were going to move all of her family's worldly possessions from their third floor apartment in Brooklyn to their new home in Ozone Park. All that was well and good, if that was really what Bobby wanted to do. Then Mike and Kevin both showed up with several cases of beer in their back seats. That was when she decided it would be best for her to spend the day with her children. Otherwise, she might throttle one or more of the men.

She took Bobby off to the side and quietly said, "Look, I think I'll only be in the way here. You guys don't need a keeper—" He arched an eyebrow. "Okay, well, maybe you do, but I think we'll all be better off if I spend the day with the kids. Reggie said something about going shopping, and I need to pick up some things anyway. How does that sound to you?"

He slid his arms around her and pulled her against him. "If that's what you want to do."

"What do you want me to do?"

He smiled and leaned over to talk into her ear. "Didn't I make that clear first thing this morning?"

She laughed. "Okay, but practically speaking?"

He sighed in mock frustration. "Why do I have to be practical?"

"Just give it a shot for the hell of it, okay?"

Turning his head, he kissed her softly. "I love you," he murmured. It was the only thought his mind could form at the moment.

"I love you, too," she answered against him.

He sought her mouth again and deepened the kiss, and all he wanted at that moment was to take her back to bed. Unfortunately, two of her brothers were dismantling their bed. He could be creative, though...

She drew back from the kiss reluctantly and lightly stroked his lips with her fingertips. "Would you please promise me something?"

He teased her fingers with his tongue. "Of course. Name it."

"Be careful," she said, smiling at his playfulness. "You only just got to the point where you don't need any more pain medicine and your limp is getting better. I swear I'll knock the crap out of you if you reinjure it."

He smiled and leaned in for another kiss. "I'll be fine, I promise. I've got plenty of help and I won't move any of the big stuff."

"Who's driving?"

"Uh, I have no idea."

"Make sure you decide that ahead of time."

Then it dawned on him why she was leaving and why she was so concerned. "Don't worry. We'll behave."

"I sure hope so. Because if I get even one phone call, I'll knock the whole lot of you into next week."

Logan came up to them. "If you're done making out for the time being, we have work to do."

Bobby playfully swung a fist at him which Mike easily dodged. "Yeah, I have nothing at all to worry about," Alex muttered, hoping this do-it-yourself move would not prove to be a disaster. "Be careful," she cautioned them both.

"Don't worry, Mom," Mike teased. "I'll take care of him."

"I am _not _reassured, Logan."

He laughed as she gave Bobby another kiss then waved to the other men and left the apartment, feeling apprehensive. The best thing she could do was go on over to her sister's and try not to worry. Shopping didn't sound like such a bad idea after all.

* * *

After dinner, Alex finally bit the bullet. "I'm going to go over to the house and assess the damage."

Reggie looked over her shoulder from the sink where she was washing the dinner dishes. "You're brave," she laughed.

Maggie was helping her grandfather feed Molly applesauce. "Can I come, too, Mommy?"

"Not this time, sweetheart. They're moving big furniture and I don't want to take a chance you might get hurt."

"How would I get hurt if I stay outta the way?"

"Trust me. Stay here and play with the boys until bedtime." She looked at Reggie. "I'll see what the big boys are up to."

"I'll treat you to lunch if just one of them is still sober."

With a laugh, Alex said, "Sorry, Reg. I learned to only bet on a sure thing, and that's one bet I'd lose. I'll be back later."

* * *

When she pulled up to the house, she felt reassured to find the truck in the driveway. The street in front of the house looked like a car show. Bobby's Mustang was joined by Kevin's Charger, Mike's Cougar, and Lewis' GTO, which Mike and Bobby had helped him to restore. That meant that either Aaron, Mark or Kevin had driven the truck. The only one missing was her youngest brother, Patrick, who was on shift at the firehouse.

She went to the front of the house and climbed the couple of steps onto the porch. It was a spacious porch that spanned the front and one side of the house. She loved it. Opening the front door, which was unlocked, she entered the house.

Across the foyer, stairs led to the upper level, where the four bedrooms were located. To her right was the family room, which now housed boxes of the children's toys, books and videos. To her left was the living room, beyond which was the kitchen, a nice big country kitchen that she and Bobby both loved. There was one bathroom downstairs and one upstairs, plus the master bath right off their bedroom.

She went into the living room, looking around at the furniture that was scattered about the room. Everything looked intact. She heard laughter coming from the back yard. Before stepping out of the house, though, she went upstairs and looked through each bedroom. The beds were not assembled, but everything appeared to have made it to the right room.

Going back downstairs, she finally went out into the yard, where the men were playing ball. She looked around the deck at the empty beer cans and bottles, shaking her head. Then she walked to the rail and braced her hands on it, watching the game. She couldn't help smiling fondly. Every man out there had a special place in her heart. Mike spotted her first and with one word, her name, he broke up the game. As they crossed the yard to the deck, she warned, "First one of you that pees in my yard is going to need to be replumbed."

Kevin waved a hand. "No worries, sis. We've been peeing in the neighbor's yard."

They laughed at her expression. "He's joking," Mike assured her.

She wasn't so sure, but she let the matter go. They gathered on the deck, each one grabbing another beer, and Bobby stopped in front of her. "Everything's moved," he said after kissing her. "And no one got broken."

"No _thing_ got broken," Lewis corrected.

"Yeah, that, too," Bobby agreed.

"Lucky for the lot of you," Alex said with a smile, taking a drink of Bobby's beer.

Since there was no furniture, they all sat on the deck. It was a beautiful night, cool and crisp, but not cold. Aaron handed Alex a beer as she sat beside Bobby, and Kevin gave her a grin. "So you gonna have a housewarming, Al?"

"I don't know. We haven't talked about it."

"Aw, c'mon. This is a great house. Let the family come and see it before the rugrats break it in."

"We'll let you know," she promised with a smile.

The conversation turned to the now well-underway baseball season, and Alex leaned over to Bobby, speaking into his ear. "How's your knee?"

He leaned toward her and kept going until his head rested in her lap. He grinned up at her. "Good," he assured her.

She played with his hair. "When did the drinking start?"

"Not til we got here," he promised.

Smiling, she leaned down to kiss him. He threaded his fingers into her hair and teased her lips with his tongue. She let him in. She tasted beer and, faintly, cigarettes, and she found it arousing. She lost track of their surroundings and was unaware that the men around them had stopped talking. They were exchanging amused grins.

When Alex broke the kiss and sat back, she noticed the silence and looked at the other men on the deck. "Don't you guys have something better to do?"

"No," Kevin answered. "Don't let us interrupt you."

She glared at him and they all laughed, including Bobby, who pulled her down for another kiss. It had been so long since he'd been this relaxed and playful, and she was enjoying it. She pulled back just far enough to look into his eyes. "I love you," she said softly.

His return smile was tender. "I love you, too," he murmured, losing himself in another kiss, not caring who was watching.

She nipped his lower lip. "Let's go inside," she said softly.

She didn't have to ask him twice. When Kevin wolf-whistled, Alex threw an empty beer can at him, ignoring the laughter that followed. Bobby didn't bother closing the sliding door behind him. He caught her in the foyer and wrestled her playfully into the family room. She laughed as he tumbled to the floor, pulling her down with him. Their laughter quickly faded to soft groans in the darkened room. Clothes were shed and their bodies entangled with each other. He remained frisky, teasing and tickling her, and she fully enjoyed his good mood. Her climax came first, just minutes after he entered her, but he wasn't far behind, driven over the edge by her response to him.

Once she recovered, she hunted down her clothes and began to pull them on. He sleepily watched her in the moonlight that filtered in the window at the back of the room, playfully inhibiting her attempts to dress. Laughing more than she had in a long time, she swatted at him. "Cut it out," she teased, poking his side. "Get ready to go."

"Go? Go where?"

"To Dad's. Where did you think we were going to sleep?"

"What's wrong with staying here for the night?"

"Seriously?" She hadn't considered spending the night there. "Well...I suppose we can put the mattress on the floor, if you really want to stay."

"I was kind of hoping for another round," he said, his eyes glowing and his voice husky with desire as he toyed with the clasp on her pants.

She squirmed away from his hands and lightly stroked him with a mischievous smile. "Do you think you'll be up for another round?"

"Count on it, baby," he promised.

Smiling, she teased his mouth with her tongue. "Just how many rounds do you think you'll last?"

"I'm game for as many as you are."

She grabbed his clothes and pressed them against his chest. "You're on. Let's say good night to your cohorts and head upstairs."

He pulled on his boxers and his jeans, but nothing else. After some more good-natured teasing from the guys on the deck, they went upstairs to see which one would outlast the other. As the moon set in the west, they fell asleep in each other's arms, neither one disappointed that their game ended in a draw.


	21. Not My Room

Alex slid between the sheets into bed and snuggled into Bobby's side. She let out a heavy breath and nuzzled his neck. It was Sunday night, and after spending the day assembling beds and sorting boxes, they'd brought the children home to spend their first night in the new home. She caressed his side. "How are you feeling?" she whispered into his ear.

"Good," he answered, tipping his head away from her to give her easier access to his neck. She smiled, draping her leg over his and stroking his waist as she continued to nuzzle his neck.

He turned his head toward her, seeking her mouth. She relaxed against him as he threaded his fingers into her hair. Her hands skimmed over his waist and she tucked her fingers into the waistband of his boxers. He smiled against her mouth and whispered, "Yes."

She laughed and pressed herself against him. "Someone's happy to see me," she teased.

"Always," he answered, grinning.

As she started to slide his boxers over his hips, they were interrupted by a knock at the door. He groaned as she pulled them back up and called out, "Yes?"

The door opened and Maggie's curly head poked into the room. "Mommy? Daddy?"

Alex rolled onto her back. "What's the matter, honey?"

"I can' sleep."

"Why not?"

"It's not my room."

"But it is your room, sweetheart."

Maggie shifted in the doorway. "But it's not my real room, Mommy."

Bobby sat up beside Alex. "Maggie, you sleep in different rooms when you go to Grandpa's or Aunt Reggie's."

"But they're my rooms, too. I have three rooms, an' this room isn' one."

Bobby looked at Alex, who shrugged. He said, "Will it help when all your things are in your room?"

She shuffled her feet and shrugged. "I dunno, Daddy."

"Do you like the new house?"

"Yes. I like it a lot. I jus'...I wish I coulda bringed my room."

"Come here."

She approached the bed and climbed up with her parents. Bobby settled her between them and kissed her head. "I'll tell you what. When I get home from work tomorrow, I'll start setting things up in your room. Once we get it all set up, it'll feel more like your room. After a few days, Mischief will settle in, too, and then she'll sleep on your bed like she always has."

"What about Archie?"

"I'll get your shelves set up first, and then Archie can move from the entertainment center to your shelves, where he belongs."

She gave that some thought. "Will it look like my old room?"

"Not exactly, but it will be your room and all your things will be there. We can set everything up however you want it."

Slowly, she nodded. "We can try that, but it's still not my room."

Alex slid out of bed. "Come on, Maggie. I'll tuck you back in. You'll get used to your new room."

Maggie sighed, then yawned. "Do you think so?"

"Yes, I do."

She looked at Bobby, who nodded in agreement with her mother. She stood up on the bed and kissed him, hugging his neck. "Good night, Daddy."

"Good night, baby."

When Alex returned to the bedroom, Bobby had not moved. She slid back into the bed and said, "She's so much like you. She can only handle so much change."

He looked around the room. "But I'm okay with this being our bedroom."

"You're not six, and you haven't had the same bedroom in the same home since you were three. A lot of things have changed, Bobby. A new home, a new neighborhood, a new brother. That's a lot for her to handle."

He gave that some thought. "I suppose it is. What about Harry and Tom?"

"Harry's life has been so unstable he's used to changes, and Tommy's only 2. He still rolls with the punches."

"Maybe we'll luck out and he'll be more like you than me."

She leaned over and kissed him. "Being like you is not a bad thing, and I wouldn't want her any different. Would you?"

Slowly, he shook his head. "No. Of course not."

"Then we have to take these little inconveniences as they come."

He rubbed the back of his neck. "But suppose she doesn't get used to her room?"

Alex smiled. "She will, I promise." She snuggled into him, coaxing him to lay down again. She stroked his abdomen and said, "Now where were we?"

With a soft hum, she played with the waistband of his boxers, once again working them over his hips. "Someplace right about here?" she whispered.

From under heavy lids, he watched her face, aglow with desire once again. "Keep going," he urged.

Sliding down his body as she worked off his boxers, she followed through with what she started.  


* * *

Bobby slept through the alarm the next morning, but Alex didn't. She got up and got the kids up. While they were eating breakfast, Bobby came into the kitchen, dressed for work. He kissed each of the children and said good morning, then gave Alex a kiss before pouring himself a cup of coffee. She handed him a plate of eggs and sausage, adding a freshly buttered piece of toast. "How much more school do you have?"

"Two weeks. Then I see Dr. Wrightweiler again to see if I can go back to work for real."

"I think he'll give you the green light. You've been improving. How has physical therapy been going?"

He shifted uncomfortably and moved toward the table to sit with the children. "Uh, okay, I guess."

She stared at him. "You haven't been going, have you?"

"I don't need to put myself through that. My knee has been improving on its own."

"So where have you been going when you were supposed to be at the hospital?"

"Uh, well, Mike and I..."

"Don't say anything else. I swear you two are nothing but trouble when you're together."

"We're not that bad," he said defensively.

"Look, you need to start going. I mean that. Don't make me hold your hand and go with you."

"Alex..."

"I'm not joking."

He huffed softly and finished his eggs. "Fine. I'll go this afternoon after school."

"And do what she tells you. Don't make her job any more difficult. Got it?"

He nodded and finished his coffee. He put his plate and cup in the sink then kissed each of the four children. He hugged Alex and gave her a soft kiss. "I promise, I'll behave. Have a good day."

"You, too."

Saying goodbye to the family, he grabbed his briefcase and left the house.  


* * *

He got home late. Alex and the kids were already home and she was making dinner. When he came in the door, the kids ran to greet him. Then they scurried back into the family room to play. He stopped to pick Molly up from her playpen, kissing her and tickling her belly like he usually did. Setting her back in the playpen, he gave her a toy and headed for the kitchen. He limped to the refrigerator and took down his medication, which he had hoped not to need any more. He was annoyed that he did.

Alex looked over her shoulder at him from where she stood by the sink chopping vegetables. Usually, he showed an interest, watching over her shoulder before he corrected her procedure and showed her the best way to chop whatever food she was attacking with the knife. She never told him that she purposely did it wrong, just so he would show her how to do it his way. Now, she watched him, knowing he was in pain, which made her feel bad. When he downed two pills and left the room without saying a word, she knew that he was angry as well. With a soft sigh, she finished what she was doing. Sometimes it was best to leave him alone, sometimes not. She wasn't sure what the best response would be this time, but she left him alone for the time being in favor of not burning dinner.

Once dinner was done, she dished it out for the children and called them to the table. She had already fed Molly, who was content to play for the time being. She settled the three children at the table to eat, then went upstairs to deal with her husband.

She found him in Maggie's room, assembling her shelves as he had promised the night before.

"How are you doing?" she ventured.

"I'm fine," he answered, not looking up from his work.

"I take it you went to physical therapy today."

"I did, because you wanted me to go. And I'm paying for it now."

She understood his grouchiness and did not react to it. "You know it's in your best interests, Bobby. Your knee will be stronger in the long run, and that will increase your chances of being returned to the job."

He let out a soft sigh. "I know," he said finally.

"Do you want dinner?"

"No, thanks. I'm feeling sick to my stomach. I'm just going to finish putting these shelves up, like I promised Maggie I would."

She crossed the room and leaned down to kiss the top of his head, ignoring his bad mood. Then she returned to eat dinner with the children.  


* * *

When she chased the kids upstairs to get ready for bed, Maggie was happy to see the shelves up in her room, declaring they made it look more like her real room. But she was disappointed that her daddy wasn't still in there. When she went to his room to thank him, she was further disappointed to find him sleeping. Alex led her back to her room, where she set out Maggie's pajamas. "You can thank Daddy tomorrow, baby. Now get ready for bed while I tuck the boys in."

After making sure teeth were brushed, she tucked in the three older children, then went back down to the living room. Molly was sound asleep in her playpen. She picked up the baby and changed her into a sleeper before carrying her to her crib. After tucking the baby in, she got ready for bed, then slid under the sheets beside Bobby. She snuggled against him, and he turned toward her, drawing her close. With a soft sigh, he nuzzled her hair and settled back to sleep. Reassured, Alex snuggled deeper into his embrace. He wasn't so upset that it carried over into his sleep. She drifted off quickly.

Bobby's night was restless, his sleep interrupted by pain. When Alex woke with the alarm in the morning, he wasn't in the room. She sighed, aware that he'd had a bad night. She got up, pulled on her robe and went looking for him. She found him sitting on the back deck, his leg propped on a lower rung of the rail. He held a coffee cup in his left hand while flexing his right in and out of a fist. She knew well that was a sign of irritation. She opened the sliding door and stepped out onto the deck.

"It's a nice morning," she commented.

He made a noise and took a drink of his coffee. His hand settled into a fist. He was on the verge of withdrawing, she knew, and she wanted to prevent that, if she could. She stepped up behind him and placed her hands on his shoulders. She felt his muscles bunch beneath her hands, and she pressed her thumbs into the knots, making firm circles over his muscles.

He released his breath slowly and closed his eyes. Gradually, his right hand relaxed out of a fist and he calmed. She spoke softly into his ear. "You had a bad night."

He nodded.

"Why didn't you wake me?"

"No sense in us both being awake," he answered.

She moved her hands to his neck and he tipped his head forward. "Are you angry with me for making you go to physical therapy?" she asked.

"Yes and no."

"What did she say?"

"The muscles are tight and need some work. It's going to be uncomfortable for awhile. She said to use the pain medicine as I need it and she wants to see me twice a week for the next month. Then she'll reassess my condition."

"Will it delay your return to work?"

"I don't think so."

"Was it worth it to play hookey with Logan instead of doing this all along?"

He didn't answer right away. Finally, he said, "I'll get back to you on that."

Reluctantly, he stood up. "I'd better get ready for work."

She stepped into his path and he pulled her into a hug. "Please," she said. "Don't withdraw again. I'll help you deal with the pain however I can, but I need you outside your head, with me."

He rested his chin lightly on the top of her head. "I'll try," he promised. "I don't want to take it out on you if I'm in a bad mood because I hurt."

"Don't worry about that. Trust me to be able to get you out of that mood."

"Is that a challenge?"

"Call it whatever you want. I'm up for it, partner."

He smiled and pulled back to look at her. "I guess you are."

He kissed her softly then moved past her to go into the house. He left before the children were up.


	22. Nothing is Forever

Bobby went directly home after school the next afternoon, busying himself with setting up Maggie's room. He did his best to ignore the fire in his knee, and he really tried not to resent his wife for forcing him into physical therapy. She wanted what was best for him, of course, and he knew he needed the PT, but dammit, the pain was finally diminishing, finally manageable without medication. Not any more. His limp was worse again and the pain was constant. He had always hated physical therapy, and he was definitely not his therapists' favorite patient. He was irritable with them, though not uncooperative. He'd made one poor girl cry once, and he felt bad about it, but he didn't completely regret it until Deakins and Eames found out. That had been an uncomfortable dressing down. He was a little nicer to Marcy, his current therapist, partly because she was a real looker. He allowed himself the distraction of watching her while she tortured his knee. He also didn't want Alex on his case any more than she was, so he made a real effort to contain his irritation. He wasn't entirely successful, but Marcy was experienced and she knew how to deal with difficult patients.

As he assembled Maggie's favorite bookcase, the one he had given her for her third birthday that looked like a dollhouse, his hand slipped and the screwdriver deeply sliced his other hand. Swearing profusely, he limped to the bathroom, being careful not to drip blood on the floor on the way. Running his hand under cold water, he closed his eyes, almost glad for the diversion of pain from his knee to his hand. He examined the nasty cut, realizing it was going to need stitches. ""Oh, hell," he grumbled to himself.

After bandaging the wound, he finished the bookcase, careful to clean the blood from it, and he set it in the corner where she liked it. Then he found the box of books that went into that bookcase. In her baby scrawl she had written "speshal books frum Daddy." He ran his fingers over the writing and smiled. How he adored that little girl!

After placing the books in the bookcase, he noticed blood had seeped through the gauze. Returning to the bathroom, he added another layer of gauze and tape, then went downstairs. Not wanting to worry his wife, he left a note that simply said _Had to go out. Be back soon._

Grabbing his keys and his wallet from the counter, he left the house.

* * *

Alex arrived home with the children shortly after six. Her father had fed them dinner, for which she was grateful. It had been a long day. Already harboring a simmering irritation with her partner for his role in diverting Bobby from the physical therapy she thought he was getting, she'd lost her temper with him twice. They were getting nowhere in their investigation of a jewelry store heist and Deakins was on their backs about it. She knew he was getting pressure from upstairs, but that only increased her annoyance. When she left for the day, Logan made a smart remark almost under his breath about PMS and getting some tonight. When she turned on him and he realized she'd actually heard him, he almost dove under his desk. That one ridiculous action had assuaged her temper enough that she left without laying into him.

When she pulled into the driveway, she was disappointed not to see Bobby's car. What could possibly have delayed him tonight? His therapy sessions were on Mondays and Thursdays. Once in the front door, Maggie went rushing up the stairs to see her spider with Harry right behind her. Struggling to keep up with them, Tommy hurried up the stairs as fast as he could, calling, "Me, too, Maga! See 'pider!"

"Don't take him out of his cage," Alex called after them.

"I know, Mommy," Maggie called back.

Tommy stopped on the stairs and looked down at his mother. "Me, too, Mama? See 'pider?"

"Go ahead, but just watch him."

"'Kay, Mama." He continued up the stairs, then hurried down the hall to Maggie's room. "See 'pider, Maga," he called as he ran.

Alex smiled. That wonderful little boy brought her so much joy. His young life was untouched by sorrow, and she wished she could protect his sensitive soul from the world forever.

She took off Molly's jacket and kissed her before setting her in her playpen in the living room. The baby looked around at her toys, then picked up a teddy bear rattle. Shaking it, she giggled when it made its noise. Although Molly seemed to be like Maggie, more pensive than Tom was, she was still happy. That just left Harry, who was still too quiet, too sad. He was beginning to emerge from his shell, but slowly. The therapy sessions Reggie took him to seemed to be helping him come to terms with the traumas inflicted by his parents, and the unconditional love and total inclusion in the family were a key factor in his ability to cope and begin to move past his abuse.

As Alex headed for the kitchen, she saw Bobby's note. _Had to go out_? Her irritation returned at the cryptic tone of the message. He knew better than to leave a note like that. Did he run to the store? Had he gone to see Logan? What the hell was he hiding? She poured herself a glass of wine as her irritation slowly simmered toward anger. Crumpling the message, she tossed it in the trash. She could call him for details, but he could just as easily have called her.

With her irritation increasing, she pulled out her phone and called him. He answered on the third ring. "Hi," he said.

"Hi yourself. Where the hell are you?"

"Uh, didn't you get my note?"

"Did you leave one that was more specific than 'had to go out'?"

He could read the anger in her tone, and it unsettled him. "I, uh, I'll be home in a couple of hours."

"From where?"

"I, I have to, uh, run an errand in Brooklyn."

"Dammit, Goren. What the hell are you hiding?"

"Nothing. Can't we discuss it when I get home?"

She felt her temper rise closer to the boiling point, and she knew it was best to hang up before she unleashed it on him. Before she could act on that, though, Maggie called for her. "Mommy, come here!"

She was almost relieved, despite the urgency in her daughter's voice. "I have to go," she said tersely into the phone and she hung up.

She hurried upstairs to find Maggie standing in front of the bathroom sink. "What's the matter, baby?"

She pointed to the front slope of the sink bowl. "Is that blood, Mommy?"

Alex leaned forward. Sure enough, there was blood in the sink. "It's okay, Maggie. Go play."

"Where did the blood come from?"

"I guess Daddy cut himself shaving."

Maggie looked skeptical, but she sensed that her mother was not in the mood for a debate. "It wasn' there when we brushed our teeth b'fore we went to school. Why did Daddy shave at night?"

"I don't know."

"He putted up my dollhouse bookcase and put the books in it."

"That's good. I'm sure he'll be home soon."

"I didn' see him today. Will you call him and tell him I wanna see him? Harry an' Tommy an' Molly do, too."

Alex let out a heavy breath. "I can't make him come home, Maggie. Now go play while I clean this up."

Dejected, Maggie answered, "Okay, Mommy."

She returned to her room, where the boys were rolling a liitle ball back and forth to each other as Mischief chased it. They were both giggling as they shifted to make room for Maggie to join in.

Alex got the bathroom tub and basin cleaner from under the sink along with paper towels from the roll they kept there. Getting more irritated with each swipe of the paper cloth, she cleaned the sink basin as well as the few scattered drops on the bathroom floor, muttering to herself about men and how her husband really was going to bleed when he got home. Somehow, he cut himself and that was what he was keeping from her. She would be worried if she hadn't talked to him, but since she knew he was okay, she didn't try to mollify her anger.

Once she was finished cleaning up the blood, she went back downstairs and picked up her phone from the counter. She was surprised Bobby hadn't called back. She was even more surprised when she tried to call him and it went directly to voice mail. He'd turned the damn thing off. With a violent swear, she tossed her phone on the counter and refilled her wine glass.

* * *

Bobby was more than a little irritated. First, his wife called him, pissed as hell that he had not left a detailed note about where he was going. Then, the goddam emergency room doctor refused to let him leave without someone to drive him home because of medication they had given him for the pain. He supposed it was a good precaution since it left him feeling dizzy and groggy. He couldn't call Alex because she was home alone with the four children, so he called Mike when the nurse brought him a phone.

"Hello?" Mike answered tentatively, not recognizing the number on his caller ID.

"Hey. It's me."

"What's up?"

"Can you come to Brookdale Hospital to pick me up?"

"What are you doing there?"

"I had an accident at home and they won't let me leave until I have a ride. You can drive my car home if you can get here."

"Does that mean I get the couch tonight?"

"If you want to stay."

Mike snorted. "Your couch is more comfortable than my bed. I'll get there as soon as I can."

"Thanks, Mike."

He then placed a call home, but Alex didn't answer. _Great_, he thought as he handed the phone to the nurse. He was in trouble without even doing anything wrong. He wasn't hiding anything from Alex. He just didn't want her to worry. He never went to any hospital unless he had good reason, and the gaping wound in his right hand was good reason—57 stitches worth of good reason. His only crime was being careless.

Alone in the room, he leaned back on the cot and closed his eyes, enjoying the spinning sensation in his head. He soon forgot about the pain in his hand and his knee as well as his wife's anger with him, and he drifted to sleep.

* * *

When Mike arrived at the hospital, he was taken back to Bobby's room, where Bobby was still sleeping. He walked over to the sink and picked up a metal kidney basin which he dropped with a loud clatter into the stainless steel sink. Bobby woke with a start, then glared blearily at Mike. "What'd you do that for?"

"Payback, man. Making me come all the way to Brooklyn at this hour. If it weren't for the car, I might have left your ass here until tomorrow and let your wife come to pick you up."

"She's not happy with me."

"She wasn't happy with anyone today."

"Great. She was already in a bad mood when I pissed her off. I'm not sure I want to go home tonight."

Mike shook his head. "Oh, that'll smooth things over in a jiffy. Maybe it'd serve you right to sleep on my old lumpy couch."

Bobby grinned. "With what they gave me, I could sleep on a bed of rocks and never notice."

Mike laughed. "Come on, buddy. They said you were all signed out and good to go."

As they walked to the car, Mike had to reach out to steady Bobby a couple of times. Once they were seated in the Mustang, Mike asked, "So what did you do to make you visit an ER?"

Bobby held up his bandaged right hand. "Fifty-seven stitches—thirty-seven inside and twenty outside. Screwdriver slipped when I was putting Maggie's bookcase together."

Mike whistled. "All that with a screwdriver. Impressive. Did it do any real damage?"

Bobby shook his head. "It was pretty deep, but no nerves or tendons were damaged. It hurt like hell, though."

"I imagine it did." He started the car and backed out of the parking space. "What did Alex say?"

"About what?"

With a chuckle, Mike said, "That medicine really does mess with your head. Maybe we should play some pool. I might actually have a shot at beating you tonight."

"Let's go."

"Seriously? In which reality do you think I want to piss off your wife?"

"All she knows is that I had an errand to run."

Stopped at a red light, Mike looked at him. "You didn't tell her?"

"I didn't wanna worry her."

"Oh, pal, she's gonna eat you for lunch. You couldn't pay me enough to trade places."

Bobby snorted. "I'm not worried. Let's play some pool. I don't particularly want to be home any time soon."

Mike laughed when his tongue tripped over the word 'particularly'. "I'm not so sure that's a good idea. You're already having a hard time driving your tongue."

Bobby stuck his tongue out and tried to look at it. "Nothing wrong with my tongue. Come on. I'll give you a dollar a ball."

Against his better judgment, Mike finally agreed.

* * *

It was after midnight when Mike pulled into the driveway. Alex looked out the window as Mike got out from behind the wheel and Bobby spilled out of the passenger seat of his car. She swore under her breath. _Trouble squared_, she thought, half-amused. She felt her anger soften toward both men.

Mike steered Bobby into the house, shushing him because the family was asleep. With some difficulty, they navigated the stairs and Mike guided Bobby down the hall to his bedroom. The room was dark. "Shhh," Mike warned. "You really don't want to wake your wife."

"Shhh," Bobby hushed back at him. "Why not?"

"Because she'll castrate you, stupid."

Mike watched him walk to the bed and sit heavily. "Can you take it from here?"

"I think I can manage. Thanks for the ride."

"Yeah, no problem. I'll be on the couch." He stopped at the door. "An' don't forget—you owe me fifty bucks."

He closed the door and went downstairs to the living room. Kicking off his shoes, he laid down on the couch and closed his eyes.

In the bedroom, Bobby worked off his shoes and undid his pants. It took him some effort to get his pants off. Then he laid down and sighed softly. From the other side of the bed, Alex asked, "Why do you owe Logan fifty dollars?"

"You're awake?"

"Apparently."

"Did I, uh, we wake you?"

"Not unless you count coming in at quarter to one in the morning."

"You didn't hafta wait up."

"So your errand was a night on the town with Mike?"

"My what?"

"You told me you had an errand to run. What's in Brooklyn that you can't find in Ozone Park?"

"Uhm, Brookdale Hospital."

"Would that have anything to do with the blood Maggie found in the sink?"

"Blood? I, I thought I cleaned it all up."

She shook her head. "You missed enough for her to notice."

"I'm sorry."

"You will be. I told her you must have cut yourself shaving, but she knows you don't usually shave in the afternoon. So what happened?"

He held up his bandaged hand. "I, uh, slipped."

"Slipped with what? A band saw?"

He laughed, and she knew he'd had too much to drink. "No. A screwdriver."

"Speaking of screwdrivers, how many did you have?"

She could feel his confusion, which only confirmed to her how much he'd had to drink. "I don't drink screwdrivers. I, uh, screw with them."

It was her turn to laugh. Sometimes, she forgot how much fun he could be. All the anger and irritation that had been building all day slipped from her grasp and she turned onto her side, pulling him into a hug. She nuzzled his neck, kissing and nipping at his skin. He groaned and fumbled with her clothes. "Take this thing off," he growled when he couldn't get her shirt off.

With another light laugh, she pulled off her shirt and then worked his t-shirt over his head. His loving was somewhat clumsy, but she enjoyed every moment of it, every kiss and lick, every mark he made to claim her as his own—something she had never before tolerated. It took awhile for him to climax, but she enjoyed that, too.

When he finally finished and rolled onto his side of the bed, he was winded and feeling really good. Alex leaned on him, caressing his skin with her fingertips and lips. "So," she said between kisses. "What did you do to your hand with the screwdriver?"

"It slipped," he said sleepily. "Uh, fifty-seven stitches. It was pretty deep...lotsa blood. Not very pretty." He ran his hand lazily over her hair. "But you're pretty."

She smiled. "So, how much did you have to drink?"

"A couple. It did a number to me with the pain meds they gave me in the ER."

Her brow furrowed. "You know better than that, Goren."

"Are you mad?" he asked, not sounding particularly concerned.

"I should be, but I'm not, although I am upset that you went drinking after being given pain medication. You know that's a stupid thing to do."

"I do stupid things from time to time."

"But this kind of stupid can kill you, you idiot."

He sighed. "But my knee, it doesn't hurt for the first time all week. I feel good, Alex. I...I almost forgot what it was like to feel good."

She hadn't realized how much he'd been hurting. She wriggled her way up to rest on the pillows beside him. "You'll get there," she whispered, kissing his chin, his jaw, his cheek. "You're not going to hurt forever."

"True. For the rest of my life, maybe, but that won't be forever."

She kissed his nose, each eye and then, finally, his mouth. "You'll get better," she whispered against his lips. "And I'll love you every day if that's what you need to get by."

He softly groaned. "Is that a promise?"

"Cross my heart."

He pressed against her, rolling her onto her back, and he looked down into her eyes. "That sounds like the rest of my life will be worth living," he said.

"How about sticking around for another half century or so?"

He kissed her deeply. "I'd stay forever if you were here with me." He snuggled against her, his arms encircling her, his head nestled against her shoulder. "Forever..." he murmured sleepily.

She stroked his hair with tender affection. "I may get mad at you," she whispered. "But you are the love of my life."

"You've always been the love of my life," he replied. "Ever since I fell in love with you."

Her mouth curved into a smile and her eyes glowed with love. "And how long has that been?" she asked, teasing.

"Let's see...Maggie is six...and we've been partners for...uh, a long time..."

She laughed softly, which was music to his ears. "Try fourteen years."

"That long?"

"Is it such a long time?"

He drew in a deep breath, more deeply intoxicated by the smell of her. "Not nearly long enough."

"And you fell for me when?"

He nuzzled her neck, but he was fading fast. "When the universe began," he murmured into her hair. "And I will love you until the end of time."

Her eyes suddenly grew moist. "You should have been a poet," she whispered as he began to softly snore. "You big idiot. You big, gorgeous, stupid, loving idiot."

She had never felt so deeply loved, so completely adored, so utterly happy as she did in that moment. She wished it would last forever, but sadly, nothing was forever.


	23. Chasing Normalcy

Maggie woke very early the next morning. She went down the hall and looked into her parents' room, but her father's side of the bed was empty. That made her very sad. She had not seen him for the past couple of days and she missed him. Quietly, she pulled the door closed and went down the stairs. Her hopes soared when she heard snoring from the couch, not stopping to wonder why Daddy might be on the couch. She hurried into the living room, coming to a quick stop when she saw that it was Uncle Mike sleeping on the couch and not Daddy.

Disappointed, she went into the kitchen. She frowned, confused. There was a fresh pot of coffee made. She peeked back into the living room, pretty sure Uncle Mike had not made the coffee, and Mommy was still in bed. Then she looked at the back door and she saw him. Daddy was sitting out on the back deck.

She hurried to the door and pushed it open. It was cool out, and the sky was beginning to lighten before the sun rose. She closed the door and went over to him. He looked at her, then smiled and lifted her into his lap. She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tight. Snuggling against him with her head on his shoulder, she did something she had not done in a long time. She buried her fingers in his hair, comforted, and then she closed her eyes.

Neither had spoken a word, but they had communicated clearly with one another. He knew she had missed him, that she needed him as much as she needed air to breathe and food to grow. She knew that he loved her and that she would always be safe and secure in his arms and in his heart. Always and ever, she was Daddy's little girl.

* * *

When Alex got up an hour and a half later, she went looking for Bobby. She found him out on the deck, with Maggie in his arms, both of them sleeping soundly. Her heart melted and she smiled. Crossing over to them, she ran her fingers through Bobby's hair. He opened his eyes and looked at her, smiling sleepily. "Good morning."

She leaned down and kissed him. "How's your hangover?"

"Not horrible. The pain medicine is adequate, and I took some aspirin. I can manage."

"You have PT this afternoon, don't forget."

"I won't forget."

She was glad there was no irritation in his tone. "I'll have dinner ready when you get home."

"I can't promise I'll be able to eat." He paused for a moment. "Did you mean what you said last night?"

"You remember what I said last night?"

"Of course I do."

She smiled. "I said it," she assured him. "If you want to take me up on it, I'm all for it."

"Count on it."

She leaned down and kissed him, but as she moved to pull away, he drew her back in. Maggie woke while they were kissing and she smiled. All was right with her world. She nestled against his chest, and Bobby finally let Alex withdraw. He tipped his head forward and looked at Maggie's smiling face. "What are you grinning at?" he asked.

"You an' Mommy are happy again."

"Of course we're happy."

"But you been grouchy, Daddy."

He sighed. "That's got nothing to do with Mommy, honey. I'm always grouchy when I'm in pain."

"Then take your med'cine."

It should be so easy. "Okay, I'll take my medicine. Now you scoot upstairs and get ready for school. You only have until next Friday before it's summer vacation."

"You, too?"

"Well, yes, but I'm going back to my real job then."

She gave that a moment of thought, then she nodded. "That will make you happy again, too."

Sliding off his lap, she crossed the deck and went into the house, both parents watching her. Bobby spoke first. "She really knows me that well?"

"Sometimes I wonder if she knows you better than I do, even. I'll get the kids ready. You wake Logan."

"Why me?"

"You brought him home, you wake him up."

He laughed softly. "He's not a stray dog."

"You have your opinion, and I have mine."

She gave him a quick kiss then went into the house. He sat there for a short while, thinking about Maggie. She didn't like it when he and Alex fought any more than he did, but weren't disagreements and arguments part of every healthy relationship? He had to admit that the making up afterward certainly made the temporary adversity worthwhile. The bigger the argument, the more intense the makeup session. He definitely liked that part of it. Of course, he would very happily skip right over the fights and go directly to the making up. He hated being at odds with Alex for any length of time. He never tried to piss her off, though sometimes he wondered if she didn't intentionally goad him. He was definitely the one who more readily got past his anger. He had to work at getting her past hers.

He went into the house, to the living room, and threw one of Tom's stuffed bears at the couch. "Hey, sleeping beauty, time to get up."

A set of giggles from the doorway drew his attention. Maggie and Harry were watching. When he looked at them, Harry's face fell and he started to back up. Maggie turned toward him and grabbed his arm. "It's okay, Harry. Daddy's not mad."

Harry still looked scared until Bobby smiled and motioned the children forward. "You don't have to be afraid of coming into a room, Harry."

Maggie nodded, sliding her hand into Harry's. Of all the people in the world, Maggie was the only one he trusted unequivocally. He let her guide him forward as she said, "We on'y gotta knock on Mommy and Daddy's door when it's closed. Sometimes they like to wressle an' they don' like it when we don' knock."

Mike started laughing and Bobby glared at him. "Just wait," he said. "Sean will be walking before you know it. Doorknobs come next."

Maggie smiled. "I'll teach baby Sean to open doors."

Bobby smiled back at her. "You do that, honey."

Mike threw the bear back at Bobby. "I don't need your help."

"Maybe you should think twice about that. She's gonna be smarter than you are by the time she enters third grade."

"I'm waiting for the day she passes you by."

Bobby sat in the recliner as Maggie and Harry approached him. "We'll see," he answered, enveloping both children in a hug. "I've gotta get going. You guys have a good day and I'll see you tonight."

"Will you be here when we get home?" Maggie asked.

"No. I have an appointment, but I should be home around dinnertime." He kissed them each on the head. "Now go get your breakfast."

He looked at Mike. "Thanks for the ride last night."

"No problem. I'm glad you didn't have to sleep in the car."

"I haven't gotten her that pissed yet."

"It'll come."

"I appreciate your faith. Just take care of my wife, wise guy, til I'm back on the job."

Mike laughed. "Always."

Bobby got up and limped across the room, grabbing his briefcase as he headed for the door. Tom met him at the bottom of the stairs. "Bye-bye, Dada."

He lifted his little son for a hug, then kissed his cheek. "Be a good boy, Tommy."

"'Kay, Dada. Dood boy!"

Setting the toddler on the floor, he watched him run to the couch to see Mike. Looking up the stairs, he paused to watch Alex approach the top of the stairs with the baby in her arms. She smiled at him. "Behave," she warned.

He blew her a kiss and left the house.

* * *

That afternoon, Mike left work early, heading for the airport to pick up Carolyn and Sean. He'd missed Carolyn, but her absence did not leave the same kind of void deep inside him that he felt when he missed his son. He couldn't wait to see his little boy.

Using his badge to get past security, he waited for them at the gate instead of by baggage claim. Watching anxiously, he looked at every passenger who disembarked the plane until he finally saw her, carrying Sean in her arms. He rushed forward, gathering them into a bear hug, which made her laugh. Sean squealed in delight as soon as he realized who was hugging them, and he dove at his father, who caught him and hugged him again.

Carolyn smiled at them. "He missed you."

"I missed him, too. How was your visit?"

They walked away from the gate. "It was a good visit. I even got to see my brothers. It was worth the extra time we stayed."

"I'm glad, because I sure missed you."

"That's good to hear. How is everybody?"

"They're doing okay. Bobby and Alex moved into a new house in Ozone Park with the four kids."

"Four? We weren't gone that long."

He laughed. "It's kind of a long story. They're in the process of adopting a five-year-old boy, thanks to Maggie."

"She brought home a stray boy?"

"Not quite, though it wouldn't have surprised me. She made friends with a kid in a bad situation, and when he ran away from home, she helped him find a hiding place."

"Please tell me you're kidding."

"Nope. She did what she thought was best to help her friend."

"So how did Bobby and Alex end up with him?"

They took two escalators to the level on which baggage claim was located. "The kid's dad is a drug dealer who's been dealing in schoolyards. He was even seen at Maggie's school."

"He deals to babies?"

"He deals to any kid with the bucks to buy. Bobby went undercover and nailed the guy. We were proud of him for not killing the bastard, though he really wanted to. But he caught him in the school yard at lunchtime."

"What's wrong with the little boy's mother?"

"Dead. We think his dad killed her. Maggie convinced her parents to bring Harry home with them and the court's agreed that's the best place for him, so he's staying. I gotta agree with the court on this. Harry belongs with that family."

They arrived at the baggage carousel and waited for the plane to be unloaded. "I don't doubt it, but four kids? That's a lot to take on."

Mike smiled affectionately. "If anyone can handle a pack of kids, it's Bobby and Alex."

"I guess you're right. Has Bobby gone back to work yet?"

"Kind of. His undercover assignment was as a high school history teacher. He was asked to fill in for the rest of the school year while the regular teacher's on maternity leave. He plans to go back to Major Case after that, as long as medical clears him."

"How is his knee?"

"It's okay. He has ups and downs, but it's healing."

The baggage began to fill the carousel, and he watched for her bags. After retrieving both of them and Sean's car seat, he reluctantly handed Sean back to her, slung the car seat over his shoulder and carried the bags to the car.

Carolyn put Sean into his car seat as Mike loaded the bags in the trunk. Then, he drove them home.


	24. Rumors

After school, Bobby drove to Manhattan, to the physical therapy clinic at NYU Hospital. He wasn't entirely cooperative, but Marcy took a hard line with him, forcing him to comply with her demands. She kept him an extra hour and a half past his scheduled hour-long appointment, which further annoyed him, but she was unrepentant. She used his irritation to her advantage, forcing him to push himself further than he had before.

It was just past seven-thirty when he limped painfully into the waiting room from the therapy area, carrying the gym bag in which he'd placed his suit, carefully folded. He wore a black t-shirt, shorts and sneakers, and a new knee brace for which Marcy had just fitted him, another reason he was so late. He was surprised to find anyone in the waiting room at that late hour. He was even more surprised to discover he knew her. "Denise?"

She looked up from the magazine on her lap. She had not seen him since his mother's funeral and she couldn't hide her surprise at seeing him now. "Bobby? What are you doing here at this hour?"

"My therapist enjoys a good torture session so she prolonged this one. What are you doing here? You haven't been hurt, have you?"

"What? Oh...no. I'm fine. I'm waiting for someone." She paused for a moment, her expression one of concern. "Are you okay, Bobby?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

Trying to shake it off, she said, "I read the reports on Martin Gomez. That was good work."

"Thanks."

"The chief had to jump through some hoops before he could okay your temporary transfer to Narcotics and your undercover. You didn't let him down." She looked him over with an eye that knew him well. "But tell me something, Bobby. The word is that you almost pulled that trigger. Would you have shot him?"

"If he'd given me reason, yes. That's the way it works."

No good cop wanted to discharge his weapon, but Bobby was less inclined to pull the trigger than most. Always he sought solutions that did not involve the taking of a life, even the life of a criminal. "That's not what I mean and you know it."

He didn't answer her right away, lowering himself into the chair beside her with a soft grunt of pain. "You want to know if I would have killed him...on principle."

She nodded. She'd read Capshaw's report and the eyewitness accounts of what went down in the school yard. Capshaw had no doubt that Bobby would have killed Gomez, if he'd had the opportunity. The eyewitnesses corroborated that impression.

"He was dealing to kids, young kids-not just high school students. He was seen in the school yard at Maggie's school. I could have pulled the trigger and still slept at night, but it would have been the wrong thing to do."

_Exactly what would have been wrong,_ she wondered-_pulling the trigger or killing the drug dealer?_ When he worked narcotics, he brought every suspect in alive; every case was bulletproof. He was as quick to draw his weapon as any cop, but words were his primary weapon. He pulled the trigger only when he had no other recourse. When he failed to elaborate, she asked the question that was foremost in her mind. "He didn't approach Maggie, did he?"

"No. I wouldn't have been able to restrain myself if he had."

"So why would shooting him have been the wrong thing to do?"

She knew full well that he had done the right thing, but she wanted to know why _he_ thought it was right. Bobby's mind often followed different paths to the same conclusions that other people made.

Absently rubbing his throbbing knee, he answered, "Shooting him wouldn't necessarily have been the wrong thing to do, but pulling the trigger, that would have been wrong. There was a school yard full of kids there, kids who have already had a host of bad experiences with the police. I wasn't going to add to that. And once that trigger is pulled, you relinquish control of what happens, even if you hit your target. I couldn't risk that because then I wouldn't sleep at night. I couldn't endanger those kids unnecessarily, so I put my gun away."

She had always respected his ethics. "I don't know if any other cop would have done that with a suspect who still had his weapon drawn. There aren't many cops who would have even tried to talk him down like you did. That earned you respect from a lot of people, and from a lot of those kids, too, I imagine."

He looked down at his hands. "It was the best thing to do, and I trusted Capshaw to have my back."

"But—what if Gomez had pulled his trigger?"

"Then Capshaw would have gotten him."

"That's the bottom line with you, isn't it? Getting the bad guy."

He was confused. "That's my job."

She nodded. "One of your jobs, anyway. You also have a responsibility to your family."

"One isn't independent of the other. I try to make the streets safer for my children."

His children—just thinking about Maggie and Tom made her heart lighter. "Just remember that they'll always be better with you around. How are they doing?"

A small smile quirked the corners of his mouth. "They're fine. They still ask to see you, you know. We should get together soon. They'd be really glad to see you."

She didn't miss the fact that he wasn't looking at her. She leaned toward him. "And you?"

"Me? I'm always glad to see you."

His brow furrowed as he was suddenly hit with memories he shouldn't entertain. He shifted uncomfortably and tried to chase them away, but they wouldn't go.

Denise read his discomfort and wisely changed the topic. "What about Gomez' little boy? Do you have any idea what will become of him?"

"I do. He was placed in the custody of a family who has filed to adopt him. I think he's going to be all right."

"I hope it's a good family. That little boy deserves to be happy."

He finally smiled. "It is a good family—I, uh, I think so, anyway. I like to think it. He's with my family."

She looked surprised. Then again, he was always able to surprise her. He used to do unexpected little things that always touched her heart, and she missed that. She missed him, and, impulsively, she said so.

He closed his eyes briefly. "I miss you, too."

She studied him intently until he looked at her. "What?" he asked.

"Are you sure everything is okay, Bobby? Are you okay?"

He didn't quite understand the source of her concern. "I'm fine. I mean, my knee is healing. Other than that, I'm good."

"Everything is okay at home?"

He scowled, suspicious. "Why?"

She shook her head and smiled. "I just worry about you, that's all."

"I'm doing okay. We, uh, we bought a house Ozone Park. I should get the okay to return to work soon. There's nothing for you to worry about."

Remembering that she said she was waiting for someone, he looked toward the door that led to the therapy area. "I don't remember seeing any one else working with one of the therapists."

"Oh, I'm not waiting for a patient. I'm waiting for one of the therapists. We've been seeing each other for the past six or seven months."

He tried to hide his surprise at the news. Denise deserved to be happy, especially after the roller coaster ride of a relationship he'd had with her, but he was reluctant to hear any details. "Oh...well, I, uhm, I'd better get going. I'm late and Alex is keeping dinner for me." He leaned over and kissed her softly on the cheek. "I'll call you to firm up those lunch plans."

She laid a gentle hand on his cheek and gave him a kiss in return. "I'll look forward to it."

As he stood up, he tried to swallow a grunt of pain without success. Denise touched his hand. "I'm fine," he assured her. He gave her a half-grin and quoted Marcy. "'If it doesn't hurt, then you're not doing it right.' Apparently, you have to hurt like hell for those damn exercises to be doing any good."

"So I've heard."

"They must be doing me a world of good. I wonder if they list sadism as one of the qualifications for the job."

She smiled at his humor, once again surprised by how much she missed him. "I would bet on it."

He looked at her, his profiler's mind wondering if she was speaking from recent experience. He unconsciously looked her over, his gaze lingering on her waist. Her jeans slung low on her hips and her shirt was snug across her waist. He knew her figure and it had changed. His brow furrowed. "Denise? You, uh, are you...?"

He raised his eyes to meet hers. His cheeks flushed and he became uncomfortable again. She smiled, something that usually set him at ease. Not this time, though. She nodded. "Yes. I'm pregnant."

He was stunned. "H-How far...?"

"Five months. I'm just starting to show...but I'm not surprised you noticed."

"Why?"

She touched his arm. "Because you know me, every part of me. And you are the most observant man I have ever known."

The corner of his mouth quirked into a brief smile as the door to the treatment area opened. A man who reminded Bobby strongly of Tom Selleck came into the waiting room and crossed to Denise's side. He gave her a kiss. "Sorry to keep you waiting, sweetheart," he apologized.

"No problem," she assured him. "I was catching up with an old friend. Bobby, this is Roger Forsythe. Roger, Bobby Goren."

Roger extended his hand which Bobby gripped firmly. Roger stood a couple of inches shorter than Bobby, but he was broad-shouldered and muscular. His brown eyes were bright and he smiled as he said, "It's good to meet you. I've heard quite a bit about you."

"Nothing good, I imagine," Bobby answered with a brief smile.

Roger laughed. "Better than you assume, I'll bet." Then he became more serious. "Has everything worked out between you and your wife?"

Bobby frowned. "What do you mean?"

Denise stepped forward, waving her hand and giving Roger a look. "It's nothing, Bobby."

"If it was nothing, you wouldn't have given him that look."

Sometimes she forgot who she was talking to when she was with Bobby. "Honestly, it's nothing. You know how people can be."

"People? What people?"

She knew there were few of his coworkers that he interacted with aside from his wife and Logan. So there was no way he could know what was going on around 1PP. Perhaps that was what had driven the rumors...

Bobby grabbed her wrist, holding it firmly. "Denise?"

Roger took a step forward but Denise motioned to him and stepped closer to Bobby, resting her hand on his arm. "They're just rumors, Bobby," she said reasonably. "You, of all people, know about rumors."

"What are they saying?"

"Bobby..."

He leaned toward her, looking into her face. "Tell me."

She looked at Roger, upset that he'd brought all this up, but he couldn't have known not to say anything. She'd been very upset when she heard the rumors and she'd vented to Roger, so ultimately, this was all her fault. Returning her attention to Bobby, she lightly caressed his arm. "Are you and Alex okay? Your relationship, I mean?"

"As far as I know."

She still hesitated. She knew better than anyone except Mike Logan how much in love with his wife he was and the hell he had gone through for her. Maybe she should talk to Mike. After all, she was comfortable with him and he was Alex's partner.

"Denise?"

She could feel his growing apprehension and anger. "Calm down. I have no doubt the main body of the rumors are not true. It's probably nothing, like most rumors."

"So why did you ask if everything is okay at home?"

"Because sometimes rumors are based in part on fact. You know that. If everything at home is okay for you, then I know I can stop worrying."

"My wife...what are they saying about her?"

"Bobby, you know all about the gossip mill..."

Bobby felt a rising panic. "What are they saying?" he demanded, more forcefully than he intended.

Denise knew him well enough not to be intimidated by him, but she knew she'd backed herself into a corner, which was the very worst place to be with Bobby. On some level, she could justify telling him because he did deserve to know, even though she knew the rumors couldn't be true. She had tried to quash them, with little success. But she didn't want to tell him. His grip tightened on her wrist, uncomfortable but not painful. "Tell me," he insisted, his voice low and intense.

Denise glanced at Roger, who was on edge, but didn't know what to do. She closed her hand over Bobby's arm. "People are saying she's...stepping out on you."

They also said she had finally come to her senses and realized her mistake in marrying an unstable man. Now she was looking for a way to work off her frustrations and she'd found that way with another detective. If she'd cheated on Waters, why wouldn't she cheat on Goren? She didn't tell him any of that.

He stood there, very still, trying to process what she'd just said. Denise slid her arm down his arm and took his hand. "Bobby, it can't be true. Talk to Mike. He'll get to the bottom of it."

Bobby released her wrist and sat back down, heavily. They rumors couldn't be true, but...why would someone start them in the first place? Denise sat beside him, while Roger stood there, feeling lost. She still held Bobby's hand. "I tried to refute them, because I know they can't be true. Your wife loves you. The only reason I talked to Roger about them at all was because I was so upset when I heard them and he wanted to know why I was upset. He shouldn't have said anything, but he didn't know. I'm sorry."

"Who started them?"

"I don't know."

"Who told you?"

"I overheard a couple of the secretaries talking. They're kind of hoping you'll become available again, which was why they were discussing the rumors. I promise you, I set them straight. I know how devoted you are to your family,how much you and Alex love each other. Don't overreact."

He felt a boiling rage begin in his gut. "Why don't people just leave me alone?"

"I don't know, honey. People generally fear what they don't understand, and they don't understand you, so they talk." She saw the anger building in him. "Please, settle down."

He withdrew from her and shut down. Standing, he nodded at Roger. "It was nice to meet you."

Denise stood also. "Bobby..."

He leaned over and kissed her. "I'll call you."

Then he left the waiting room. Denise stood there for a moment, not sure what to do. Roger touched her arm. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I didn't know."

"What's done is done. I know you didn't know."

"We'd better get moving. We have reservations for nine and I still have to change."

"I have a call I need to make first," she said as she pulled out her phone.

Roger opened the door and held it for her. "Why? He seemed fine."

"That's what worries me because I know he's not fine."

"How do you know that?"

She looked up into his face. "I have known Bobby for many years. Trust me. He's not fine."

As they walked down the hall, she found Mike Logan's number and called him.

* * *

Bobby entered the house quietly, setting his gym bag and briefcase by the door. He walked toward the family room, following the sounds of young laughter. Standing in the doorway, he leaned against the door frame and watched his family. Alex sat on the couch, reading to Tommy. Molly sat on the floor in front of her, playing with a small pile of blocks. Sitting at the play table across the room, Maggie was teaching Harry to play chess. All four children ready for bed.

His gaze fixed on Alex. She looked happy and content, settled in among the children he fathered with her and the child they'd chosen to share their lives. All the way home, his mind had conjured images of her with another man, images that had haunted him for years but he thought he had purged from his mind when she chose him for the rest of her life. He was deeply disturbed that they were back.

As always, Maggie was the first one to spot him, drawing him from his troubled thoughts with a happy shout. "Daddy!"

Tommy looked up, then squirmed from his mother's lap and scurried toward Bobby. "Dada!" he squealed happily.

Molly squealed, too, and clapped her hands, bouncing up and down where she sat. She turned to the side, onto her hands and knees and began rocking back and forth until she launched herself forward onto her belly. Surprised, she tried it again. With another squeal and a giggle she continued to repeat the motion as she propelled herself toward her father. Caught up in the excitement of his new almost-siblings, Harry started toward Bobby, but he stopped uncertainly in the middle of the room. Bobby set Maggie and Tom down after kissing and hugging them, and he bent over to pick Molly up. "Look at you, all big and crawling!" He smiled at Harry. "Hi, Harry. I see Maggie is teaching you chess."

Harry nodded. "She teached me checkers b'fore an' we played Mickey Mouse dice."

That puzzled him for a second until he reviewed all of the games they had in his head. "Oh, Yahtzee. What about Monopoly and Scrabble?"

Maggie loved Monopoly Jr and Scrabble Jr. Harry answered, "We played Monop'ly b'fore dinner, and I got more money."

"Then you have the makings of a real estate tycoon."

Maggie giggled. "He's not a big storm, Daddy."

"Tycoon, honey. Not typhoon."

The children laughed and began to blow at each other like the wind. Bobby looked over at Alex. "You didn't tell me Molly started launching herself across the room."

Alex smiled. "Because she just started doing that right now. Your dinner's in the microwave."

Maggie tugged on his shirt. "I'll get your dinner, Daddy, an' Harry will he'p me."

She led him to the couch and he sat down beside Alex, setting Molly back with her blocks. Tommy crawled up onto the couch between his parents and patted the book in Alex's lap. "More, Mama."

"What are you reading?" Bobby asked.

"_If You Give A Mouse A Cookie_."

"Cookie, Dada," Tommy said happily.

He kissed the top of Tom's soft, blond head and watched Alex as she read to him.

Maggie and Harry came back into the room, Maggie carrying his plate and Harry with a can of soda. As they approached Bobby, Harry held out the soda but dropped it before Bobby could take it. He backed away, looking at the can with horror. Slowly, Bobby picked up the soda and held out a hand to Harry. "It's okay, Harry." He motioned as he set the soda can aside. "Come here."

Maggie handed the plate of food she held to her mother and placed her hand on Harry's back. "It's okay, Harry. You're not in trouble. Daddy's not mad, are you, Daddy?"

"Of course not."

Maggie pressed lightly against Harry's back. "He's not like your daddy; he won' hurt you. He's gonna be your new daddy. He's big, but he's the bes' daddy inna whole world."

Harry moved closer but he stopped just out of reach. Maggie kept her hand on his back. "It's okay, Harry," she repeated, her tone sympathetic. "I had a mean daddy once, too, but he wasn' my real daddy. I begged an' begged for a new daddy, an' I got him. Now you got a new daddy, too, an' he's the same daddy!"

Bobby looked at Alex, who had stopped reading and was looking at Maggie with warm, moist eyes. "Did you tell her?" Bobby asked.

"No. I thought you did."

"Why would I do that?"

Maggie looked at her parents, but kept her hand on Harry's back. "Telled me what?"

"About the man we thought was your father," Alex answered.

"Nobody telled me. I 'member him a little. I 'member that he didn' like me, and I didn' like him, too. Tha's why I ala'ys wanted to be with Daddy. I jus' wanted him to be my daddy an' now he is."

She looked at her parents, trying to interpret their expressions. "Did I say som'thin' wrong?"

"No," Bobby assured her. "Not at all. We just...we didn't realize you remembered."

"I don' try to. I jus' do. But it doesn' make me not happy. When I 'member, it tells me how happy I am today."

Bobby looked at her intently. Her bad memories helped her to realize how much better her life was now. He wished his dreams had that effect on him. Of course, as much like him as Maggie was, she'd had a good life and was well-adjusted and happy. Therein lay the major difference between them. Maggie had a happy childhood, a happy life. He'd had to wait almost fifty years before his life became happy, and he still caught himself wondering how long it was going to last.

"Daddy?"

He blinked a few times, and when she knew he was back, she smiled. "You needa eat b'fore your dinner gets cold."

Harry stepped closer and picked up the soda can from where Bobby had set it on the floor near Molly. He placed it in Bobby's hand and gave him a shy smile. Bobby smiled and laid his hand over Harry's arm. Hesitantly, Harry stepped a little closer before he reached out to give Bobby a tentative hug. When Bobby's big hand splayed over Harry's back, the child pressed himself against his chest and tightened his arms around his neck. When Harry moved to step away, Bobby released him, watching the skinny little boy return to the table where the chess board was set up. Maggie kissed her father's cheek and followed Harry. She sat across from him and continued to teach him the game.

Alex touched Bobby's arm and handed his plate to him. He took it and ate about half of the food on it. The medicine he'd taken on the way home had fully kicked in. He got up and brought his plate into the kitchen, setting it by the sink. Then he took a package of cookies from the cupboard along with two plastic cups and a sippy cup from the cabinet. After filling the cups with milk, he placed three cookies on each of three paper towels, then brought them to the family room for the children.

Happily surprised, they dug into their cookies and Bobby produced a rattle from behind Molly's right ear. She giggled happily and took the rattle, shoving it into her mouth as she picked up a block with her other hand and banged it on another block.

Bobby stood up, his balance teetering momentarily. "I, uh, I think I'll go lie down."

"Are you okay?"

"It was a long day and my knee hurts." He kissed her and murmured good night as he straightened away from her.

Alex watched him with concern. She knew he was distracted, but that wasn't anything new for him. The kiss he'd just given her, though...it was chaste, the kind of kiss she might get from her brothers or her father. He hadn't kissed her like that in years. With a soft sigh, she wondered if she would ever figure out how that wonderful mind of his worked.

* * *

After tucking the three older children in bed, Alex put Molly to bed in her crib. Bobby was sitting in the bed with his lesson plans for the next day, but she could tell he was thinking about something else. She turned off the light and crawled into the bed beside him, taking away his plan book and dropping it onto the floor on his side.

"Penny for your thoughts?" she said.

When he didn't answer, she upped the ante. "A dime? A quarter? How about a dollar?"

He finally laughed softly, but it sounded forced. "You don't have to pay for my thoughts."

"Okay, then, tell me what's going through your head."

He turned onto his side, facing her. "You are."

"Considering your mood, I would say that's not a good thing, and I don't like that."

He laid his hand on her hip and slowly eased it beneath her shirt. Leaning closer, he kissed her. Instead of a chaste, brotherly kiss, though, this one packed a punch. He pressed himself against her and deepened the kiss.

She felt desperation in him, and she wondered what was driving it, but her musings were quickly smothered by the passion that rose from his touch. She responded to him until both of them were sated, which took a much longer time for him.

Finally, he rolled onto his back, his skin slick with sweat, and he drifted toward sleep. She pulled on an oversized t-shirt and cuddled against him, her head on his shoulder. She stroked his chest and stomach. He made a quiet sound that was half sigh, half groan. Just as she was going to ask him what was wrong, he softly asked, "Are you happy, Alex?"

His question surprised her. "Yes, of course I am. Why?"

"I just wouldn't want to...trap you in an unhappy relationship."

"What does that mean?"

"I remember how it was, when you were with Ricky, how miserable you were. I never want you to feel that way again."

"Why would you think I feel that way now?"

"I don't know if you do. That's why I asked."

She placed a kiss on his chest, over his heart, troubled that he questioned her happiness, that he couldn't tell how happy she was with him, with their life together. "Don't you think you would know if I was unhappy?"

"I don't profile you, Alex. You asked me not to a very long time ago."

"This isn't about profiling. This is about our relationship. Do you think I'm unhappy?"

He examined his gut feeling, the same one that served him so well on cases. "No. I don't, or, I, uh, I didn't."

"Until today. So what happened to cause you to doubt my happiness with you?"

She felt his heart rate and his breathing increase. He moved his arm above her head, which she lifted so he could hold her. Quietly, he said, "I heard...about a set of rumors."

"About?"

"You."

"You heard about rumors circulating at the hospital?" she asked, confused.

"No. Not at the hospital. At 1PP."

She was still confused. ""When did you go to 1PP?"

"I didn't. I ran into someone at the hospital who asked me if I'd worked out my relationship with you. I wasn't aware there was anything to work out. It seems the rumor mill is working overtime. They're saying that you're...having an affair."

"And you believe that?"

"The source is...reliable."

"Who is your source?"

When he hesitated to answer, she lifted her head. "Who told you about these rumors?"

"It was Denise. I, uh, I ran into her and her boyfriend."

Although she had mixed feelings about Denise, she knew that she would never have told Bobby something that would upset him unless it were true. But why did she choose to tell him at all?

Alex rolled herself onto his chest and looked into his face, which was barely visible in the ambient light of the dark room. "Listen to me. If I was unhappy, I have no doubt that you would be the first to know. I was unhappy with Ricky for many reasons. Most of those very same reasons are exactly why I'm so happy with you. You happily gave me three beautiful children. You bend over backwards to make sure we are happy, and we are. You chose this house in part because it has a nice big yard so you can give Maggie the puppy she has been asking for since she was two." She paused for a moment, then added, "The main reason I stayed with Ricky was to protect Maggie from him when we thought that she was his. I have no such fears with you. If I ever wanted to leave you—which I emphatically don't—I would never give a second thought to the welfare of my children when they were in your care. But you know what?"

He seemed to have relaxed. "What?"

"I don't stay with you because you are a good father. With or without me, you would still be the same wonderful father you have always been."

"Okay, I'll bite. Why do you stay?"

She folded her arms across his chest and settled lengthwise on his body, resting her chin on her arms. "Where to start? Do I start with the great sex? Or the thoughtfulness? Or maybe I should start with the fact that you are completely and utterly devoted to me and that I love you to the very bottom of my soul. It says a lot to me that you were told there's a rumor that I am cheating on you and instead of accusing me of being unfaithful, you ask me if I'm happy. Yes, I have hidden things from you in the past, but I don't do that any more. Not my emotions, because you are my husband and should have total and free access to those. Are you still wondering?"

He shook his head. "No. Not any more. But promise me something?"

"Name it."

"If you ever start feeling that something is wrong or if you start to feel unhappy, please tell me before it gets out of hand, so I can have a chance to fix it before you decide to leave me."

"That's a promise I can make." She kissed him. "Believe me, Robert, I am in this for the long haul."

"And so am I, Alexandra. For as long as you will have me."

She rested her head on his chest and laid her hands on his shoulders. "Prepare to be stuck with me forever."

He kissed her head and put his arms around her, feeling himself drift back toward sleep. "Not long enough," he whispered.

Gradually, his arms relaxed but they remained around her. She listened to the beat of his loving heart as his breathing slowed and evened out. The soft sounds lulled her to sleep as well, and she spent the night in his embrace.


	25. Changes on the Horizon

Deep in the night, Bobby woke suddenly, breathing hard, his heart pounding furiously, his skin damp with sweat, but it wasn't a nightmare that woke him. Laying right up against him, Alex snuggled closer, wordlessly shushing him with a soft caress. Her hand stroked his chest as her lips brushed against the side of his face. Slowly, he eased away from the dream that woke him, a dream that was part memory, part fantasy, and all desire, and that left him shaking and sweating and..._oh, yeah_..._that_...

Then her mouth began to work his, and the remnants of the dream-memory faded away. Although Alex was incredibly passionate, he was usually the one who initiated their lovemaking because that was the way she liked it. He had no complaints because she never turned down his offer, but when she took advantage of the chance to reverse their roles, it was more intense and more deeply satisfying for him. He wanted to get to the finish line, but at the same time, he didn't want to get there. He wanted it to last much longer than it did, yet he gave himself over to it completely when she finished him off. _Oh my God_...no other words would form in his mind. _Oh my God_.

Almost completely spent, he could barely keep his eyes open, but he was aware enough to draw her into his arms, to know that she was there, to feel her fingers against his chest and abdomen, her lips against his throat, his jaw, his ear...and then her voice, soft, whispering past his ear. "I love you."

He was drifting, almost asleep. "Love you," he managed through the haze in his mind.

"Are you okay now?" she asked as she gently nipped his earlobe.

He grunted softly. He was better than okay. "Stay with me, please," he whispered as he forced himself away from the sleep his body wanted.

Assuming that had been the source of his unrest, she settled her head on his shoulder. "I am not going anywhere," she promised. "I'm not going to leave you."

"You weren't thinking that a couple of months ago."

She knew that was going to come back to haunt her, and she was right. His tone told her he was still hurt by it, She really had to be careful about what she said when Maggie was around. She still didn't know how she felt about his knowing what she had been contemplating. "Bobby, that was meant to be a wake-up call, nothing more."

"And if it hadn't worked out the way you planned?"

His tone was one of curiosity, not accusation. She didn't know what he was thinking and that bothered her. But she remained in physical contact with him as she answered, "Then I would have come up with something else. I never intended to leave you. I just needed you to stop shutting me out."

"I'm trying," he insisted.

"I know you are, and you're doing a great job now. You could have reacted very differently after you talked to Denise."

He rested his head against hers, suddenly uneasy. She had no idea how he'd reacted when Denise told him what was going on at 1PP, the rage he felt about the rumors. Rumors circulating about him were one thing. He'd dealt with that kind of crap all his life. But rumors about Alex were a different matter entirely, and one way or another, he was going to find the source and teach that person some manners.

At the mention of Denise's name, though, a different thought entered his head as he recalled the subtle changes in her figure. He nuzzled her neck and whispered, "I wish I could make you pregnant one more time."

Where the hell had _that_ come from? "You're kidding, right?"

"No. I think you're beautiful when you're pregnant."

She twisted so that she could see his face. He really was serious. "Get that thought out of your head right now, Goren, or I swear I'll send you to a vet."

He laughed softly and kissed her. "I know we agreed to stop with Molly..."

"No, Bobby. We were going to stop with Tom. Molly was a surprise, remember?"

"A wonderful surprise," he added.

She looped her arms around his neck and kissed him softly. "You never cease to surprise me, do you know that?"

"Is that good or bad?"

"That depends entirely on the situation."

"So in this case...?"

"It's good." She kissed him and looked at the clock. "You still have a couple of hours. Go back to sleep."

His fingers played with her chest. "I'm awake now."

"Bobby..." she began as his mouth took over for his hands.

Lifting his head so that his mouth just cleared her skin, he whispered, "It's my turn."

The sensation of his breath against her skin sent a shiver through her body. She made a soft noise and relaxed against the pillows, which encouraged him to continue. Neither of them went back to sleep.

* * *

Mike lay in bed, arms folded beneath his head, too worried to sleep. Beside him, Carolyn moved closer, draping her arm across his middle. "What's wrong?" she whispered.

He was quiet for a moment. "That call I got earlier...I'm just worried."

"Do you want to tell me about it now?"

He'd refused to upset the momentum of their reunion after hanging up with Denise, so he'd said nothing about the call and Carolyn hadn't asked. He stroked her thick hair. "Do you remember Denise, Bobby's ex?"

"The same Denise he asked to marry him?"

"The one and only."

"What about her?"

"The call was from her."

"Why on earth would she be calling you?"

He sighed. "Who else could she call to talk to about Bobby?"

"Oh, I don't know. His wife, maybe."

"She and Alex have never been on those kind of terms."

"What did she want?"

"Well, it seems she ran into him tonight and let it slip that there are rumors traveling around headquarters. She's concerned about him, probably with good reason."

"There are always rumors about him traveling around headquarters. Why would they bother him now?"

"These rumors are about Alex."

"And so she's calling you? I guess the rumors are more involved than her weight or her hairstyle."

"Oh, yeah. They're about her marriage."

"Oh, no..." She paused. "Did you know about them?"

"No, but I do now. Rumors about Goren tend to skip over me."

"That's no surprise. Do I want to know what they're saying?"

"According to Denise, half the building thinks she's having an affair. They're saying she's finally seen the error of her ways in marrying him. The old rumors about his instability have resurfaced, though I'm not sure why. Apparently, no one informed Alex but she's decided to work off her frustrations with another detective, who has so far remained nameless. They say that if she cheated on Waters, she's gotta be cheating on Goren." He shook his head slowly. "We know what a loose cannon Waters was and all the crap he was involved with, and yet his reputation around the department is untarnished. Then there's Goren...I just don't get it."

"They don't understand Bobby. Ricky was one of their own, a regular guy, normal. What he did doesn't matter because they understood him. Everyone makes mistakes and that's forgivable. There's nothing about Bobby that's normal and that is unforgivable. People don't understand how a straight arrow like Alex could possibly _be_ with him much less stay."

"Do you understand?"

"Of course I do. You know that. Did Denise tell you who started the rumors?"

"No, but I'm going to find out."

"Mike..."

"I have to, Carolyn. I've gotta have his back on this."

"You've always got his back."

"And you suddenly have a problem with that?"

"No, I don't. Just...proceed with caution for a change. Please?"

He gave her a kiss. "I promise."

She rested her head on his shoulder, somehow not reassured. She hoped he would not be able to trace the rumors to their source. That was the only way he was going to stay out of trouble.

* * *

Mike and Alex spent most of the next morning filling out paperwork, but Alex was distracted, which made it difficult for her to get much done. It was approaching lunchtime when she looked across the desks. "Mike?"

He looked up. "Yeah?"

"If something were going on behind my back, would you tell me?"

"That depends on what it is."

"What about something around here?"

He tapped his pen on the papers in front of him. "You mean the rumors?"

She frowned, fire flashing in her eyes. "You know? And you didn't say anything to me? I'm your partner, Logan..."

"Calm down," he said, holding out his hands. "I didn't know until last night."

"He called you?"

"No. I haven't talked to him about them yet. Denise called me because she was worried about him."

She eased back from her anger, but only a little. "So she called you?"

"Old habits are hard to break. Besides, you and she have never been buddy-buddy."

"So what did she want?"

"She told me what she knows and asked me to watch out for him."

"That's my job," she snapped.

"Relax, hotshot. I'm not going to sleep with him, I promise."

She rose from her desk. "I need some water."

He watched her walk away and get on the elevator. "There's a perfectly fine water fountain down the hall," he muttered, but he knew where she was going.

Turning back to his paperwork, he didn't know whether he felt sorry for Denise or not. After all, she was the one who opened this particular Pandora's box, and now it was too late. The damage had been done and he had a feeling heads were going to roll before it was over. He just wondered whose heads it would be.

* * *

Denise looked up when she heard someone enter her office, surprised to see Alex stop in front of her desk. Alex was the last person she expected, and the fire in her eyes made Denise glad there was a desk between them. "Alex. Can I help you?"

"What is wrong with you?"

"I'm sorry?"

"On what planet is it a good idea to tell Bobby what's going on around here? He's been away for almost six months. You should have come to me!"

"I'm sorry. I hadn't intended to tell him at all, but someone else mentioned it and he was pretty insistent on knowing what was going around."

"So you told him. In all the years you've known him, you haven't learned to put him off?"

"Not when he's like that, no." She slid back the sleeve of her shirt to reveal a purple bruise encircling her wrist.

Alex felt the color drain from her face. "He did that?"

"He didn't mean to. Please, don't tell him. He grabbed my wrist and held it just a little too hard. I bruise very easily these days."

Alex sat down in a nearby chair. "What the hell is going on?" she said, mostly to herself. She looked at Denise. "Tell me what you know."

"I only told him the least troubling of the rumors."

"Least troubling? I'm cheating on him is the least troubling rumor?"

"Yes."

Alex felt her head start to spin as her anger began to boil. "Tell me the others."

Denise hesitated. "Alex, they're only rumors. Bobby insisted that you and he are fine."

"Yes, and then he came home and asked me if I'm happy. His mind is one you never want to plant seeds of doubt in. Now tell me."

Reluctantly, Denise told her about the rumors she'd heard. "If there are others, I haven't heard them. I tend not to hear many of the things they say about Bobby. I wouldn't know about these if I hadn't inadvertently overheard a couple of secretaries talking in the rest room."

"So they're helping spread the gossip?"

"They always do. These particular women are hoping he's going to become available again because they think that with both you and me out of the picture, they stand a chance with him."

"As if. Don't ever paint me out of the picture. He's my husband and I am not going to give him up unless he wants to go."

"That will never happen."

"Did you say that you're out of the picture?"

Denise nodded. "I'm seeing someone."

Alex tried to smile, but she was still too angry and she had more questions. "Have you heard anything about Ricky?"

"A few things."

She studied Denise with new respect. "You don't do that, do you?"

"Do what?"

"Jump in and help spread the rumors."

"Of course not. Look, I know that you and I will never be friends. I don't know if you resent the relationship I had with Bobby, but I can promise you that the part of it that always troubled you is over. We've stayed friends, and that's all. I will tell you this, though: I have never stopped caring about him, and I never will. Sometimes, when you love someone, you can't just turn it off like a faucet. The difference is what you do about it. I have never liked the things that people who don't know him say about him, but I have no way to stop them from talking. I wish I did."

"Have you ever heard anyone say anything that was true?"

"Yes. Before he finally got together with you, I did. I knew from experience they were true, but those were very different kinds of rumors," she admitted with a brief laugh. She became serious again quickly. "I don't know who started these rumors, Alex, or why. And I wish I could have thought of something else to tell Bobby, but I've never lied to him."

"Why did you call Mike Logan?"

"Because I know Mike well and I wasn't sure Bobby would say anything to you. Mike is closer to him than anyone but you."

"And you didn't think to call me?"

"No. I'm sorry." The best she could say about their relationship was that they had an uneasy truce. "I know that I have never been your favorite person, and I was not comfortable calling you out of the blue with this. I figured that Mike would be the best person to talk to you. Actually, I felt he was the only person who could talk to you, if Bobby didn't."

Alex got to her feet, hesitating before she asked, "Are you all right?"

"Yes. Why?"

"You said you bruise easily these days."

"Bobby didn't tell you?"

Recalling their conversation about Denise in Syracuse, Alex found herself again wondering about this woman and her place in Bobby's life, and she felt uneasy. "Apparently not. He's never said a lot to me about you."

Denise paused for a moment, not sure about Alex's tone. "Everything _is_ okay with you and Bobby, isn't it?"

"He didn't question that it was until he talked to you."

"I'm sorry about that, Alex. Like I said, I had intended to talk to Mike about it, not Bobby."

Alex felt her irritation increase, and she knew it was time for her to go. "What was it Bobby didn't tell me this time?"

Denise felt bad about aggravating Alex, hoping she wouldn't take it out on Bobby. Her feelings for him were still surprisingly deep, and she didn't want to be the cause of any problems between him and his wife. "It's nothing. He just realized...I mean, I told him, that I'm pregnant. That's the reason for the easy bruising."

Alex frowned. "You should discuss that with your doctor. I've had four pregnancies and I never had problems with bruising."

"I'll mention it, thanks. And please...Bobby didn't do anything wrong."

Turning away from the desk, Alex left the office. She was beginning to believe that she would never be okay with Denise and her place in Bobby's life, regardless of what it was, and that troubled her. To this day, Bobby insisted that his only problem with Ricky was the way he'd treated her and that if she had been settled in a happy marriage, he would have been okay with it. Well, now she _was_ settled in a happy marriage and he still wasn't okay with it. What the hell was she going to do with him?

* * *

Mike wasn't at his desk when Alex returned to the squad room. As she looked around for him, Deakins came out of his office and motioned to her. With a sigh, she abandoned her search for her elusive partner and went to the captain's office. "Sit down, Alex," he said. "Where is Logan?"

"I'm not sure. I just got back from upstairs."

"Something I should know about?"

"No, sir."

He sat behind his desk. "I have some information for you, and I'm sure it's not going to go over well. First of all, I just got the word from upstairs. I put in for my retirement, but I haven't said anything until now because it hasn't been approved. Now it has, effective June 14th." He pressed on, not giving her an opportunity to comment. "Secondly, I got the paperwork about Bobby's disability. The doctors have consulted his physical therapist and he's been approved to return to limited duty as of June 23th. The new captain will take over on the 16th. His name is Daniel Ross, and I've heard good things about him. But...I've talked to Ross and I wanted this to come from me. He's not okay with you and Bobby being partners."

Hot anger flashed in Alex's eyes. "What?"

"I'm sorry. I argued the point but he won't budge. The best I could do was get him to agree to partner Bobby with Logan. You'll do fine with whatever partner he assigns you, but Bobby...not so much. With Mike, though, I'm sure he'll do fine. I'm not so sure how _Ross_ is going to do with Goren and Logan as partners, but Bobby and Mike will be fine."

Alex already didn't like the situation or the new captain. "Captain..."

"I'm sorry, Alex. I did everything I could."

"You know that it's not going to go over well with Bobby, either."

"That's why I'm telling you. You're the first to know."

Deeply unsettled, she said, "Is that all?"

He was saddened by her anger, but he understood. Alex had always been protective of Bobby, and now she was being forced to relinquish her position to someone else. Granted, Mike Logan was the best person for the job, and Alex trusted Mike, he knew without a doubt. But it was still a bitter pill to swallow. "Yes, Alex. That's all."

She pushed herself up from the chair and stormed from the office. By that time, Mike was back. He looked up at her, surprised by her anger. "Uhm, what did I do now?" he asked tentatively.

"Come with me," she replied in a tone that left no room for argument.

Reluctantly, he did as she asked, following her to an interview room. He looked around nervously before entering the room. _Great. No witnesses._

As soon as the door was closed, he braced himself for whatever was coming, but she didn't say anything. He watched her walk back and forth in front of the one way glass with her arms wrapped around her stomach. So, she wasn't mad at him, but she sure was upset about something. "Alex?"

"Everything is changing, Mike."'

"Uh, everything? You'll have to be a little more clear about that."

"Deakins just called me into his office. He's retiring, Mike."

"Okay, we knew that was going to come someday."

"The new captain is a guy named Ross. He's already decided that he doesn't want me to be partners with Bobby."

Mike arched his eyebrows. "Really? Just like that?"

"Just like that. Deakins convinced him to put you and Bobby together as partners. He's not worried about me getting along with a new partner."

"Bobby and me?" A slow grin spread across his face. "He's got it in for the new guy, huh?"

"This isn't a joke, Mike."

"I know, I know. But if you can't be his partner, Bobby's okay with me. You know I'll have his back, no matter what."

"I know that. That isn't what has me upset. You know that I'm okay with you guys as partners, as long as you don't take off half cocked for Texas and roll a car or get yourselves into trouble under the boardwalk in AC."

Mike grinned. "No promises, but I'll try to be good."

She looked at him and her shoulders relaxed. "I'll talk to this new captain and see if I can change his mind."

"Good luck with that. Bobby won't be happy about this at all, but if this character doesn't change his mind, at least I'm the next best thing. We'll be okay."

"I won't say anything to him until I talk to this Ross guy. I can't believe he's coming into this position with his guns already blazing for Bobby. Don't say anything, okay, Mike?"

"My lips are sealed," he promised. "That is one message I do not want to deliver."

As they returned to their desks, she wondered if Mike was right. She wanted everything to be okay, but Bobby was, at best, unpredictable. She made arrangements to meet Danny Ross later that afternoon, then spent the rest of the day trying to figure out the best way to break the news to Bobby if she had to, and she was coming up completely blank.

* * *

Alex felt apprehensive as she knocked on the door in front of her. _Captain Daniel Ross_, it read. The white collar crime unit—that was one unit for which she'd never had aspirations. "Come in," a voice from inside the office told her.

She entered the office and approached the desk where Danny Ross sat watching her. "May I help you?" he asked.

"Captain, my name is Alexandra Eames. I'm a detective with Major Case."

"I know your name. It's nice to have a face to put with it. What can I do for you, detective?"

"I want to discuss my partner."

"You don't have a partner just yet."

"Detective Goren is my partner."

Ross shook his head. "Not any more. He's your husband, Detective Eames, and I won't have that on my squad. You're too close."

"Captain..."

"The matter is not up for debate. Captain Deakins informed me that Detective Goren has worked well and successfully with Detective Logan in the past, so I am reassigning partners. Goren and Logan will be partners and I will find another partner for you."

Eames silently counted to ten. "Goren and I have been partners for over thirteen years. We have never had a problem. Captain, you don't know him..."

"And I will not baby him, Eames. I made a concession for Deakins in agreeing to partner him with Logan. Goren will deal or he'll find himself looking for another squad. I'm told he's been on disability for the last six months and he's due back on duty right after I take over the squad. Maybe he should consider a medical retirement..."

"No. He's coming back on duty. Being a cop is all he knows, and it's what he does best. You are not going to muscle him out, Captain."

Ross considered her. She had a lot of fire. "Then he'll partner with Logan. Anything else, detective?"

"No, sir," she answered tightly.

"Let him know I'll be keeping my eye on him...and Logan, too."

"Don't worry. They'll get the message."

Turning, she left the office, twice as furious as she'd been when she got there.

"Medical retirement, my ass," she growled as she got into the car.

Mike arched an eyebrow. "Do I want to know?"

"No," she answered as she pulled into traffic.

"I take it you were unsuccessful."

"Very perceptive, Logan. Working for that man is going to be a challenge."

"Because he's already made up his mind about Bobby?"

"That's part of it. He suggested Bobby put in for a medical retirement. That way he won't have to deal with him."

"Honey, Bobby has been dealing with shit like that all his life. You aren't going to suggest he go for the retirement, are you?"

"Of course not."

"Good. He wouldn't handle retirement well. None of us would because he'd be bored and we know that's just asking for trouble." He grinned when she laughed. "You don't have to fight his battles for him, even if you do it better. He'll be all right. I promise."

"I know he will. I just felt compelled to let this captain know where I stand."

"I don't think there's a cop in the department who doesn't know where you stand."

"Do you think he's right, Mike? Are Bobby and I too close to be partners?"

"In all honesty, I would normally say yes. But I've known you two for years and I would have to call you the exception to the rule. This guy isn't willing to even give you a chance, so either he's old school, by the book, no exceptions to any rule, or he's establishing himself as cock of the walk. You know, fluffing his feathers."

Alex bristled. "Can I pluck his feathers?"

Mike laughed. "I wouldn't advise it. It never got me anything but a rep as a troublemaker."

"That's a rep you well deserve."

"Glad you think so. I work hard for it."

She smiled, still angry but reassured. Together, her husband and his best friend were double trouble, and Captain Daniel Ross deserved every moment of trouble they would deliver.


	26. A Bad End to A Bad Day

When Alex got to her sister's after her confrontation with Ross, Reggie asked if the kids could spend the night. After allowing the children and Jake to convince her that it was a good idea for them to stay, she kissed them all good night. Maggie hugged her neck for a few extra seconds, long enough to whisper in her ear, "You an' Daddy need some 'lone time. Kiss him good night for me."

Swallowing the lump in her throat, she kissed her oldest child, "I will. Good night, baby."

"Don' worry, Mommy. I'll take care-a Harry an' my babies."

"I know you will."

After leaving her sister's home, Alex started toward Ozone Park, but she suddenly changed her mind and drove toward Brooklyn. Thirty minutes later, she was knocking on Mike and Carolyn's door. Carolyn answered, delighted to see Alex. After a hug, Carolyn said, "I'll get Mike."

"I didn't come to see Mike. I see him every day. I came to see you."

Carolyn paused for a moment, then said, "How about we go out for a couple of drinks?"

"I think that's just what I need."

"Come on in and give me five minutes to get ready."

Ten minutes later they left the apartment building and within a half hour, they were seated in a fairly quiet corner of a south Manhattan pub. After ordering two vodka gimlets, Carolyn said, "So, what's this I hear about you guys adopting a drug dealer's son?"

"That's right. His name is Harry and he's five. He's very shy and very sweet."

"Was this one of Bobby's ideas?"

"Actually, it was Maggie's."

Alex took her time explaining the events that had transpired while Carolyn was gone. Two drinks became four and then six, and they lost track of time.

* * *

It was close to midnight when Alex climbed out of the cab and weaved her way to the front door, carrying her shoes. Once she was in the house, the cabbie drove away. The house was dark—and empty. Bobby wasn't home, which surprised her. He hadn't said anything about going out, and there were no messages for her, digital or written. She couldn't get too upset, though, because she hadn't left him notice of her late night, either.

She debated calling him to find out where he was, weighing her concern for him against his need for space to work out whatever demons he was grappling with. Sometimes it was too easy for him to fall back on old patterns, and that troubled her. Ultimately, though, she realized she wasn't in any condition to confront him and decided to let him be and see if he would come to her on his own.

She went to bed alone and fell asleep waiting for her wayward husband to come home.

Her sleep was fitful, so when he came in at quarter to four, trying to be quiet, she stirred. When he knocked over the lamp on the nightstand and swore at it, she opened her eyes and watched him undress in the dim light cast by the streetlight outside the windows. His movements were slow and deliberate, and she knew he'd been drinking, which was no surprise to her. The fact that he'd been alone, that he hadn't called Mike, made her gut clench.

He sat down on the bed and laid back, trying to take care not to waken her. He smelled of whiskey and cigarettes, but nothing more, then she mentally kicked herself for thinking there might be. Just a few short years ago, there would have been, but things had changed. _He_ had changed. Even so, the fact that he was out alone, drinking whiskey, meant he was deeply troubled.

In the past, she had confronted him with anger, learning the hard way that that was not the best way to deal with him. Her anger made him defensive and they got nowhere fast. So she focused on finding a different way. Sliding closer to him, she laid her hand on his chest. With a soft grunt, he slipped his arm around her, and she rested her head against his shoulder. Softly, she said, "A call would have been nice."

"I'm sorry," he answered. "The time got away from me."

"What's bothering you?"

He shook his head slowly. "I had a bad day."

"Is Mike downstairs?"

He furrowed his brow, confused. "Why would he be downstairs?"

"Wasn't he with you?" she asked, though she knew he hadn't been.

"No."

"So you were alone?"

His answers were slow in coming, his speech deliberate, and as well as she knew him, she was having trouble determining just how drunk he was. He did not, however, answer her last question. She lifted her head. "Bobby?"

"Uh, no. I wasn't alone."

"No? So who were you with?"

"Does it matter so much, Alex? I had a really bad day and I don't want to get into it with you."

"Why would you be worried about that?"

He sighed heavily. "I was with Denise."

She tensed and he moved his arm from around her, expecting her to move away from him. When she didn't move, he looked at her. She said, "Drinking while pregnant? That doesn't sound like her."

"She was drinking ginger ale. She drove me home."

Not fully sober, she reacted strongly to his confession. "Why were you with her?"

"I ran into her at 1PP and she wanted to talk to me."

"So then you know I talked to her today."

Since she had not chosen to move away, he curled his arm back around her, resting his hand on her hip. "No. She didn't mention that."

She could not figure that woman out. Was she really that good at keeping confidences, whether she was asked to keep them or not? But first things first. "Why were you at 1PP?"

He moved his hand onto her side, just beneath the hem of her shirt, and lightly caressed her skin. The contact helped to calm him. "One of my students was injured today and I spent a good part of the day at the hospital with him. After I left the hospital, I stopped in at the squad room to see you, but you weren't there."

His light stroking was distracting, and it felt good, but his words penetrated the gimlet fog that still clouded her mind. She struggled to make out the details of his face in the dim light. "What time did you stop by the squad?"

He shrugged. "End of the day. Five-thirty, maybe." His brow furrowed. "You've been drinking."

"So have you."

"Uh, yeah, well..." Maybe she had a bad day, too. "Why?"

"Do I need a reason?"

"Apparently, I do."

He had a point. "No real reason. Reggie asked if the kids could stay the night, and they wanted to, so I went to visit Carolyn. We went out for a few drinks." Her mind still blurry, she was uncertain where to direct the conversation. It was rare for them to try to talk seriously when neither was sober, so it could easily go either way. Not wanting to fight with him, she chose the safest subject. "How was your student hurt?"

"Argument during a basketball game at lunchtime. He was, uh, shot by another student. Kids shouldn't carry guns."

"No, they shouldn't. Will he be okay?"

He paused, choosing his words carefully before he spoke them. "I'm not sure either of them will. These are good kids, not troublemakers. Some of those kids have access to guns, and they carry them, at least outside of school. These two are not those kind of kids. They're good students, bright and eager. Neither of them ever had so much as a detention. The kid who did the shooting is in shock. Do you know what he told me?"

"What?"

"'It's nothing like they show on TV.'" He made a noise that could have been a laugh but definitely was not. "It's never like it is on television."

He had not been lying when he said he'd had a bad day. "Did he say where he got the gun?"

"It was his father's, legally registered. He stole his father's key and took it from its locked box in his parents' closet. He told me that he had it because he was being bullied. Dr. Ovilla will be looking into that next week, and I might give him a hand. The gun is in evidence now. This isn't going to go well for either boy." He paused, still caressing her side. Softly, he asked, "When did you find out that Deakins is retiring?"

The sudden change of subject caught her off guard, and it took her a moment to figure out how he knew. _Damn. The one time he goes to Major Case and actually talks to someone... _"Very smooth, the way you slipped that in there like that," she said.

"Do you have an answer?"

"Of course. He told me this afternoon," she answered. "Who did you talk to in the squadroom?"

"Michaels."

It figured Michaels would be there. He was one of the few detectives in the squad who genuinely liked Bobby. "Deakins wanted me to tell you, and I would have in the morning."

"I also talked to Michaels about the rumors."

_Of course he did._ "Did he know anything?"

"No. He said he went off on the person he heard them from. But he also gave me a lead on tracking the source."

"Who?"

"Someone in the secretarial pool. I already talked to Logan. He's going to talk to her on Monday."

"When did you talk to Logan?"

"I called him from the bar."

"And did he know where you were?"

"I guess he could figure it out from the background noise."

"Did he ask?"

"No, and I didn't tell."

That was getting her nowhere. "Do you know the woman Michaels directed you to?"

"Pretty well, yes. I used to anyway."

Alex sighed. "Honestly, Bobby, I wish you guys would let it go. They're just rumors. Saying doesn't make it so."

"No one attacks my family without standing accountable."

His tone left no room for argument. He was going to see this through to its conclusion and Mike would be with him every step of the way. There would be no talking him out of it. Even if she could get him to promise to let it go, she had no leverage over Mike. No one did, not even Carolyn. As with every investigation, this one was going to go where the evidence led, and she couldn't explain why that made her nervous.

"It really doesn't matter to me," she insisted. "There are still rumors about me because of my dad. I ignore them."

"It matters to me, and I won't ignore them. This is an assault on your character."

She wasn't surprised by his stubborn refusal to let it go, but if she continued to debate with him, there was going to be an argument, so she changed the subject. Unfortunately, the subject to which she chose to return, a subject she would never have chosen had she been fully sober, was even more volatile to him. "Why did Denise want to talk to you?"

He stiffened, but he didn't withdraw, which was an improvement. "Why did you go to see her?" he asked gruffly, redirecting the conversation.

She hesitated before deciding to let him get away with it for the moment. "Because she was the one who told you about the rumors and I was angry. I wanted to know why she went to Logan instead of talking to me."

He made a soft noise of regret. "She didn't do anything wrong. Her boyfriend brought it up and I got her to tell me what was going on. I guess she went to Logan because she knows him pretty well, and she's never been on your favorite person list."

His immediate defense of Denise annoyed her. "Yeah, that's pretty much what she told me. How did you get her to tell you what was going on?"

"I insisted."

"And she caved, just like that?"

"Not quite just like that, but she told me what I wanted to know."

"Did you intimidate her?"

He laughed briefly. "Sure—the same way I intimidate you. She knows me too well. I could never intimidate her, even when I tried."

"Did you know you hurt her?"

His reaction was immediate, and she knew that Denise had not said anything to him. "I _never_ hurt her," he insisted, adding, "Never physically, never intentionally."

"Something I want to know?"

He looked toward the ceiling. "Nothing about my relationship with her is anything you want to know. How did she say I hurt her?"

"She didn't say anything except to defend you. She showed me her wrist; it was all bruised."

He was confused. "I...I couldn't have done that...I didn't..."

"She told me she bruises very easily these days because of the pregnancy, which is something else you kind of failed to mention to me."

His mind began to race. "Uh, there was no reason for me to tell you she was pregnant," he said absently, his mind already past that. "Easy bruising—I don't remember reading anything about that when you were pregnant. I...I never bruised you like that, did I?"

"No, you never bruised me. Pregnancy doesn't normally cause that unless something is wrong. Is Denise normally an easy bruiser?"

Distracted, he shook his head. "No."

She couldn't stop asking the next question that came to her. "Is that why you said you wanted to get me pregnant again? Because she is?"

He became very still. Her question caught him off guard and sent his mind spinning. Softly, after a prolonged silence driven by guilt, he said, "Seeing her reminded me how much I loved watching you during your pregnancies, especially with Tom and Molly, because I knew they were mine. But that doesn't mean I loved watching you any less when you had Maggie and Jake."

"Even Jake?"

"Yes," he admitted. "You are always beautiful but pregnancy made you...I don't know, a different kind of beautiful. I think that during your pregnancies was the only time I've ever thought of you as a fragile beauty. I know you weren't, but..." He shrugged. "Maybe I just wanted you to be...to, uh, to need me, for once."

Alex let his words sink in, and she nestled her head against his shoulder. He grunted softly and kissed her head. Gently, she asked, "Do you think for a moment that I don't need you?"

"Not that way, you don't. Maybe it's stupid, but...part of me just wants to...to take care of you, to be _needed_—really needed, for more than just sex."

"Bobby..."

"Please, Alex. I know it's true. Aside from sex, you don't really _need_ me for much else. I get in trouble when I do anything to protect you or when I dare to try to take care of you. It's...frustrating."

She didn't answer right away. "You want me to be a damsel in distress?"

"No." He laughed softly, but she could find no amusement in the sound. "I can't even imagine you as a damsel in distress. Besides, God knows I am no one's knight in shining armor. But I am a man, and sometimes I need to be..."

He trailed off, searching his weary mind for the right word. Alex lifted her head to look at him. "Macho?"

He smiled sadly and shook his head. "Worth something." He paused. "It's stupid. Forget I ever said anything."

"First of all, you are worth everything to me, so stop trying to convince yourself that you aren't. And how you feel is not stupid. Bobby, you may think you want a woman to take care of, but you need a woman like me who can handle you."

"Handle me? What do you mean by that?"

"Exactly what I said. You are a sweet, loving, kind man, and I love you deeply. But a weak woman would cave under the stress of being married to you. The darkness inside you is not something a faint-hearted woman could handle. The worst thing you could have done would have been to marry a woman who needed you to take care of her."

He rolled toward her and placed a kiss on her chin. Then he rested his head on her chest. "And the best thing I ever did was to marry you. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."

She twirled his hair around her finger and replied, "Don't apologize. You're doing what I have always wanted you to do. You're letting me in, telling me how you feel and what you think. Contrary to popular opinion, I can't read your mind. You have to tell me what's going on in there." She ran gentle fingers across his temple. "I can understand that you want to take care of me, but I don't know how to be that kind of woman. I have always relied on my own strength. Needing a man the way you want to be needed has never been part of who I am. But I'm your wife, and I made a vow to meet all your needs, no matter how...I mean, what they are."

"You were going to say no matter how stupid they are, weren't you?"

"No, I wasn't. And I wasn't thinking unreasonable either. I was going to say 'no matter how _male_ they are."

He chuckled quietly. "It's okay. I knew you weren't that kind of woman when I married you."

"And I can't be that kind of woman."

"I know. I don't know why I said anything. I should have..."

She silenced him by placing two fingers over his mouth. "You did exactly what you should have done. You're letting me in on the workings of your mind. It's not easy for you to do and it's not easy for me to understand, but that is what I have been wanting from you." She brushed her lips through his hair. "I can't be a damsel in distress. I was raised to be self-sufficient, never to need anything from anyone."

He nuzzled her chest, but his mind was elsewhere, in the past, remembering hard-learned lessons, taught by fist and belt. "My mother taught me to be a gentleman and it grates on me that my wife won't let me be one."

"You mean like holding open doors and laying your coat over mud puddles."

"Something like that. I can't explain it. Well, I guess I can, but you'd be bored and give me one of those looks." He sighed. "It's always been enough for me to be with you. I don't have a problem with things being your way. I never have because I love you and it still boggles my mind that you said yes to me. I know that I'm no prize and I come with a whole truckful of baggage, but I try to make it worth your while to be with me. I shouldn't have said anything. I know you aren't the kind of woman who'll put up with being taken care of by anyone. I'm sorry."

She wasn't sure exactly how to respond to that. She wanted candor from him and he was certainly giving her that. She continued to play with his hair as she said, "You're right that I can take care of myself and I don't like the idea of needing anyone. But you're wrong about everything else. Okay, well, maybe you do come with some baggage, but don't we all? I've never had a problem with your past or with your struggles. Okay, so you aren't normal in the strictest sense of the word. I have no problem with that, either. In fact, your quirkiness is endearing. Normal is overrated. You bring a kind of exotic spice to my life that I never knew was missing and now don't ever want to be without." She caressed the side of his face. "Everything doesn't have to be my way. I'm not going to throw a tantrum and take my ball home if I don't get my way. A marriage is give and take. Sometimes you give a little more, sometimes you take a little more. I don't want you to have to give all the time without getting any of the take."

"I've taken my share," he protested. "You let me stay friends with Denise."

It was telling that he felt that the only thing he asked—to remain friends with Denise—was all the take he wanted from her. "Suppose I had a problem with that?" she asked.

"You do have a problem with it, which is why I've limited the time I've spent with her. It's also why I've always had the kids along. I never wanted you to have any reason to doubt my fidelity."

"The kids weren't with you tonight."

"And you think something happened," he said sadly.

"No, I don't. I trust you."

"Normally, you do, but you don't trust me with her. Alex, she knows how much you mean to me. Hell, the only one who doesn't seem to know that is you. She would never put me in a situation that could jeopardize my marriage."

"Maybe my problem is with the past you have with her. No one else in your life has that kind of long-term, intimate past with you."

"But she would never interfere with my relationship with you. She never has. She cares too much to do that."

"Maybe that's part of my problem."

He frowned. "That she cares?"

"She cares too much. She is still in love with you."

"That's ridiculous. We moved past that."

"You did, maybe. But I can still see it in her. She loved you enough to let you go, knowing you would never come back. People don't have on and off switches, and sometimes, there is no way to turn off your heart. You just learn to live with the pain. You, of all people, should understand that. But I think that you have always denied what she felt because you couldn't put your whole heart into loving her back."

"I suppose there may be some truth to that, but I never lied to her or led her on."

"Bobby, you _proposed_ to her."

He rolled off her and sat up, slowly turning to face her. The pain in his expression stunned her. "I did, and, if you'll remember, she said no."

"But suppose she hadn't? Suppose you had been married to her when I left Ricky?"

He recalled a similar conversation with Mike and the anger it generated. He steered his wife in a different direction, hoping for a different result. "Alex, if I had gotten married, Ricky would have backed off."

Alex frowned. "You think so?"

"Yes, I do. Married, I would be less of a threat to him. If I had a wife of my own, there would be no reason for me to try stealing his."

"His problem wasn't your marital status. His problem was that you were in love with me and he knew it. I didn't matter to him that you never acted on it."

"That's not true. We have Maggie and Tom. That's twice I acted on it. I just...I think that if I'd gotten married, you might have been able to be happy with him."

"So that's why you asked Denise to marry you?"

He shook his head adamantly. "No, it wasn't. I was tired of being alone, tired of one night stands with women whose names I didn't even know. I knew I could make her happy...and I wanted to do that."

"What about you? What about your happiness?"

He shrugged. "That was never a consideration."

She let out her breath in a frustrated huff. "Why didn't you argue with her when she said no?"

"Why would I do that?"

"Maybe if you'd pushed the issue..."

"Alex, I don't look for arguments."

She pulled her knees up and hugged them. "You let her have her way, the same way you do with me."

He was beginning to get angry. "Why is that a problem?"

She shifted closer, hoping to soothe his anger before it got out of hand. "Because you have a heart, too. You have an opinion and you have wants and needs. It's not fair for you to shove all those under the carpet for any woman. Don't you understand? Expressing your desires and needs to someone else is important. It's part of being in a relationship."

"Not for me. I...It's never been an issue."

"Only because you've been with selfish women. Until Denise and me, no one has ever taken you into consideration, and that hasn't been fair to you. Look, I realize it's hard for you to change. But I want you to try to remember something. I love you and I want this marriage to be fair, like it should be. If you need something, let me know. As for your damsel in distress dilemma, I'll try not to get irritated when you feel the need to protect me or take care of me."

"I'll do my best. Are you still okay with my being friends with Denise?"

She reached out and grasped his shoulder, gently coaxing him back to her. He settled beside her, folding his arm over her without thinking about it. She stroked his hair. "Denise has been in your life a lot longer than I have. I know how precious and few your real friendships are, and I don't have the heart to make you step away from even one of them. Just be aware of how she feels about you."

"I still think she's over me. She's with someone else now and she seems happy."

"It's not that simple. Bobby, for someone who understands the human psyche so well, you have a couple of big blind spots. You understand the dark side of emotion but the bright side escapes you. Once or twice in a life, if we're lucky, we find a person we just can't let go, a person who finds a special place deep in the heart and soul of us that is open to no one else. For me that has always been you and Joe. For you, it's always been me. And for Denise, that person is you."

That was something he didn't want to hear, something he wanted to deny, but couldn't. "I never wanted to hurt her. I should have walked away before it was too late."

"Bobby, it's been too late for years."

"I never...dammit...I never meant to use her..."

"Do you think if I asked her, she would feel used by you?"

"Whether she acknowledges it or not, I did. Look up the definition, and you'll find a description of my relationship with her."

She wasn't comfortable with the discussion because she'd always envied Denise for what she had with him. Even now, he had a connection to her that none of them understood, one he was unwilling to terminate. But this was one of those needs he often buried, and despite her discomfort, she was going to help him find his way through this. "Because she loved you doesn't mean the relationship was toxic. She got something out of it or she would never have stayed in it."

He was also becoming uncomfortable with the conversation, though for different reasons. "Like battered women stay in it for the abuse?"

"Dammit, Bobby—we're talking about a woman who fell in love with you. I would be willing to bet my life that you never mistreated her. For you, love is this fragile, tender thing that needs to be protected, like a precious, thin-shelled egg. One misstep and it will shatter and be lost forever. That's not the way it is. Love is resilient and powerful. It's brought kings to their knees and destroyed empires. There is nothing fragile about love."

He gave that some thought before he said, "I'm not a king and I have no empire. In my life, love has never been that grand thing you describe. It's always been like a butterfly. Beautiful but elusive, something to treasure once it chooses to settle on you. But there's always that moment when it chooses to flit away to find a more suitable place to settle. At least, that's the way it always was. The butterfly never stayed until..."

"Until Denise, and then Maggie and me..."

"I never wanted Denise to love me. The first time she said it...I left her."

She stared at him in the dim light. "You _what_?"

"Alex, I couldn't love her, not the way she needed me to."

"That's crap. You just wouldn't let yourself love her."

"I was in love with you. I couldn't find that same passion for more than one woman."

"I think you do love her, that you always have. You just found a way to bury it so deep no one could find it, not even you."

"Why are you doing this? I fell in love with you and I married you. Every day I fall deeper, and you say it's not a bad thing. What I once had with Denise is dead and buried, so why are you resurrecting it?"

"Because it's not as dead and buried as you think it is. It's something you need to acknowledge and work through or it will come around to bite you, and nothing good can come of that."

"I was never in love with her."

"And that's a bunch of crap. I was there, Bobby. I saw you with her, and I was insanely jealous because she had you and I didn't. I saw the way you were with her and the way you looked at her when you thought no one was watching. You let her be around Maggie. I saw a lot more than you realize. I saw everything you tried to hide, everything you tried to deny. I saw your pain when she said no to your proposal, remember? You have no idea how much I wanted to take that pain away from you, but you found some way to deal with it."

"Not a good way, but yeah."

"Very few of your coping mechanisms are good ones."

"That's the arsenal my mother left me. I could have turned out like Frank. I should have. But sometimes circumstances change the course of our lives, and the Army did that for me. Declan Gage did that for me. But no one ever taught me the right way to deal with life's problems, so I always turned to what I knew."

She kissed his forehead. "So what brought you to terms with your life then?"

He shrugged, absently rubbing his shoulder. "I never knew her name, but something about her snapped something inside me, and I stopped caring about anyone in my life, except Maggie—at least for awhile I did. But it was long enough, and love didn't destroy me. Apathy kept me sane until I worked things out in my own way."

"You chose apathy over love?"

"Yes, I did, and for the first time in years, I felt free. When I let love back in, I could handle it. I had a different perspective."

She hesitated before asking her next question, finally deciding she needed to know the answer. "Did drugs or alcohol play any role in your epiphany?"

"Yes."

She was quiet for a long time. She had one more nagging concern, one very much related to Denise and the unresolved issues between her and Bobby, the unresolved emotions he struggled to hide by pretending they didn't exist. Finally, she said, "I only have one more question, and I don't want you to freak out over it. But I do want an honest answer. You have a reason for everything you do. You avoided telling me she was pregnant. Is her baby yours?"

Once again he went very still, and she knew immediately that asking that question had been a huge mistake. She already knew the answer, but she couldn't control the overwhelming need she had to hear it from him. Had she been fully sober, she would never have asked.

When he slid out of the bed, she made no move to stop him. He grabbed his t-shirt and stopped at the door, turning to look back at her. For once she was glad she couldn't see his face. "I never cheated on you," he said in an even tone. "Not once. All during your marriage, I could have had you any time, but I wouldn't do that. The one time I did, the one time I remember, I've always regretted because you were married and I wasn't strong enough to turn you away. But you are the only woman who ever had that much power over me. No, Eames. Her baby is not mine."

When he left the room, he didn't slam the door, and she knew he wasn't angry. She could handle his anger with ease, but in all the years she'd known him, she never learned how to handle his pain.


	27. Trouble at Every Turn

Mike woke to the sound of a knock at the door. He rolled out of bed and made his way down the dark hall toward the front of the apartment as the knock sounded again. "I'm coming," he growled. "Cool your jets."

When he opened the front door, he was not surprised to find Bobby standing there. He looked his friend over. "Are the kids okay?"

"Yes. Why wouldn't they be?"

"Well, I figured it was you because of the hour, but I didn't expect you to look like this."

"Like what?"

"Like the world just ended." He motioned with his hand. "C'mon in and I'll get dressed."

Carolyn woke while Mike was dressing. "Where are you going?"

"Not sure. I'll be back later."

"Mike..."

He gave her a look and she became silent. He pulled on a t-shirt and crossed to the bed, leaning down to kiss her. "I'll see you later."

"Be careful, and tell Bobby I said hi."

He loved that she understood how things worked. She might not approve, and he would hear about it later, but she never interfered or tried to prevent him from doing what he needed to do.

Returning to the living room, he found Bobby stretched out on the couch, sound asleep. Mike couldn't help grinning. He got a blanket from the linen closet and covered his friend before he went back to bed.

* * *

Alex woke around mid-morning, not surprised to be alone in the bed. She got up and went down to the kitchen. After taking a few aspirin, she set the coffee pot brewing and looked through the house for Bobby. He wasn't home.

After pouring herself a cup of coffee, she picked up the phone and dialed Mike's number. Carolyn answered. "Hi, Alex. Yes, he's here."

"Is he okay?"

"Well, he's sleeping. He got here around dawn. He seems okay."

"Tell me that when you can read his state of mind."

"What happened?"

"I did something stupid. I have to go—I've got things to do today. You'll take care of him?"

"Promise. He'll be fine."

Carolyn hung up the phone and returned to the table, where Mike was helping Sean eat breakfast. He looked at her. "Alex?"

She nodded. "All she'd say is that she did something stupid."

"I guess we gotta wait til he wakes up. I wonder if she told him what the new captain has planned."

"Why would he get upset with her for that?"

Mike arched an eyebrow. "How do you know he's upset with her?"

"He's here, Mike. If he wasn't upset with her, he'd be home."

He offered Sean another spoonful of applesauce. "Good point. With him, there's no telling."

Carolyn watched him finish feeding Sean before she took her son from his high chair to clean him up and change his clothes.

Mike poured a cup of coffee and went into the living room. Bobby was out cold, snoring softly. Mike shook his head. He sat on the floor when Sean came crawling into the room. The little boy went to his toybox and chose a ball, which he threw at his father. Clapping his hands when Mike snatched it in midair, he sat down and waited for him to throw it back.

* * *

Bobby stirred very late in the day, close to sunset. The smell of cooking food turned his stomach. He opened his eyes and looked around, taking a minute or two before he recognized his surroundings. As he began to wonder how he got there, he noticed Sean, sitting by the coffee table. The child watched him with his father's eyes, and Bobby smiled at him. "Hi, Sean."

Recognizing the voice, Sean broke into a big smile and crawled to the couch. Bobby lifted him up and settled him on his stomach. Sean leaned forward to give him a sloppy kiss and a baby hug. "Ba!" he said happily, using the same word for him that Maggie once used, before she was able to call him Daddy.

Carolyn came into the room. "You're up."

"I'm awake," he corrected. "Welcome home."

She smiled and softened. No matter what he did or how stupid it was, she always had a soft spot for him. "Are you okay?"

"I'm...confused."

He sat up and gently set Sean on the scrubbed his hands over his face.

"Go find Daddy, Sean," Carolyn told her son as she disappeared into the kitchen for a moment.

Returning with a glass of water, she watched Sean crawl toward the hallway as she sat beside Bobby, handing him the water and two aspirin. "What are you confused about?" she asked gently.

He swallowed the aspirin and set the glass on the coffee table. "I just need to wake up."

"You don't know why you're here?"

He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples as he struggled to clear up his confusion. "Cab," he said. "I got here by cab...from home...oh...yeah... now I remember. I didn't disturb you, uh...this morning...?"

She recognized the hopeful tone he used. "Yes, it was this morning and no, you didn't bother me. Mike was the one who got up to answer the door, and he was the one who was going to take off with you to find out what had you so upset. You crashed before he finished getting dressed." He was beginning to get agitated, and she placed her hand on his arm, hoping to settle him. "Let me get you something to eat."

"No...no, thank you. I...I can't eat anything."

"Coffee, then?"

He shook his head. "I've disrupted your home..." he said regretfully.

"Nonsense. You're always welcome here."

He looked at her with suspicion. "You always side with Alex."

"I have no idea why you're here, Bobby. I can't side with anyone if I don't know the argument."

He ran his hand over his hair and forced himself to his feet. "I'm sorry," he replied. "I-I forgot..."

She watched him with growing concern. He was deeply agitated. "You forgot I was home from Arizona."

He nodded. "I won't..." He paused for a second to compose himself. He succeeded for the moment. "It won't happen again."

"Bobby..."

He didn't respond to her. She watched him leave the apartment, a bad feeling deep in her gut. "Mike!"

Mike came into the room, carrying Sean. He looked around. "Please tell me he's in the bathroom."

"I'm not going to waste your time. He just left, and he wouldn't tell me what has him so upset."

Mike passed the baby to her and hurried back to the bedroom. Returning, he stopped long enough to give Carolyn and Sean each a kiss. "Don't wait up."

Bypassing the elevator to save time, Mike charged down the stairs and out of the building, pausing to look up and down the empty street. "Sonofabitch," he swore.

At the far end of the block, he saw a cab turn the corner. "Never a cab when you need one," he muttered as he ran for his car. "But when it's inconvenient, they're everywhere."

He slammed the car into gear and took off after the cab.

* * *

Mike had hoped that the cab would head toward Queens, but he wasn't surprised that it did not. When it finally stopped, he shook his head and looked around. "He's kidding, right?" he said to himself. Putting the car in park and cutting the engine, he unlocked the glove box, took out his backup piece and checked the clip.

He got out of the car as the cab drove away and looked up and down the pier at the warehouses that lined the riverfront before he walked toward Bobby. He waved an arm toward the water. "Are you serious? Red Hook? You couldn't have picked a better place to work out your issues?" he said as he held out his extra gun to his friend. "You do know the kind of shit that goes on down here after dark, don't you?"

Taking the gun, Bobby tucked it into his belt at the small of his back. Then he lit a cigarette as he looked out across the water toward New Jersey. He shrugged. "It's quiet here."

"Sure, until the thugs start crawling out of the woodwork. The rest of the city knows to stay away. It's a great place for a beatdown. For some serious thinking, not so great."

Bobby shrugged. "It's not that bad."

"That depends on what night you're here and who has the same idea to use this place. You wanna take a shot and guess how many bodies have been dumped into the river from this very area, just in the last six months? Between the mob and drug deals gone bad..." He waved his index finger in the air. "This place has lots of ghosts, my friend, and not a one is resting in peace."

Rather than setting Bobby on edge, Mike's rant served the purpose of calming him down, which had not been his intent. Mike shook his head. "You're a real piece of work, you know that? Come on. Get in the car so we can get the hell out of here before the vermin come out."

Bobby made no move toward the car. "Do you think my wife is a jealous woman?"

"Uhm...is this a trick question?"

Agitated, Bobby waved a hand in the air and began to pace. "I never had unresolved issues with a woman. I always made clean breaks. No loose ends, no real regrets. 'It was fun but it's run its course and it's time to move on.' The end. You know?"

"I know exactly what you mean." That was the way he played the game, too. He crossed his arms over his chest, drawn in by Bobby's quiet voice. "Why do I get the feeling there's a big 'but' coming?"

"This one time, I just couldn't do it."

"Does this involve Denise?"

"What makes you say that?"

"She's the only person besides me that I have ever known Alex to be jealous of, and I'm pretty sure the situation that has you all jammed up doesn't involve me. So what happened?"

"I...I need to work my way through this."

Mike grinned, trying to lighten the mood. "If _this_ involves Denise, then your wife isn't the one you should discuss it with unless you want to sleep in the backyard for the rest of the summer."

"It's too late for that."

"Oh, man...what did you do?"

"Did you know that she's pregnant?"

"Alex?"

"No, idiot. Denise."

Mike made a thoughtful noise. "I thought she was just gaining weight. I guess the local scuttlebutt is too involved with your wife at the moment to be concerned with a rumor that's actually true."

"Alex asked me if I was the baby's father."

Mike looked surprised. "Where did that come from?"

Bobby shrugged. "I don't know."

"So that's why you showed up on my doorstep half-tanked this morning."

"Is that something that would have occurred to you?"

"You fathering a kid with Denise? A few years ago, it would have, but not now."

"So why did it occur to my wife?"

Mike thought for a moment. "I wonder if that's one of the new rumors flying about. That could be where the idea came from. You know, rumors like that about you tend to avoid me, but I have a feeling that Alex is the target of some of them. The ones about her affair, I think, are aimed at you. If there's one about you fathering Denise's baby...that would be aimed at her. Somebody seems intent on breaking you two up. I can't wait to talk to your friend, Tracey."

"Friend? I wouldn't call her that, if she's involved in this."

"You dated her."

"Not since Maggie was born, I haven't."

"I was out of the office when Alex finished her chat with Denise. By the time I got back, she was pissed as hell, but it was about things happening in the squad, so I have no idea how her talk with Denise went."

"Things in the squad? You mean Deakins' retirement?"

"Yeah, and the new captain."

Bobby frowned. "What about the new captain?"

_Oh, shit,_ Mike thought as he realized Alex had not told Bobby about Ross and his intentions. "Nothing. I'm sure she'll tell you. So how far along is Denise?"

Puzzled, Bobby let him divert the conversation. "Uhm, five months, she said."

"And the pregnancy bothers you?"

Bobby walked away from him, stopping a few yards away to look out across the harbor toward Ellis Island and the Statue of Liberty, his mind successfully elsewhere now. "I don't know," he answered honestly. "I met her boyfriend. He seems like a decent guy."

"But you don't trust anyone who's not you."

"That's not true."

"Okay, then, you don't trust anyone who's not you unless you know him."

That he couldn't deny. "I thought about running his background."

"But Alex would flip if she found out."

"So would Denise. That's why I haven't done it. I can't handle both of them being mad at me. Besides, I can't predict Alex's reactions lately."

"Buddy, let me fill you in on a newsflash. Alex doesn't have many insecurities, but your relationship with Denise is a big one. She has always been jealous of Denise and I don't think that's going to change. I think that somehow, someone planted that baby idea in her head and she just needed to hear you deny it."

"But why?"

"I don't know. It's a female thing. Don't ask me to figure her out. You're the one with the keen understanding of the human mind."

"Yeah, the criminal mind. I can't figure out my wife."

"Do you want to?"

"Sometimes, when I feel utterly lost, like I do now. Sometimes I think that, maybe, if I understood her, I could be more, uhm, successful."

"At what?"

"I don't know—everything. I feel...inadequate."

Mike could tell he was skirting the edge of a steep precipice and it wouldn't take much of a push to send him over. Daniel Ross and his plans for the squad would do exactly that. Mike knew he would have to work his friend pretty far back from that edge before he found out or the guy would lose it. "Man, I thought that once you were married to Alex, we wouldn't ever have to have another one of these talks again. Just so you know, I haven't missed 'em."

Bobby looked at the water. "Do you think someone else planted doubts in Alex's mind?"

"Do you?"

"I-I don't know what to think. I've told her that all I wanted was to stay friends with Denise and I meant that. It's important enough that it's the only thing I've ever asked of her."

"Can you keep it just friends?"

"Of course I can. I'd never betray Alex like that."

That was the exact answer Mike expected. "But why is it so important for you to stay close to your ex?"

"I don't know. I just can't seem to step away completely, not from her. I can't explain it."

Mike understood his friend's inability to let go of someone he cared about. Bobby did not form attachments easily, so there were few people who fit into that category. He waited a few minutes before he prodded, "Keep going."

Bobby hesitated a little more before he asked, "Have you ever had...uh, flashbacks?"

"You mean like PTSD?"

"I'm not sure I'd put these in that category, but kind of."

"I can't say I ever have. But then again, jungle warfare has never really been my thing."

"They're not like that."

"You mean, you've been dreaming about her?"

"That I don't remember, but right now, standing here, I can think back and remember any number of encounters I've had with any number of women, all the way back to the first time, and they're just memories. Good memories, but nothing more. But when I remember being with Denise...it's, uh, well...different."

"Probably because your entire relationship with her was different than all the others."

"Maybe, but...when I remember...being with her...it's... it's more than just memories. It's...well, like it is with Alex. Memories and...and emotion."

Mike let out a heavy breath. It was the emotion part that Bobby always struggled with, even with Alex. His young life had not prepared him for that, and Mike understood that. "You are a brilliant profiler. No one I know tops you for understanding how people work, their motives and the driving forces behind them. But let me tell you, your self-analysis skills suck."

"I know. I...I don't really like looking inside my head, not like that. There's too much in there that's royally fucked-up."

Mike nodded and tapped his own temple. "Yeah. In here, too. Abusive parents really do a number on their kids. Normal people like Alex and Carolyn never quite understand, no matter how hard they try."

Bobby thought about that. "Then how do you explain Maggie?"

"I try not to. She makes my head hurt the same way you do. The best explanation I've come up with is that she is the way she is because she's just so much like you."

That was another train of thought Bobby preferred not to dwell on so he changed the subject back. "Tell me this—when you look back at the women you've been with, do you remember anything more than a good time?"

"That depends on the woman. They're not _all_ good memories. There've been plenty of arguments, though the making up wasn't so bad."

Bobby almost grinned. "No, that part's not bad. Almost makes it worth the argument."

"Again it depends on the woman, but yeah. So you're saying all it ever was for you was the heat of an argument followed by the heat of passion. No emotional investment."

Bobby shrugged. "Too much damage. I...I was never able to, uh, invest myself, not like that."

"Until?"

He closed his eyes and answered, "Until Alex came along."

"Right. And since you couldn't have her, you turned to Denise to help you deal with the emotions you couldn't handle, and she got tangled up in them."

Bobby appreciated his choice of words. He still harbored feelings of guilt, thinking he'd used Denise, even though she'd assured him all along that he hadn't. "I never thought about her in those terms. For a long time, she wasn't the only one I turned to."

"No, but she was the only one you got close to, the only one who got to you. She was the one you let in, at least as far as you were able. If you weren't so head over heels for Alex, things between you and Denise would have been different." He pointed directly at Bobby's chest. "Somewhere in there, you could have loved her and maybe you did on some level you couldn't recognize. I think that somewhere on that level you can't touch, you still love her. That's why you hang on to her so hard. She body-slammed your emotions, so it only stands to reason that emotion is part of your memories of her. It doesn't mean you love Alex any less or that what you have with Alex means anything different to you. It just means that Denise means more to you than you realized."

Bobby looked sad. "So that means I probably shouldn't see her any more."

"If you can't handle it, then no."

"I don't know if I can handle it or not, but I don't know if I can handle not seeing her."

"That's a dangerous game, buddy."

"Apparently, but only because the rest of the world can't stay out of my business."

Bobby shook out another cigarette from the pack in his pocket and lit it. He was visibly calmer, but Mike knew he'd come to terms with nothing. Bobby didn't do well with change, and there was more change than he could handle looming on the horizon. Mike predicted a very rocky path ahead of them all.

Twilight was fading and Mike was growing more nervous being where they were, surrounded by mostly abandoned warehouses that were the stomping grounds of dealers and mobsters alike. They might not be legitimately trespassing but sooner or later someone was going to come along with a different mindset. Those docks were not the place to be after the sun went down. "Can we go now?"

"Go ahead. I don't need you to babysit me."

"I'm not babysitting. I'm protecting my own interests."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"It means that if I leave you here and anything happens to you, your wife will do horrible things to me. I, for one, do not want to go there. I also have no desire to explain to your daughter how I let something bad happen to her daddy, and that's exactly what Alex would make me do. Besides, I still kinda like having you around. My life is never boring. So...are we done here? The car is right over there."

Bobby didn't answer. He understood Mike's apprehension; he simply didn't share it. He moved away, walking slowly away, in the direction opposite the one Mike wanted him to take. Mike softly swore, but he walked along with him, allowing him the quiet he needed to think.

As full darkness descended on them, some of the lights along the water came on. Most of them did not. To distract himself from his concerns about their location, Mike asked, "Did you have a problem seeing Denise with her new boyfriend?"

Sometimes, Bobby hated that Mike knew him so well. "It was...a surprise, that's all."

"What did you feel?"

"What does that matter?"

"You know as well as I do that it matters. At least, it does if you're going to work through any of this."

After a prolonged silence, Bobby finally said, "I was jealous, though I had no right to be."

"That's a pretty normal reaction, don't you think?"

"I have no right to feel that way."

Mike laughed briefly. "Why? Because feeling like that makes you as normal as the next person? What else did you feel?"

"I never said I felt anything else."

"Why are you afraid to admit to normal feelings?"

"My wife..."

Mike smacked his shoulder. "I'm not your wife and we're not talking about her. Now did you feel anything else, seeing your ex, pregnant and with another guy...? What kind of images did it conjure in your head?"

"Mike...don't..."

"You need to work through this. It'll be easier for you on all levels to work with me. Your alternative is Alex..."

"No. No, I can't do this with her."

"Then I'm your man. Answer me."

Bobby dropped his cigarette butt on the ground and crushed it under his foot. "Yeah, I felt something else."

Mike realized he was going to have to give Bobby a little nudge. "Desire?"

His reaction was subtle, but over the years, Mike had learned to read those subtle responses to direct questioning. It was a useful skill. "I'll take that as a yes."

"Take what as a yes?"

"That reaction. I've picked up a thing or two from you over the years."

Bobby let that tumbled about in his mind for a bit. "I...I don't understand where it came from. I haven't felt like that toward her in a couple of years."

"Is that any different than when we watch porn or go to a strip club?"

"Yes, it's different. Of course it is. I had a long relationship with her. It's, uh, it's real."

Mike studied him before he shook his head. "You make everything so damn complicated. Look, you want my advice? Go the hell home and love your wife. In the long run, like they say, it doesn't matter where you get your appetite, as long as you only eat at home. You had a normal reaction. It doesn't become a problem unless you make it one."

Bobby rubbed the back of his neck. "But why has this cropped up now? I've seen her plenty of times since we broke it off and it's never caused this problem."

With a shrug, Mike answered, "Maybe seeing her with someone else reminded you of what you once had with her. It was a bad time for you and she was one of the bright spots. I've always believed that Maggie saved you from yourself, but in some real ways, Denise did, too. She knew what she was doing, Bobby. She knew your heart belonged to someone else, and she loved you enough to stay with you until you finally got what you wanted. I'm not saying anyone was right or wrong, but she always told me she went into her relationship with you with her eyes wide open. She knew she'd never end up with you, but she couldn't bear to see your pain. So she tried to ease it for you and she did a hell of a job."

Bobby walked toward the edge of the dock and looked out over the river. Mike followed him, uneasy about being so far from the car. He knew that Bobby was thinking about what he said. "You think too much," Mike gently chastised. He looked around. "And in the wrong places sometimes. You did all the right things with Denise. You never led her on and when it was time to end it, you let her down gently, even though she expected it. There's nothing unresolved there and it's normal for you to still have feelings for her. Problems only develop when you do the wrong thing with those feelings. You gotta learn to let things go. The bottom line is that Alex is your wife and you love her. Now can we go? My spidey-sense is tingling and it's not a good feeling."

Bobby finally let a genuine smile cross his face. "I didn't mean to drag you out here. You should have stayed home."

"You didn't drag. I followed. Besides, I live for these little trips into your mind. Makes me glad I _don't_ think half the time. You overthink everything enough for us both." He put a hand on Bobby's shoulder as they walked toward the car. "Like I've always said, buddy—you're my best friend but you couldn't pay me enough to walk even a mile in your shoes."

Bobby's phone rang as they walked. He pulled it out and checked the caller ID. _Reggie_. His heart did a little tumble but he knew he wasn't quite ready to talk to her just yet. He silenced the ring and slid the phone back into his pocket.

They were halfway to the car when they heard the squeal of tires on asphalt. "Now what?" Mike muttered as four cars bore down on them.

Doors flew open as the cars screeched to a halt around them and half a dozen men aimed their guns at them. Similar sounds echoed from other places among the warehouses. "Federal agents! Put your hands on your heads!"


	28. Deliberate Misunderstanding

Bobby and Mike raised their hands, placing them on their heads. "You gotta be kidding me," Mike grumbled.

"On the ground!"

Mike yelled back at them. "We're NYPD!"

"On the ground!" the agent repeated.

"Goddam feds," Mike growled under his breath, dropping to the ground as he wondered why Bobby was so quiet. Half a dozen agents approached with their guns leveled on them. "Put your hands on your heads!" another agent yelled.

"All the better to cuff you there, my dear," Mike grumbled as he looked at Bobby, who was on the ground beside him.

A booted foot kicked him in the ribs and he heard a round chamber into a gun above his head. He coughed a couple of times before he protested, "Hey, we're down! No need to shoot!"

An agent leaned over him to cuff him, growling in his ear, "Just give me a reason, pal."

Bobby put up a brief struggle, but the agent trying to cuff him brought down the butt of his gun in a glancing blow off the side of Bobby's head. That stunned him enough for the agent to secure the cuffs around Bobby's wrists. Four of the agents hauled the men to their feet and threw them against the closest of the black sedans where they began to search them. Still stunned, Bobby leaned forward to rest his head against the vehicle, surrendering to the search without protest.

One agent pressed his fist into the small of Mike's back as he pulled out the gun Mike had tucked into his belt. "I got a gun here!"

"I'm fucking NYPD!" Mike growled at him. "My badge is in my right front pocket!"

The agent shoved him hard against the vehicle again and began to explore his pockets. "Oh, big man. Is it good for you?" Mike taunted, earning himself a hard cuff to the side of his face. He felt his eye begin to swell as the agent emptied his pockets of his wallet, cell phone, loose change, keys and finally, his badge.

"I got a badge here, boss. A gold detective's badge." He jabbed Mike in the ribs. "Where did you steal this from?"

"Bite me, asshole," Mike snapped.

The agent patting Bobby down pulled the gun from the small of his back. "Got a gun here, too!"

After emptying the rest of his pockets, he added, "And a detective's badge."

The lead agent approached them, examining the two badges and then the identification from their wallets that confirmed their positions as first-grade detectives with NYPD's Major Case Squad. "What are two of New York's finest doing down here on the waterfront in Red Hook at night?" he asked, his voice laced with contempt and suspicion.

"It's not illegal to be here," Bobby said, recovered from the dazing blow to his head.

The lead agent tried to stare him down, but Bobby was not a man easily intimidated. He knew all the moves of an alpha male wannabe and he reacted to none of them. He continued to look steadily at the agent, which made the man increasingly uncomfortable.

The lack of a reaction from the detective in front of him annoyed the agent. "You do this often?"

"Do what?" Bobby challenged.

"Hang out on the docks here in Red Hook," the agent answered, quickly losing patience with him.

"No, we don't," Mike replied before Bobby could answer. With a waggle of his eyebrows, he added, "We prefer to go elsewhere, but his wife was home."

The agent looked from one man to the other, obviously interpreting Mike's comment the way he intended. Bobby looked at Mike, who smiled and blew him a kiss. Bobby nearly choked suppressing a laugh. The agent's uneasiness increased. "You have any idea what's going down here tonight?"

Bobby returned his alpha male glare to the agent. "Not a clue. We're Major Case, not narcotics, vice or organized crime."

The agent looked long and hard at the two off-duty detectives. "So you do know what goes on around these docks..."

"Of course we do," Bobby snapped. "We don't live in a bubble."

The agent gave him a level look, recovering from his moment of discomfort with the two men. "Major Case, eh? I'll be talking to your captain tonight."

"Swell," Mike answered. "I could use a good ass chewing."

"Carter, Boyle, run 'em in. The rest of you, come with me. Let's see what fish the other teams nabbed."

Mike and Bobby were shoved into the back of the closest sedan. The agents climbed into the front seat, and they drove away from the docks.

Leaning closer to Bobby, Mike asked, "You okay?"

"Yeah," Bobby muttered. "What about you?"

"I'm okay." For the benefit of the eavesdropping agents, he raised his voice enough for them to hear the conversation. "Next time you want to play around by the water, how about we go down to Battery Park or over to East River Park or Central Park, someplace where we aren't likely to get a beat down by the feds or get my car impounded, okay?"

The agent in the passenger seat looked over his shoulder uncomfortably. "Quiet back there." He waved a hand back and forth. "And put some space between you."

"Do you have any idea how romantic the back seat of a car is?" Mike asked, deliberately scooting closer to Bobby, who smiled, amused. "Where are we going?"

The car swerved a little as the driver reacted to Mike's comment. He drove a little faster. "The Javitz Federal building. Our boss will be calling your boss as soon as he gets back."

"Great," Mike muttered, looking at Bobby again.

Bobby didn't respond or react. Mike didn't say anything more until they were processed at the Federal building and placed in a holding cell. Once they were alone, aside from the cameras they knew were focused on the holding area, Mike asked, "Why did you fight them?"

"They had no cause. Why did you?"

Mike rubbed his ribs, now bruised because he was a wiseass who didn't know when enough was enough. It was a lesson he would never learn. "They pissed me off. And since when do the feds need cause to harass anyone? They just hide behind the Patriot Act and they're covered."

Bobby laid down on one of the cots, folding his left arm over his eyes. "We had every right to be there."

Mike sat down on the floor and leaned his head back, resting it against Bobby's right arm. "I know that and you know that, but no one informed the feds."

Going along with Mike's ruse for the cameras because they knew they were being watched, Bobby ran his hand over his friend's hair. Mike's tension began to fade, and his head rested more heavily against Bobby's arm. "Think these yahoos will call Alex?" he wondered.

Bobby grunted. "No. They'll call Deakins. They want to get us in deep with him."

"Hmm. Deakins or Alex. I can't decide which is worse."

"I'd rather face the captain right now."

Mike turned his head to look at Bobby, who let his hand slide off Mike's head. He draped his arm over his friend's shoulder as Mike asked, "Are you still mad at her?"

After a moment of silence, Bobby said, "I'm not sure how I feel. I don't know what to think about anything right now."

Mike didn't know how to answer that. Quietly, he asked, "How many heads will explode if I lay down on that cot with you?"

With a quiet laugh, Bobby answered, "They did seem uncomfortable."

"Maybe they were afraid we might start hitting on them."

"If we had, they might have actually shot us. Who did they have for witnesses? Our badges were the only things that kept the situation under control."

Neither man spoke again until one of the agents came into the holding area, followed by Deakins. The captain looked at his detectives in silence. Mike jostled Bobby, who had dozed off, and gave Deakins a sheepish grin. "Hi, cap."

Deakins shook his head. Finally, he motioned to the agent. "Let them out."

Deakins watched Bobby get to his feet. When his first few steps were unsteady, Mike reached out to grab him, releasing his hold when his friend was steady. In the captain's mind, that brief interaction summed up the friendship the two men shared. Every time one faltered, the other was there to steady him. The agent interpreted the act of friendship very differently.

The captain said nothing until they were in his car. "Which one of you wants to tell me what happened?"

The two men exchanged a look, then Bobby said, "We didn't do anything wrong, captain. We were in a public place, just talking, when the feds showed up."

Mike added, "They pounced on us. The only thing we could do was kiss the pavement or they'd have popped us full of holes."

Deakins asked, "Why Red Hook?"

"It's quiet," Bobby answered, still trying to clear his head, which felt like it was under water. "I wanted a quiet place to think, and I've been there before. Mike followed me."

"Did you resist?"

Mike looked at Bobby and arched an eyebrow. "No," he answered. "We did not. We had half a dozen trigger happy feds with their weapons pointed at our heads. Resisting was the last thing on our minds."

"Did they say we resisted?" Bobby asked.

"That's how they explained your injuries."

Bobby frowned, which made his head hurt more. "If I had resisted, Mike and I wouldn't be the only ones with bruises. We weren't doing anything wrong."

"They were pissed that you were there at all. They think we know something they don't."

"Usually we do," Mike admitted. "But not tonight."

"Did they say they had cause?" Bobby demanded, a little more forcefully than he intended.

Deakins looked at him briefly. "Were you boys drinking?"

"Not tonight," Bobby answered. "Did they tell you they had cause?"

The captain heard the edge in Bobby's voice and he put an edge in his own tone. "They aren't pressing any charges, which tells me they didn't have cause. But they will make things difficult if we cause a stink over it. What do you want to do?"

"Just forget it," Bobby said. He was already in enough trouble at home. Now he was getting himself in trouble with Deakins as well. "I'm sorry, captain."

Deakins nodded. "Just settle down," he advised.

From the back seat, Mike laid a firm hand on Bobby's shoulder. Bobby closed his eyes and Mike said, "If you could take us back to Red Hook, cap, I'd like to get my car, if it's still there and drivable."

Silently, and with a sense of relief that made him feel a little guilty, Deakins agreed with them. His retirement date was just around the corner and getting into a pissing match with the feds would postpone it. It might even affect it, and he simply couldn't do that to Angie. Thinking over the situation, he drove them back to Red Hook, where the agents had left Mike's car. He made peace with his conscience by deciding to call Ross Monday morning. Bobby was right-he and Mike had done nothing wrong. "Look at that," Mike commented as he got out of the car. "It's not up on blocks."

The captain shook his finger at them. "You're both very lucky I was the one they called. Behave for the new captain, will you? At least for a little while."

"We'll do our best," Mike promised.

Deakins hesitated before asking one last question. "Can either of you tell me why those agents thought you two were a couple?"

The two men began to laugh. "Uh, that was a misinterpretation on their part, sir," Bobby answered.

The captain looked from one man to the other as they tried to look innocent. He had to admit, it was good to see Bobby being playful, even if it did involve a harmless deception of federal agents. The past six months had been extremely hard on him. Everyone had noticed the somber changes in him, except, maybe, for the children. For a fleeting second, he felt sorry for his replacement, a feeling that was quickly replaced by relief. Bobby would be okay with Mike as his partner. Ross, on the other hand, would definitely have his hands full. "Behave," the captain warned, his last official request of two of his favorite detectives. Then he gave them a smile and drove away.

"Behave," Mike muttered as they got into the car. "Do you feel like behaving?"

"That depends," Bobby answered.

Mike smiled. "The new captain is in for a treat."

"What does that mean?"

"Ask your wife." He started the engine. "Your place or mine?"

"Mine, I guess. Carolyn doesn't seem to want me around."

"It's not that. She just thinks you need to be home with your wife. Is that a problem?"

"No. She's right. I just...well, it limits my options when I need a place to go."

"Bobby..."

"It's okay, Mike. I'm not going to be the cause of dissension between you and Carolyn."

"Let me be the judge of that."

Bobby fell silent for awhile as Mike drove toward Ozone Park. Finally, he said, "Why did you do that, Mike?"

"Do what?"

"Make the feds think that we were, uhm, together."

Mike laughed. "Well, everyone else seems to be getting a piece of you. I just wanted to get my share."

Bobby scowled. "That's not funny."

"Sure it is."

"Just what is my wife going to think about this next set of rumors about _me_ cheating on _her_ with another detective?"

"Aside from the fact that she'll know better because it's you and me, just give her a heads' up. Then she'll know how to handle any rumors that come her way."

Bobby considered that. "Maybe I can get the rumors to work for me for a change," he mused. After another moment, he softly said, "Do you have any idea how much it hurts that she believes the rumors and questions me?"

Mike sighed heavily. "Yeah, buddy. I know how much it hurts you."

"Well...wouldn't it hurt you?"

Mike merged onto I-495 then answered, "No, I don't think so. Don't get me wrong-I love Carolyn. But she and I don't have the same kind of relationship you and Alex have."

"Because you're not married."

"No. I'm...different than you are. It doesn't matter to me right now if Carolyn trusts me or not. Maybe it never will. You aren't like that. You're what they call a sensitive soul, and so it matters to you that the person you love most in the world trusts you. Just tell her what happened tonight and she'll know where the story originated as well as the hows and whys of it."

"All of which points directly back to you."

With a laugh, Mike said, "That's okay. I really don't care if she's mad at me. She'll get over it."

"I don't know. She carries grudges."

"I'll deal with it. Better me than you. At least if she's pissed at me, we won't end up in Red Hook in the middle of the night facing down a handful of federal agents."

Bobby fell silent after that and didn't say anything else until Mike pulled into his driveway. Mike looked at the dark house. "Everyone must be in bed."

"Of course they are. Look at the time," Bobby answered, relieved that Alex was in bed, though it only meant postponing the inevitable argument.

"We always have such exciting dates," Mike joked as Bobby got out of the car. He was relieved when Bobby finally smiled.

"Good night, Mike. Thanks for the good time."

"Yeah, sure, only next time _I_ get to choose the venue. I prefer hanging out in a place where the feds won't show up for target practice."

Bobby nodded. "Sorry for getting you into trouble."

Mike shrugged. "Don't worry about it. We draw trouble like ants to a picnic. I'm used to it."

"Go home and ice that eye. I'll see you soon."

"Give my competition a kiss for me. And hey-if you need a place to go, you better come to my place or I'll come looking for you."

Bobby didn't answer, which concerned Mike. He watched until Bobby was in the house. "Captain Daniel Ross is soon gonna see the error of his ways, and I can't wait for it to happen," he muttered as he drove away from the house. He wasn't sure which troubled him more-the thought that Bobby wouldn't come to him because of Carolyn or the fact the he knew exactly where his friend would go.

Bobby walked through the house, surprised to find no one at home. He missed the children. Taking a beer from the refrigerator, he went out onto the back deck to drink it. Then he went inside, grabbed an ice pack from the freezer and sat down to channel surf. Mischief walked along the back of the couch as he rested his head against the arm rest, trying to focus on the television as he gingerly placed the icepack on his bruised head. The little cat stepped onto his shoulder, kneading it for a bit as she purred loudly in his ear. Bobby continued to switch from channel to channel as the kitten finally curled up on his shoulder, still purring. She licked his ear, which he figured was about the only loving he was going to get for awhile. He found a documentary about the Battle of Britain and settled on watching it. The icepack fell to the floor when he dozed off before it was over.


	29. The Trust Issue

Dinner was over and the dishes were done. Tommy and Molly were tucked in bed while Maggie and Harry played in the den with Jake. In the kitchen, Alex sat at the table, lost in thought. Her mind once again revisited the early morning argument that still caused her grief. _Is her baby yours?_ How could she have asked him that? She could never take back those words nor could she undo the damage they had done. Bobby had not called her, which only fed her distress. She had been in the wrong and she had hurt him, the thought of which tied her stomach in knots.

Reggie came into the kitchen, rummaging around by the refrigerator and looking at her sister. After closing the refrigerator, she sat across from Alex and pushed a glass of wine across the table toward her. "Thank you," Alex said, accepting the glass of ruby liquid.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"About what?"

"Come on, Alex. This is me you're talking to. Something is bothering you." She watched Alex stare at her glass. "Since when do you give up the chance to spend your weekend with Bobby?"

Alex made a dismissive motion, trying to hide her pain. "Bobby's not home and I didn't feel like being alone."

Reggie knew her too well. "I know you better than that, Lex."

Alex looked at her levelly. "Let it go, Reg."

Reggie paused for a moment before she nodded. "Fine. For now, I'll let it go. But you know where to find me when you're ready to talk."

"Thanks," Alex replied as she took a sip of wine, looking toward the doorway when Aaron joined them. He kissed Reggie's head and popped open a beer can.

"The little ones are sleeping, and Maggie and Jake are teaching Harry to play chess," he reported. "Maggie is very patient."

Alex nodded. "She gets that from her father."

"Where is Bobby? We haven't seen much of him lately. He does know he's welcome here, doesn't he?"

"Of course he does. He's just been very busy. He had something to do this weekend, and I didn't feel like being alone."

Maggie came into the room. "Mommy?"

The three adults looked her way, not surprised to see Harry a few steps behind her. Alex smiled at the children. "What is it, sweetheart?"

"Can we call Daddy to say good night?"

"Sure you can."

She watched the two children scurry to the phone. If anyone could spur Bobby to action-in this case calling to make up with her-it was Maggie, and she never needed to know she was doing anything more than saying good night to her daddy.

Maggie dialed her father's cell phone number and waited. After a few moments, she hung up. "He didn' answer," she said, disappointed.

Maggie missed her father, something Alex was feeling as well, and she shared the children's disappointment. "He's probably just busy, then. You can talk to him tomorrow."

The little girl watched her for a few long seconds. Daddy was never too busy for her-not _ever_, but Mommy always knew what Daddy was doing. "Okay, Mommy," she answered. "C'mon, Harry. Jake's gonna set up a new game."

It was clear that Maggie questioned her mother's explanation, however, she accepted it. Like her father, she questioned everything, but she was learning when to openly express her doubts and when to let them go.

* * *

Alex's sleep was fitful. Tossing and turning, she finally gave up. Sitting up, she looked at the time. 2:37. She couldn't take this any more. Rising, she dressed and went downstairs, surprised to see a light in the den. Half expecting to find Maggie up, she was surprised to see Aaron on the couch, watching television. He looked at her when she came into the room. "Hey there," he said, waving her over.

Aaron was not a night owl, nor was he much of a drinker, not like the rest of her family. "Is everything okay, Aaron?"

He laughed and made a bigger motion for her to join him. She sat beside him, uneasy. He leaned forward and picked up a bottle of whiskey. There were already two glasses on the table, one empty. He poured two fingers of whiskey into the empty glass and handed it to her. "Reggie gave up around midnight." He motioned toward the television. "You know, everything is so much funnier late at night."

Alex smiled as she took a drink, relaxing with the knowledge that Aaron had been partying with his wife. "I think maybe your friendship with Mr. Beam here has a hand in that."

Aaron laughed. "But you, you're always funny."

She had never known Aaron to be a moody drunk. A generally light-hearted man, alcohol only enhanced his happy mood. Her smile faded when she thought about her own husband. His happy moods had been growing few and far between since his mother's death, something she only now realized.

Aaron distracted her from her thoughts when he laid his hand on her thigh and leaned in close. "Are you unhappy?" he asked.

"I'm not sure how I feel right now, Aaron," she answered, surprised at her own candor.

"How's your marriage?"

He was trying to be serious, but his tongue tripped over the words, which made him laugh and his air of sincerity dissolved. Alex smiled, trying to imagine Bobby as that kind of drunk. The only way she succeeded was by imagining him as a teenager, although even then, life had weighed heavily on his young shoulders. Her thoughts drifted to the present, to the pain she had caused him with a single question she never should have asked. How _was_ her marriage? She had no answer, not at the moment. Her brief separation from her husband was causing her deep concern, and she would have to rectify it—the sooner, the better. She moved away from Aaron and set her glass on the table. "I have to run home. I'll be back by morning."

"Tell Bobby I said hi. Or better yet, bring him over to join me."

The last thing her husband needed was more alcohol. She smiled at her brother-in-law, a man she loved as much as she loved her brothers. "Go to bed, Aaron."

"Good night, Al," he answered, and then he began to laugh again. He was still laughing when she left the room. Getting drunk with Aaron was a bad idea, she knew. He could be overly amorous when drunk, which was never a problem when Reggie was there. When she wasn't though, things could get a bit out of hand because he lost control, which made her glad he didn't drink often.

She drove home and pulled into the driveway, undeterred by the dark house. After all, it was past three in the morning. Of course, there was a better-than-good chance he wasn't even home, which meant she would have to drive to Brooklyn and have this talk with him at Mike's, something she really didn't want to do.

Once in the house, she was greeted by Mischief, purring and winding her way in and out between her legs. The flickering light and quiet volume of the television caught her attention and she went into the living room. She felt relieved as she approached the couch. It was a good sign that he had come home, even if he hadn't called her. She walked around the couch and sat on the coffee table, watching the slow, even rise and fall of his chest. His breathing was quiet and easy, her first indication he didn't drink himself to sleep.

She reached out, lightly touching his cheek. He jerked unexpectedly and she quickly withdrew her hand, unwilling to give him the opportunity to withdraw first. He opened his eyes. His expression was inscrutable, which confirmed for her that he was sober. He was never able to hide his emotions when he was drinking, not the way he could when he was not-unless those emotions were powerful enough to overwhelm him and get the better of him.

He continued to watch her, remaining silent and impassive. He was too deeply hurt to make the first move. He'd done as much as he was willing to do by coming home. Now, it was her turn.

As he watched her, he considered that maybe none of this was her fault. Maybe the problem lay with him. Where Alex was concerned, he was far too sensitive, too easily hurt, and he had no idea how to fix that. All his life, the women closest to him were the only ones who possessed the ability to hurt him...and they did, every time.

She reached toward him, eyes bright with tears because she was hurting, too. She caressed the side of his face with her fingertips. Almost against his will, he closed his eyes. She felt the tremor that coursed through his muscles, but she kept her touch light, not knowing how much more he would welcome.

Softly, she said, "I should never have asked you that. I'm sorry."

Slowly, he opened his eyes again, reading the sincerity in her face. She withdrew her hand as he sat up. "You don't trust me," he said, his voice steady but full of pain.

"Bobby...Of course I trust you."

"If you trusted me, you would never have had to ask me that question."

"That had nothing to do with trust. That was...insecurity, my own insecurity, my own...jealousy. Maybe it was irrational, but I needed to hear _you_ tell me that her baby isn't yours."

He frowned. "But...why? I don't understand where that came from. What do you have to be jealous of?" He grasped her hand. "Dammit, Alex, I fell in love with you; I married _you_. You have no reason to feel insecure or jealous."

She looked down at her hand, cradled in his. "Since when is insecurity or jealousy rational? Were you able to control either when I was with Ricky?"

She definitely had a point, but the circumstances were very different. His jealousy was driven by what he wanted but couldn't have. Hers was driven by the past. Slowly, it dawned on him. Another person had maliciously fed her simmering insecurities, bringing them to a full boil. "Someone told you I was the father, right?"

After a brief hesitation, she asked, "Does it matter?"

"It does to me." He paused. "Was it Denise?"

"You know it wasn't. Denise protects you at all costs. Even if it were true, she would never tell a soul."

He knew she was right. Denise was very loyal. He struggled to keep his temper in check. "So who was it?"

Knowing his temper, Alex was unwilling to name names. "I tried to blow it off because I knew better, but it was so unexpected. It came back to haunt me while we were talking and I was still half-drunk and...well, there it was, out of my mouth before I could stop it."

"It was there because you still have concerns about her and me, though I don't know why. She already decided she didn't want any kind of permanent relationship with me aside from our friendship. We were friends before we were lovers and we've been friends since we stopped being lovers, which was when you left Ricky." He paused for a moment, steeling himself to ask his next question. "Be honest with me, Alex. Do you want me to end my friendship with her?"

She paused, unable to interpret his tone but not missing the grief in his expression. He seemed to anticipate her answer and was preparing himself for yet another loss. Denise had been a good friend to him when few others were, at a time when he really needed her friendship. Just the fact that he was willing to consider stepping away from one of his few good friends was the only sign of loyalty she needed from him. In practice, however, she knew it would be difficult for him and he would end up resenting her, no matter how hard he tried not to. It was additional stress that he did not need in his life at the moment. For a number of reasons, not the least of which was her need to prove that she did trust him, she decided that ending his friendship with Denise was something she was unwilling to ask him to do. "I would never put you in that position. Denise has been your friend for...how long? Twenty years?"

"Something like that."

"She's important to you, a loyal friend, and I don't want you to end that friendship."

"But..."

She placed her fingertips over his lips. "No buts. It's enough for me that you offered. My issues with Denise are just that—mine. Honestly, Bobby, without trust, what do we have?"

With some hesitance, he raised her hand and lightly kissed her fingers. "Alex, I...I don't have it in me to be unfaithful to you. I just...I love you but, more than that, I am still very much in love with you, even after all these years. I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy."

"And you think abandoning your friendship with Denise will make me happy when it would so obviously make you miserable? There are _two_ of us in this marriage, you know. We both have our own needs and desires, and we each bear equal responsibility for the happiness of the other."

Turning her hand over, he tenderly kissed her palm. "I don't need a lot to make me happy. You have given me a beautiful family, and I don't need much more than that."

"Then you're lying to yourself. Don't step away from your friendship with her. Please...for me. I never intended to question you because I have no doubts about you, about us. Honestly, I don't and I am sorry."

To her disappointment, he released her hand. He didn't respond to her apology; he was still trying to work things out in his head. Of all the people who had ever come into his life, there were so very few he trusted. Alex and Denise, along with Mike Logan, were among those few. He was able to trust them with anything, with everything. Even his darkest secrets and memories were safe with them. Trust was a very sensitive issue with him, something he never gave out, with very few exceptions.

His thoughts shifted back to the rumors, which were getting out of control and setting his blood to boil. He was used to being targeted and rumors about him no longer bothered him, but to target his wife and Denise...that was going too far. Something had to be done.

Quietly, he said, "The rumor about Denise's baby...that was vindictive, like the rumor about your affair."

"Someone is trying to cause trouble...and doing a good job."

"Alex, I don't give a damn about the rumors. I never have. What bothers me is that you believed them."

"But I didn't. I just...had a moment of insecurity. I am human, remember?"

"You have always been insecure about Denise," he muttered, almost petulantly.

"You have a long, involved history with her, Bobby," she explained, trying to sound reasonable. "Forgive me if I have trouble getting past that from time to time."

He propped his elbows on his knees, looking at his hands. Quietly, he tried to explain, "Denise and I were friends for years before we ever became lovers. Even then things were on-again, off-again for us. She had a couple of kind of serious boyfriends, and I just played around. When Maggie came along, I didn't want to play around any more. Denise wasn't seeing anyone and we kind of...uh, we sort of...clicked for awhile."

"'Clicked,' huh? Just how many women have you 'clicked' with?"

He was becoming increasingly uncomfortable with the course of their conversation, but he didn't withdraw. "Just...just the two of you."

As he became more unsettled, she began to relax. He had never been this candid with her about Denise before. "And you've proposed to...how many women?"

Now he was getting angry, feeling that she was taunting him. "You know the answer to that question," he snapped. Then he took a mental step back, composing himself. "Alex, in all the years I've known her, Denise has only made one major mistake—she fell in love with me. I tried to fix that, but I failed. I...I was never able to convince her that she didn't love me." He got up from the couch, frustrated. He began to pace, trying to burn off his agitation before it disintegrated further into full-blown anger. He ran his hand through his hair.

She watched him in silence as he became more agitated. "You never convinced yourself that you didn't love her, either."

He stopped cold, and he slowly shook his head. "No..."

"Yes. Maybe you were never _in love_ with her, but for as long as I have known you, you have loved her."

He felt as though she'd physically struck him. His mind wasn't able to process what she'd just said, so he began to withdraw himself from the conversation. Sensing his withdrawal, she rose and approached him, which was a risky thing to do. She had no idea how he would react to her. Tentative, she reached out to him.

As soon as she made contact, the walls he was starting to rebuild crumbled. His arm shot out and wrapped around her waist, pulling her against him. She gasped, not expecting the sudden movement or the raw power that coursed through him without warning.

Ignoring the noise of surprise she made, he pulled her against him, but then he just held her, burying his face in her hair. His breathing was uneven and coarse; his breath tickled her ear. He slipped his fingers into her hair. But he did nothing more than hold her, muscles trembling as he struggled to bring himself under control.

Once she recovered from her surprise, she slid her arms around him and closed her eyes, waiting for him to make the next move.

Neither of them knew how long they stood there before he pulled away. Dissatisfied with the quality of the light from the television, she slid over to the lamp in the corner and turned it on low as he dropped himself into the recliner, burying his head in his arms. He could not control the power of the emotions that made him tremble. Rage and regret battled for dominance, with neither emerging a clear-cut winner. Perhaps it would help if he had a target for either emotion, but both were quickly spinning out of control and he didn't know what to do with them.

Alex was simply confused. She couldn't read him, which was rare, so she had no idea where to direct his emotions. "What are you feeling?" she asked out of the blue.

He lifted his head in response to her voice. "I, uh...I don't know."

"So tell me what you're thinking."

With the emotional storm raging within him, he found it difficult to settle himself or to remain in one place for long. He lurched to his feet and began pacing again. "I-I'm thinking...uh, remembering...Alex, you used to have problems with Mike, too, but you got over that somehow, even though we still get in trouble together all the time. Why can't you get past that with Denise? She's no threat to you."

"Well, to start with you've never had an intimate relationship with Mike," she answered.

Bobby's entire demeanor suddenly changed. Confused, Alex watched his agitation fade into something she could not identify, and she didn't know what to make of it. "Bobby? Is there something I should know?" she asked tentatively, almost afraid of the answer.

Slowly, like he was coming out of a fog, he shook his head. "Nothing you don't already know, but...there may be new rumors cropping up soon...about Mike and me..."

She hesitated. She hadn't expected her comment about Mike to change the course of their discussion so abruptly and it left her mired in confusion. New rumors? About him and _Mike_? "What did you two do now?"

He shrugged. "Some federal agents might have gotten the wrong idea about us."

"Federal agents? What federal agents? And what idea did they get wrong?"

"It was another case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, that's all. They, uhm, they called Deakins and he straightened it all out."

"Since when have the feds taken to harassing NYPD officers on a whim?"

"They don't need a whim when they have the Patriot Act." He resumed his restless pacing, grasping at a new topic to steer her toward. "Uh, have you met the new captain?"

She hated the way he did that, switching the focus of a conversation away from himself when it suited him. "Yes, I have. What did Deakins have to straighten out?"

"It was nothing. They ran a bust in Red Hook and we happened to be on the piers when they stormed in, so they detained us and called Deakins. Is there a problem with the new captain?"

"I think that depends on your perspective. Why were you in Red Hook?"

Alex was the only person in the world who could follow the course of two simultaneous conversations with him, although Mike was getting better at it. _Practice makes perfect,_ he thought, almost smiling. Even though the entire course of the discussion had not shifted, it was enough and he began to settle. "I like to go there when I need someplace quiet to think. You know my perspective—will I think there's a problem with him?"

"Probably. Were you planning on telling me about your little misadventure?"

"I hadn't decided." She was avoiding a direct answer to his question and his anger was returning. "What's the problem with the new captain?"

She sighed. He was like a pit bull, and he wasn't going to drop it until she answered him to his satisfaction. Whether she answered him or not, his agitation was returning and he wasn't going to remain calm as long as she was dodging the issue. One way or another, he was going to find out, and it was best coming from her. "The captain's name is Ross and he has already decided to make some changes in the squad. Deakins and I both tried to change his mind, but neither of us succeeded."

"Changes? What kind of changes?"

She had to give him credit. A few years ago, that vague statement would have sent him spiraling into a panic. At the moment, he was just nervous. "He is going to partner you with Logan."

Bobby became very still, refraining from looking at her. If Ross partnered him with Mike, that meant... "What about you?"

"Don't worry about me. He'll find a partner for me. I can work with just about anyone; you can't."

"That's not true," he countered. "They have trouble adjusting to me. You did as well, if I remember correctly."

She nodded in agreement. "I did. You're unconventional, and cops don't like unconventional."

"You adapted."

"Because your methods work. I gave you a chance."

"Several chances," he answered as a half-smile snuck onto his face.

Alex relaxed. He was taking the news much better than she anticipated, probably because he was comfortable with Mike and trusted him. Trouble followed them everywhere, but they got the job done effectively. "Deakins convinced Ross that finding you a new partner would be counter-productive. You and Logan work well together. If he insists on splitting us up, the best thing for him to do is put you boys together. I'll be fine with someone new."

He remained calm, looking across the room at her. "But...why are we being punished? What did we do?"

She took that as her cue to approach him again. She crossed the room and placed her hands on his chest. "We aren't being punished, Bobby, and we didn't do anything wrong. We got married, that's all. We're too close and Ross isn't comfortable with it. Most of the department wouldn't be. The fact of the matter is...we lucked out with Deakins. He kept us together because he knew us so well."

He looked into her face and placed his hands on her hips. "We'll stay with Major Case? Both of us?"

"Yes. At least you'll have a partner you know, one you work well with."

"I already have a partner I can work with!"

"You'll be fine, Bobby. We both will."

Pulling her closer, he looked into her amber eyes. "Is that a promise?" he asked.

"Absolutely." She slid one hand up to his face. "Forgive me?"

"I always forgive you," he murmured softly, leaning into her hand.

That was the truth. His capacity for forgiving his loved ones was unlimited. She ran her thumb over his lips. "You look tired," she observed softly. "Let's go to bed."

She turned off the light and the television and led him upstairs to their room. He pulled off his shirt and pants, and he watched her get changed. As time passed, she only grew more beautiful in his eyes. She climbed into bed and he slid in beside her. She snuggled into his side as he wrapped his arms around her.

"Are you okay about all this?" she asked.

"Do I have any choice? I have to be okay with it."

"It will work out. You'll be fine."

"Of course I will. I have you."

Smiling, she kissed his chest. She spent a little while kissing and caressing him, but he was distracted and not in the mood, so she contented herself with falling asleep in his arms.

Bobby lay awake, holding her and listening to her even breathing and the soft sounds she made in her sleep. He had successfully repressed his reaction to the news of the new captain's plans for the squad. The truth of the matter was he didn't know how to react. He was overwhelmed and unable to work out how he felt about it. He'd hit the limit of his tolerance for change and he could feel the edge of a deep chasm crumbling beneath his feet. His world was changing, and nothing was going to be the same ever again.


	30. A Birthday Surprise

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to Lexi Lynne, who requested it in a message. Here you are, Lexi! Keep those suggestions coming!**

* * *

The sun was peeking over the buildings to the east when Bobby slid out of the bed. He'd dozed for an hour or so after lying awake in the dark, trying to process everything he'd discussed with Alex. Unwilling to lie awake for another few hours, his mind spinning in circles and getting nowhere, he decided to get up. He showered and dressed in shorts and an NYPD t-shirt. Returning to the bedroom, he found the bed empty. He walked to the dresser and pulled open his sock drawer to retrieve a pair of white socks.

Alex came up behind him and slipped her arms around his waist. He laid his hand over hers. "I have plans for today," he said.

"Oh," she replied, not masking her disappointment. "Anything you care to discuss?"

The corner of his mouth twitched as he suppressed a smile. Despite the lack of a good night's sleep, he was in a better mood than he'd been in for a while. He wasn't sure why that was, but he chose to credit Alex. It wasn't likely to last—his moods rarely stayed in the 'good' range these days—so he decided to take advantage of it while he could. "Not really. How long do you think it would take you to assemble some kind of picnic?"

His request caught her by surprise and her disappointment vaporized. "What do you have in mind?"

"A surprise."

She tickled his sides and he squirmed from her embrace, finally smiling. She was thrilled to see his easy smile. "Feeling better?" she asked, hopeful.

"Somewhat."

"So I'm forgiven?"

"I told you—I always forgive you. I think it was somewhere in those vows we took or maybe it's the eleventh commandment: _Thou shalt always forgive thy mate._"

"I kind of like that commandment. It ranks up there with _Thou shalt trust thy mate_. And I do."

He turned in her arms and kissed her. "So do I."

Stepping away, he sat on the bed and pulled on his socks and sneakers. Alex stripped and dressed in tan shorts and a white polo shirt with a pair of sandals.

Bobby remained sitting on the edge of the bed, watching with appreciation as she dressed. After pulling on her shirt, she looked at him. "A picnic, huh?" she asked.

He nodded. "A picnic."

"Where?"

"I told you, it's a surprise."

"All of us?"

"Of course."

She stepped up to him and slipped her arms around his neck. "I don't suppose I could convince you to tell me what you have planned."

"I'm sure you could, but then you'd ruin my surprise."

She could feel his excitement, and she didn't want to spoil that. She kissed him softly. "All right. We'll play it your way. So how about while I pack the lunch, you run over to Reggie's and get the kids. I'm sure Maggie's up by now, which means the boys are up, too."

He nodded. "I'll be back in a little while."

Rising, he gave her a kiss and left. She sighed softly. She was glad he was in a better mood, but she wondered how long it would last. His good moods fell to dark storms of negative emotion far too often, so often they were eclipsing his happiness, which in turn, interfered with hers.

She continued to muse about her husband's moods as she puttered about the kitchen, fixing a picnic lunch for her family. She was just finishing when the front door banged open, admitting the noisy banter of happy children. Maggie was the first one to come into the room. "Hi, Mommy! Daddy says we're goin' onna picnic!"

"That's right," Alex answered, checking over the children to make sure they were dressed properly for the outing their father proposed.

Satisfied that the children were ready, she herded them back out to the minivan, where Bobby was playing with Molly in her car seat. The happy baby was laughing and reaching out to touch his face. He nibbled at her fingers and she squealed happily and laughed harder. Tommy ran to him and wrapped his arms around Bobby's leg. "Dada! Me, too!"

Bobby lifted him easily and tickled him. Tommy giggled and squirmed with delight. Bobby settled him in his seat and kissed his nose. "We'll play when we get to the park, little man. I put some toys in the back."

With a broad, happy smile, Tommy answered, "'Tay, Dada."

Maggie and Harry crawled into the last row of seats in the van and climbed into their booster seats. Maggie helped Harry buckle himself in before she fastened her own seatbelt. Harry studied Bobby while he buckled Tommy into his seat. When Bobby turned his attention to Harry and Maggie, Harry looked at the floor and whispered, "Baseball?"

Bobby folded his arms on the back of the seat and looked at the two children. "Do you like baseball, Harry?"

Harry shrugged, not looking up. "I dunno."

Maggie explained, "Harry never played baseball, Daddy. But I telled him about it and he wants to try."

"Then he's in luck because I put the balls and bats and gloves in the back."

"An' the football, too?"

"Of course. And the soccer ball."

"Is Uncle Mike comin'?"

"Not this time. He's spending some alone time with Aunt Carolyn and Sean."

Maggie pouted until Bobby said, "I'll ask him if he's free next week and we'll go to the park to play ball. How does that sound?"

The pout vanished. "That sounds fun."

She reached out and laid her little hand on his. "I been missin' you a lot, Daddy."

Raising her hand to his mouth, he kissed it. "I've missed you, too, mouse."

"Are you done bein' busy?"

"I think so, at least for a little while."

As Bobby shifted to pull himself out of the van, Harry reached out and grasped Bobby's fingers. Bobby stopped and looked at the shy little boy. "Me, too," Harry whispered, barely audible.

Bobby gave him a smile and laid his hand on Harry's head. He slipped out of the back of the van. Alex had set the cooler on the floor in front of Molly and slid into the driver's seat. He smiled at her and climbed into the passenger seat.

Alex started the engine. "Where to?"

"Let's start out at Belmont Lake State Park."

With a nod, she said, "That sounds like fun."

Bobby just smiled and settled back in his seat. That was his plan exactly—to have fun, and he had no intention of failing this time.

* * *

Although there were picnic tables available, the children wanted to have a 'real' picnic, with everything laid out on a tablecloth on the ground. "They watch too much television," Alex complained as she and Bobby laid out the tablecloth on the grass. "I need to have a talk with Dad about that."

"Alex, he's 77 years old. He can't chase them around any more. Right now, Molly is the only one who operates at his speed."

"He gets around fine," she said testily.

He looked up from the cooler, his head cocked to one side, but he didn't say anything. Alex turned her attention to Molly, who was scooting off the cloth into the grass. Focusing his thoughts on her, he unpacked the food. Alex adored her father, refusing to see his vulnerabilities and failing health. He considered opening the discussion, but he could not imagine any way that would go well, especially for him. He managed to get himself into trouble often enough without going looking for it, so he abandoned the idea entirely.

Alex turned Molly around, aiming her toward Bobby. "Go get Daddy," she whispered to the baby.

Babbling happily, Molly inch-wormed her way toward her father...until she noticed a bowl of potato salad. Changing her trajectory, she moved toward the bowl. "Oh, no, you don't," Alex said with a laugh, moving the bowl out of the baby's line of vision.

"Daddy!"

Bobby turned around to watch the older children approach from the direction of the water. Maggie and Harry each held onto one of Tommy's hands, moving at his speed toward their parents. As they got to the blanket, Tom launched himself at his father, who caught him, as always. "Daddy," Maggie said. "Can we rent a boat?"

"Boat, Dada!"

Timidly, Harry muttered, "Please?"

Bobby looked at Alex, who shrugged, deferring to him. "Let's eat first, okay?" he said.

The three children agreed to his terms, and Tommy squirmed to the ground to join Maggie and Harry on the cloth. Maggie began opening containers, "What did you make?"

Smiling, Alex pulled paper plates and plastic utensils from the tote bag beside the cooler. She dished out a plate for each of the children, then helped herself and sat by Molly with a jar of baby food. Discreetly, she watched Bobby prepare his own plate, frowning at the amount of food he took. Tommy had more food on his plate. "Not hungry?" she asked.

"Not much," he answered.

She sensed his mood teetering on the edge of change. "What kind of boats do they have?" she asked the kids, hoping to head him off and keep him in a good mood.

"Ducks, Mama!" Tommy announced.

"Not those, Tommy," Maggie scolded gently. "The rowboats."

"Oh, rowboat!" he said in agreement.

"What's wrong with the duck boats?" Alex asked.

Maggie shrugged. "They're fun to watch, but they gots pedals and they won' fit eve'ybody."

Bobby looked at Alex, and they both understood Maggie's intention in diverting interest from the swan-shaped paddle boats. Daddy could row a boat because his arms were strong. The paddle boats could hurt his knee. Alex smiled with pride at her oldest child. Nothing got past her notice. Bobby kissed the top of Maggie's head, and she leaned back against him, her plate balanced in her lap. She tipped her head back to look up at Bobby. "Aren' you gonna eat, Daddy? Does your knee hurt?"

She rested a cool little hand on his injured knee, then traced her finger along the red scar from his most recent surgery. The knee had actually been causing him less pain over the past few days, perhaps because his mind had been so preoccupied. "I'm fine, baby. I have a lot on my mind, that's all."

"How does that make you not hung'y?"

He waved his hand. "When adults are concerned about things, it can make them not want to eat."

"What are you worried about?"

He was being interrogated by a six-year-old and that made him uncomfortable. "It's nothing to concern you, honey."

"Are you worried 'cause D'nise is sick?"

He looked sharply at his oldest child. "What are you talking about?"

"When she stayed with us so Mommy could go back to get you inna hopsital after Gramma died, she was sick."

"She told you that?"

She shook her head. "She's a big people, an' I'm a little people. Big peoples don' tell little peoples when they're sick. I teached myself to figger it out." She cocked her head the same way he did when he was trying to figure something out. "Maybe if we go out onna boat you'll feel better."

He smoothed her hair back from her forehead, out of her eyes. Her perception struck him like a physical blow, nearly knocking the breath out of him. He quickly diverted the conversation to an innocuous topic. "Stop selling, mouse. We'll get a boat once everyone's done and we've cleaned up."

She didn't know just how Denise was sick, but it made her sad to know she was, so she allowed Daddy to direct the conversation in another direction. She was excited about the boat. "Hurry up an' eat, Tommy an' Harry, so we can go out onna boat!"

"No, don't hurry," Bobby cautioned. "You'll choke on your food. We have all day."

While the children ate and excitedly discussed their upcoming boat ride, Alex slid closer to Bobby. She rested her hand on his back and leaned in to speak softly into his ear. "Is Denise sick?" she asked with concern.

"As far as I know, she's not," he answered, just as softly. "But now, I wonder."

"Was that the last time she saw Denise?"

"Yes."

"What about you?"

She kept her hand on his back and that physical contact allowed him to remain settled. He laid his hand on her thigh. "Mom's funeral. That was the last time I saw her before Thursday. I've talked to her a few times since, when she called to see how I was doing, but she never mentioned being sick. I...I haven't felt much like socializing, not with anyone, and I haven't seen her, not even around 1 PP."

She ran her hand up and down his back, and he leaned his head against her shoulder. Alex's heart went out to him, and her soft voice was sympathetic. "You took your mom's death much harder than I realized. Why haven't you said anything to me? Why did you hide your grief?"

He closed his eyes as she raked her fingers through his hair. "It's my burden to bear, Alex."

She opened her mouth to dispute that, but changed her mind before making a sound. That was a conversation that would inevitably disintegrate into a heated argument, and she was tired of arguing with him. It was detrimental to them both, especially now. She kissed his head as she stroked his hair. "Call Denise after we get home and ask her about it. Maggie obviously picked up on something."

He nodded. "She did, but...what did she pick up on, and how..."

Alex shifted her position so she could see his face. "Don't worry about that now. We'll figure it out."

She brushed her lips over his and he drew her in for a deeper taste. She relaxed in his arms, surrendering to his kiss until they heard Maggie giggle. Smiling, she withdrew from his embrace.

He released her, suddenly wanting more, especially when she smiled at him like that. Alex saw the desire that flared in his eyes. She dragged her nails along his side, reassured when he closed his eyes. She had done the exact right thing in maintaining physical contact with him while they discussed Denise. Rather than spinning out of control, he remained settled. More than that, her expression of concern for the woman she once saw as a rival somehow seemed to heal the rift caused by their argument the day before. She leaned against him, picking Molly up and sitting her back against her legs.

Bobby slipped his arm around his wife, rested his chin on her shoulder and reached out to tickle Molly, who giggled and gave him a huge, adoring smile. He made a soft, content sound and placed a kiss in front of Alex's ear. She reached up and laid her hand on his cheek.

Maggie watched the tender interaction between her parents and she smiled. Something had been wrong with them, but they seemed to have gotten over that. Her world made sense again and maybe they wouldn't have to stay at Aunt Reggie and Uncle Aaron's any more. They always stayed at Aunt Reggie and Uncle Aaron's or at Grampa's when something between Mommy and Daddy wasn't right.

Once everyone was done, Maggie and Harry helped Bobby clean up while Tommy helped Alex feed a jar of bananas to Molly. Bobby finished packing everything into the car and the kids led the way to the boat rental. Once all the children, including Molly, were all outfitted with life vests, they were given a rowboat for the afternoon. Alex chose to also don a life jacket, but Bobby did not.

"Why don' you need a orange coat, Daddy?" Maggie asked as he helped Alex into the bow of the boat.

"I know how to swim."

Her eyes widened. "We're goin' swimmin'?"

"Not intentionally," he replied with a smile.

"Not at all," Alex warned as she sat Molly on her lap. Maggie, Harry and Tommy settled on the widest bench seat in the stern of the boat. Bobby untied the boat from the dock and climbed in, sitting on the center seat facing the stern.

He shoved off from the dock and began to row. As he rowed, Alex watched the muscles of his back , shoulders and arms, feeling a powerful surge of desire. The longer she watched, the more she wanted him.

"Can I try, Daddy?" Maggie asked.

He motioned to her and she scrambled into his lap. Harry watched as Bobby helped her with the oar, on the verge of asking if he could row, too, but holding back, uncertain. Bobby motioned to him. "Come on, Harry, if you want to try."

He stood and walked to Bobby, hesitating again. Once Harry was ready, Bobby pulled him up onto his other knee and set him up with the oar. Tommy bounced up and down in front of his father. "Me, too, Dada?"

"You're still a little small, buddy. Why don't you navigate and tell Maggie and Harry where to go?"

That satisfied the little boy and he settled himself on the seat he'd vacated and said, "Doe fast!"

Bobby and Alex both laughed. Bobby said, "They're not going to go fast, little man, but they are spinning us in a nice circle."

After a short while, both Maggie and Harry decided rowing was hard work and they gave the oars back to Bobby. He resumed rowing. "All we need is some fishing gear," he said, turning his head so Alex could hear him.

"I think Dad has some gear in the garage."

"Are we goin' fishin'?" Maggie asked.

"Not today, but sometime we can."

He heard the low hum of the speedboat motor and frowned. He didn't think speedboats were allowed on the lake. The noise got closer as the speedboat came up on them fast. The teenaged pilot of the boat, laughing raucously with his two friends, turned the boat at the last moment. The laughter continued as the rowboat got caught in the wake of the speedboat. At the same time, scared by the excessively loud boat and taunting laughter of the teens, Harry lunged to the opposite side of the boat. His weight in conjunction with the speedboat's wake was just enough to tip the boat, dumping its occupants into the water.

The life jackets worn by the children buoyed them to the surface, and Molly immediately began screaming a protest at being tumbled from her mother's lap and dunked underwater. Maggie, who knew the basics of swimming, grabbed Tommy and held him close. Totally trusting, Tommy was calm, floating in the water with his protector.

After glancing at Maggie and seeing that she and Tommy were safe, Bobby turned his attention toward Harry and Molly. Alex swam to retrieve Molly, nodding at Bobby as she comforted the angry baby. Harry, in the meantime, was in a total panic, thrashing and crying hysterically. His kicking moved him further away from the rest of the family, causing his panic to escalate.

Without hesitation, Bobby swam after Harry. A strong swimmer, he reached the panicked boy quickly, but Harry continued struggling in the water. Bobby gently grasped the screaming boy and pulled him into his arms, Harry's back against his chest. "Shhh..." he murmured into Harry's ear. "I have you. You're safe."

Harry's struggles slowly subsided as Bobby continued to speak soothingly to him. The little boy turned in his soon-to-be father's embrace and wrapped his arms around Bobby's neck. He continued to sob with his head resting on Bobby's shoulder as Bobby sidestroked to the rest of the family, his arm firmly around Harry, holding him close.

He swam up to the rowboat, which had not capsized, and murmured quietly to Harry, who nodded in response. Grasping the side of the boat, Bobby hoisted Harry over the side and back into the boat. "Maggie, can you bring Tommy over here?"

"Yes, Daddy."

As Maggie half-floated, half-dog-paddled her way to her father, Alex swam over to him with Molly cradled against her shoulder. "Is Harry okay?"

"He's fine. He just got scared." He cupped his hand over Molly's head. "Is she okay?"

"Yes. She didn't appreciate the sudden dunking."

Bobby looked out over the lake, his eyes hard. "Neither did I."

Beneath the water, Alex stroked his side. "Just let it go. We've had a nice day and no one was hurt."

He didn't answer, turning his attention to Maggie and Tom. First, he hoisted Tommy into the boat and then Maggie. Gently taking Molly from Alex, he passed the baby to Maggie and helped Alex over the side into the boat.

Bobby ducked under the water and swam at the surface for momentum. When he broke the surface, he grabbed onto the side of the boat and hoisted himself over the side in a roll to prevent the boat from tipping again. Taking stock of his family, he settled himself on the center bench and rowed for the dock.

After tying up the boat and helping Alex and the children out, Bobby started for the rental office. Alex grabbed his arm and looked up into his eyes. He squeezed her arm. "Put the kids in the car. I'll be right there."

She paused a little longer before releasing his arm. "Come on, kids," she said, holding out her hand.

Tommy grasped her hand and they started toward the car with Harry right behind them. Maggie hesitated, watching her mother walk toward the car with the little ones. She whirled about and scurried after her father.

Harry noticed that Maggie wasn't at his side and he turned to look around for her. When he spotted her trotting after Bobby, he hesitated, then ran after her.

Unaware that the children were following him, Bobby went into the rental office. Two docks from the office, the teens who were illegally joy riding in the speedboat, disembarked from their boat, passing around a joint. One of them hauled a cooler onto the dock, opened it and tossed a beer to each of his buddies. Maggie stopped and glared at them. A couple of feet behind her, Harry also stopped, uncertain.

One of the teens noticed Maggie. "What's the matter, little girl?"

"You needa be more careful," she scolded.

The three of them laughed and one swaggered toward her. "Maybe the problem is people bringing little girls and babies out onto the water."

Maggie stuck out her jaw toward the intoxicated young man, who continued toward her. Harry became alarmed, seeing the arrogant teen as a threat toward his best friend, who would soon be his sister and who had done so much for him. He growled and scurried past Maggie, attacking the teen. The other two young men laughed harder as the first teen held Harry at arms' length. Maggie charged at him to rescue Harry, kicking the young man in the shins. "My daddy says your boat's not s'posed to be onna lake!" she scolded as she kicked him again.

Still laughing, he grabbed Harry by the collar and started toward the edge of the dock. "And who's your daddy, little girl?" he taunted, grabbing her arm with his other hand as his friends egged him on.

"I am," came a nearby voice, quiet and darkly menacing.

The young man looked up to see Bobby, standing nearby with a dangerous look on his face. Wisely, the boy released the children who scurried to safety behind their father, looking out at them from behind him. Bobby's voice dripped with menace. "Just what were you planning to do with my children?"

Putting on a face of false bravado, the teen faced the angry, much larger man. "I was teaching them a lesson," he asserted.

"That is not your place. If they need to learn anything, _I_ will be the one to teach them."

"That little hooligan of yours kicked me in the shins!"

Maggie jutted her jaw out again at the boy. "You d'served it!"

"Maggie."

"Sorry, Daddy," she said, though it was clear she didn't regret what she'd done in the least.

Harry reached out and gripped her hand, determined to keep her safe despite his fear. Bobby moved forward, closer to the three teens. He nodded toward the speedboat. "It's a nice ride," he said, his voice still taut with barely controlled rage. "But it doesn't belong on this lake."

"What are you gonna do about it?" asked the teen furthest away from him.

"For starters, impound it."

"You can't do that! Only the cops can impound vehicles."

Bobby allowed a meaningful silence to linger in the air until one of the boys asked, "Are you...you're not a cop?"

"Guess again." He held out his hand. "The keys."

The boy who owned the boat balked. "You can't..."

"I can take you in instead. I have a growing list of charges."

"My dad's gonna kill me."

"How will it go for you if I drag you in for DUI, reckless endangerment..."

"Okay, okay," he said, holding out the keys.

One of his buddies smacked his arm, knocking the keys into the water. "Got get 'em, big man," he sneered at Bobby while they boat's owner stared at him like he'd lost his mind.

For a man his size, Bobby could move with surprising speed. Harry made a little yelping sound, tightening his grip on Maggie's hand, when the wiseass kid hit the water. "Get the keys," Bobby growled.

The idea of refusing crossed the teen's mind until he saw the look on Bobby's face. Changing his mind, he dove into the muck below the dock until he found the keys. By that time, the truck had arrived to take the boat to the impound lot. Bobby faced the three young men, his expression still dark and threatening. "Rules exist for a reason. All I can say for you is you're damn lucky my children were not injured during your joy ride. Don't make me have to address this subject with you again, or we'll be talking through the bars of a six by eight cell."

Turning his back on the boys, Bobby held his hand out to Maggie, who still held Harry's hand, spoke to the driver of the truck and walked away with the two children in tow.

As they approached the car, Alex was standing by the driver's door, arms crossed, looking from Bobby to the children and back. "Couldn't leave well enough alone, could you?"

Bobby's demeanor had changed and he gave her a sheepish grin. "I had to do something."

Her face finally relaxed into a smile and he was reassured. Alex turned her attention to Maggie and Harry. Before she could say anything, Maggie said, "Harry was p'tectin' me from those boys!"

"Why were you over there?"

"We were jus' goin' with Daddy."

Alex had to admit the children weren't told they couldn't go with him. "Get in the car."

She smiled when the three of them moved to obey. She slid behind the wheel and waited for the children to settle into their car seats while Bobby folded himself into the passenger seat.

"Before we go home," Bobby said as she started the engine. "I need to stop by a buddy's place in Brookhaven."

She looked at him. "Will I like this buddy?"

"I think so. He works for the road department—snow plows in the winter and street sweepers the rest of the year."

"I like him already."

He relaxed in his seat and reached for his cell phone, which he'd stowed in the cubby under the radio before they went down to the lake. He made a call to let his buddy know they were on the way. Replacing the phone, he looked out the window, and he let his thoughts roam.

* * *

Alex pulled into the driveway Bobby pointed out to her, parking the minivan as a tall, thin man stepped out onto the porch of the house. As his friend bounded off the porch into the yard, Bobby got out of the car and embraced him while the kids gathered with Alex by the rear bumper, curious about where they were and why they were there. Bobby introduced his family to his buddy Manny. "Manny drives a snowplow in the winter," he told the kids.

"A big one?" Maggie asked.

"The biggest one they have," Manny answered. "Did your dad tell you why you're here?"

They shook their heads and Manny grinned at them, then he looked at Bobby. "Shall we show them?"

"Lead the way."

Manny motioned for the children to follow him and he led them around the house to a huge fenced yard. There was a large pen in the shaded portion of the yard that contained a squirming mass of almost a dozen puppies. "Puppies!" Tommy squealed, delighted.

Manny opened the gate in the pen and the puppies erupted from their confinement. The three children were tackled by the little dogs, giggling. Even Harry forgot to be shy. Manny said, "Sheba and Attila are both in the house, if you want to see them. Poor Sheeb gets funny about people taking her puppies, so I always keep her in the house when someone comes to see the litter. These are great dogs, and you guys can have whatever puppy you want. The department wants two of them and the Seeing Eye foundation has claimed three, but neither of them is particular about exactly which pups they get, as long as they're healthy and trainable, which all our puppies have proven to be."

Bobby approached the wriggling mass of puppies and children. "You can pick whichever puppy you want, Maggie. Happy birthday."

"A puppy? For me? For real?"

"You've been asking for one since you were very small, and now we have a place where we can have a puppy, so yes. For you, for real."

She scrambled to her feet and hugged him. "Thank you, Daddy! You didn' freget I wanted a puppy!"

"No, I didn't."

She turned back to Harry and Tommy. "What do you guys think?"

Tommy hugged the closest puppy. "Wan' alla puppies!" he declared.

Bobby laughed. "Nice try, little man, but we're only taking one."

While the children played with the puppies, Manny smiled at Alex. "So you're the one who finally corralled this wild stallion here. He's a very lucky man."

Alex smiled. "Most of the time, I think I'm the lucky one."

It was a difficult decision for Maggie, but she finally settled on a mostly black male puppy with tan and white legs and a deep chest with a white blaze. Bobby and Manny closed the deal and they took the puppy home.


	31. An Unsettling Call

After tucking in the little ones and Harry, who was worn out from his ordeal in the lake, Bobby and Alex went out on the back deck to watch Maggie play with her puppy in the twilight. In the kitchen window, Mischief also watched the puppy, uncertain. She'd approached the little black monster to check him out, and she had no idea what to make of him. He looked and smelled like a dog, but he wasn't big enough or loud enough to be a dog.

Maggie ran through the yard, moving slowly so the puppy could catch her. When he did, she fell onto the grass and he pounced on her face, licking her while she laughed. Alex sat on the steps beside Bobby and rested her head on his arm. When he slipped his arm around her, she settled her head against his chest. "You didn't tell me we were getting her puppy today."

"Surprise."

She poked his stomach and he softly laughed. It had been a good day and he was still relaxed and happy. They hadn't had such a wonderful, happy family-focused day in a very long time. He let out a soft sigh and leaned down to kiss her. She ran her hand along his cheek. "You have a call to make," she reminded him.

He remained where he was for a few more minutes before kissing her and rising to go into the house. Picking up the phone, he went to the sliding door and looked outside, smiling when Alex stepped off the deck to join Maggie and her puppy in the yard. He dialed the number he'd never forgotten and waited while it rang on the other end.

"Hello?" answered a male voice.

_Roger_. "Uh, hi...Roger. This is Bobby Goren. I'm calling..."

"Hold on and I'll get Denise."

Bobby frowned. Roger had seemed nice enough when he'd met him the other day. How much had his pain and emotional turmoil been clouding his judgment lately? He listened carefully, reading the harshness in Roger's tone and the defensiveness in Denise's, even if he couldn't make out the words they spoke to each other.

A rustling noise on the phone preceded Denise's voice. "Hi, Bobby."

"I've caused a problem," he said. "I'm sorry."

"Forget it. He's just tired and grouchy. To what do I owe the pleasure of this call?"

He chuckled softly. Every time he talked to her, he was reminded of how much he missed her. _...for as long as I've known you, you have loved her._ He pushed aside Alex's observations and turned his mind to Maggie's. "I have been neglecting you," he said. "And I'm sorry. I wanted to see how you were feeling."

"Ask me that when I'm as big as a house and can't get out of a chair."

He laughed again. Her quiet humor was one of the many things about her he missed. He turned from the door to focus on the call and paced in the living room. "Denise, do you remember when you watched the kids for us, when I was in that wreck up in Syracuse?"

Alex came into the house as he asked that question. That had been a very dark time for him, for them both. She hoped they were not at the opening of another dark tunnel. She went into the kitchen to give him privacy. He watched her as Denise replied, "Of course I do."

"Were you pregnant then?"

"No. I didn't start dating Roger until the middle of January. I became pregnant sometime in February. Happy Valentine's Day, right?"

He paused for a moment, but couldn't help commenting. "You didn't know him long."

"Don't start," she warned. "Accidents happen. We just got lucky that it never happened with us."

"You consider that lucky?"

"Don't you?"

"I...I never really thought about it."

He could hear the smile in her voice. "Trust me, honey. It would have been a disaster."

"What about now?"

"You want to have a child with me?"

He smiled at her teasing tone. "Are you offering?"

She laughed again, and he laughed, too. Alex came back into the room with a glass of wine, handing him a beer. He watched her cross the room and slip back through the sliding door onto the deck. Denise's voice brought his attention back to her. "Why the third degree?"

He sat down on the couch and opened the beer, taking a drink before he replied, "Oh, uh, I...I'm trying to make up for neglecting you. I've been very self-centered the past few months, and I regret missing so much."

"Oh, Bobby. You're always too hard on yourself. You've had a lot going on."

"That's no excuse. Not when we've been so close for so long. Not when you've always been there for me. Have lunch with me tomorrow?"

"It's a date. Are you back to work yet?"

"No. Friday was the last day at school and I don't return to duty for another week. I guess they want to give the new captain a chance to settle in before he has to deal with me, especially since Mike and I will be partners."

"What? You and Alex aren't going to be partners any more?"

"You didn't know?"

"No. I guess the paperwork hasn't been put in yet."

"I guess it won't be until Ross takes over Monday. He thinks Alex and I are too close."

"Are you okay with that?"

"I don't have much choice. At least he's going to partner me with Mike. I can work with him."

She laughed. "He has no idea what he's in for."

"No, he doesn't."

Stifling a yawn, she said, "I need to get to bed. I get so tired these days. Tell Alex I give her credit for doing this four times. Pregnancy is hard work. I'll see you at noon?"

"I'll be there. Sweet dreams."

"Good night, Bobby."

He laid the phone on the coffee table and stared at it as he rolled the cold beer bottle in his hands. Alex poked her head back into the house. Seeing he was off the phone, she asked, "Is everything okay with her?"

"I don't know. I, uh, I couldn't bring myself to question her over the phone. I'm having lunch with her tomorrow." He felt a sudden surge of guilt. "Is that okay?"

"It's fine. I don't have any issues with you taking her to lunch."

"So...we've worked it out for real this time? I can...I can talk to her again?"

Alex approached him, frowning. "You've been avoiding her because of me?"

He shrugged. "I try not to antagonize you, Alex."

"Well, you _are_ going to antagonize me if you do it again. Understand me?"

"No, I honestly don't. But if you're okay with me seeing her..."

"Define 'seeing'."

He smiled. "Friendship, without benefits."

She leaned in and kissed him. "Just behave."

"Count on it. I only misbehave with you...and Logan."

She straddled his lap and kissed him. "You and Logan need supervision."

"Sometimes." He groaned softly when she wriggled her hips. "Let's go upstairs."

"And leave Maggie out in the yard?"

"Maggie...uh, well...stop that..."

"What? This?" She wriggled her hips again.

He grasped her shirt and slid the cold beer under it, resting it against the small of her back. "Yes. That."

She yelped and jumped off his lap, laughing. "I got the other three to bed. You tuck her in."

Leaning down, she gave him a slow, erotic kiss. Resting her hand on the front of his pants, she gently rubbed him as she spoke into his ear. "I'm so glad you've been in such a good mood. I've missed seeing you smile and laugh. I'll be waiting for you in bed."

She nipped his ear and trotted across the room with an extra wriggle in her hips for his benefit. He groaned and closed his eyes. A full five minutes passed before he could get up to put Maggie and her puppy to bed.

* * *

All his life, Bobby had trouble with spontaneity. He preferred to be prepared and in control. Knowing he was going to be getting Maggie a puppy, he'd gotten the necessities weeks ago and stowed them in the garage. Before calling his daughter inside, he went out to the garage and retrieved the puppy's supplies.

He set up a training crate in Maggie's room, with a second one set in the corner of the family room. His food and water bowls went into an out-of-the-way corner in the kitchen and several toys were stowed in a basket in the family room.

Bobby stepped outside and called to Maggie. "Bring your puppy in now, mouse. It's bedtime."

Maggie looked up at the emerging stars. "Okay, Daddy." She trotted to him with the puppy at her heels. "Will you he'p me name my puppy?"

"Now?" he asked, looking over his shoulder toward the stairs that led to his waiting wife. He had to quickly shift his train of thought. "Uh, well..." He looked down into an eager, expectant face. With a soft exhalation, he sat on the steps of the deck. "Sure, mouse. I'll be happy to help you."

She sat beside him with the puppy in her lap. Bobby fingered her dark curls and he felt himself calm. "Give me an idea of the kind of name you want."

"I want a good name."

He scratched his eyebrow. "Okay, that narrows it down. Do you want a historical name or one from mythology or..."

"Myth...what? What's that?"

"Mythology. Ancient gods and goddesses."

"Like what?"

"Well, in the Greek pantheon you've got Zeus, Hades, Poseidon, Apollo, Ares and Hermes. In Rome, there was Jupiter, Vulcan, Neptune, Mercury, Pluto and Mars. Norse mythology had Odin, Thor, Tyr, Fenrir and Loki. Other figures from the Greek mythos are Perseus, Atlas, Cronos, Prometheus, and Hercules."

Maggie looked at him. "That's a lotta names, Daddy."

With a laugh, he lifted Maggie, puppy and all, into his lap. "Did you hear any that you like?"

She was quiet, mentally replaying the names her father had recited to her. "Tell me about Atlas."

She snuggled against him as he explained, "In Greek mythology, a very long time ago, before there were any men, there was Uranus and Gaia, the parents of the Titans and grandparents of the Olympian gods led by Zeus. The Olympians rose up against the Titans in a ten year long war that the Olympians ultimately won. Atlas was a Titan, and his punishment after the war was to stand at the edge of the earth and hold the heavens on his shoulders. So he is called the bearer of the heavens."

"I like that story. Who was Zeus?"

"Zeus was the most important of the gods, the leader of the gods. He and his brothers divided the world when they came to power. Zeus was the god of the sky and the god of thunder. Poseidon ruled the seas and Hades became the lord of the underworld."

"Under the world?"

"No, honey. The underworld. Where the souls of mortals go after they die."

"Oh. So Gramma is in the underworld? I thought she went to heaven."

He scratched the back of his head. She was six years old and she could make his head spin. He could see this conversation turning into an hours' long discussion of mythology and religion and belief systems, and he was more than just a little anxious to join Alex. "Can we talk about this tomorrow, baby?" he asked, rubbing her back as she hugged her puppy.

Maggie yawned. Sitting quietly for a few minutes had allowed the busy day to catch up to her. "Okay, Daddy." She looked at the puppy in her lap, not forgetting the reason she'd begun the conversation with her father...just like she wouldn't forget to pick up their discussion tomorrow. "Which name do you like? Atlas?" There was no reaction from the puppy. "What about Zeus?"

The pup raised his head and looked at her, tail wagging. Bobby chuckled softly as Maggie nodded. "He likes Zeus, the god of thunder. So do I. Thank you, Daddy."

"Happy to help, baby. Now let me tuck you into bed."

She set her puppy down and climbed off her father's lap. "C'mon, Zeus. Let's get ready for bed."

The puppy scrambled after her, with Bobby following as he locked up the house. Maggie was struggling into her pajamas when he stopped in her doorway. Helping her pull her shirt over her head, he motioned at the crate at the foot of her bed. "That's Zeus' bed, baby. At least, it is until he's housebroken."

Maggie looked at him sharply. "He's not gonna break the house."

Bobby sighed. "No, the term 'housebroken' means he's learned to pee outside instead of inside."

"Oh...potty trained, like Tommy."

"Exactly."

"We didn't put Tommy inna cage."

Struggling with his impatience, Bobby set the puppy in his crate, which was lined with two soft blankets. He patted the young dog affectionately and closed the door. "Zeus wouldn't wear a diaper like Tommy did."

Maggie crawled into her bed, looking sadly at the crate. Bobby kissed her forehead. "He's fine, I promise. Now go to sleep and we'll go over all the puppy rules tomorrow."

"Puppy rules?"

"Everyone in the family has rules to follow, right?" She nodded. "Okay, as a member of the family, your puppy has rules, too, and you have to know how to take care of him. Dogs are not as independent as cats and spiders. He's going to be a big dog and he'll need to be trained. I'll help you, but you need to do as much of the training as you can do, since he's your dog."

Maggie gave his words some thought as he tucked her covers around her. "Okay. He can sleep inna cage. But once he's potty trained, can he sleep with me?"

"Yes. Now go to sleep."

She snuggled into her pillow and pulled her bunny into a hug. "Good night, Daddy."

He gave her another kiss. "Good night, mouse."

Turning off the light as he stepped from the room, he pulled the door closed most of the way and leaned against the wall beside it. He'd have to take time the next day to brush up on his Greek mythology. Running his hand through his hair, he stepped away from the wall and headed for his room where his wife waited for him.

* * *

Alex was loving and attentive, and she refused to let him actively participate. She insisted on exploring his body over and over without allowing him the same pleasure. But he didn't complain much. Each time he began to fuss, she did something different to drown his protests in a sea of mind-blowing pleasure.

She honestly seemed to be enjoying herself, and soon, he stopped trying to interfere with what she wanted to do. He knew better anyway—Alex always got her way with him, regardless of the venue.

By the time she was ready to give in and consider trying to sleep, he was beyond exhausted. She brought him to climax one more time, and he was done. Three times he'd almost been sleeping when she drew him back for more. He'd enjoyed every moment of it, and he was more than ready to sleep. He was out before she'd fully snuggled into his side, a satisfied smile on her face. Pleased with herself, she drifted into a dreamless sleep, happily ensconced in his loving embrace.

He woke sometime around four, wanting her again, which amazed him. But he owed her a payback, so he gently began to caress her and kiss her and, finally, fondle her as she slept. She stirred, moving against his hand and making soft little noises that drove him crazy. Fully aroused, she turned in his arms, attacking him before she was fully awake. He responded with a vigor he had not felt in far too long.

He wasn't quite sure how she'd taken the upper hand once again, but he didn't let her get away with it. It was his turn, and, after a delicious struggle, she finally gave in to him.


	32. A Disturbing Revelation

**A/N: For those who asked, Maggie's puppy Zeus is a German Shepherd. Also, I know many of you do not like Bobby's relationship with Denise. All I will say to that is...trust me.**

* * *

Bobby slept late the next morning, thanks to his wife's unwavering attention for half the night. His encore performance left him sleeping soundly, and he didn't waken when she silenced the alarm and slipped quietly out of bed. He didn't even waken when she gave him a soft kiss and whispered good-bye before she left for the day with the children.

It was after ten when he woke, and he stayed in bed for a little while, recalling the previous night. Happy and relaxed, he got up and took a shower, dressing casually in jeans and a shirt with no tie.

He left the house and drove to Manhattan, parking in the garage at 1 PP as close to the elevator as he could get. He stopped off on the eleventh floor, but Mike and Alex were out on a case. Not wanting to linger, he left before the new captain noticed he was there, returning to the elevator and taking it up to the chief's office, where he found Denise getting ready to leave for lunch. She looked up when he entered the office and smiled at him. "You're looking good," she said brightly.

He returned her smile, looking her over. He wondered at her choice of a long-sleeved shirt this late in June. Like Alex, Denise had never been afraid to show off her figure. His eyes strayed to her pregnant belly. Her condition seemed to have changed her in ways he would never have predicted. Self-conscious, she placed one hand over her growing stomach as she picked up her purse and walked around the desk. "Let the waddling commence."

"Not at all," he said as he leaned over to kiss her cheek. "You're beautiful."

"And you're a wonderful liar. You'd bite your tongue if you saw me naked without my make-up."

He placed his hand on her back, guiding her through the door ahead of him as he struggled to chase away the images in his mind that she'd conjured. "Not hardly," he replied. "Pregnancy is...well, it's amazing."

As they waited for the elevator, she said, "That's easy for a man to say."

"Not having a good pregnancy?"

"Not even a little. I have morning sickness. I'm bloated and my skin is blotchy. I have trouble breathing and eating and moving...oh, I'm sorry, Bobby. I promised myself I wouldn't do this to you."

"Do what?"

"Burden you with my complaints."

He cocked his head to the side. "So who listens?"

"To my complaints? You know me."

He nodded. "I do. You never complain to anyone."

She sighed deeply. "They're ridiculous complaints. I have a baby growing inside me. That's a wonderful, amazing thing. I keep reminding myself of that. It's my pregnancy mantra."

The elevator doors opened before he could respond and they stepped in. They were alone for the space of one floor, and after that the elevator filled up. He kept looking at her while she tried not to look at him. Her complaints, though very rare, always told him more than she ever would directly. Her pregnancy was an unwelcome complication in her life that she was struggling to come to terms with.

They entered the parking garage and he touched her arm, maintaining contact as he guided her to his car. She welcomed his presence as she always did but her emotions were skittering all over the place. He opened the passenger door for her and helped her into the car. Walking around to the driver's side, he slid in and started the car. "What are you in the mood for?"

"Dry toast and tea?"

He hesitated before shifting into reverse. "I was kidding," she said lightly. "How about one of those diners you like so much?"

"Uh, if your stomach is upset, diner food isn't the best thing for it," he answered.

"I can't handle Italian or Indian or Greek, and if we go Chinese, I'll just eat rice. Mexican is too spicy and I guess you're right about diner food. Just the thought of that burger and fries you always get makes me queasy. That doesn't leave us many options." She pressed her hand against her stomach. "I remember an article in yesterday's paper; a new place opened over on Fifth Avenue. They specialize in airs and foams. I thought 'Gee, they opened a place just for me.' Unfortunately, I can't afford $80 for a plate of air and foam, and that's just the appetizer."

He smiled, but he felt a queasy stirring in his gut that told him things weren't going well for her. "How about sandwiches?" he offered. "There's a good place not far from here. You can have something on toast and see how that sits with you."

She considered it and then nodded. "You always have an answer."

"So I keep hoping."

She looked at him with concern, feeling guilty for going on about her own misery. "Trouble at home?"

He smiled. "No. Just Maggie and her insatiable curiosity."

Denise laughed lightly, a genuine expression of happiness that came over her every time she thought about his little daughter, who wasn't going to be very little much longer. "She's just like you."

"Which is why Alex makes me deal with her when she has a hundred questions about why the sky is blue and where babies come from."

"Alex is a smart woman. She does know we're having lunch, doesn't she?"

"Yes."

"So she's okay with you and me? Being friends, I mean."

"So it seems. She did get a little bent out of shape when I suggested she should have another baby."

Denise rubbed her hand over her belly. "I don't blame her. Bobby, you have three...no, four children. That's a handful."

"Have you met my children? Maggie's already more mature than Mike is, and Tom has no idea how to be any trouble. Molly may give us a run for our money, but she's the only one. Harry's so timid he cringes when I raise my voice to call for Alex up the stairs."

"So what did Alex say to your suggestion?"

"She threatened to have me neutered."

She laughed and he smiled. It was nice to hear her laugh. She rested her hand on top of his. "If you want my opinion, I would say Alex is the best thing that's ever happened to you."

He nodded. "I would have to agree with you."

"I'm glad to hear that."

He looked over at her, and it struck him hard, the sacrifices she had made over the years to ensure his happiness. His own emotional turmoil had blinded him to hers. He'd allowed her to convince him that she was happy for him when he finally got the woman he'd agonized over for so long, never considering her own agonies over him. "Denise..."

She looked at him expectantly, but he couldn't find the words to voice his feelings. Stopping at a red light, he looked at her uncertainly. She simply nodded, as though she could read his mind and his heart, and he wasn't fully convinced she couldn't. The conversation died off until they arrived at the sandwich shop he chose. He spoke with the waitress before they were seated, and she took them to a quiet corner, away from other diners. Denise looked a little uncomfortable. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"Why the quiet corner?"

"I just...I wanted a quiet place to talk."

"Why?"

He sighed softly. "I, uh, that is, Maggie..." he paused when the waitress brought them water and waited to take their orders.

She ordered a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich, hoping the bacon wouldn't lay too heavily in her stomach, and a glass of milk. He asked for a club sandwich and coffee. Once the waitress was gone, Denise expressed the concern that was reflected in her expression. "Is Maggie okay?"

Bobby nodded. "Yes, she's fine. But I did have a reason last night for asking you if you were pregnant when you babysat for us back in January. Uhm, Maggie somehow got the idea that...that you, well, that you weren't well."

Denise's face lost what little color it had. "H-how would she...?"

"You know how perceptive she is."

"Yes..." she answered. "I do. But...I wasn't...not that anyone knew."

His gut clenched. "S-So...you are sick?"

"My doctor is running tests."

"It's not the baby?"

"No, although...whatever it is has been, I don't know...activated, I guess, by the pregnancy."

That made sense to him, and it was one more reason for her to resent her circumstance. "Pregnancy naturally suppresses the immune system, to prevent rejection of the fetus."

Smiling, she said, "Trust you to know that."

"I, uh, I read about it, about pregnancy, when Alex was pregnant the first time."

"I would expect no less from you."

His eyes searched her face. She looked tired, pale, and not well. "Do they know what's wrong?"

"Not until the test results come back."

He made a motion toward her wrist. "The bruising...?"

"Alex told you?"

He nodded. "I didn't mean to..."

She laid her hand on his arm. "Shhh. You didn't do anything wrong. It's part of whatever is wrong with my body." She smiled weakly. "I have bruises all over. Roger is afraid to touch me, and so are you, I see."

He looked down at her hand, resting on his arm. "What did Maggie see to make her think you were sick?"

"Honestly, I have no idea. As far as I knew, I was fine back then. Maybe I bruised a little easily, but I had no idea anything was wrong. What did she tell you?"

"All she said was she figured it out. I don't think she knows how she did it or exactly how you're sick. She just feels certain that you are."

"She's more like you than I realized, and that's saying something. I know she notices everything, but somehow she must have figured out how to pick up on non-verbal cues. You have your hands full with her."

"You're not kidding. But...really, I...I'm sorry about your wrist."

"You have no reason to apologize. Here, look at this." She held out her arm and raised her loose sleeve, revealing a huge black and purple bruise on the inside of her arm. "This was from the last blood they took, a week ago."

His heart leapt into his throat and stopped for a moment. "Thrombocytopenia," he said.

"Bless you," she answered.

He laughed softly, a conditioned response to her light humor. But his smile faded as he lightly touched a bruise on the back of her hand with just a fingertip. "No, it's a medical condition. Low blood platelets, causes extensive, easy bruising and uncontrolled bleeding. Uh, it makes pregnancy extremely risky. It's, uhm, it's a symptom, a condition that can indicate something is wrong, not a disease itself."

She nodded. "He did say my platelets are low. Nice to know it has a name."

"Does Roger go to your doctor's appointments with you?"

Her hand unconsciously brushed over her chest, drawing his attention there. "He has until recently. I think he's a little freaked and a lot scared."

He continued to watch her hand, shifting his eyes to her face and back. "What about you? Has he considered how you feel?"

She moved her hands to lift her sandwich, taking another small bite. "I don't think he's worked his way through to that just yet."

He stopped talking for awhile, watching her eat as he picked at his lunch. Her left hand periodically brushed over a particular place on her chest, occasionally accompanied by a facial twinge, suggesting pain. Curiosity and concern overcame decorum and he finally asked, "What's wrong?"

She looked down when he motioned toward her chest, dropping her hand to the table while a flush crept onto her cheeks. She shook her head, suddenly uncomfortable with him. They had been friends for so long, she'd almost lost the ability to be guarded with him. It took conscious effort and it was tiring.

Her refusal to answer him and the wall she suddenly threw up between them set him very much on edge. She finished her sandwich, satisfied that the bacon wasn't too much for her. She could feel the tension rolling off him and she felt bad for putting it there, but she chose not to address it. "Aren't you hungry?"

"No, not really," he answered, his voice strained.

She read the worry in his face and mused that it was more than she'd ever seen in Roger's. Right now, Roger was being selfish, and she understood that. Once he came to grips with his own feelings, she knew he'd become more in tune with hers. He needed time, and she was willing to give him that. But Bobby...she owed him more. She glanced at the time, did a double take. "Oh, I didn't realize it was so late. Time just seems to get away from me when I'm with you. I have a doctor's appointment in an hour."

He regarded her with suspicion. She'd never made excuses to get away from him before, and he felt hurt. "Do you want me to take you?"

She was fussing with her plate and her napkin, not looking at him. "No. Roger is supposed to meet me there. Just take me back to my car, and I'll call you when I know something."

Struck by a surge of sudden anger, Bobby struggled to keep a handle on it. He got to his feet in stony silence and dropped a few bills on the table, more than enough to cover the check and tip. Denise looked up as he walked off, quickly going after him. "Bobby, wait."

He spun around, eyes flashing with fury. "You have never lied to me before," he growled, still fighting not to let his anger get away from him.

"And I'm not lying now. I do have an appointment. The doctor..." She let out a soft breath. She didn't have to sugarcoat anything with him or offer any kind of explanations. He understood the medical world better than she did. She didn't want to burden him with her troubles, but he was not inclined to let her get away with it. "I'm having a transfusion today. I'm anemic and with my platelet count dropping...well, my doctor has decided to treat me more aggressively until he can find the cause, so the baby won't be compromised. It's a delicate balancing act. That's why Roger is meeting me there-it's at the hospital and not the office, so he says it's more serious."

He watched her, and he knew she was telling him the truth. When she looked down at the sidewalk, he stepped closer to her, his anger fading quickly. "You're shutting me out," he said softly. "And all I want is to be there for you, the way you always were for me."

She smiled before she looked up. "A role reversal, huh?"

"A long overdue one."

Impulsively, she stepped into him and wrapped her arms around him. He returned the hug, resting his cheek against the top of her head. She pulled back after a moment, stepping out of his personal space, undecided. Finally, she reached up and grasped the collar of her shirt, pulling it down to reveal another dark bruise at the top of her left breast. "I told you Roger is afraid to touch me. This is why." At the flash of fury in his eyes, she quickly soothed, "Stop being a cop for a minute. It's not what you think. He didn't hurt me. This bruising...it's gotten much worse over the past week or so, which is why I'm getting that transfusion today. This happened three days ago, the last time he slept in my bed. He's gone back to his own place, but he promised to meet me at the hospital."

Bobby worked hard to swallow his rage. "He was living with you and because you're sick he moved out?"

"Yeah, well, not every man is as understanding about everything as you are. And he's afraid of doing something in innocence and causing a hemorrhage. It'll be better once they figure out what's wrong and fix it."

"Denise, it's how we respond during the bad times that defines our character."

"Please, Bobby, don't. I can't handle analyzing Roger's character right now. He's doing the best he can, and so am I."

The only evidence of his rage was his increased breathing rate and the fire in his eyes, which she recognized only because she knew him so very well. He reached out and closed his fingers around her arm, his touch light. "Are you sure I can't take you to the hospital?"

A smile touched her face and she brought her free hand forward to rest on his waist. "Bobby, the very last thing I need is to show up to see my obstetrician with you in tow. Roger would never get over that."

"He feels...threatened by me," he commented. "I, uh, I read him wrong."

"No, you didn't. He didn't have a problem until he met you."

They moved toward the car and he opened the passenger door for her. She slid into the car and he went around to get in on the driver's side. "Does he know you were meeting me for lunch?"

"After the way he reacted to your phone call, no."

"He was at your place last night..."

"And he left while I was talking to you."

"So...I do cause problems for you."

"No, Bobby. He causes problems for himself. He was fine...until he realized what he was up against."

Bobby shook his head. "Up against? But...we're just friends..."

"I know that. It's what we used to be that he can't get past. He's always known I am still in love with you, but he could ignore that, until he met you. Once he saw us together, things changed."

He stared at her. "You aren't, though. In love with me, I mean...are you?"

"I don't know. Maybe. It's a very easy place to be. But that's my issue, not yours. Whether I am or not, I will always love you for the dear friend you have always been to me, and Roger just needs to come to terms with it, just like Alex did. She did, right?"

He smiled. "So she says."

"Do you think she's lying to you?"

His mind wandered into memories of the previous night and he shook his head. "No. I think she finally has."

"And you?"

"What about me?"

"Have you come to terms with us?"

Reaching out, he gently grasped her hand, resisting the urge to give it a gentle squeeze. _...you've loved her for as long as I have known you._ If he was going to be honest with anyone, including himself, he had to admit he did love her, and he had for a long time. Something anchored that deeply in his heart wasn't going to change, but loving her was different from being _in_ love with her. He was only in love with one woman, and he'd married her. "Yeah—I've come to terms with us. My wife forced me into it."

With a quiet laugh, she rested her head on his shoulder, comforted, and held onto his hand until he stopped by her car in the 1 PP garage. When she didn't move, he leaned forward to look at her face. She'd dozed off. He lightly kissed her head. "Denise? We're here."

She woke slowly, looking around. "Oh, already?"

"Please, let me take you over to the hospital..."

"No, it's fine. I'm fine." She turned her head up toward him and stretched to kiss his cheek. "I'll let you know what they find out. Thanks for lunch."

She slid out of the car and walked around it, stopping beside it. She leaned down and folded her arms on the door, looking at him for a moment through the open window. A soft smile touched her face. "I do love you, and I mean that in the most non-threatening way I can. Tell Alex I said hi and give the kids a kiss for me."

She withdrew and walked to her car. He watched until she was safely inside and started it before he drove away. His feelings for her ran deeper than he realized and worry now percolated in his gut, churning his insides. Something was very wrong with her, and he was afraid to find out what it was.

* * *

At dinner that night, he gently put off his mythology and religion talk with Maggie. His head was too full of other things to deal with discussing whether Gramma was in heaven with God or the underworld with Hades. She agreed to wait and went into the yard to play with her puppy and her brothers while Alex tended to Molly. Bobby sat in the living room, drinking a beer and pretending to watch television. Alex realized he was too distracted to have any kind of discussion when she asked what he wanted for dinner and he told her he'd gas up her car in the morning.

Late that night, after reaffirming life could be good by loving his wife, Bobby lay awake, holding her in his arms. She rubbed her hand lightly over his stomach. "Are you ready to tell me what's wrong?" she asked.

"Wrong?"

"Don't give me that. How was your lunch today?"

She'd avoided asking him about his day around the children, knowing it was going to be a serious discussion. She'd also steered clear of the topic when she coaxed him into loving her. Now was the time, and she knew it would take some effort to get it out of him.

"Lunch was okay," he said evasively.

"And? Was Maggie right?"

He nodded. "She was."

Alex lifted her head to look at him, surprised at the ease with which she guided him into the conversation. "She's sick?"

"She didn't know it back then, but she is. They don't know what's wrong yet, but it seems to be serious. She said she'd let me know."

"Well...does she look sick?"

"She looked okay to me the other day. Maybe it was the lighting, because today she looked pale and tired."

"Pregnancy is hard work."

"Her platelets are low, so she bruises very easily. That's why I bruised her when I grabbed her wrist. And...she's having issues with her boyfriend."

"Because of the illness?"

"Partly. Because of me, mostly."

"You?"

"Same kind of issues you had, only worse because he's only been with her a short while. He's, uh, he's afraid of the ghost of me."

"The _ghost_ of you?"

"Of what I had with her, anyway. He's not sure it's over and he doesn't approve of our friendship."

"I got over it. He will, too—if he loves her, that is."

He scratched his shoulder. "I'd talk to him if I thought it would do any good. I think it would just make it worse. She said he was fine until he met me, but I'm no threat to him. I have you and I'm happy."

She smiled. "I'm glad to hear that. But I can understand how he feels, too."

"I guess you can. Maybe you could..."

"No. I'm not going to interfere. They'll work it out, like we did."

He sighed. "I suppose so." He turned toward her and kissed her, ready to change the subject. "So, how was the first day with the new captain?"

"We didn't have much of a first day with him. We spent the entire day investigating. If we spent a half hour in the squadroom, it was a lot. Still, I can't wait to see how he handles you and Logan."

His mouth quirked into a smile. "Not as well as you do, I imagine."

She returned his smile. "No one handles the two of you better than I do."

With a soft laugh, he kissed her again and rolled her onto her back. Lightly tickling her to make her squirm, he loved her again, then held her as she slept. He welcomed the diversion, but once she drifted to sleep, his concerns returned to haunt him, and they wouldn't be chased away.


	33. When Two Plus Two Equals Five

Bobby sat down on the steps of the deck leading down to the yard and watched the children play tag with Zeus in the evening twilight. When the puppy finally trotted to him and plopped down at his feet, he said, "I think you wore him out. Let him rest for awhile."

Maggie nodded. "Okay, Daddy."

Tommy laid down next to the puppy. "Me, too!"

With a smile, Bobby said, "If you're tired, little man, take it inside. It's almost bedtime anyway."

Tommy looked up at him and smiled. "'Kay, Dada."

Bobby helped him up the steps, accepted the toddler's hug and watched him scurry into the house, calling, "Mama! Mama! Nite-nite, Mama!"

Harry was still timid around Bobby, hanging back behind his soon-to-be siblings when they interacted with their father. Bobby turned his attention to the shy boy, who shuffled his feet, obviously reluctant to speak up. "What is it, Harry?"

"Can I eat something?" he asked, looking at the ground instead of the man.

Harry was hungry, but he asked for food with fear. "Come here," Bobby said softly.

A flash of fear scuttled across the boy's face and he hesitated. Maggie gently took his arm and drew him forward. "It's okay, Harry."

It broke Bobby's heart to see the boy stand in front of him, trembling. It was going to take a lot of time and effort to get him past the abuse his father had dealt to him. Just the thought of what Gomez had done to his little son sent a rush of rage through Bobby. He tried to suppress it, but the anger touched his face before he could get a handle on it.

Harry had learned to cope with his life by reading his father, a skill most five-year-olds never need. He saw the anger surface on Bobby's face and it terrified him. With a yelp, he instinctively ducked behind Maggie. Before anyone could react, however, a new emotion supplanted his fear and, still trembling, he stepped in front of Maggie, bracing himself for a blow from a hand that never struck him and never would.

Bobby reached out slowly and touched Harry's shoulder. The child cringed, clamping his eyes shut in expectation of pain, but he did not move from in front of Maggie. When the hand that came toward him delivered no pain, he slowly opened his eyes. Bobby's fingers remained on his shoulder, and he looked at them. Then he looked at Bobby and saw no trace of the rage that had been there moments before. He had no experience with interpreting what he did see, and he didn't know how to react. He'd always taken his cues from Maggie and Tom, but they were not in his line of vision. He had to respond to the man in front of him on his own.

Behind Harry, Maggie remained silent. She was used to Harry ducking behind her when he was scared, but she didn't understand why he'd suddenly gotten between her and her father. It never occurred to her that he was protecting her, like he'd done at the lake the day before, because she had never seen her father as any kind of threat. She watched her father's face as he focused on Harry, and she saw a familiar, tender expression, one she always loved to see. She didn't know why Harry was so scared of him, but nothing in her experience could make her understand the abuse and torment her little friend had been through in his life. Maggie had always been loved and protected, and she simply knew that was the way it was supposed to be. Harry had never had a protector before she came along. The love he'd experienced, abusive and uncomfortable, came at him through the fog of drugs beneath which his mother lived...and died. He had never known gentle, unconditional love before.

Bobby waited, his hand still resting lightly on Harry's thin shoulder. He waited while Harry studied his face, uncertain. He struggled mightily to keep his expression gentle and not react to the anger he felt for what this little boy had been subjected to in his brief life. He patiently waited for Harry to make the next move.

As Harry studied Bobby, his mind rushed through a thousand images. He saw his parents, their interactions with each other as his father did things to his mother that made her change in ways he never liked, the men who came around with his father to 'play' with his mother while his father watched. He remembered being beaten just for being there, for watching, for daring to make a sound. He remembered hunger and fear. Then, his mind turned to more recent memories. Maggie was the first person he had ever reached out to, and she had helped him. He warmed up quickly to her mother, and he was beginning to hope that maybe she would someday be his mother, too...maybe, if he was a good boy. Time spent with Grampa and aunts and uncles and cousins made him feel like he was one of them, and he often forgot that he wasn't. His fears vanished in the company of Maggie and Tommy as they played in Aunt Reggie's yard. He felt the grip of his former life beginning to slip away.

But Maggie's father scared him sometimes, especially when he remembered his own father. His father had hurt him often, as had other men who came home with him sometimes, and Maggie's daddy was bigger and stronger than any of them. In Bobby's size, he saw the potential for pain. But he was confused and uncertain because the potential was never realized. Bobby was very different from any of the men he'd ever encountered in his life, but Harry had trouble getting past his general fear of men. When he thought about his father, he felt fear, remembering only pain. But when he thought about Bobby, there was no pain, no hitting, no yelling at him or berating him for existing. There were words, gently spoken. There were smiles and sometimes soft laughter. There was comfort and reassurance. When Harry felt fear, he turned to Maggie, but when he'd felt terror, it was her daddy who saved him. Maggie told him her daddy was safe, and Harry had felt that safety, but he had no idea how to rectify that with his image of a father.

_Come here._ He'd heard the same words issue forth from his father, a harsh command that always preceded some kind of beating...or worse. But coming from Bobby, they were not harshly issued. It was not an order but a request. Harry suddenly realized he had the power of choice. He could step forward and find out what the man wanted or he could turn and run to hide behind the big bush in the back corner of the yard. He scrambled to find his courage and, still trembling, he confronted his fear and stepped forward.

As Harry moved closer, Bobby moved his hand along with him, sliding it around to Harry's back. Gently, he guided the thin, frightened child to stand between his knees and he placed one hand lightly on each of Harry's arms, but he did not grip. The boy still had an escape route if he felt the need to run. He waited until Harry's trembling began to subside with his fear as the boy realized there would be no beating. Bobby wanted to pull Harry into a hug and not release him until all his doubts and fears evaporated, but he also knew that wasn't the way to handle a child whose life had been nothing but abuse. His own childhood taught him that. He knew what it was to be abused and how it warped all your perceptions of the world. But, unlike Harry, he had also known love and kindness. Those moments had saved him, and now it was up to him to save Harry.

Bobby cocked his head to one side, knowing if he moved further into Harry's personal space, the boy would bolt. "Harry," he said, his voice gentle and kind. "You are part of this family. If you are hungry, there's always food and always someone who can fix it for you. There is no reason for you to be afraid. No one is going to hurt you here."

Harry looked into kind eyes, and his fear didn't return. Bobby motioned over his shoulder with his head. "Alex is inside. She'll make you a bedtime snack."

Raising a hand, he gently stroked the side of Harry's face, not missing the child's cringe as he anticipated a blow that never came. Bobby's expression became sad. "Go on," he said softly.

Harry didn't move right away. He remembered his nightmares, and how he'd found comfort and security snuggled between both parents. He remembered the terror of being dumped into the water the day before. Maggie's daddy had saved him, comforted and calmed him with gentle words and strong arms that brought him to safety. He remembered those bigger kids and the one who was going to throw him and Maggie back in the water. Maggie's daddy had saved him again, saved them both. The anger Harry saw in Bobby's face had frightened him, but when Bobby turned to him and Maggie, it was gone.

Harry wasn't prone to spontaneity any more than Bobby was, a trait born of their abusive pasts, but he leaned forward unexpectedly and gave Bobby a tentative hug. Then he jumped clear of him and scrambled past him into the house.

Maggie watched Harry rush into the house, then she looked at her father, who had also turned to watch the boy they were adopting. It never crossed his mind that it might be a mistake to take Harry into their hearts and home, nor did it ever occur to him that he might not be able to reach Harry. He knew it would take time and patience, and he had plenty of both. After speaking with the child psychologist who was working with Harry, he knew he wasn't wrong.

Maggie climbed the steps and sat down next to her father. She produced an exaggerated sigh. Bobby smiled. "What's that for?"

"I don' know how to make Harry not scared of you."

"Don't worry about that, baby. He'll get over it in time. I do want to talk to you about something, though."

She looked up at him with expectant, innocent eyes. "What, Daddy?"

"It's about Denise. You said you figured out she was sick six months ago. I want you to tell me how you figured that out."

Maggie looked away from him into the yard, her face screwed in concentration. "You teached me to add, Daddy. One apple plus one apple plus one orange equals two apples and an orange or it equals three fruits. When you showed me that, I also could see that one apple was green and one was red, and I could see that all the fruits was round. Remember, you teached me there are lots of ways to see things. So I try to see everythin' there is to see."

"What did you see that night that made you think Denise was sick?"

Maggie was silent for a long time as she thought back six months in time. She rubbed her neck they way he always did when he was thinking or when he was agitated. "She didn' look right to me, Daddy. Not like she usu'ly looks. She didn' smile and laugh like she does when she plays with us. An' she looked tired, like you look when you can' sleep."

He still didn't see how she could add two plus two and get five. "But why did that make you think she was sick?"

"It didn'. But she letted me stay onna couch to wait for you, and I started to go to sleep. I think she already thinked I was asleep, and she went into the bathroom. I heared her throwin' up. That means she was sick."

Bobby was puzzled. Denise said she wasn't sick at the time, but if she was vomiting, didn't that mean she was sick? Was she just trying to spare him? Maggie was watching him. "Was I wrong, Daddy?"

"What? Oh, uh, no, honey. You weren't wrong. Denise is sick."

"Still? When will she get better?"

"I don't know."

Maggie frowned. "When I get sick, you know when I'm gonna get better."

"This is a different kind of sick. They haven't figured out what's wrong with her yet."

"Oh." She fell into a thoughtful silence. "Is Denise gonna go to heaven with Gramma?"

It was an honest question, but it sent an ice pick of fear into his heart. He couldn't answer her question, even though, if he wanted to be honest, he knew the answer. He kissed the top of her head and went into the house.

Maggie watched him go, troubled that he had not answered her question directly, which was rare. From his silence, however, she was able to deduce an answer, and she didn't like the conclusion she came to.

* * *

Bobby sat on the couch, staring at the phone. The children were tucked in bed and Alex was in the shower. He turned the device over in his hands and sighed. Slowly, he pressed the ten digits he needed and raised the phone to his ear as he listened to it ring on the other end.

"Hello?" came a tired voice.

"Hi. It's me."

Silence followed. He waited until he heard a muffled sniff. "Denise?"

"I-I can't talk right now," she said, obviously struggling to control her voice.

The line went dead. He stared at the phone until Alex came up behind him, placing her hands on his shoulders. "Waiting for it to do something?" she asked lightly.

Drawn from his thoughts, he handed the phone to her. "I have to go out."

"Where?"

"I need to go over to see Denise."

"Why?"

He paused. "I called her, to see how she is. She...she was crying, said she couldn't talk. I can't leave it like that."

She drew back as he stood up. "Don't you think she would tell you..."

He met her eyes. "No. She won't. At least, she won't call me to tell me something's wrong. She's very sensitive to your feelings, to not causing problems for us."

She searched his eyes and nodded. "Okay. Go and make sure she's okay."

She leaned up to kiss him, surprised when his arms encircled her and he allowed the kiss to linger. Withdrawing from her, he touched her cheek and walked away. A few minutes later, he left the house.

* * *

The third time he rang the bell, she finally answered. Dressed in a dark robe that accentuated her pale face, she looked at him. "I knew it would be you," she said, her voice hoarse and eyes red-rimmed from crying.

"That's why you didn't answer the door?"

Her fingers whitened as she gripped the door. She wasn't sure she could handle him at the moment. "Bobby, I told you I can't talk right now."

"As well as you know me, you thought I'd settle for that?"

She shook her head and stepped back to let him in. "That's why I knew it would be you."

He stepped into the apartment and she closed the door. "Can I get you something?" she asked.

He shook his head. "No. I know where everything is if I want something."

She looked at the clock on the wall. "It's 9:00 on a Tuesday night. Don't you have someplace better to be?"

"Not at the moment. You didn't call last night."

"I was busy."

He wasn't used to receiving the cold shoulder from her and it upset him, though he tried not to let it show. She knew him too well, however, and she could tell. She sat on the couch and buried her face in her hands. It caused her real pain to hurt him. "I'm sorry," she moaned, not looking up.

He sat beside her and tentatively laid his hand on her back. In that one simple gesture, he shattered her resolve to be strong. She turned into his arms and fell apart.

He held her while she cried, placing a gentle hand on the back of her head as he rested his cheek against her. He remained quiet and patiently waited until she finally began to calm. When she stopped crying and moved to sit back, he released her.

Still quiet, he watched her with worried eyes as he fished his handkerchief out of his pocket and handed it to her. She accepted it and wiped her eyes. "What are you doing here, Bobby?" she said with an attempt at a laugh. "Why aren't you home, playing with your children or loving your wife?"

"My children are in bed and my wife will be waiting when I get home. Right now, a close friend needs me. She's always been there for me, and it's my turn to be there for her."

"I don't want to cause any more problems between you and Alex."

"You won't." He raised his hand. "Word of honor. I told you she's come to terms with our friendship. So as long as I don't sleep with you, we're good."

She laughed lightly and hugged him. He ran his hand over her hair. "Now, talk to me," he urged.

She pulled back and leaned into the couch. "I don't know where to start."

"Start with your appointment yesterday. How did that go?"

"Okay, I suppose. I received the transfusion the doctor ordered and I feel better. But, he sat down with me to discuss the results of the tests he had done."

Bobby waited for her to elaborate, but she began to tremble. He drew her back into his arms and held her, waiting for her to calm down again.

She eased herself from his embrace after awhile. "I have no business dumping all this on you," she said, trying not to cry.

He took her hand. "Please. After all you've done for me...and I care about you very much. Come on, Denise, give me a break here."

She knew he was right, but she also knew how sensitive he was, and what she had to say was going to weigh heavily on his gentle soul. She shook her head, reluctant to burden him with her problems. He slid closer to her and tipped his head forward. "Come on," he urged. "You've done as much for me."

"No, Bobby. Not even close. All I ever did was hold your hand and keep you warm for Alex."

He looked away for a moment, still burdened by the guilt he felt for using her. She squeezed his hand and pressed her forehead against the side of his head. "You mean so much to me," she whispered. "I don't want to cause you more pain."

He turned his head and looked at her. "Don't spare me," he said softly. "I want to know."

"Bobby..."

"I mean it."

She looked at her hands, twisting them in her lap. "It...It's bad news," she said quietly, hoping to prepare him. "And the pregnancy...complicates it."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning if they'd found this in March, they would have advised me to terminate the pregnancy. Now...I'm almost into my third trimester. The baby...well, it's no longer an option. The baby is...real now."

He didn't know what to say to that. He didn't know about Alex, but for him, his babies became real the moment she informed him she was pregnant. He diverted the conversation away from the baby for the moment. "What did the tests show?" he asked.

"It's...it's cancer, Bobby, and it's terminal. Even if I weren't pregnant, the outlook for my survival is less than five percent."

Despite her attempts to prepare him, he was stunned. "So...what...what are they going to do?"

"There are chemotherapy treatments that won't compromise the baby, but the chances are they won't be effective against this cancer. We'll discuss my options next week when I see the oncologist. What we discussed yesterday was getting the baby to the earliest possible safe delivery point and then aggressively treating the cancer once he's born...if I make it through the delivery."

Bobby looked around. "So, where is Roger? What does he think about all of this?"

"I'd rather not talk about him," she said.

He stiffened. "Why?"

"Bobby...let it go."

"Tell me," he demanded.

She wasn't surprised by his demand. "Roger could barely handle the pregnancy," she said.

"Where is he?"

She looked away from him, across the room, and tears welled in her eyes. "He...He went home."

"Give me his address."

"No, Bobby. He went _home_, to Chicago, where he came from. He didn't even leave me a phone number."

Bobby went very still. Another Dan Croyden, another William Goren. The minor detail that they were not married didn't matter to him. Roger's abandonment of the sick mother of his child was what placed him into the same category. He struggled to keep his emotions in check, but it was hard.

Beside him, Denise was quietly sobbing and he folded his arms around her, drawing her close. He kissed her head. "We'll help you," he whispered. "You will not be alone."

"I can't ask..."

"You aren't asking. I'm offering. You won't be left to deal with all this alone, I promise."

She broke into tears again and he held her. Burying her face in his shirt, she sobbed, releasing her fear until she could cry no longer. Cradled in his arms, she finally slept.

Gently, he lifted her off the couch and carried her into her bedroom. Tenderly, he tucked her into the bed, placing a light kiss on her forehead. Returning to the living room, he placed a call to a nurse friend of his. She agreed to stay with Denise, and he waited for her to arrive before he left.

* * *

As he drove away from Denise's apartment building, Bobby felt his emotions sliding beyond his control, much as they had the night his mother died. He'd allowed his emotions to overwhelm him then, with devastating results. He was still suffering the fallout of that night. He could not allow it to happen again, not like that.

Fighting to keep control, he was determined to prove he'd learned his lesson. He was on the edge and he needed someone to pull him back. Struggling not to let his mind wander, he drove for home and the woman who had always been his salvation.

* * *

He let himself into the dark house and looked up the stairs. Barely breathing, he listened for any sound of movement. He heard none. The household was asleep. He looked toward the kitchen, then back up the stairs. _Alex..._

He started toward the stairs, stopping when he heard a noise in the living room. Changing course, he went into the living room, presuming Alex had waited up for him. Across the room, an unfamiliar silhouette stood by the back door. "Hold it right there," Bobby ordered, starting toward the shadowy figure.

Another muffled noise to his right caught his attention too late. He began to turn and everything went black.


	34. Aftermath

Alex sat up when she heard a crash downstairs. With a glance at the clock, she set aside her book and got out of bed. Hurrying to the closet, she opened the gun safe Bobby had installed and pulled out her back-up piece, checking it quickly as she stepped into a pair of shoes and crossed the room. She ducked down the hall into Tom's room and looked out the window. Bobby's car was in the driveway.

That set her even more on edge, and she pulled Tom's door shut when she left. Making sure the other children were safe in bed, she closed their bedroom doors and made her careful and silent way down the stairs, her gun at the ready.

She knew how Bobby often coped when life got out of hand, but he would never have driven home if he were not sober. She hadn't heard him come home, and even in the dark, he knew the layout of the house. Something was wrong.

She glanced into the family room, illuminated by the full moon shining through the window. It was empty, nothing apparently out of place. Stepping across the foyer, she looked around the doorjamb into the living room, where she made out two shapes kneeling on the floor by the couch. The overturned coffee table had been cast aside and the unfamiliar shapes began speaking in rushed whispers. She couldn't make out what they were saying, but it didn't matter. They did not belong in her house.

Reaching her arm around the corner, she flipped on the light, pausing a moment to let her eyes adjust to the sudden brightness before she looked around the corner again, gun raised. "Police! Stop what you're doing now!"

The sight that met her eyes caused her heart to lurch. Bobby was on the floor, unconscious, with blood on the carpet beneath his head. The two men were kneeling over him. One of them had a knife raised. They both looked up in alarm when the light came on. The man with the knife sneered at her. His hand twitched slightly half a second before he brought the knife down in an arc toward Bobby. In that split second, Alex reacted, squeezing off two rounds.

The first shot hit the man with the knife as he brought it down, striking him in the shoulder and knocking him backwards before he could bring it home. He dropped the knife with a scream of pain. The other man started to get to his feet, falling back with a scream as her bullet struck his hip.

Alex heard running footsteps in the hallway upstairs. Backing to the other side of the doorway, not taking her gun off the men, she glanced up as Maggie got to the top of the stairs. "Maggie! Stay up there! Keep the boys up there with you!"

Trusting her daughter to obey, she turned her full attention back to the men who groaned on the ground near Bobby's unconscious form. Easing herself toward the sofa, Alex grabbed the phone and pressed 911, identifying herself by rank and badge number. Giving dispatch the address, she reported an officer down with shots fired, suspects injured and under control at gunpoint. When she finished that call, she placed another, knowing she needed help with the children so she could focus on Bobby.

"This better be good," Mike growled into the phone, expecting Bobby to be on the other end.

"I need you here, Mike. As fast as you can get here."

He didn't question her. "On my way," he promised, and she knew he would be there soon.

She dropped the phone on the couch, her gun still aimed at the two suspects. She moved closer only to kick the knife away from them. It skittered across the room. Kneeling beside Bobby's head, she slid her hand along his neck to his throat, relieved to find a strong pulse. Without realizing what she was doing, she stroked his hair before standing, her eyes never leaving the two men.

Things might have been less complicated if she'd fired mortal shots at each of them, but then they might never learn why the men had invaded their home...and she had to know why.

After reading them their rights, Alex asked, "What are you doing here?"

"Bleeding," the smaller of the two men, the one who had not wielded the knife, snapped.

"I'm not in the mood for wise-ass answers. What are you doing in my home?"

The man who'd held the knife, tightly gripping his injured shoulder, said simply, "Lawyer."

She heard sirens, and she knew she'd get nothing from them. When flashing lights lit up the room, she eased her way to the front door, unlocking it and pulling it open before they could kick it in.

Three patrol cars from the one-oh-six stopped in front of the house and, moments later, a voice called out, "Police!"

"In the living room," Alex answered.

She wasn't surprised when they rushed into the house, guns drawn and pointed at her. She raised her hands, gun limp, and identified herself. "In my purse, by the front door, you'll find my badge and ID."

Once her identity was confirmed, they cuffed the two suspects. Alex surrendered her gun to the sergeant who introduced himself as Reed Hudson and took control of the situation. She refused to think of her home as a scene. The uniformed officers rendered basic first aid to the men as Alex dropped to her knees beside her husband's prone form, examining him for injury. All she found was a laceration over a knot on the back of his head about the right size to match the one in her gut.

"I called for a second bus. We won't transport a victim with suspects," Hudson told her, forgetting that, as a cop, she would know that. "In the meantime, can you tell us what happened?"

She was just finishing her statement when the squeal of braking tires caught their attention and Mike charged into the house, eyes wide with something akin to panic. Two officers grabbed him, but Alex looked toward the door and called, "No, let him go. He's my partner. I called him."

As they released Mike, the smaller suspect exclaimed, "That's not right! The dude on the floor's your partner!"

"Shut your mouth, stupid!" his companion growled.

Ignoring the suspects, Mike approached Alex. "What happened? Are the kids okay?" Then he noticed Bobby on the floor. He squatted beside Alex. "Oh, shit...What happened?"

More sirens shattered the silence of the night as Alex gave him the abbreviated version of the night's events. "But right now, I need you to go upstairs and deal with the kids, please. I'll be up as soon as I can."

Mike nodded. "Sure, no problem."

Alex grabbed his arm and met his eyes. "Thanks."

There was more than simple gratitude for the moment in her softly spoken word. She was grateful, most of all, for the friend Mike had always been to Bobby. Mike responded with a brief nod, then he left the room to tend to the frightened children upstairs.

Alex turned back to Bobby, but a new voice joined the mix by the front door, a voice she unfortunately recognized. She rose and went to the foyer. "Captain Ross. What are you doing here?"

"I got a phone call that there were shots fired and an officer down at the home of two of my detectives. That's what I'm doing here. Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. Two men broke into the house, apparently at the same time Goren got home. They assaulted him. I heard the noise and came down to investigate. I found them over him, one with a knife poised above him. I fired to disarm before he stabbed Goren and then called 911."

Ross nodded. He'd been told as much by Sergeant Hudson, who met him in front of the house. Alex excused herself when she heard a groan from the other room. She hurried back to Bobby's side, kneeling beside him as he became agitated. Ross stood off to the side and watched in silence.

Bobby struggled to get to his feet, but Alex held him down, talking softly to him. "Bobby, settle down. The paramedics are here now."

Her words penetrated the fog in his head and he relaxed on the floor for a moment, resting his throbbing head against her thigh. _Paramedics?_ He tried to remember what happened...his talk with Denise, the drive home, his thoughts and emotions in a turmoil, entering the dark house...a noise, a shadow... He rolled away from her and, with her help, pushed himself up to sit, leaning against the couch. "Someone was in the house," he said, the world around him spinning, making him nauseous. "The kids..." Sitting forward suddenly, he groaned when his stomach lurched and the world tilted on its end. He leaned against her and closed his eyes, but the pain and nausea continued and the world spun faster.

"It's okay," she insisted, her tone soothing. "The kids are fine and two suspects are in custody."

As the spinning slowed, he forced his eyes open and looked around the room, spotting the two suspects near the back door flanked by uniformed officers. One glared at him with open contempt; the other had his eyes closed.

"Why?" he demanded, fighting against his injury.

"I don't know. They lawyered up. But one of them was surprised to find out you aren't my partner."

He frowned at the reminder they would no longer be partners, comforting himself with the thought that she was his in other ways, for as long as she wanted to be. "Where are the kids?" he asked as he tried to calm himself.

"They're upstairs with Mike...and Ross is here."

"Mike? And Ross?"

"Yes. I called Mike right after I called the police, and the captain got a call, I guess from dispatch. They both came right over."

Bobby became more agitated, despite Alex's attempts to calm him. He hadn't met Ross yet, but he already didn't like the man. He'd made snap judgments without ever setting foot in the squad, ignoring Deakins' recommendations. Now, Ross was there, in his home, and that did not sit well with him at all.

One of the officers approached. "The bus is here, detective."

Bobby shook his head. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Bobby..." Alex began.

He shook his head adamantly. "I don't need any more hospitals."

Pulling away from Alex, he struggled to his feet, grabbing onto the couch for support. He swayed unsteadily, and she jumped up to steady him. "Look at you," she said.

"Just give me a minute."

A team of paramedics came into the house, and Alex motioned them toward the two suspects. "Get them out of here," she directed.

They quickly tended to the injured suspects. The one with the bullet in his hip was unconscious, so they strapped him to a gurney, wheeling him to the rig so they could get an IV started and make a better assessment. They returned with a second stretcher, a portable one, and carried the second suspect out to their rig.

A second team of paramedics came in right after the first team cleared the house. Alex waved them over, but Bobby was adamant. "I don't need to go to the hospital."

They hesitated, and Alex squeezed his arm, hard. "At least let them look you over. For me."

He would have said no but for the last two words she added, and she knew it. He huffed and pulled away from her, annoyed. "Fine, Eames. They can look me over."

Ross remained on the other side of the room, silently watching the interaction between the long-time partners. He learned long ago not to second-guess his decisions, and he would not change his mind. He was certain he'd made the right decision in reassigning the partners. They were too close to be effective in the field. There was too much emotion between them.

Bobby moved to the couch and she motioned for the paramedics to tend to him. Both Ross and Hudson joined her by the fireplace while she watched the paramedics interact with Bobby. Keeping his voice down, Hudson whispered, "Your husband calls you by your last name?"

"Only when he's annoyed. We were partners for over ten years. It's an old habit."

He smiled. "Is he always this difficult?"

She returned his smile. "Yes. But he's mine."

That made him laugh. He squeezed her arm and muttered, "I'll go check on our home invaders."

She nodded, and Ross moved closer to her. Neither spoke. Ross found it interesting that Goren was deferential to Eames without being submissive. Each of them could hold their own with the other without losing face. He looked at her, but her attention was back with her husband.

Alex moved closer to the couch, watching Bobby's face. The wince he gave as the female paramedic examined his head made her cringe inside. With a gentle touch, the paramedic cleaned his wound. She activated an ice pack and rested it against the knot on his head. Her partner busied himself with blood pressure, pulse and respirations. Bobby spoke briefly with the two paramedics, shaking his head. When he started to get agitated, Alex approached, lightly touching the female medic on the shoulder. The woman turned to her. "I'm his wife," Alex began. "Is he okay?"

"We think so," she answered as she accepted a clipboard from her partner. "His blood pressure is elevated, and so is his pulse rate and breathing, but not alarmingly so. Pain and stress will do that. There is no evidence of a displaced skull fracture, but he should have it x-rayed to rule out a hairline fracture, maybe have a CT to rule out any kind of serious brain injury. And that laceration may need a stitch or two."

"Can he have that done at his doctor's office?"

"We don't recommend waiting that long. We would prefer to take him in now, but he refuses."

"He's stubborn that way. Suppose I take him in tonight?"

"That would be fine, if you can convince him to go."

Alex smiled. "I'll convince him."

The paramedic returned her smile. "I'll get him to sign a release and we'll get out of his hair."

"Thanks for coming out."

"We still have two patients outside. Now they can each have their own ride."

She sat down on the couch beside Goren. "Detective Goren, we still strongly recommend you come with us to let the doctors check you over, but if you insist on refusing transport, I'll need you to sign a release for us."

"Fine. Where do I sign?"

She took a form from her bag and placed it on her clipboard, handing it to him. He filled out the few blanks, read the form and signed it. Handing it back to her, he watched her sign it and put it away. She nodded at her partner. "Okay. We'll get going now."

Bobby leaned his head back, closing his eyes against the pain. Then he remembered who was in the room. He looked toward the fireplace at the captain. Ross looked back at him, clearly reading the pain in his eyes. He shifted his gaze to Alex as she returned from walking the paramedics to the door. Ross addressed Alex. "Are you taking him to the hospital?"

"That's what we're going to discuss, captain."

"Take a day tomorrow. Call me in the morning and let me know how he is."

He looked back at Bobby, who was watching him intently. "I'll talk to you Monday morning, detective."

Bobby hesitated for a moment before he replied, "Thank you for coming out, captain."

Ross nodded and turned to Alex. "A moment, Detective Eames."

Alex reached out and touched Bobby's cheek before walking Ross to the door. He stopped before leaving the house. "Do you know why these men broke into your home?"

"No, sir. There haven't been any reports of home invasions in the area."

The corner of Ross' mouth turned up. "You keep an eye on the reports."

"Don't you?"

With a nod of concession, he asked, "How are your children?"

"Scared, but fine. They're upstairs with Logan."

"Was Logan here tonight?"

"No. I called him because I knew I would need a hand with the kids. They know him and they trust him. Do you have a problem with my personal life, captain?"

Ross looked back into the living room, pointedly not answering her question. "Good night, Detective Eames."

He left the house as she followed him with a glare. He was too judgmental for her liking, and that made her angry. She stormed back into the living room, stopping before she got to the couch. Bobby had rested his head back and closed his eyes again. Her anger evaporated and she walked around to sit beside him.

He opened his eyes when he felt her sit beside him and smooth back his hair. "I have a headache," he complained.

She took the ice pack from his hand and placed it against the wound on his head. "That won't do you any good in your lap."

He raised his hand to hold the ice pack in place. She kissed his forehead. "Once everyone clears out, we'll take a ride."

"Eames," he began with a growl of frustration, turning his head to look at her.

She met his eyes, prepared for the clash of two great forces of will. He saw the challenge in her eyes, but he didn't have the energy—or the will—to fight at the moment. "It's gonna get ugly if I refuse, isn't it?"

"Only if you let it."

He got up from the couch and made his way to the kitchen. She watched him carefully. He was still reeling. He'd taken a hard hit, on top of whatever else he was handed to deal with that night, and it would take time for him to recover his balance, both physical and emotional.

With a sigh, she went outside, watching as they loaded the last suspect into one of the ambulances. The other ambulance pulled away from the house, lights running but no siren. Hudson approached her again. "I just need to talk to your husband and then we can leave you folks in peace."

"Have at him."

He smiled and gave her shoulder a light pat as he walked past her into the house. He found Bobby in the kitchen, leaning against the counter with a glass of water. "How are you doing, detective?" he asked.

"Better by the minute."

"Glad to hear it." He extended his hand. "Reed Hudson."

Bobby accepted his hand and Hudson said, "If I can get your statement, we'll be done here."

"I don't have much to tell you. I got home and heard a noise in the living room. When I came in to check it out, I got clubbed. That's it."

"Detective," he said in a tone that told Bobby he knew better. "You know there's more to it than that."

With a deep sigh, Bobby ran his hand over his hair, wincing when he hit the lump on his head. "It was around midnight when I got home, and I thought the noise was my wife. When I came into the room, I saw someone by the back door, but it wasn't her."

"How did you know?"

"I know my wife's silhouette, sergeant."

"Of course. Anything else?"

"I told him to hold it there. I think he turned toward me. That's when the lights went out. I never saw the second guy."

"Did you identify yourself as a police officer?"

"I don't remember. I don't think I did. I didn't have a chance."

"Where were you this evening?"

"I went to visit a sick friend."

The sergeant looked at him skeptically. "Honestly," Bobby insisted. "That's where I was."

"The name of your sick friend?"

"Denise Rhodes. My wife will confirm it, and so will Denise."

"Do you have any idea who the two men were?"

"I never saw them, but the silhouette by the door was not familiar."

"Do you know anyone who might want to harm you or your family?"

Bobby gave him a look that said 'Are you serious?'. "I'm a cop. I've been with NYPD for 21 years. Rikers is full of men who'd pay to have me harmed. There are probably just as many people out on the street who won't mourn at my funeral. What about you, sergeant?"

The sergeant closed his notepad. "Point well taken, but you know we have to ask. We don't have the time or resources to question every inmate at Rikers who has a grudge against a cop."

Bobby's mouth quirked into a smile that the sergeant was glad to see. "That's every inmate in there."

"See my point?"

"So you'll have to get your answers from the two men you have."

"We'll do our best, but you know how difficult those nuts can be to crack."

"I've cracked a few. More than a few. I'll take a run at 'em, if you want."

Hudson squeezed Bobby's shoulder. The last place he wanted to put Bobby was in an interrogation room with the men who assaulted him and threatened his family. "If we need anything more, we'll call."

With a nod, Bobby took another drink, watching the sergeant leave. He heard the front door close, and Alex appeared in his peripheral vision half a minute later. "Choose your chauffeur, me or Mike."

"How are the kids?"

"Scared I'm sure, but if there was anything wrong, you know he'd have told us."

"We should check on them."

"You still have to decide. And just so you know, I will veto Logan if he's your choice. It's way too easy for you to talk him out of what he's supposed to do and into something else. The last thing I want on top of everything that's happened tonight is to bail you two clowns out of trouble."

"So my choice is that I have no choice," he snapped, stretching his hand out to place the glass on the counter.

When he hit the edge of the counter with the bottom of the glass, it slipped out of his hand and crashed to the floor. He and Alex both looked at the broken glass on the floor, and he swore. When they looked up at each other, his expression was guarded, but hers radiated concern. "Let me get dressed and check on the kids. Then we'll go," she said.

"Take your time," he replied with a hard edge to his voice.

"Bite me, Goren," she shot back, turning to leave the room.

Her tone struck like a physical blow, and he regretted snapping at her. She was looking out for his best interests and he knew he should show more appreciation for her concern. The last thing he wanted was for her to stop caring.

"Can I?" he replied, but his voice was suddenly soft.

She would have missed the comment if there had been any noise in the quiet house. She stopped in the doorway and looked over her shoulder. This time his expression was contrite. She gave him a soft, reassuring smile. "We can talk about that later," she said, her tone now gentle, full of promise.

After blowing him a kiss, she left the room.

She found Mike sitting on her bed, surrounded by children. Maggie and Tom were on either side of him, pressed against him. Tom was sleeping again but Maggie was wide awake, her head resting on Mike's chest and her face a mask of worry. Beside Maggie, Harry was holding her, his expression one of fear. But when Alex entered the room, as she watched fear and worry turn to relief on Maggie's face, she saw a flash of something else on Harry's face. Accompanying the shift from fear to protectiveness, she saw him tense, ready to take action. The child was slowly getting over the fear his life had instilled in him and a protector was emerging. She almost smiled. Maggie the Protector had a protector herself. Beyond the timidness Harry projected, she saw the heart of a hero.

Mike was watching her with an expression that asked, _How is he?_ She made a swift motion that told him _later_ as she moved away from the door. Maggie was watching her intently, like Bobby did when he was trying to read someone. Alex tried to project an air of _everything is fine_, wondering if she was succeeding well enough to convince her daughter. She walked over to the crib, glad to find Molly still sleeping soundly. Of all the children, she was the only sound sleeper. Alex was still trying to figure out which of them she favored more, unable to decide.

"What were those noises, Mommy? Where is Daddy?" Maggie asked. "Is he okay?"

Seeing that her mother was fine, her concern shifted to the most important person in her little world. Alex turned to answer her. "Daddy is fine, honey. He's downstairs in the kitchen."

"What were those noises?"

"They was guns," Harry whispered.

Alex looked at him. He was trying to be brave, but it was clear that he knew what gunfire meant—in his experience, it meant someone had to die. "Maggie's daddy..."

"I promise, Harry. He's fine. I have to run him out to see a doctor really quick, but you'll see him tomorrow."

Maggie frowned. "If he needs a doctor, then he's not fine," she challenged.

"He hit his head, that's all."

Maggie had seen him injured, in the hospital, more than once and they were memories that she'd never forgotten. Alex sighed at the look on her stubborn daughter's face. "You don' take me to the doctor eve'y time I bump my head."

Like her father, Maggie sought to challenge everything that didn't make sense to her, and her sharp, analytical mind was already as keen as many adults'. "All right. If it will make you feel better, you can both see him before you go back to bed." She looked at Mike. "Can you stay with them?"

"Sure. But I want to see him, too," he replied.

She gave him a smile. "Put Tommy in his bed on the way."

"You got it."

Maggie and Harry scrambled from the bed and Mike gathered Tommy in his arms before he got up. Alex took the children's hands and led them downstairs. Bobby was sitting on the couch. He had cut his hand cleaning up the glass and he'd wrapped it in a handkerchief. He had also righted the coffee table, so there was no immediate evidence of the night's disruption. Maggie released her mother's hand and ran to him. "Daddy? You're hurt."

He shook his head. "It's nothing. I dropped a glass and cut my hand, that's all," he answered, folding her into a hug. "What are you doing up?"

"The noise woke us."

"What noise?"

"The guns."

Harry had started forward after Maggie, though with some trepidation. At Maggie's answer, Bobby's expression darkened, and Harry stopped advancing toward him with a yelp. As soon as he heard the boy's cry, Bobby looked at him, struggling to change his expression into one that was less threatening. Harry watched him for a long moment before he finally came forward into a hug.

Bobby folded his arm around Harry, resting his hand on Harry's head. His eyes darted to Alex, who nodded to confirm Maggie's answer. He scowled at her, but she averted her eyes. His face softened when he turned back to the children. "Everything is fine, see?" he soothed.

"How did you hit your head, Daddy?"

Bobby looked at his little daughter. He didn't want to worry her about intruders into their home; she was still adjusting to the new house. He just shrugged, making light of the injury. "It was dark when I came home and I ran into something."

Harry whispered, "But there was guns..."

"It's okay," Bobby soothed. "I promise it's nothing for you to worry about. The only guns in the house are locked up in the gun safe."

"Was it police who shot someone?" Harry asked.

The throbbing in Bobby's head began to get worse. He knew nothing about any gunfire in the house. He looked at the two children. "Do you trust me?"

Maggie, of course, immediately bobbed her head. Harry's answer was slower in coming. In his mind, he reviewed all the things that had happened since he'd come to live with Maggie's family. Her daddy never gave him any reason not to trust him. More than that, Maggie trusted him. He nodded. Bobby smiled, pleased. "Then trust me when I tell you that you're safe and I will always keep you safe."

Harry gave that some thought as Maggie took Bobby's injured hand in both of hers, unfolding the handkerchief to look at the laceration on his palm. "Is the doctor gonna fix your hand and your head?"

He shot another glare at his wife before nodding an answer to Maggie. "I'll be fine."

Both children looked at him, Maggie with skeptical intensity, Harry with reserved trepidation. Harry moved first, reaching out to touch his temple, where a bruise had begun to form. His touch was light, and Bobby reached forward to touch the little boy's chin. Shifting his gaze to Maggie, he met her eyes. Her expression changed to one of open adoration and she hugged him. "I love you, Daddy."

"I love you, too, mouse," he whispered into her ear, squeezing her firmly. "Now get back to bed."

"G'night, Daddy," she answered, kissing his cheek. She reached out to Harry, who took her hand. When they got to the doorway, he stopped and looked back at Bobby. "G'night, Maggie's daddy."

"Good night, buddy."

They scurried up the stairs, stopping halfway up so Maggie could hug Mike and tell him good night. Harry was more uncertain with Mike than he was with Bobby. He stared at Mike, flinching when he reached out to ruffle his hair. Mike squatted on the stairs and looked Harry square in the face. "Hey, little man, listen to me. I will never, ever hurt you. You have my word. Okay?"

Harry relaxed a little and nodded. This time, when Mike reached toward him, he reacted with a little more trust and didn't flinch quite as much. _Ah, well, baby steps_, Mike thought as he grinned at Alex, who was going to tuck the kids in.

Mike entered the living room. Bobby had leaned his head back, eyes closed. He opened them when Mike tapped his knee and sat on the coffee table to face him. Their eyes met and understanding passed between them. Mike had two missions the next day. He had a secretary to interrogate as well as two thugs in the Bellevue prison ward. "Any ideas on this?"

"One. Gomez' trial is coming up. I need to check on the other witnesses for the prosecution, make sure they're okay. If it is what I think, I'll talk to Carver about protection details for them."

"You think Gomez put out the word to eliminate the witnesses?"

"It's feasible. More than feasible. I'd say it's likely." He paused. "You know anything about gunplay in my living room?"

"Well, when I came in, there were two guys over by the sliding door, bleeding. Your little Annie Oakley popped 'em good."

"But she didn't kill them..." he mused.

From the doorway, Alex said, "How was I going to find out why they were in my house if I killed them?"

Mike grinned at her. "Always thinking on your feet."

"What are you two up to?"

Bobby looked over his shoulder at her and both men feigned innocence. "Nothing," Bobby answered.

She remained skeptical, but didn't press it. "Come on, cowboy. Let's go get your head examined."

"Not funny," he retorted.

"Oh, I don't know..." Mike put in, ducking away from Bobby, who swung at him. He jumped up and started for the stairs. "I'll stay upstairs with the kiddos. That little TV still in the closet?"

"Right where it usually is," Alex answered.

Mike bounded quietly up the stairs as Alex nodded her head toward the front door. "Come on. If you're a good boy, maybe I'll give you a sucker on when we're done."

His eyes brightened as he got up. "Can I choose the sucker?"

"That depends on how well you cooperate."

The teasing smile faded from her face when she noticed he was more unsteady. She jumped forward to grab his arm. "It's okay," he soothed, sliding his arm around her waist and kissing her head. "I took some pain medicine."

"Maybe that wasn't a great idea."

"My head hurt."

"For a reason, Bobby. The medicine is going to cloud your responses when they examine you. You know that."

"It'll be fine," he promised.

But he let her help him to the car, and that told her he was definitely not fine.


	35. Choppy Waters

The eastern sky was beginning to glow when Alex pulled into the driveway. After shutting off the car, she looked at Bobby, sleeping in the passenger seat. She studied his face in the blush of pre-dawn radiance. He had been difficult in the ER, resenting the fact that he was there at all, but the doctor had handled him well. First the doctor let Bobby know he wished he had not taken narcotics before coming in because the drugs made it harder to assess his mental status. Bobby knew that, Alex told the doctor. He was not stupid—he just acted that way sometimes. She found the doctor's response a profound observation: _That may well be a curse of intelligence. The more intelligent the mind, the greater the need for stimulation and that often comes hand-in-hand with trouble._ The doctor truly impressed her. He had been patient and thorough in evaluating Bobby, and for the first time, she did not mind being in a hospital emergency room with him.

Bobby had been moody from the start in the ER, which irritated her. When he snapped, _Don't make excuses for me, Eames,_ she'd shot back, _Then stop being an ass and communicate. _She'd also told him if he didn't quit calling her Eames, she was going to give him something to be irritated about. After that, he'd sulked, which made her own irritation fade. There were so many reasons to love him, and every day she seemed to find another one. At that point, she'd spontaneously stepped up to the bed and kissed him, which confused him. She stepped away and left him to think about it, which distracted him enough for the nurses to complete their physical assessment and ship him off to radiology. Although she hated to do it, she returned to his side before they took him from the room and warned him to cooperate, or that would be the last kiss he got for a long time.

She wished she'd followed him into the kitchen. It hadn't occurred to her that he might take his medicine, not with the fuss he made about having to take it in the first place. Although he was in pain, she doubted it was physical pain that drove him to take the medication. She had a sense that his visit with Denise had not gone well, but she hadn't had a chance to talk to him about her. She could tell he was trying to cope and not doing a very good job of it. When left to his own devices, he could manage, though his coping mechanisms left much to be desired. He kept trying to find a better way, and she kept hoping it would involve coming to her, but so far, he hadn't done that. He was much more likely to confide in Mike, and that had always been his way. He had spent so many years hiding himself from her, it was a real struggle for him to change the pattern.

After Syracuse, Mike had succumbed to her pressure to make himself less available, but that had backfired on her mightily and she'd pulled Mike back into the mix. For whatever reason, Bobby needed his friendship with Mike as much as he needed her love and forgiveness. The time she had spent married to Ricky had established a chasm between her and Bobby that had been difficult for them to close. He still threw up barriers between them, and it took work to get them down. They were still struggling through the emotional fallout of his mother's sudden death. But through all of it, from the very beginning, Mike had been there, steadfast and loyal. She had been wrong to ask him to step away.

The doctor's assessment had been a concussion without evidence of underlying brain damage or skull fracture. The laceration had taken only two stitches to close. She pulled the keys from the ignition, turned in her seat and reached out, stroking his hair.

He stirred. Slowly, he opened his eyes and gave her a sleepy look. She smiled and touched his lips with her fingers. Her gentle touch set him in a better mood than the doctor's prodding had. With a quirk of his mouth into a half-smile, he drew her fingers past his lips, lightly sucking.

She caught her breath at the unexpected shiver that coursed through her body, withdrawing her hand.

"Hey, I was good," he protested quietly. "You promised I could have a sucker."

She laughed softly. "Let's go inside," she said. "I'll keep my promise upstairs...and for the record—you could have been better."

"I let them do what they had to do."

She made a quiet noise that sounded like _hmpf_ as she got out of the car and walked around to wait for him, ready to help him steady himself, if he needed it. He got out of the car and leaned back against it. "You sure I can't just stay out here?"

She smiled and stepped in front of him, brushing her hand over his shirt. "If you want to stay out here, that's up to you. I'm going inside."

She played with the hair at the base of his neck as she gave him a long, lingering kiss. Then she turned and walked into the house. He watched her walk to the door, unable to move for a moment. Then he hurried after her. He caught her at the bottom of the stairs and pulled her toward him. As he turned her for a proper kiss, his balance faltered and he fell into the wall, but he didn't miss a beat, keeping her close and not breaking the kiss. She melted into his embrace for a few minutes before she withdrew. "I have to check on the kids," she whispered.

A quick, soft kiss and she headed up the stairs. He stayed against the wall and watched her hips as she climbed the stairs. Glancing over her shoulder, she looked at him again before walking down the hall to the bedroom she shared with him. He closed his eyes for a moment before moving away from the wall. Still a bit unsteady, he crossed the living room and went into the kitchen.

* * *

Mike looked up from the little television when the door opened. Maggie was sleeping against his side, and Harry was curled up next to her. Alex smiled. "Don't you look comfy."

"Looks can be deceiving. Every time I move, I disturb that little guy. How's Bobby?"

"He has a hard head. He'll be okay."

Moving slowly, he switched off the set and slipped carefully away from Maggie. Harry began to stir. "See?" he said as he put the little set back in the closet. "Want me to put them in bed?"

"Go ahead and take Maggie. I'll put Harry to bed. He still has issues with men, even Bobby."

"Poor little guy," he said as he scooped Maggie up in his arms. She snuggled against his chest and sighed but remained sleeping.

After he tucked Maggie in bed, he met Alex back in the hall. "Is Harry gonna be okay?"

"He's seeing a child psychologist who specializes in abuse and emotional trauma. She's told us she believes Harry couldn't be in better hands and with patience and love, he'll be fine, but it will take time."

"I agree with her completely. I wish I'd had parents like you guys." He sighed. "Where's Bobby?"

"Still downstairs."

"Do you mind if I crash on the couch for a couple of hours?"

"Of course not." She leaned forward and kissed his cheek. "Thanks for coming right over tonight, Mike."

"Don't mention it, sweetheart."

He looked over his shoulder when he got to the top of the stairs, watching her go into the bedroom and close the door. He went down the stairs and found Bobby in the kitchen, setting a glass in the sink. "You okay, buddy?"

Bobby nodded. "Other than a killer headache, I', all right. The kids...?"

"They're fine. They were a little freaked, but they settled down. They're sleeping now."

"I..." He stopped and ran his hand over his hair. "I don't remember what happened, Mike."

"Does that worry you? You got clobbered on the head in the dark. What do you expect to remember?"

"I don't know. Something. Anything."

Mike watched him sit heavily on the couch. He sat beside him. "Do you remember getting home?"

"Uh, yes. The house was dark when I came in. That...That's all I remember. I, uh, I think Ross was here. Was he?"

Mike shrugged. "You'll have to ask Alex. I was upstairs watching Maggie coax Harry out of the corner and keep him from hyperventilating." He frowned. "No kid his age should know what gunfire means."

Bobby closed his eyes briefly. "I don't have _any_ complete memories of the past...uh, six hours."

"Well, you got clocked a good one. It shouldn't surprise you that you don't remember what happened."

"Yeah, I guess so. I just...I don't like it when my mind doesn't cooperate." He buried his face in his hands. "It's been a bad night."

Bobby looked up, glancing over his shoulder as Alex came down the stairs, barefoot, dressed in a pair of sweats and a sleeveless shirt. She gave him a soft smile and he extended a hand toward her. She came over and, taking his hand, sat at his other side. He pulled her to him, sliding his arm around her as she rested her head against him. When Mike started to get up, Bobby grabbed his arm. "No. Stay. I need you to hear this, too."

"Hear what?"

"I, uh, I saw Denise tonight."

Alex slid her hand into his and held it, interlacing her fingers with his as she waited for him to tell them what was wrong. Mike, however, didn't know Denise was sick. "Is that supposed to be an event?" he asked.

Bobby looked at his hand, joined with Alex's, stroking her thumb with his. Finally, he said, "She's dying."

Alex was shocked. She knew it was bad, but she had not anticipated that. "Oh, Bobby...I'm so sorry."

Mike stared at him, failing to comprehend what Bobby said. "What are you talking about? I just saw her. She looks pregnant. Last I checked that was not a terminal diagnosis."

"She has cancer, Mike. They have some treatment they can try, but they don't think it's going to be effective. They...They're trying to buy time. Once the baby is born, they'll do what they can to save her."

Mike simply stared at Bobby, his mind reeling. Through his friendship with Bobby, he'd gotten to know Denise and he was deeply fond of her. "No. It can't be."

Alex tightened her grip on Bobby's hand, knowing the diagnosis was devastating for him. "Why don't they terminate the pregnancy?"

"She said no to that."

"Will her family be helping out?" she asked.

Bobby shook his head. "She has no family. Her parents are gone and her brother was killed in a motorcycle accident about four years ago. She has...well, she has me."

"And her boyfriend," Alex asserted.

Bobby looked at the floor, struggling to suppress a renewed surge of anger. "No. He took off on her, the same way my father left my mother...only this bastard moved back to Chicago. He didn't even leave a phone number."

Mike's Irish temper flared. "What's his name?"

Bobby looked at him, and their eyes met. Though neither man spoke a word, they came to an understanding. "Forsythe," Bobby answered. "Roger Forsythe."

Alex watched them, uncomfortable at the prolonged silence between them as they looked at each other. "Bobby," she said softly, a touch of warning in her tone.

Bobby shifted, turning to look at her with an expression of feigned innocence. She sighed, a sound of resignation. "I swear by all that's holy, if you two clowns get in trouble over this, I'll get Denise _and_ Carolyn, and we'll throttle the two of you."

"I know," he finally replied, making no promises. She knew he would not make any promises he could not keep, and he made no promises to her. He and Mike were going to do what they felt they had to do, consequences be damned—just like they always did.

Mike's expression was grim as he struggled to find his bearings. "How bad is her cancer?" he asked.

"Without the pregnancy, she'd be facing a five per cent survival rate. By delaying treatment, that drops to almost zero. She...she may not survive the delivery."

"How is she handling it?"

"Not well. I don't think it's fully hit her yet. There's so much going on, so many changes."

"How was she when you left?" Alex asked.

"Sleeping. I called a friend of mine, a nurse, to stay with her tonight."

"So what's she going to do?" Mike asked. "What's going to happen to her baby?"

Bobby shook his head slowly. "I don't know. She isn't the kind of person who will turn to someone else, even in a time of need. She's going to go on as though everything is normal and fine for as long as she can. Everyone will be surprised to find out she's sick. So I guess, whatever happens, she just has me."

Alex was quiet before she emphasized, "No. She has _us_."

Bobby and Mike both looked at her in surprise. She took in their expressions. "Did you expect me to say something different?"

"Yes," Mike answered honestly.

Bobby replied, "Face it, you've never been her biggest fan."

That was fair. Softly, she answered, "I admit, I was jealous of her for a long time. I wanted you but I couldn't have you, and that made me crazy. She had you, and I was very jealous of that. After I finally got you, she was still there, still important to you, and I didn't know what to do with that for a long time. It took a lot of effort, some soul searching and more trust than I have ever managed to have for anyone, but I've finally gotten to the point where I can accept your friendship. She's always been there for you, and now we will be there for her. It's the least we can do."

He squeezed her hand. "Thank you," he murmured as he kissed her cheek, grateful for her support as much as for her trust.

She stroked his cheek. "Let's go to bed."

"Yeah, get," Mike said with a yawn. "It's been a long night and I, for one, have to be up in four hours."

Bobby got up and followed Alex to the stairs, stopping to look back at Mike. Mike met his gaze and nodded. With a nod in response, Bobby went upstairs.

Alex slid into bed as Bobby undressed. She saw something in him that she rarely ever saw: he needed her. It wasn't the physical need he often expressed, but an emotional one. Sometimes she wondered if he had become so self-sufficient he didn't need anyone. He learned at a young age never to rely on anyone else, and she'd seen that in him over the years—his dogged determination never to depend on anyone but himself. With others came pain, a fact that had proven true over and over in his life. That truth was being borne out once again, though it was in no way Denise's fault, except that she had somehow gotten past his defenses into his heart, no small feat. Alex couldn't help wondering how long it was going to take to draw him back after this. Denise had a very special place in his life, one she had earned over two decades of friendship, and losing her would hit him hard, no matter how long he had to prepare for the loss.

When he got into the bed beside her, she snuggled into his side. "You're going to Chicago, aren't you?"

"Yes."

"Can I talk you out of it?"

"Probably."

"Will that make you angry?"

"Yes."

"So that will cause a problem between us?"

He paused, then answered, "Yes."

He was being honest, and she appreciated that. She was surprised that she was not angry with him for his intent to travel to Chicago to confront Denise's ex for abandoning her. She knew well his vendetta against men like him, and she knew he could easily get carried away. "Logan is going with you?"

"Yes."

Silent, she caressed his arm. "Just...remember Dan Croyden."

At the mention of the name, Bobby tensed. "I know," he finally said, feeling chastised.

Alex planned to read Mike the riot act, doing her best to make certain their little trip would not have devastating consequences for them. She drifted to sleep as she composed her little talk in her mind.

For Bobby, sleep didn't come as readily. His head throbbed and he felt sick, but it was his emotions that prevented him from sleeping. Denise had been a strong, steadying force in his life for a long time, and he didn't know what he was going to do without her.

* * *

The next morning, after reviewing files for awhile, Mike went up to the chief's office to see Denise. She looked up when he came into the office and smiled. "Hi, Mike."

He couldn't tell from her demeanor or her appearance that anything was wrong, and he gave her a great deal of credit for carrying on as though nothing were amiss. "Hey, honey. Got a minute?"

"For you, I have two."

He laughed softly and sat on the edge of the desk near her. "I guess you didn't hear yet what when down at Bobby's last night."

Immediately concerned, she replied, "No. What happened? Is everyone all right?"

"Yeah, everyone's okay. Someone broke into the house looking for him and he walked right into 'em when he got home after visiting you. He got hit on the head, but he'll be fine. That's not why I'm here, though. He told me that you're sick. I'm sorry."

She gave him a sad smile. "Is he okay?"

"One of the people he loves most in the world is dying, sweetheart. No, he's not okay. But he'll try to convince everyone that he is, including himself."

"I didn't want to tell him, Mike."

"He's a detective-one of the best. He'd have figured it out."

"Is Alex angry?"

"About what?"

"This is just one more unwelcome intrusion into their lives..."

He reached out and gently grasped her hand, not particularly caring if anyone walked in. "Listen to me. The next couple of months are going to be hard ones, for all of us. I don't want you to worry about Bobby or Alex or anyone else. You just take care of yourself. Whether she likes it or not, Alex knows Bobby is close to you. She knows that he loves you and she's learned to accept it and deal with it. So don't even worry about that. She and I both know this is going to be hard, for you, for him, for all of us. The main reason I came up here to see you is I wanted to see how you're doing today. Bobby said you had a hard time last night."

"Tell him I'm okay. And I wouldn't have had such a time if he hadn't come over. He can draw out my emotions like no one else can."

Mike smiled. "He is persistent when he wants to be. I'll tell him you're okay."

"And tell him thank you, for calling Missy." Her eyes were moist. "I'll call him soon, but I can't talk to him right now, not without starting to cry again."

He squeezed her hand. "He wants you to lean on him, honey. I think he needs that from you."

She nodded. "He needs to get in all the contact he can because too soon there won't be any more."

He felt his heart break, for her and for his friend. He glanced around, then leaned down and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. He stood up and said, "Please, don't try to spare him. Alex and I will be there for him when he's ready for us. We'll get him through it. So let him do what he can to take care of you. He needs that."

"It's hard, Mike. I don't want to cause any trouble for him and Alex, but most of all, it goes against everything in me to hurt him in any way."

Mike was quiet for a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "There's no way you can spare him, Denise."

A tear ran down her cheek as she looked away. He moved away from the desk. "Call me if you need me."

"Thank you, Mike." She paused for another moment. "Promise me something?"

"Name it."

"You'll take care of him?"

"Word of honor, honey. I will."

She watched him leave, knowing that, as much as Bobby adored his wife, when his world fell apart, he would withdraw from her rather than pull her down with him. It was irrational, but that was what he felt. Mike would be the only one able to slip in past his considerable defenses, at least in the very beginning. Eventually he would let Alex in, but Mike would be there first. That was the way it had been from the day Alex had married Ricky Waters, and Denise wasn't sure he could change it...not this time, anyway. Her heart went out to Mike-he had his work cut out for him-but more than that, she suffered the knowledge that he was right. There was no way she could prevent what was going to happen and spare the one person in the world she loved with all her heart.

* * *

Bobby woke late that afternoon. His head throbbed mercilessly, leaving him feeling nauseous and a bit like he'd been hit by a truck. Getting out of bed, he made his unsteady way to the bathroom and stepped into a hot shower, lingering under the hot stream of water until the pain began to ease.

He'd just finished shaving when the doorbell rang. He listened for the commotion that always followed a ringing doorbell, but only silence filled the house. The bell rang again. Wearing only his boxers, he went downstairs to answer the door. Mike grinned at him. "Oh, look. You dressed up for me."

With a quiet laugh, Bobby let him into the house."Why'd you ring the bell?'

"Because your wife gets pissed at me when I don't."

He watched Bobby walk through the family room into the living room and kitchen. "Lose something?" he asked as he watched his friend take two medicine bottles from the top of the refrigerator.

"Yes. My family."

"Not home? Shit. I didn't have to ring the bell after all. So where are they?"

"I have no idea," Bobby answered as he dumped pills from each bottle into his hand.

Mike watched him fill a glass with water. "You sure you want to take that narcotic with the crack you took on your noggin last night?"

"My damn head hurts," Bobby answered, grouchy.

"Fine, then take it. I'm not your babysitter. But I want it on record that I said something so your wife doesn't come after me for blood when she finds out."

"I'm not afraid of her."

"I'm not sure how to classify that: courage or stupidity."

Bobby took the medicine and went back upstairs. Grabbing a beer from the refrigerator, Mike followed him, looking at the label on the beer bottle as he went. He began to laugh.

"What's so funny?" Bobby demanded, still feeling out of sorts.

He held up the bottle. "This brand of beer...Remember when Maggie took a drink of it when she was little? God, that was priceless. I wish I'd had a camera for that face she made."

"How could I forget? She did that right before her mother showed up to take her home. That was a huge fight."

Mike grinned. "Buddy, all your fights are big ones. You guys have a passionate relationship. You always have. That's why your fights are as big as your makeups."

"I never thought of it that way," he said. "The makeups are almost worth the fights."

Taking a drink of his beer, Mike asked, "When are we going to Chicago?"

"Friday night. Any luck finding him?"

Producing a notepad, Mike read, "Roger Forsythe, physical therapist, lives on the north side of Edgewater, about three blocks from Lake Michigan, and works in the PT clinic at Edgewater Medical Center. I've got his date of birth, social security number and driver's license number in addition to his address."

"Great job. Thanks, Mike."

"No sweat. I took me all of ten minutes to get the guy's life history. Apparently, he's not trying to hide."

"Why would he? Denise isn't the type to go after him, regardless of the circumstances."

"He didn't count on us, did he?"

Bobby shook his head. "It will be a rude awakening for him."

Mike was quiet for a moment. "Please tell me we aren't going to give him a beatdown."

The corner of Bobby's mouth quirked into a half-grin. "We'll see how it plays out. I'll know more about what we can do by the time we leave."

"Tell me when we leave, then. I don't want to worry about speculation."

With a nod, Bobby went downstairs to the living room and picked up his phone. _Where are you?_ he texted to his wife.

Sitting heavily he leaned back on the couch. Mike grabbed the remote, turned on the television and began to channel surf. Bobby's phone beeped at him. _Hey, sleepyhead_, Alex texted. _How are you feeling?_

_Lonely._

_We'll be home soon. We met Dad for dinner. Neither of us felt like cooking. Zeus is in the backyard. _

_I'll let him in._

_Do you want me to bring you something?_

_No, thanks. I'm not hungry. But Mike is here._

_We'll bring him a plate. You really should eat._

_I love you._

_You know I hate it when you avoid a subject._

_I still love you._

_See you soon._

He tossed his phone on the table and got up to open the back door. The puppy bounded into the house, whimpering and wagging his tail furiously. He followed Bobby to the couch and jumped up in his lap when he sat down, licking his face. It took a few minutes for Bobby to settle the happy puppy, who curled up on his lap as Bobby got comfortable. Mike chuckled. "Another contender for your lap it seems."

"My lap is big enough," Bobby assured him.

"So's your heart," Mike replied, and they settled into a comfortable silence until the children got home and shattered the quiet.


	36. The Faith of A Child

Maggie woke up late in the night. She slipped out of bed, whispering a shush to Zeus when he whimpered at her from his crate. "I'll be right back," she assured the puppy.

Zeus let out a yip, drawing her back into the room. "Oh, all right," she whispered, afraid the puppy would wake her brothers or her parents. "Come on, but be quiet."

She went down the stairs with Zeus beside her. The downstairs was dark, but she wasn't afraid. She had nothing to fear in her own home. Trotting to the back door, she unlocked it and slid it open, letting the puppy out into the yard. Leaving the door open far enough for him to come back inside when he was done, she went into the kitchen. She pushed the stepstool along the floor and climbed up to get a cup. Opening the refrigerator, she took out the milk and filled her cup. After returning the milk to its shelf, she shut the refrigerator and returned to the back door, sipping her milk while she waited for her puppy.

She heard a noise in the family room and went to investigate. Stopping in the doorway, she saw the shadowy outline of a familiar figure in the recliner over near the game cabinet. She approached quietly, in case he was sleeping. But he wasn't asleep. He turned his head toward her when she was halfway across the room. "Why are you up, mouse?" he asked softly.

"I waked up and came down for milk. Why are you up?"

Turnabout was fair play. He smiled. "I just couldn't sleep."

"Is your brain too busy?"

"Something like that."

Zeus came bounding into the room as Maggie set her cup on the end table beside the recliner. He circled Maggie a few times, wagging his tail. Finally, he plopped down beside the chair. Maggie watched as Bobby raised a glass to his mouth and reached down to pet the puppy. "Can we talk now, Daddy?"

He looked at her in the light of the full moon that shined through the window, and he finished off the last swallow in his glass. Now, later, what did it matter? He grabbed the bottle from the floor beside the chair, refilled his glass and recapped the bottle, setting it back on the floor. Maggie climbed up into his lap and rested her head against his chest. "Of course we can talk," he murmured, wrapping an arm around her.

She was quiet for a moment, concentrating on the sensations around her. She could both hear and feel the beat of his heart beneath her head. She smelled the combination of whiskey and cigarettes on his breath, a familiar scent she had always known, always associated with him. She rubbed her hand over the soft cotton of his t-shirt. "Is Gramma in heaven with God or is she inna unnerworld with Hades?"

"Where do you think she is?"

"Grampa says she's in heaven."

He took a drink and said, "That's what Grandpa believes. If he lived in Ancient Greece, he would say she was in the Underworld. Every culture on the planet, past and present, has its own beliefs about what happens after death."

Her brow furrowed as she thought about that. "Why? If they're all diff'rent, which one is right?"

"All of them, or none of them. No one knows for sure."

"But...I don' unnerstand."

His mind was swaddled in a pleasant fog, and he had to put effort into finding an explanation she would understand. "We have a lot in common with the great apes, like gorillas and chimps, but one thing that sets us apart from them is that we can think abstractly. At least, we think that's unique to humans. Who knows for sure?"

She shifted against him, restless when she failed to understand something, as he often was. "I still don' unnerstand."

His mind was disjointed and he was having a hard time keeping his thoughts along one coherent track. "When you look at a cloud and see a cloud, that's concrete thinking—you see something for what it is and nothing more. When you look at a cloud and see a dragon, that's abstract thinking."

"Oh, like my 'magination?"

"Exactly. We can't look into heaven or the underworld or anyplace else that people might go after they die, so we have to imagine it. We believe that people are the only ones who have a concept that life continues after death, just in a different form." He took a drink and patted her back. "People fear things they don't understand. That's a curse of the way we think. When people began to imagine things beyond their experience, the concept of a supreme being, what we call God, emerged. People were able to thank or to blame their god for the things they didn't understand, like why the sun came up or why no rain fell or what happens after death. We understand a lot more now than we did a million years ago, but we still use God to explain what we can't, like why people get sick or why bad things happen."

"People get sick b'cause of germs."

"Sometimes. Sometimes not. But that explains the 'how' and we understand that. It doesn't explain the why. We still use God to explain the things that scare us and to seek comfort in something beyond ourselves. The concept of Heaven brings reassurance to people that existence continues after death. That's how people cope with the uncertainty of death."

She was quiet for awhile as she churned that information in her mind. "So Gramma is in heaven? An' so is my other gramma?"

"Yes. That's what we believe."

"But what if we're wrong?"

"That's where faith comes in, baby. Faith is believing without seeing, without absolute proof that something exists."

"Oh. So...if I b'lieve it, then it's true?"

"Something like that."

"And D'nise will go to heaven, too?"

His gut clenched so tightly he almost threw up. "I think...I think you should go on back to bed, Maggie."

Puzzled, Maggie sat forward and looked at him. "But...Daddy, what's wrong? Is heaven a bad place?"

"No, honey. No, it's not. I just...It's hard for me to deal with losing someone I love."

"But doesn' heaven make you feel better?"

"I know it should. That's the purpose of faith, to provide reassurance during difficult times. I just..." How could he explain to her that his own faith had faltered many years ago? "It's harder for some people than for others. Faith exists by degrees. Some people have pure faith and put every part of their lives into the hands of God. Others have lost their faith entirely." He ran his hand over her hair and hugged her, which helped him to settle, though his gut still churned. "Children have the purest faith of all. Keep believing, baby. Hang onto it for as long as you can."

"What about you?" she asked softly. "Do you b'lieve, Daddy?"

Her simple question, asked in total innocence, harshly drove home the state of his own faith. But how could he ask her to have faith when he had none himself? "I don't know," he answered, not expecting her to accept his cop-out of an answer.

But once again, she surprised him. Getting onto her knees, she gave him a soft, loving kiss. Pressing her cool, little hand against the side of his face, she looked into the darkness of his eyes, barely illuminated by the moonlight. "It'll be okay, Daddy. I'll b'lieve for both of us." She slid from his lap. "C'mon, Zeus."

The puppy jumped up and followed her across the room while Bobby watched them leave. She stopped in the doorway. "Daddy? Do bad people go to heaven?"

"Uh, n-no. There's a special place of punishment for bad people."

"Good...cause if the mean lady is in heaven, I don' wanna go there."

"She's not, honey."

Satisfied for the moment, Maggie nodded. "I love you, Daddy. Good night."

She and Zeus were gone before he could form a reply. He heard their footsteps in the quiet of the house as they went up the stairs. Alone again, he picked up his glass, drained it and then filled it again.

* * *

Alex rolled over to shut off the alarm before it woke Bobby, but when she turned toward his side of the bed, it was empty. Thinking he was already up, she got out of bed, took a quick shower and dressed for work. The children were all still sleeping and she thought she might be able to leave them home with Bobby. If he was already up, he'd be fine with it. She went downstairs, surprised not to find him in the kitchen. He wasn't in the yard, either. Finally, she found him, sleeping soundly in the chair in the family room. Standing in the doorway, she watched him sleep, fully aware of the almost empty bottle on its side on the floor beside the chair.

She wanted to get angry, but the only emotion she could find was one of deep sympathy. He was taking Denise's illness very hard, and it broke her heart. There was no jealousy, no anger...just sorrow. She walked to the closet under the stairs and got a blanket because the house was cool. Covering him, she leaned over and gently kissed him. He didn't move. With a soft sigh, she went back upstairs to wake the children. Maybe it would be easier for her father or sister to come over to sit, but she wanted Bobby to sleep. Once the kids were up and at full volume, she doubted he would sleep through the ruckus.

Thirty minutes later, she was herding the kids and Zeus out the front door, Molly on her hip. Maggie handed the puppy's leash to Harry and ran into the family room. Alex peeked in the doorway, watching her trot over to the chair where her father slept. She leaned up and kissed him before hurrying back to her mother. "How did you know Daddy was in there?" Alex asked as she closed the door behind her.

"We hadda talk when I waked up and got some milk."

"What kind of talk?"

"About heaven."

Alex groaned to herself. "What about heaven?"

"I jus' wondered if Gramma is in heaven and if D'nise will go there, too."

"Oh, Maggie..."

Maggie finished helping Tommy buckle into his seat. "What, Mommy?"

Alex shook her head as she leaned in to buckle Maggie's seat belt over her booster seat. "Sometimes your little talks with Daddy get him thinking too much."

"He was al'eady thinkin' when I talked to him."

"What was he doing when you found him to talk to him?"

"Jus' sittin' inna fam'ly room, drinkin' the apple juice that's not apple juice. I didn' do somethin' wrong, did I, Mommy?"

"No, baby. Of course not. Daddy is just having a hard time right now because Denise is sick."

Maggie nodded. "I know. But it'll be okay, b'cause I have faith, for me and for Daddy."

Alex smiled at her oldest child and smoothed her hand over Maggie's curls. "Yes, I believe you do."

She closed the car door, and somehow, she felt that, just maybe, things really would be okay, eventually. Maggie was going to make sure of it.


	37. Rumors Laid to Rest

Mike looked over his shoulder—he was doing a lot of that these days—but Alex was nowhere in sight, and neither was Ross. Now was his chance.

He left the squad room and got onto the elevator, pressing the '2' and hoping his luck would hold out.

He released the breath he'd been holding when the doors opened on the second floor and he hadn't run into his partner or their captain. He turned left and walked down the hall to the offices that were home base to the building's secretarial pool. After looking around, he stepped through the doorway into the main office.

He knew the girl behind the desk, not sure if that was a good thing or not. She smiled at him. "Mike! It's been awhile. Where have you been?"

"Hi, Kristy. I've been busy playing grownup. I stopped by looking for Traci. Is she around anywhere?"

Kristy looked disappointed. "How is Bobby?" she asked, trying to divert him.

"He's still married," he answered, not even trying to hide his irritation.

She tossed her hair back from her face. "What about you? I'm free tonight."

"Sorry, honey. I'm not. Got a plane to catch. Now I'm running out of time and patience."

Kristy huffed softly. "She's back there at her desk. Remember where that is?"

"I remember. Thanks."

He walked past her desk, wondering in hindsight if he and Bobby should ever have messed around with the rumor mongers who worked in those offices. When he caught sight of Traci, he remembered exactly what drew them in. She was one hell of a looker who was great in bed...immature as hell, but that didn't matter when the lights were out. She looked up as he approached and her face lit up into a radiant smile. "Mikey! Long time, no see."

_Be strong, Logan,_ he cautioned himself. "Not long enough, I'm afraid. I've been told your little tongue has been very busy around the water cooler lately."

She feigned a look of innocence. "What do you mean?"

"Don't play coy with me, Traci. I know your game too well. The wheels on the rumor mill have been turning fast and furious, and I've heard you are the one fueling the fire."

She shifted and laughed nervously. "It's all in good fun."

"Fun? Fun for who? Because Goren and Eames are not the least bit amused and neither am I. Where did you get your information, Traci? Why would you think Denise Rhodes is carrying Goren's baby?"

"Come on, Mike. You know he's been in her pants for years."

Mike felt his temper rise. He picked up a paperweight from her desk and turned it over in his hands. "He's faithful, Traci, and like it or not, he's in love with his wife, as boring as that might be to the information cesspool." She pouted at that but he ignored her. "Besides, Denise has more class than to bed a married guy. And Eames... what's up with that? Why the hell would you think she's cheating?"

"She did it when she was married to Ricky Waters. Why not now? Besides, I _know_ she's seeing a guy on the side."

He dropped the paperweight back onto the desk—before he threw it against the far wall. She jumped at the noise but he ignored that, placing his fists on the desk and leaning on them. "Who's the guy you think she's seeing?"

"I _know_ she's seeing him," she insisted.

His patience was wearing thin. He hated the stupid games she liked to play. Impatiently, he waved his hand before slamming it on the desk. "Whatever. I'm tired of these games you get off on. Who is he, Traci?"

Her lips formed a little pout. "What's in it for me?"

He leaned in close. "Tell me what I want to know and you'll find out."

She giggled with delight and Mike struggled to keep a handle on his temper. She leaned toward him and spoke in a conspiratorial whisper. "Well, I don't know his name, but I know he's a cop. He's blonde with a mustache, and he's very cute. They look adorable together."

"What makes you think she's sleeping with him?"

Her voice dropped even lower. "I was having lunch at the diner over near the courthouse, and I saw her come in with him. They were cozy with each other and when they said good-bye, she kissed him. She was _very_ friendly with him, if you get my drift."

"It's impossible not to get your drift. What else? Tall? Short? Thin? Husky?"

Traci screwed her face in concentration. "Tall, but not as tall as Bobby. Thin. Works at the 1-9."

"You've got to be kidding me."

"I'm not. I swear, I saw them!" She smiled suddenly and shook her finger at him. "You know who it is," she accused. "Tell me!"

"I have better things to do than contribute to the trouble you cause," he growled as he stepped away from her desk and began to walk toward the front office.

She ran after him. "Oh, come on, Mike! Please! Tell me!"

_You stupid bitch_, he thought to himself, but he held his tongue, not sure how Ross would react to him losing it with the secretarial staff. Eames would certainly kick his ass. He stopped as she jumped in front of him and planted her hands in the middle of his chest. "Come on," she purred. "Tell me!"

After a struggle, he managed to keep his temper in check. In his mind, he could see Alex being friendly with the cop in question and Traci's misinterpretation of her friendliness made his stomach flip with renewed rage. His tone was harsh when he finally spoke. "The mystery man you made such a big deal about...he's her brother." He grasped her wrists and removed her hands from his chest, allowing his anger to come through in the glare he gave her. "Trust me, Eames only has room in her bed for one man, and that's Goren."

Not used to receiving the brush-off from a man, Traci got angry as he walked past her. "What's the matter, Mike? She turn you down?"

He turned at the door and sneered at her. "Why do you assume she's the one I'm interested in?" he growled sarcastically.

He stormed from the office, wondering belatedly what new rumors his temper just bought for them. Oh, well...he and Bobby were used to it. Alex and Denise did not deserve it. He needed to do something about Traci, and he still had favors he could call in. He was going to burn one of them getting rid of her. If they didn't want to fire her, then they could bust her down to traffic file clerk. She had no business in the headquarters building unless the brass particularly wanted some kind of scandal or a leak in the dike they would never be able to plug. Eventually, her mouth was going to lead to that. Maybe this would set an example to the others of the far-reaching damage unfounded rumors could cause—and the repercussions of spreading them.

He made a phone call as he stormed down the hall toward the elevators. Returning to the eleventh floor, he was certain that by the time he and Bobby got back from Chicago, Traci would be history at 1 PP.

Mike stopped at the snack machine for a soda and a bag of chips, which he carried back to his desk. He sat down and popped open his soda as Alex stepped out of the captain's office and walked toward him. She sat across from him and said, "Well, this is it, Mike—our last day as partners. Come Monday morning, Bobby's back in the squadroom and my new partner is a guy named Cutter Albright."

"That's his real name?"

"Don't start. He worked with Ross a few years ago and his record with the organized crime unit is good enough to earn him a shot at Major Case. Ross has nothing but good to say about the guy."

Mike was not impressed. "You meet him yet?"

"Briefly—just long enough to shake hands and say hello."

"What's he look like?"

"What does that matter?"

"Humor me."

She shrugged. "He looks like a cop. He's about five-ten, sandy hair, mustache...nice looking."

"Nice enough to make someone jealous?"

She frowned. "He has no rational reason to be jealous and he knows it."

"Since when is jealousy rational? You're jealous of Denise. Hell, for awhile there, you were jealous of me, too."

She made a noise that sounded a lot like a snort of derision. "He'll deal with it—without causing trouble...if he knows what's good for him."

Mike snickered, but, sensing an impending argument neither of them would ever win, he changed the subject. "If Albright is Ross' minion, you know he's gonna be watching you and reporting back to the boss."

"I wasn't born yesterday, Logan."

Mike folded his hands on his desk and studied her. "You're gonna give him a chance, aren't you?"

She scowled at him. "Do I have a choice?"

"You always have a choice, sweetheart."

"What did I tell you about calling me that here?"

He smiled, and some of her irritation faded. They were two peas in a pod, him and Bobby, and she could never stay irritated or angry with either of them for too long. He made a dismissive gesture. "What are they gonna do to me? Get me a new partner because I called you sweetheart? I promise I'll come up with a different term of endearment for my new partner."

Alex laughed. "I can't wait to see how this works out. I give it a month or two before Ross regrets the reassignments."

"Think it'll take that long?"

Alex's face softened and she smiled at him. "Unlike you, Bobby will watch his step for a little while, but it won't last."

"I wonder if Ross will figure out that no one can keep Bobby in line the way you can."

She gave him a look of mock severity. "You _could_ try, you know."

"I _do_ try. He doesn't listen to me, and I end up following his lead so he doesn't get his stupid ass killed. You know where that gets us."

"Yeah—it gets you in trouble."

"That's putting it mildly," he grumbled as he consolidated everything in his desk into one drawer. "If your pretty boy gets here before I do on Monday morning, tell him I'll move my stuff to my new desk as soon as I get here."

Reminded of his plans for the weekend, she asked, "Is there any way I can talk you clowns out of doing this?"

Mike pretended to consider her request before he shook his head. "Sorry, honey. I don't see that happening."

"Mike..."

"Yeah, I know. If we get in trouble, there will be hell to pay. We both know that." Not that it would make a difference... He got to his feet. "I'm outta here. I still have to pack before I pick up Bobby."

She nodded and slowly began to put her stuff away. Mike paused for a moment. He hated to see her sad or upset. "Alex, honey. I promise you, I'll do my best to take care of him."

She nodded, trying to swallow the emotion that rose like bile at the back of her throat. He started to turn away, but looked back at her and said, "By the way, I took care of that little gossip problem for you."

She eyed him with suspicion. "What did you do?"

"I called in a favor, that's all. You shouldn't have any more problems."

"Did you find out what started the rumors?"

"The ones about you? It seems someone thought you were being overly friendly with another cop and her simple mind dove right into the gutter. Of course, she just had to share her opinion with half the building."

"Another cop? What cop? I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You were seen having lunch with him over by the courthouse. I don't know when. Thin guy, not as tall as Bobby, blond, mustache..."

"That sounds like..." Her eyes widened with realization. "Kevin is supposed to be the guy I'm sleeping around with? _Kevin_? My _brother_?"

"Don't look at me like that. I didn't start the rumor, but I put an end to it. Kiss the kids for me and have a good weekend. At least one of us should."

Mike walked away from the desks they had shared for the past six months, ever since Bobby was sidelined by the accident in Syracuse after his mother's death. He looked back from the elevators. Alex was a tough partner, but she was also one of his favorites among the partners he'd had in his career. Being with Bobby for so long had loosened her up a little, but she still didn't take a lot of nonsense. If this Cutter guy was anything like Ross, he wondered if he would complement her, the way Goren always did, or if they would clash, like...well, he didn't exactly clash with her. He often annoyed her, but that was on purpose, his way of keeping her on her toes. Unlike Bobby, he had no reservations about irritating her or flat out pissing her off. Her temper made things interesting for him. By this time, though, she knew how to handle him, and he didn't mind being handled by her.

He continued to watch her for a moment, and he felt badly about going to Chicago. She definitely disapproved, and he hated to upset her, but if he didn't go, Bobby would go alone, and then there really would be trouble. He was going along to make sure Bobby's temper stayed under control, a role that would have been laughable fifteen years ago. Hell, back then he would be the one beating the snot out of the guy for what he'd done. But age had tempered him, and so had his friendship with Bobby. They were good for each other in many ways, and because of that, Roger would survive the weekend intact. More or less.

Alex had also told him the story of Dan Croyden and how that psychobitch Nicole Wallace had used the chump to set Bobby up, big time. It had been a catastrophe. Mike had promised Alex that Roger Forsythe would not devolve into another Croyden.

When the elevator doors opened, Alex looked his way. With a grin, he waved and blew her a kiss, ducking into the elevator so he wouldn't see her response. Maybe he hadn't seen it, but he knew what it was and he felt a little better because he knew he'd made her smile.


	38. The Flight to Chicago

Alex wasn't home when Mike stopped by to pick up Bobby, who was waiting for him, obviously anxious to get going. Mike didn't comment as Bobby tossed his overnight bag into the back seat and climbed in. Bobby slammed the door shut and propped his elbow against it, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"You okay?" Mike asked.

"Fine."

Mike could read him better than anyone, and he knew to leave him alone with his thoughts, at least until they were on the plane, where Bobby would be easily cornered. Of course, just the thought of cornering his friend brought forth images of grizzly bears and mountain lions, cornered and deadly, but he tried not to dwell on that imagery too much. The drive to the airport was a silent one.

* * *

Once they checked in and cleared security, they found their flight delayed by ninety minutes, and they still had two hours to wait, so they stepped into one of the airport bars. Mike was half done with his jack and coke when Bobby ordered a second scotch. "Slow down, buddy, or Roger's gonna have to wait."

Bobby made a dismissive gesture, and Mike let it go for the moment, again driving away images of charging grizzlies and torn, bleeding flesh. By the time they got on the plane, Bobby had three more drinks under his belt to Mike's one. "Don't like flying?" Mike suggested as they took their seats just in front of the wings, even though he knew Bobby loved to fly.

"You know I like flying," Bobby answered irritably.

Mike shrugged. "People change. You're still claustrophobic and this isn't an ocean liner."

Bobby laughed softly and finally looked at Mike, who grinned at him. Mike relaxed at the flash of affection in Bobby's eyes. He hated it when Bobby was unpredictable, which was exactly how he was being at the moment. Still, he waited until they were in the air before he ventured into a conversation.

"So, is Alex upset with you?"

Bobby nodded. "Alex and Denise both. They're pissed that I'm doing this, but at least Denise is glad you're coming with me. She has some misconception that you'll keep me out of trouble. Alex isn't sure if it's good or bad.""

With a snort of amusement, Mike said, "Alex is a smart woman. Carolyn is pissed about this, too."

Frowning, Bobby insisted, "Mike, I don't want to be the cause of problems between you and Carolyn."

"Don't worry about that, buddy. You and I were an item long before I hooked up with Carolyn."

"Do you have to put it that way?"

Mike laughed. "There are folks who wonder about us, you know."

Bobby laughed with him. "You mean like those FBI agents?"

"That was choice. I never saw the point of correcting them. It doesn't matter to you, does it?"

"No. I stopped caring about what people think a long time ago. There are only a few people that matter in my life. Since you're one of them..." he shrugged.

With a grin, Mike said, "Ross called me into his office this morning. He asked me if your marriage to Alex is the real thing."

"Why was he asking that?"

"I told you people wonder about us. He heard the rumors about you and me, and he wanted to make sure _we_ weren't a couple."

Bobby laughed again. "So this is supposed to be a romantic getaway?"

"Apparently. He was so worried about splitting up you and Alex, it didn't occur to him that maybe your marriage was a cover for your real romance. He wanted to know the truth, and I gave it to him...after I sent him into a panic by telling him we were slipping away to get married."

Bobby shook his head. "You're a piece of work."

"I know. I like to keep 'em guessing. He made me show him proof we were going to Chicago and not someplace that sanctions same sex marriages."

"Did he ask why we're going to Chicago?"

"No. I don't think he wanted to know. All he did was tell me to stay out of trouble, which is exactly what I hope to do."

Bobby paused for a moment, thinking that over. Then he asked, "What do you think about Ross?"

"I don't like the way he jumps to conclusions based on rumors rather than personal experience. Makes me wonder if he trusts his own judgment. Other than that, he seems to be okay. I think you can win him over. Did you talk to Alex before we left?"

"No, but I got talked at by Alex before we left."

"That explains the mood. Did she tell you she met her new partner today?"

"No, that never came up. Did you meet him?"

"No. He was still in with Ross when I left. Seems he worked with Ross a couple of years ago and kinda rode along on his coattails to Major Case. His name is Cutter Albright. Alex says he seems decent enough."

"But you don't have an opinion?"

"Not yet. Worried?"

"Of course not. Alex can take care of herself."

"So what _are_ you worried about?"

"Nothing. I just don't like her being mad at me. I don't like Denise being mad at me, either. Having them both mad at me is driving me nuts."

"I've never seen Denise mad at you."

"Well, she is now."

"You want to back out?"

He shook his head. "This is the right thing to do, Mike. You know it as well as I do."

"I don't think right or wrong matters much to them at the moment. They don't see it the way we do." He paused when the stewardess stopped at their seats, handing them each a bag of peanuts and asking what they wanted to drink. They each requested a beer, which she handed them before moving on. "How much real thought have you given to our buddy Roger?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, what are we going to do when we confront him?"

"We'll have to see how that goes. A lot of it depends on him. But I saw a lawyer friend of mine this week and had him draw up parental termination paperwork. The last thing I want is for him to show up and cause trouble for whoever takes in Denise's baby. It's all or nothing. If he's going to walk away, then he's going to do it permanently. He's not going to mess with this baby by popping in and out on a whim, and whoever raises him shouldn't have to worry about that."

"Are you going to strongarm him into signing?"

"He's the one who walked away. If he was serious about it, then I won't have to. If he was just scared, maybe he'll do the right thing and come back to New York."

Mike studied Bobby quietly. "Which do you think it is?"

"I think he knows what he's doing." He paused to take a drink from his beer. "But I want to know...why."

Mike opened his bag of peanuts and tossed a couple into his mouth. "You always have to know why. You think it has something to do with you, don't you?"

"I, uh, that's what I want to find out. Denise thinks he couldn't handle her illness. He's a physical therapist. I don't think that's the issue."

"But she wasn't some random patient. Even doctors sometimes can't handle illness in someone close to them. Why do you think he'd leave because of you?"

"I know he fought with her about me...like I know you and Carolyn fight."

Mike looked at him sharply. "You don't know anything, man."

"Are you saying you don't fight?"

"No. All couples fight. I'm just saying it's not what you think."

"Then what is it?"

Mike paused. "You and Alex still fight about Denise?"

Bobby looked at his beer. "We never fought about her. Alex would just get mad and then not talk to me. That's not fighting."

Mike's mouth quirked into a grin. "That's worse than fighting."

"Yeah. But she got over it, eventually...once she decided she could trust me."

"Trust has nothing to do with it," Mike answered. "Denise was a threat to her."

"A threat?" Bobby's brow furrowed. "How do you figure that?"

"Wow, you really are dense when you choose to be. You and Denise have a history, Bobby. A long, intense and intimate history. You can't just turn that off."

"But...I love Alex."

"No one questions that, but you love Denise, too." He waved his hand, cutting off any protest that might be brewing in his friend. "Don't deny it. I know better, and so do you. Look, Alex doesn't think you're bed-hopping. She knows better. But Denise has a very special place in your life, and like most women, Alex is uncomfortable with that."

"Denise was never like that about Alex."

"I said _most_ women, bonehead. Denise is different than most women. She should have been insanely jealous of Alex from the beginning, but she never was. Maybe she saw something no one else did. I don't know. We'd have to ask her. What I do know is that some guys get lucky and find the love of their life once. Most never do. You found that kind of love twice, and now one of them is dying."

"Mike..."

"Are you gonna try to deny it?"

Bobby's grip on his glass tightened and his hand shook. Mike was confronting him with something he had chosen to ignore, to deny to himself. Studying him, Mike softly asked, "What would have happened if Denise had told you yes when you proposed to her?"

Bobby closed his eyes. "I would have done everything to make her happy."

"And when Alex kicked Waters to the curb?"

His trembling worsened but he looked at Mike with a challenge in his eyes. "What do you think would have happened?"

Mike accepted the challenge. "I think you would have continued doing everything to make her happy. But it's not as easy as that. You'd never have betrayed her, like you've never betrayed Alex, but you're complicated as hell. I don't know how you do it, but you love them both with all your heart, yet one of them stays chaste with you. You turn all your passion toward Alex, but you can still love Denise deeply and stay faithful to your wife. I could never do that."

"No? What would you do?"

"I'd never lock myself into a permanent relationship with one, not if I loved 'em both."

"You think two women would be okay sharing you?"

Mike laughed. "I'm not stupid, man. They'd never know about each other."

"Oh, yeah...'cause that always works out."

"That depends on how bad you want it to work."

"I couldn't do it."

Slowly shaking his head, Mike agreed. "No, you couldn't. But I could."

Bobby took a drink of his beer. "Is that why you haven't married Carolyn yet? You don't trust yourself to remain faithful?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe it is."

"So why did you propose?"

"That felt right at the time. I mean, I do love her and she was pregnant with my son."

"And now? You have cold feet?"

"Now I'm seeing a side of her I don't particularly appreciate."

With a frown, Bobby looked at him. "I, uh...what do you mean?"

Mike knew he'd stuck his foot in it now. Bobby wasn't going to let it go and, quite honestly, Mike was glad for it. He'd been avoiding the subject for a long time, knowing that Bobby wasn't in a place where he could discuss the situation with a clear mind and actually be some help. He wasn't sure now was a better time, but he was troubled, and he knew that Bobby would try to help him. It would give Bobby a focus away from his own misery and maybe actually do them both some good. He finished his beer and played with the empty cup to avoid looking at his friend. "It seems having a baby, I don't know, changed her somehow. She spends more time sleeping on a cot in the baby's room than she spends with me. She disagrees with everything I do. When I get Sean dressed, she always has to change something—his shirt, his shoes, something. Now she's started hinting around that she wants another kid, and...she has major issues with my friendship with you, but I have no idea why."

"Did you ask her?"

"Of course I asked. She won't discuss it. She wants me to tell Ross I want a different partner, and when I told her I wasn't going to do that, she quit talking to me. She hasn't slept in my bedroom in over two weeks. I mean, what the hell is the point of being in a relationship if you don't ever get any? I can't tell you how long it's been, except that it's been a long time." He shook his head. "She thinks that she has me by the balls, that I won't break it off because I gave her a goddam ring."

"You don't stay because of the ring," Bobby muttered.

"No. I stay because of the kid, but even he isn't enough to fix it any more."

"Why haven't you said anything before now?" Bobby asked, his expression intense.

Mike knew that expression and he hated when it was directed toward him. "Because your mom died and then you had to deal with your knee and the chance you might never be able to go back to work. My little problem paled in comparison to what you were going through. Now, well, I figured you could use the distraction."

After a moment of silence, Bobby laughed softly. "I appreciate the distraction, but I wish you would have come to me before now. Hell, Mike, you've always been there for me, since the day Alex got married. You...You're my best friend, and whatever I'm going through, I'm there for you, too."

"I know that. I've been wanting to say something, but I never found the right time to bring it up."

Bobby arched an eyebrow. "And now's the right time?"

"Well, no one's around to interrupt us and neither of us is going to go anywhere. In the grand scope of our lives, this isn't a big problem, but..."

"How is it not a big problem? This is your relationship with the mother of your son."

Mike quietly considered how to explain himself. "I've broken up with lots of women, Bobby, and none of 'em ever devastated me. I'm not like you. I don't invest my soul into any relationship. Saves me a lot of grief. If I decide to leave, I'll be no worse for the wear. All I gotta worry about is the custody stuff. I'm thinking that'll be easier than what I'm wading through now."

"It really wouldn't bother you to break up with her?"

"I didn't say it wouldn't bother me. I just said it wouldn't devastate me. Do I love her? Yeah, I think so. She's Sean's mother and I'll always have an attachment to her. But I have no obligation to stay if it's not working, and I don't think it's working."

"How long have you felt this way?"

Mike was pleased to see Bobby engaged by his problem, but more than that, he was glad to draw his focus away from their dying friend, at least for a little while. "I don't know, six, eight months."

Bobby's brow furrowed. "Mike, your son is only eight months old."

"Okay, so being a mother changed her. It happens."

"Are you resenting the lack of attention?"

Mike laughed. "I get plenty of attention, believe me. But all the attention I get from her is negative. If I want some positive input in my life, I go to your house."

"Have you talked to her about it?"

"I try. She either puts me off or tells me I'm imagining things. I'm not sure how I'm imagining no sex for a couple of months, but apparently I am. Maybe she doesn't realize the other stuff, but that's a big one and it's getting harder and harder to ignore it. Whenever I try to get her interested, she turns away. If I persist, she gets out of bed and goes into Sean's room. The other day we got into a fight when she complained I don't help get Sean ready in the morning. I pointed out that every time I do, she changes his clothes anyway so I don't see the point of putting him through it twice. She went off on me about everything from the weather to my mother's parentage. That's when I kinda decided it's not worth the aggravation. When I packed for this little trip, I just kept going and packed up the rest of my stuff. I'm taking wagers she won't even notice. And when I leave, all she'll be missing is someone to fight with. Right now, it's been so long since I've had sex, _you're_ starting to look good." He laughed a little at Bobby's reaction. "Hey, I'm only half kidding. Man, she and Alex are gonna have a field day with this one."

"Where will you go?"

"I thought about your couch for about thirty seconds. Then the reality of Alex's reaction set in. I'll find a place."

"You're welcome on my couch," Bobby insisted. "I'll talk to Alex."

"And start another fight on my behalf? Bobby..."

"Don't worry about it. I can handle my wife. Besides, she does like you, you know."

"Sometimes, but I don't think she'll like me for long if I'm living on her couch. And where will you sleep?"

"What are you talking about? I don't sleep on the couch, and she doesn't sleep in with one of the kids. We sleep together, every night...even when she's mad at me. The only time I don't sleep with her is when I happen to fall asleep downstairs, but that's all me. She doesn't kick me out of bed."

"How do you manage that?"

Bobby shrugged. "I don't let her do it. If we have a problem, we work it out. I try not to let either of us go to bed angry."

"You don't handle it very well when she's mad at you."

"No, I don't," he replied with a shake of his head. "My mother was always mad at me, or so it seemed. She blamed me for everything. The only thing in my life I ever did right was giving her grandchildren. So I can't take it when Alex is upset with me. It...It kills me."

"So what are we doing here? Alex and Denise both object, and they're both mad about it. Why didn't they talk you out of it?"

"Because I asked them not to. Either one of them could have, but they both saw how much I felt the need to do this. So they're upset with me, but they're letting me do this."

Mike grinned. "I'm glad to see you stand your ground from time to time. You concede way too much."

"I prefer peace in my life, Mike. I don't get that when I go head to head with Alex. So I choose my battles very carefully."

"See, that's where we differ. I sometimes go out of my way to piss her off. It mixes it up and keeps things interesting. Of course, I don't have to get into bed with her at night, so I can see your point. If I was married to her, I might try not to upset her. But I'm not, so...I spend a lot of time in the doghouse."

"And at home?"

"There, too. I'm not sure I'd know what to do if I wasn't in trouble somewhere."

Bobby laughed softly as the stewardess stopped to gather their empty cups. She moved on and he looked at his friend. "You should have said something sooner."

Mike shook his head. "No, because then I would have given up sooner. I haven't decided this on a whim, Bobby. I've given it a lot of thought. I gave this relationship more of a chance than I ever have any other, but it's run its course. I'm okay with that." He watched Bobby shake his head, and he grinned. "Another difference between us is the way we deal with our pasts. Every kid deals with abuse differently. It taught me to never get too close, and I never have, not with a woman. I learned how to let go, and I can do that with ease. Carolyn is the most serious relationship I ever had, and the only woman I ever proposed to, but things have changed, and I'm okay with stepping away. I'll always have a connection to her because of Sean and in some ways I'll always love her, but I can't do this any more. You're different. You get attached. You want that closeness where I don't. I can dive right into a relationship; you can't. But I can also pull out easily. Alex and Denise both got past those defenses you hide behind. It took years, but they did it. You can't let go with either of them."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Yeah, it is, sometimes. But sometimes it's the best thing in the world for you. Unfortunately, one doesn't come without the other."

"The double-edged sword."

Mike nodded. "I think you would have been happy with Denise, as happy as you allow yourself to be. But ultimately, Alex is the one you were meant to be with. Denise stole your heart. Alex stole your heart _and_ your soul."

Bobby shook his head. "Neither of them stole anything. I gave it away. It just took some time before I was able to do that."

"Do you regret how things turned out?"

He answered without hesitation. "No."

Mike smiled. "I'm glad you didn't have to think about that."

"I just...I wish Denise could have found someone to be with."

"I don't think she looked very hard. The one man she always wanted belongs to another woman. I don't think she really wanted another guy. Roger was an attempt to move on that failed miserably. Even if she wasn't sick, I don't think she'd try that again."

"Mike..."

"You need to face the truth, Bobby. You've been hiding from it for way too long. You gotta face it before it's too late."

"Too late?"

"She's dying, man. In another couple of months, it'll be too late for everything. You want to make sure that everything is square with her before the end comes. You have enough regret in your life. Make sure she knows exactly how you feel about her, how much you love her." At the stricken look on Bobby's face, he softly laughed. "I'm not telling you to sleep with her again, dumbass. That part of your relationship is dead. But that doesn't change the fact that you love her. Make sure she knows that."

"And if Alex is uncomfortable with it?"

"Alex has the rest of your lives together to get over it. She's not gonna leave you for comforting a dying friend."

Silence stretched between them for a few minutes before Mike asked a question he'd always wanted to know. "When was the last time you were with Denise?"

Bobby hesitated, shifting uncomfortably, and Mike waited. Finally, he said, "The night before the divorce was final."

Mike couldn't hide his surprise. "Really?"

"How many times had Waters gotten a continuance or a postponement? It was driving me crazy. I wanted to be with Alex, but I couldn't, not while she was married."

"Yeah, I remember that. But...I thought you'd stopped seeing Denise by then."

Bobby shook his head. "I didn't stop seeing her until after the divorce. Maybe it was a matter of semantics, but dammit, she was still married. It wasn't right. Denise was the only one I was seeing from the time Maggie was a baby, and I still needed her." Mike was surprised to see his eyes moisten. "It was one of the more selfish things I've ever done, but as long as she let me..." He shrugged. "She knew it was just a matter of time. I thought she was just taking advantage of the opportunity."

Mike felt an urge to smack him on the back of the head. "You didn't know she was in love with you?"

"I did. I just...I figured she'd get over me, like the rest of them always did. I had no idea..." He sighed heavily. "I'd have gone back to one night stands if I knew back then."

"Oh, that wouldn't have hurt her."

"What else could I have done?" Bobby demanded, struggling to keep his volume down. "Tell me that, Mike. How could I have not hurt her?"

Mike shook his head. "There's no way you could have avoided it."

"So...did I do the right thing?"

"By keeping her on the side until the woman you really wanted was available?"

"Fuck you, Logan," he snapped.

Mike knew that if he could have, Bobby would have walked off right then, but he was trapped...and dangerous. But Mike knew what he was getting into when he started this conversation. He'd expected the anger much sooner. "Look," he said reasonably. "I remember how much you struggled with everything, and I know how much Denise helped keep things in perspective for you. I remember how distressed you both got when you did break up with her that one time. You didn't do anything with her or to her that she didn't let you do, the same way you let Alex torture you. You took a helluva lot from Alex before your resentment flared, but it didn't last because you loved her too much to resent her. Denise took a lot from you, but she never resented you. She loves you that much, and she knows that you love her. But she could also see how different your love for Alex was. That was why she let you go without a fight. And because she did that, she never damaged what was in your heart. She just instinctively knew how to handle you, and she did everything right. The only thing that caught her by surprise was how much she loved you."

Bobby stared at him. "Did she talk to you about this?"

"What gives you that idea?"

"You're not that intuitive, Mike."

With a chuckle, Mike agreed. "We had a long heart-to-heart. So, yeah, I know how she feels about you and about what happened between you. She's just glad you didn't walk out of her life, because that was something she would never have gotten over."

"I...I couldn't...After everything she did for me, after always being there when I needed her and never turning me away...After..." He closed his eyes for a moment, until he felt everything begin to spin. Snapping his eyes open, he watched the cabin tilt, then righten. He swallowed. "I fell in love with her, but...it wasn't the same as it was with Alex."

"Because Alex played hard to get?"

"No. It was more than that."

Finally, Mike nodded. "With Denise, you were comfortably in love. Everything was familiar and stable. But that was something you couldn't get used to. With Alex you found passion and fire and nothing was ever the way you expected it to be. But Denise will always be special to you. That's why you could never let her go. You're still deeply attached to her, no matter how much you deny it. I think Alex can see it, too, and that's why she's always been so jealous, even after you married her. But she trusts you. If she didn't, I don't think your marriage would have worked."

"So why wasn't Denise ever jealous?"

"Denise is a different kind of woman, and she has more heart than most people I know. Alex has more fire, like Molly. Denise is like Tom, just go with the flow. She knows you love her, but you don't have that passion for her that you have for Alex. She's seen it from the start, and I think she kinda knew on some level that you would have her someday. It took a long time to get there, but it was destined. She knows you well enough to love you unconditionally and she was never afraid of that love. She always loved you enough to be okay with being your second choice and she still loved you enough to let you go when the time came."

Bobby looked away, and when the stewardess moved down the aisle again, he touched her arm and asked for a double scotch. She hesitated, knowing he'd already had a few, but he smiled, assuring her he was okay, and she caved to his sweet charm. She looked at Mike, who just wanted a coke. Once they had their drinks, Mike tried to reengage Bobby in conversation, shifting the topic, but only a little. "Have you given any thought to what will happen to Denise's baby?"

Quietly, Bobby took a drink before he answered, "Ever since she told me, I can't think about much else. I, uh, I've started making inquiries, you know, asking what could happen and how to ensure her wishes are followed. I want her to have the final say in who raises her baby."

"You know that you're her first choice."

Bobby's expression became pained and he focused on his drink. Then he nodded slowly. "I know, but I, uh, I...I don't think Alex will go for it."

"Why not? She's gotta know that Denise's baby will be all you'll have left of her once she dies. Would she deny you that last connection?"

"She thought that baby was mine, Mike."

"Not seriously." When Bobby didn't respond, Mike frowned. "You think she'll say no because the baby is Denise's."

With a nod, Bobby answered, "Yes. She says she's come to terms with my friendship with Denise, but I don't believe she has. Not really. I think it's more a peacekeeping gesture because Denise has been such a good friend for a very long time and she's dying, so there's nothing for her to lose by being magnanimous for a few more months."

Bobby's tone surprised Mike. "You're just a little bitter. Where'd that come from?"

"I just don't think she's as okay with Denise as she wants me to believe."

"And if she is? She'll flay you alive for doubting her."

Bobby took another drink. "How's she going to find out?" he challenged.

Mike raised a hand. "Not from me. But she has her ways." He took a drink of his cola and said, "Talk to her about the baby. If she actually tells you no, then talk to me. I'll take him if you can't."

Bobby looked at him. "What? You can't be serious."

"Why not? I've gotten pretty good with kids since Maggie came along. I think I'm a good dad to Sean. He still likes me, anyway, and I haven't done him any harm. I think I can handle two of 'em...even if they're not as easy-going as Tom."

With a soft laugh and a glow in his eyes that Mike only saw when he talked about his children, Bobby said, "No one is as easy-going as Tommy."

"True, though he does get that from you. And all that piss and vinegar in Molly, that's all Alex."

They both laughed at the truth of his observation. Bobby rolled the ice cubes around in his mostly empty glass. "But this isn't a puppy, Mike. This is a baby."

Mike slowly finished off the last of his cola, thinking of the best way to explain his offer to Bobby. "I'm willing to do this for you _and_ for Denise. It's the best way to keep Denise's baby close to you, like she wants, if Alex says no. Unless you'd rather some anonymous couple from Wisconsin takes him home with them to Sheboygen and you never see him again."

"But..."

"But nothing. Just talk to Alex and I'll be your back-up."

Bobby's shoulders slumped. "Mike, I appreciate your offer..."

"Then shut up about it, okay? I know what I'm doing. Sweet talk the stewardess into getting you another drink and chill the hell out."

Bobby had no trouble sweet-talking the stewardess into giving him another drink. He knew how to charm women and they fell for it nearly every time. Mike always enjoyed watching him in action. The stewardess moved away after giving Bobby his drink, and he twisted in his seat to watch her hips sway down the aisle. Turning back around, he sighed softly. Mike grinned. "I'm glad to see you haven't lost your appreciation of a fine ass," he said.

Bobby laughed quietly. "Never happen."

"No harm in window shopping as long as you don't buy."

"Don't tell that to my wife."

"They don't always see things the same way we do. I doubt Carolyn will agree with my perception of the way things have gotten between us. Things are changing for me, but I'm comfortable with the changes."

Bobby let that thought tumble around in his head. "Comfortable. What's that like?"

"Aren't you comfortable with your life?"

He thought about that for a long time before he answered, "No. I don't think so. I mean, maybe Alex is, but me...I always have it in the back of my head that maybe the next time I screw up will be the straw that breaks the camel's back. How much is she going to put up with from me before she finally decides I'm not worth it?"

Mike stared at him. "You'd think if she was going to pack it in, she would have done it before you had four kids."

Bobby took a drink as he gave that some thought. "You think that the kids, uh, trap her in the marriage?"

"Trap? Who said trap? How do you manage to put such a negative spin on every damn thing I say? Listen to me, chucklehead, and concentrate on the words that come out of my mouth. For whatever reason, and the reasons are not important, Alex loves you. That's not a bad thing. And because she loves you, she married you and gave birth to your children. She cherishes the good in you, man, and she deals with the bad. That's what love is all about. She's not hanging around with one foot out the door waiting for you to screw up. She's in it for the long haul. Sometimes she doesn't understand you, but then sometimes, neither do I. That doesn't mean we don't care about you." He paused for a moment. "Do you think that about me, too?"

"What?"

"That I'm just biding my time 'til you royally fuck up?"

"Are you?"

"Of course not. Do you think I am?"

"No."

"So what's the difference? Why are you afraid Alex won't stick it out but I will?"

"You're...different. You understand the darkness in me. One of the roughest times of my life started when she married Waters, and you stuck it out with me. If you could handle that, Mike, you can handle just about anything I might dish out. Alex...gets annoyed with me, and frustrated."

"You think I don't?"

"I know you do...but it's, uh, it's just...different."

"Look, quit overthinking everything. Alex isn't going anywhere."

"That's not entirely true. She was gonna leave me, remember? She stayed because Maggie didn't want to leave to go live with Grandpa."

"Oh, bullshit. She stayed because she loves you. And she wouldn't have been gone long. She just wanted you to pull your head out and remember she exists."

"I never forgot that."

"No, but you were so lost in your own misery she felt invisible to you. Believe me, Alex doesn't want another guy. If Derek Jeter knocked on the door and tried to sweep her off her feet, she wouldn't think twice about sending him packing. She just wants you."

Bobby took another swallow of his drink. "Are you sure?"

"Positive."

Silent again, Bobby looked into his drink. Mike expected him to remain silent, dwelling on his thoughts, until they touched down at O'Hare, but Bobby surprised him again. A little more than fifteen minutes passed before Bobby spoke. "My daughter thinks she can save my soul."

Mike tried to figure out where that came from, but he was at a loss. "Well, she saved your life. Why not your soul, too?"

"I can't put that on her."

"If I know Maggie, she took it on herself with no encouragement from you."

Bobby nodded. "She found me in the family room late the other night, and at the end of our talk, she asked me if I had faith. I couldn't tell her that I do because I don't, so I told her I don't know. She told me not to worry, that she has enough faith for both of us."

Mike rubbed his head. "I swear, you two have the deepest conversations. Faith is not something I would ever choose to discuss with either of you."

"She wanted to know if Gramma is in heaven or the underworld. What was I supposed to do?"

"Exactly what any self-respecting father is supposed to do. Tell her to go ask her mother."

Bobby laughed. "You may not survive Sean's childhood. His mother is going to kill you."

"Maybe so, but he'll have all the right answers according to her. Where did she find out about heaven and the underworld?"

"Uh, well, John, uh, he takes her to church and all, so she questioned him about it after my mom died. The, uh, the underworld came up when we were trying to find a name for the puppy. You know, the Greek gods..."

"You couldn't just give her names like Rex or Fido, could you?"

"She wanted a good name for him, and she chose a good one. But she wanted to know what each name signified, you know, who they were. She had time to think about things before she came to me to find out where her grandmother really is."

"And you were half-tanked when you had that talk, huh?"

"How do you know that?"

"Well, there's no TV in the family room and if you were in there alone, late at night, instead of in bed with your wife, there's not much else you would be doing."

Bobby sighed softly. Sometimes, he forgot just how well Mike knew him. "She caught me at a bad time, but I'd already put her off once."

"I still think you should have sent her to her mother."

Bobby swirled the ice with the remaining scotch in his glass and drained it. "I've never sent her to someone else for answers."

"So you've locked yourself in as the answer guy."

Bobby shook his head. "I'm her father."

"Tell you what. When Carolyn starts sending Sean to me with his questions—and she will, just out of spite—we're gonna come to see you."

With a yawn, Bobby reclined his seat and tried to make himself comfortable in the cramped space. He smiled and looked at Mike from under heavy lids. He made a soft noise and said, "Always a team, huh?"

He let his eyes drift closed. Mike smiled back at him. "Yeah. Always. Sweet dreams, buddy."

Bobby slept for the rest of the flight.


	39. Trouble in the Windy City

After checking into their hotel, the two men went up to their room. Mike looked around the room as he dropped his bag by the bed—the only bed in the room. "Uh, I realize it's a king-sized bed, but why is there only one?"

"I don't know. I requested two beds."

"Unless you plan to sleep in the bathtub, we'd better get this matter straightened out."

They returned to the desk, where Bobby explained the problem to the clerk at the desk. The man turned to his computer, then looked at Bobby and Mike. "I am so sorry. It seems there was a mix-up. Unfortunately, we have a couple of conventions in town and all the rooms are booked. You managed to get one of the last ones. All the other area hotels are likely booked as well."

Bobby looked at Mike, then turned back to the clerk. "So what are we supposed to do?"

The clerk turned back to the computer. "Looks like all of our cots are checked-out as well. Uh..." He typed some more. "There...I refunded half the cost of the room to your card."

Mike leaned forward. "I can't sleep on a credit card, pal."

Bobby placed a hand on Mike's shoulder and turned him away from the desk. "We'll make do." He looked at the clerk. "Thanks for your help."

"Make do? Look, Bobby, I know we're close, and I know I said you were starting to look good to me, but I really was joking. I don't really want to sleep with you."

"It's a bed, and all we're gonna do is sleep. Two nights, Mike. If you can behave, then so can I."

Mike glanced at him as they crossed the lobby. "I swear on a stack of Bibles, if anyone finds out about this, I will beat the crap out of you."

Bobby smiled. "When have I ever spilled one of our secrets, even to my wife?"

Mike looked at him, glad he seemed to be in a better mood than he was on the plane. He was at that stage of feeling good, and he'd slid away from his morose mood. With a grin, Mike said, "Let's go get something to eat. I'm starving."

"You're always starving."

"Name one good thing you had to eat today."

When that gave Bobby pause, Mike nodded. "I thought so. Look, I promised your wife I'd watch out for you. She's one of those few people in the world I really don't want mad at me, so let's go find a decent restaurant and get a good meal."

With a spark in his eye Mike hadn't seen in awhile, Bobby said, "Who's paying?"

Mike arched an eyebrow. "This is your party, buddy. But I'll buy dinner."

When Bobby laughed softly, Mike let go of his remaining anxiety and clapped his hand on Bobby's back. "How about a good steak?"

"You're buying? I'd be a fool to say no to that."

"Then let's go."

It didn't take them long to find a good steakhouse, and once they were seated and had each ordered their dinner and a beer, Mike leaned back in his seat and looked at his friend. "When are we gonna visit Roger?"

"In the morning."

"Start the day off right, huh? I'm okay with that. Why the extra night here, then?"

"Just...because."

"You think you're gonna need it?"

Bobby nodded, and Mike understood. The waitress delivered their beers and they both watched her walk away. Mike grinned. "Nice."

"Uh-huh."

Nudging him, Mike teased, "She likes you."

With a brief laugh, Bobby took a drink. "She doesn't know me."

"You _are_ a lot of work," Mike agreed, taking a drink of his own beer.

"Sometimes, all that work just isn't worth it."

"That depends on what you're looking for. Some of us think it is, but that's only because we worked our way past the asshole you sometimes hide behind."

"Everyone hides."

"More or less, yeah." Mike hesitated, unwilling to destroy Bobby's mood, but there were things they had to discuss and they only had the weekend to get it done. Once home, Bobby would shut down once more and it was unlikely they would have this opportunity again. Mike would prefer to talk with him when he was mostly sober, rather than trying to hit a moving target and nail the window of receptiveness when he was getting trashed. "You've known Denise a long time."

Bobby nodded, tensing. "Uh, yeah."

Mike had thrown open the door, now he waited, hoping Bobby would step through and talk to him. Finally, after taking another drink, Bobby said, "Did you know she was a cop before moving into administration?"

"No, I didn't know that."

Bobby nodded. "She was a beat cop in Crown Heights. My first beat was in Bed-Stuy. She, uh, she called for backup one night, close to the end of her shift, and I was closer than anyone in her own precinct, so I responded. A couple of hoods were giving her a hard time, but she stood her ground. Never let them see her sweat." His eyes were soft and filled with pride. "She has a lot of spunk. When I showed up and got out of the patrol car, they took one look at me and beat it. I was disappointed. I'd had a bad day and I was itching for a fight. When I saw how shaken she really was, though, the fight went out of me. She let me take her to dinner after shift, and she got to telling me that maybe she'd made a mistake. She loved law enforcement, but she questioned whether or not she had the grit to make it out on the street. All I did was listen. She'd already made up her mind. She just needed to reason it out, talk through it. She decided to give it one more chance before changing career tracks. I walked her home, and she kissed me good night, on the cheek. I was interested in her. I thought that maybe she'd be good for a couple of months, if I could talk her into going out with me. I liked her, and she seemed to like me. That was how it always started. Of course, once they got to really know me, to see what's hidden beneath the charm, that's the end of it."

"But it wasn't that way with Denise."

"No. No, it wasn't. Uh, she called me a few nights later, on her night off. I took her out to dinner again, and then we went to Canarsie, out onto the pier. It was a cool night, so I gave her my jacket. I kissed her for the first time out there, on Jamaica Bay."

Mike watched him. His expression was tender; those were good memories for him. "You remember that clearly."

He nodded. "I do. Just like I remember the first time I met Alex." He smiled. "That one didn't go so smoothly. Denise never minded being protected. Alex still resents it."

Mike didn't want to change topics. "So you started dating Denise way back then?"

"I did, but it came about in a unique way."

When he didn't elaborate, Mike pressed, "Unique how?"

"A couple of days later, she was involved in a line of duty shooting. She gave her captain my number and he called me from the emergency room. I went over right away, and they let me see her before they took her to surgery. She told me she'd made a mistake, but that was all she got out before the medication took her down and they wheeled her out of there. That drove me nuts, Mike. I had no idea what she thought she wrong about. I convinced myself it was me. Uh, when she came out of surgery, I sweet-talked my way back into recovery with her. Her folks weren't there yet, and I didn't think she should be alone when she finally came out of it. I just...I just sat with her and held her hand, watched her sleep."

"What was it she was wrong about?"

"She...she was wrong about giving it another shot out on the streets, about trying to be a cop when she knew that was not what she was destined for."

"What happened to the shooter?"

Bobby expression became hard. "He got what he deserved."

"Did you...?"

He shook his head. "No. She did. When he fired at her, she got off a round before she went down. Right through the heart. She's a deadly shot, but she never had the heart to be out in the trenches. Or rather, she had too much heart for it, and she wasn't able to separate herself from the job. She brought it home with her, and you can't do that. She started having trouble sleeping, and then she got shot. That ended it. She'd taken a life and I don't think she ever got over that."

"What about the two of you?"

Bobby smiled tenderly. "For us, it was just the beginning. I stopped by her hospital room every day, gave her plenty of flowers, and when I was off, I never made it home. I slept in the chair by her bed."

"Why didn't you ask her to marry you back then?"

"Because I broke up with her after my first undercover in narcotics. She...uh, she was a distraction for me, and I couldn't function the way I needed to function. I had to focus if my entire team was going to go home at the end of every day. I couldn't do that if I knew she was sitting home worrying about me."

Mike stared at him. "So, you were always an idiot."

"I thought I was doing the right thing."

"For who? Not for her, and not for you, either. Did breaking up with her make you stop thinking about her?"

"Uh, I...no, not really."

"Did you think that just because you broke up with her she wasn't still sitting at home worrying about you, that she stopped loving you? Breaking her heart wasn't the answer."

"I realize that, but it was all I knew to do. I always hoped she would find someone else, someone who could make her life complete and love her the way she always deserved to be loved. I...I didn't realize how hung up on me she was until it was too late."

"Obviously, you let her back into your life."

Bobby nodded. "As soon as I transferred out of narcotics. But then...then I met Eames. That's when my life got complicated."

Mike nodded in agreement. He now understood the depth of Bobby's attachment to Denise, and it only increased his apprehension about her death. Remembering how hard Bobby had taken it when his mother died, he felt a knot in his gut as he realized this one was going to be worse. He was going to have to have a nice, long sit-down with Alex and soon. She needed to understand this, to garner sympathy for him and not turn to anger, because that would only make things so much worse. She had to have the right ammunition to handle this crisis or it would become a greater catastrophe. He had always known Denise was special to Bobby, but his initial behavior when his world began to spiral beyond his control belied his heart. The one night stands and the airheads like Traci that he sought out were merely attempts at distraction. He avoided Denise at first because she was stability and he felt anything but stable. He was in deep denial that she was what he needed, until Maggie was born. Although Mike had kept him anchored with his friendship and Alex had given him whatever he needed to continue being the brilliant cop he was, it was ultimately Maggie who restored life to his soul and let him remember what love was. Then he'd turned to Denise. And even though he'd chosen Alex over her, she still owned part of his heart, part of his soul-and now that part was dying inside him because she was. It was going to take a great deal of love and understanding to get him through this. Mike knew that Alex had the love, but could she get past the resentment and anger to find the understanding he would need from her?

* * *

Back at the hotel, Bobby emptied his pockets onto the nightstand and stripped down to his boxers and t-shirt. He sat back against the pillows and picked up his phone. Mike sat down in a chair on the far side of the room and picked up the newspaper from the table. "We may have to sleep in the same bed, but we got a free paper."

Bobby laughed as he called Alex. She answered on the third ring. "Good timing," she said. "I just got the kids in bed."

"Are you at your dad's?"

"Yes. Are you in Chicago?"

"Yes." He paused for a minute. "I...Alex, I'm sorry you're upset. I'm not doing this to upset you."

"Then why are you doing it?"

He cringed at the sudden change in her tone. "Like I told you, it's the right thing to do."

"Are you drunk?"

"Uh, no. Not really. I mean, I've had a few drinks, but...no. I'm, uh, I'm...comfortably buzzed."

"So you can't discuss this with me face to face, but you can do it on the phone, half-drunk, from a thousand miles away?"

"I tried to discuss it with you! You wouldn't talk to me. You were talking _at_ me, and you wouldn't let me say a word. That's not a discussion." He tipped his head back and looked at the ceiling. "Alex, I...I don't like you being mad at me."

"Then you should be here."

"I have to do this."

"Why?"

Bobby started to get agitated. _Now_ she wanted to talk? "He abandoned the pregnant mother of his child!"

Mike looked up from the paper, but he stayed silent.

"It's not your fight, Bobby. She's not your girlfriend any more."

"But she is my friend, and she's been a good friend."

"You owe her nothing. She asked you not to do this, too."

"You don't understand. I have to do this."

"You're right. I don't understand. You should be home with your family, not halfway across the country pounding the crap out of a man for making a decision you don't agree with. You just can't...you can't let her go."

Bobby closed his eyes. "Not now, no. I can't."

"Face it. You never could."

He was quiet for a long time. This was getting them nowhere. When he finally spoke, his voice was soft and filled with regret. "I'm sorry. Good night, Alex."

He pressed end and set the phone on the nightstand beside his badge and his gun. Mike set down the paper. "She still upset?"

"How'd you guess?"

"I warned you that Denise is a sore spot with her. I don't think she's come to terms with her as completely as you think she has."

"Apparently not. I'm digging myself deeper and deeper into a hole here, and I don't know how to get out of it."

Only Alex could reach out the hand that would pull him out. "Want to go home?"

"Not until we do what we came out here to do. Is that a problem?"

"Not for me."

Bobby stretched out on the far side of the bed and turned his face toward the wall. "Good night, Mike."

"Yeah, good night, Bobby."

Fifteen minutes later, Mike also stripped to his boxers and t-shirt, turned off the lights and slipped into the bed.

* * *

The sun rose the next morning to find Bobby sitting by the window, working on a cup of cold coffee, lost in dark thoughts. Several hours passed before Mike stirred in the bed. With a yawn, Mike got up and stretched. "Gimme fifteen and we can get going."

"There's hot coffee there in the coffee pot next to the tv."

"How do you feel?

"I'm fine."

"When did you get up?"

Bobby shrugged. "I didn't sleep very well."

He had spent the night thinking about Dan Croyden, and Abe McVee, and William Goren, struggling over and over to convince himself this was the right thing they were doing. He questioned his motives again and again. Was he doing this because he had a real vendetta against men who abandoned their families? Did he have his own agenda, or was he honestly doing this for Denise and her child? Did Alex have any reason to be as upset with him as she was? Although his thoughts turned to the minibar more than once, he didn't have the energy or the initiative to get up from the chair and cross the room to raid it. Besides, he needed to face Roger with a clear mind. He could fall apart afterwards. He read and re-read the papers within the manila folder he'd brought. Everything was in order. If the man truly wanted to walk away, these were his walking papers, and the child would not return to haunt him, except in his dreams, if he had any conscience at all. Once signed, there was no going back for Roger.

"Are you sure you're up for this?"

"I said I was fine," he snapped. Then, he took a deep breath and finished his coffee. "I'm sorry, Mike. I guess I am a little on edge."

"Just let me shave and get dressed and we can get this over with."

When Mike was ready, he fixed a cup of coffee. Bobby grabbed his binder, which held the manila folder, and they left. Their guns stayed in their bags and their badges were left on the television.

* * *

They found Roger's place with no problem. It was a nice townhouse in a quiet neighborhood of manicured lawns and upscale cars. In the side yard sat a well-kept fishing boat. "It sure didn't take him long to re-establish his life here," Mike growled.

Bobby said nothing as they walked up to the door and knocked. A few minutes passed before the door opened. A well-endowed blond woman wearing an oversized t-shirt, and very obviously nothing else, looked them over. Her face finally relaxed into a friendly smile. "What can I do for you, boys?"

Bobby and Mike exchanged a look before Mike answered, "We're looking for Roger Forsythe."

"Oh, I was just giving him a treatment. Let me get him for you."

She closed the door most of the way and they heard her on the stairs. "Sweetie, there's a couple of nice-looking men here to see you."

Mike looked at Bobby. "Treatment? Is that what they call it out here in the upscale 'burbs?"

"Apparently."

The door flew open and Roger stood there, tightening the tie on his robe. He had obviously looked out through a window before opening the door because he was not surprised to see them. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"I just wanted to talk to you," Bobby answered.

"You flew all the way here from New York to talk? Somehow I don't believe that."

Bobby remained deceptively calm, but Mike knew that was the calm before a storm he had hoped to avoid. With Roger on edge and confrontational, his hope for a peaceful encounter was fading fast. Quietly, Bobby said, "You abandoned her—and your unborn child."

"That's not my child. I'm not going to be responsible for another man's child." His eyes narrowed. "_You_ can be responsible for her and for your child."

Bobby's breathing rate increased almost imperceptibly, but Mike noticed. He removed the manila folder from his binder. "You want to step away, get these papers signed and filed with family court in Brooklyn. Then you have nothing to worry about. No one will ever bother you about Denise's baby again, yours or not."

Roger glared at the folder. "I am not her husband. Without proof of paternity, I am not responsible."

Bobby had hoped for a quiet encounter, but the fury he saw building in Roger convinced him that was not to be. This was going to go south very quickly. He kept his tone calm and reasonable, still trying to keep things civil. "If you don't sign these papers, a paternity test will be ordered after she dies, and the court will come after you because that baby is not mine."

Roger advanced through the doorway onto the stoop, reaching out to poke Bobby in the chest. "Deny it all you want, Denise is still hung up on you. When I came into the picture, you were still banging her. I'm willing to wager she was pregnant when I met her." Rage boiled in his eyes. "Maybe I would have stayed if she hadn't cried out _your_ name when I made love to her or if she didn't cry out for _you_ in her sleep. Maybe I would have stayed if she was in love with me instead of with _you_."

His poke became a shove and then a right hook as his long-suppressed fury got the better of him. As Bobby staggered backwards, dropping everything in his hands, Mike stepped in swinging. None of the men heard the sirens, and the woman in Roger's house watched from the porch as the police she'd called broke up the fight, hugging herself as tears streamed down her face.

* * *

Mike looked at Bobby, seated beside him at the back of a holding cell. "You were right. It _was_ you," he admitted.

Neither of them had said anything since the police broke up the fight in Roger's yard. By the time they'd been processed and led to their little cell, it was afternoon. They'd been alone, and silent, for several hours, and Mike was tired of the silence. When Bobby didn't respond, Mike leaned forward, looking at his friend's bruised face. Bobby's eyes shifted to meet his. Quietly, Mike said, "It's not your fault."

"What isn't?"

"None of it. It's not your fault Denise is so hung up on you, and it shouldn't be a surprise because I already told you she was. And this isn't your fault, either. You didn't start the fight. You didn't even provoke him. He was hostile from the time he opened the door. So don't go beating yourself up over this."

"That's not how Alex and Denise will see it."

"They weren't here."

"That won't keep them from flipping out because we got arrested."

Mike watched a fresh rivulet of blood slide down from Bobby's hairline past his bruised eye. He reached out and moved a curl off his forehead. "That's gonna need stitches."

"You're no beauty yourself, you know."

"I can imagine." He moved his head around. "I can barely see out of my left eye."

"I'll drive home."

Before Mike could reply, an officer came to the cell door. "Goren and Logan."

With a huff, Mike hauled himself to his feet. "Here we go."

As they walked to the door, Mike noticed that Bobby's limp, which had not yet completely faded, was more pronounced. Alex was going to skin him alive. The officer motioned for them to move down the hall to the left. "No cuffs?" Mike asked.

"Shut up," Bobby snapped, giving him a shove in the right direction.

They were led to an office, where a man wearing captain's bars sat behind a desk. He motioned them in and looked at them as they stood in front of his desk, like recalcitrant school boys facing the principal. "I had a talk with your captain."

Both men groaned. They had left their badges behind specifically because they had not wanted to be identified as cops if there was trouble. Considering their past history, they knew what might happen, and they had not been wrong. Neither had the women.

The captain went on. "Mr. Forsythe is not pressing charges. He admitted to instigating the fight. Do either of you wish to press charges against him?"

Bobby shook his head. He just wanted it to be over with. Mike followed his lead and also shook his head. The captain picked up a manila folder from his desk and held it out. With a frown, Bobby took it and opened it. The paternity paperwork sat within the folder, signed and notarized. He looked up at the captain, who said, "You are free to go, detectives."

Mike started to say something, but Bobby grabbed his arm and yanked. They left the office without either of them saying a word. They were taken to retrieve their personal effects and they left the precinct building.

"What was that?" Mike asked as they walked down the street, not caring what direction they needed to go.

"I don't know. Makes me wonder what Ross had to say."

"Whatever it was, it apparently didn't make things worse for us...not here, anyway. Monday morning will be fun, though. You'll be welcomed back with a dressing down from a captain who only knows you through the rumor mill." He nodded toward the sidewalk. "How's your knee?"

"It's sore, but it'll be fine."

"You sure."

Bobby looked at him with an expression that warned him to drop the subject. "I'm positive."

"What was in the folder?"

"The paternity papers, signed and notarized."

"Then mission accomplished."

Bobby sighed heavily. "Yeah."

Mike sighed as well. He had a feeling it was going to be a very long night.


	40. Flirting With Disaster

After they were released by the police, Mike and Bobby returned to the hotel. Instead of going up to their room, they went into the bar. Bobby was still way off balance, and he was struggling to deal with his pain. Mike was well experienced in coping with him when he spiraled out of control, and he prepared himself for a difficult night.

Fully aware that Bobby was not readily inclined to discuss what was troubling him, Mike knew that once they started drinking, he had a very small window of opportunity to get Bobby talking, knowing he would remember the conversation. The signs would be subtle, but Mike knew how to read them. They'd done this dance many times over the years and he was well-experienced.

Biding his time, Mike watched Bobby until he felt his chances of getting him to talk were at their best. Then he wrapped his hands around his glass and looked into his drink. "Talk to me," he said softly.

Bobby was quiet for a while before answering, "About what?"

"I don't care. That head of yours is full of thoughts. Let me hear some of 'em."

Mike really didn't care what Bobby started off with. The key was to get him talking. After that, he could steer the conversation where he wanted it to go. Bobby rested his forearms on the bar and leaned on them heavily. Mike recognized the position, and he knew he'd gotten to him in time. Bobby would talk. He waited patiently until finally, his taciturn friend said, "I always seem to be in the doghouse, no matter what I do."

Mike let out a silent sigh of relief. Alex was exactly the topic he wanted to discuss. Talking would also slow Bobby's consumption so maybe the night wouldn't be an unmitigated disaster.

"Maybe if you opened up a little more, let Alex understand you a little more, it wouldn't be so bad for you."

"I've worked hard to build what I have with her. I don't want to torpedo that."

Mike took a drink. "You think that if you bared your soul, she'd leave?"

"Yeah. She thinks she got a good man. If she knew the truth..."

"She would still love you," Mike insisted. "Besides, you _are_ a good man. You just have to let yourself believe that. Okay, so you're no angel. Alex knows that. She knows you live at the edge of a darkness she will never understand. But she loves you anyway. She knows you..."

Bobby interrupted him with a bitter laugh. "She only thinks she knows me. I'm an illusion, Mike. She married the illusion, the song and dance. She has no idea what she's really gotten."

"Bullshit. She knows exactly what she got. But if you keep pushing her away, you're gonna find yourself alone. She didn't marry you because she was pregnant with your son or because of Maggie. Alex doesn't make token gestures. She married you because she loves you, and you need to give her something concrete in return. You have to trust her."

"I do..."

"The hell you do. Man, you only let her see one side of the coin. You have to let her see the other side."

"And if I do, and then she leaves?"

Mike placed a calming hand on Bobby's arm. "Then maybe she's not the woman we both thought she was. If you bare your soul to her and she takes off, then she's not the woman for you."

Bobby stared at the bar in front of his glass. "If she's not, then...no one is."

"Okay, so maybe there is no woman out there for you. If Alex has been lying to you all these years..."

"No!"

Like a rumble of thunder, Bobby's exclamation of protest rolled through the room. Mike gave the bartender a gesture of reassurance. "Okay, then," he said softly. "For better or worse, buddy. She knows what those words mean." He paused. "Tell me—what do you want for her?"

He watched as Bobby spun those words around in his head, stumbling over them as he made sense of the question. "I want her to be happy."

"No matter what it takes?"

"Of course."

"What do you want from your marriage?"

"I want her to be happy," he repeated.

"That's not what I meant. What do _you_ want from the marriage, for yourself?"

That gave him pause and he took time to roll that one around in his head, too. "I just...I just want peace," he murmured, a mournful tone in his voice, as though he knew that what he wanted was unattainable.

Mike spoke softly again, his voice filled with reassurance. "She can give you that," he said. "She's probably the only one who can. But you have to _let_ her."

"How do I do that?"

"Stop running away. You need to turn and stand your ground with her. Let her see what's inside you, the good and the bad. She'll love you anyway."

"My mother..."

Mike leaned closer, speaking into Bobby's ear. "Your mother never saw you for the man you really are. You were part of her delusions; you were never _real_ to her. Do not judge your life based on the paranoid delusions of a sick woman. Do not become what she made you out to be. You have to shake that off and stand on your own as the man you made of yourself." He grabbed Bobby's arm and squeezed hard. "Feel that? That's the flesh and blood she never saw. You were an illusion to her. I know you for the man you are, and I'm here to tell you Alex sees you the same way I do. She sees the good in you and she always has. But she needs to see the rest, to see what makes you whole."

"But I'm not whole."

"Then give her the chance to fill in the gaps. Let her make you whole because she's the only one who can."

Bobby jerked his arm from Mike's grasp and finished off his drink. Mike didn't have much time left to make his point, so he leaned in again, speaking softly so only Bobby could hear him. "Bobby, if you put as much effort into _being_ yourself as you do _hiding_ yourself, trying to be what you think she wants you to be, we will never have to have this conversation again. She sees more of you than you realize. She sees past the act, the 'song and dance' as you put it. She knows what she's gotten herself into, and she's okay with that. You have to let yourself be okay with it, too."

Bobby stared at the bar, silent, then he signaled for a refill, and Mike knew that the time for talking was past. But his words would remain, and Bobby would dwell on them. With a soft sigh and the silent hope he'd finally bulldozed his way through to make his point, and that his words would make a difference, Mike ordered a scotch and soda. He didn't say anything more.

* * *

It was late when Mike finally coaxed Bobby back to the room. Swaying unsteadily, Bobby unbuttoned his shirt. Mike grabbed his upper arm to hold him steady, helping with the buttons. "I sure hope you appreciate this," Mike muttered. "I don't often undress guys for bed."

"How often?"

"Try never."

Muttering 'thanks', Bobby freed the last button of his shirt from its buttonhole. He unbuckled his belt and unbuttoned his jeans, pushing them over his hips, but that was as far as he got them. When he leaned forward, he began to topple over. Mike steadied him and, with a grumble, pulled his friend's pants down to his ankles. Bobby ran his hand over Mike's head. "Thanks, Mike."

"Quit petting me and sit down," Mike grumbled as he straightened up.

Bobby collapsed onto the bed, and Mike pulled off his shoes and wrestled off his pants. Bobby watched him from under heavy lids. Mike jabbed his finger in the air toward him. "Not a word."

Bobby gave him a lopsided smile and laid down, rolling onto his side. He looked at Mike for a moment and closed his eyes. With a heavy sigh, Mike rested his hand on Bobby's shoulder. "You're a helluva lot more fun when you're not in a funk. I hate these nights."

He quietly watched the easy rise and fall of Bobby's chest, recalling similar nights when their goal had simply been fun. They hadn't had one of those nights in a long time. He laid his hand gently on Bobby's head before turning away and crossing the room. He dropped down into an overstuffed chair and let his mind digest everything that had happened since they left New York. Alex, he decided, was going to kill them. He pulled out his phone, turning it over in his hands before he made his call.

* * *

_The phone..._ Alex turned over in bed and grabbed her phone from the nightstand. Without bothering to see who was calling, she answered, "Eames."

"Did I wake you?"

She glanced at the clock. "It's almost three in the morning, Logan. What do you think?"

He sighed. "I think you're still mad at us."

She was quiet for a moment. "No. I'm not mad any more. Did you know he called me earlier?"

"No, I didn't."

"He called to say he missed me. I knew he was drinking, but he was sincere."

"What else did he say?"

"Nothing profound. He asked me to kiss the kids good night and said he loves me."

"He does love you, very much. Never doubt that."

"How is he, Mike?"

A pause. "Asleep finally."

"What did it take to get him there?"

"Well, I don't think he slept at all last night. And he downed a lot more scotch than I've seen him drink in a long time—plus a couple of wrestling moves I would prefer not to recount. Once I got his ass in the elevator, I was sure he was either gonna pass out or puke all over me. Lucky for him, he didn't do either."

"How did it go with Roger?"

Mike hesitated before answering, "We got what we came for."

"Did he pound the crap out of Roger?"

"No, he didn't."

"And now..."

"This is something he needs to knock out of his system, or he'll just slowly decay and then you'll be right back where you were after Syracuse."

"I don't know what to do," she whispered. "I don't know how to help him."

Mike paused, then said, "Yes, you do."

"He keeps shutting me out."

"Alex, he loves you deeply, but there's a darkness inside him that he hides from the ones he loves most. He's reluctant to let you in, but he has to, and he knows it, or he'll never be complete. Prepare yourself, but let him decide the way."

"He lets you in," she complained, hating herself for being petulant.

"That's different. He and I come from similar pasts. I know where he came from and I understand why he hesitates to show you that side of him. We're a lot alike. Letting you in is a very different matter."

Her reply was soft. "I promised to love him, for better or worse. All of him, Mike, good and bad. I know about the darkness inside him. I've seen it."

"What you've seen barely scratches the surface. There's more, a lot lore, and it scares the hell out of him."

"Does he have to do this, Mike? Honestly?"

"It's not entirely his fault he can't cope with everything life tosses his way. As a kid, he wasn't taught to cope. You know that much. He had to find his own way, and he still does that."

Alex hesitated before snapping at him. Mike always defended Bobby; he always had. But he also helped her to see things more clearly. When her own impatience or irritation got in the way, Mike was a port of calm in the storm that often characterized her relationship with her husband. "There are other ways to cope," she finally said.

"Give him time and a chance to find them. He's not up to experimenting right now, but he tries."

"He could try a little harder."

"He does the best he can."

"Sometimes I have to wonder."

Mike remained silent, unwilling to say the wrong thing. Alex listened to the silence on the line, and she knew he did not agree with her. She rubbed her temple and sighed. Mike was right. Bobby did try. He tried hard to make their marriage everything she wanted it to be—everything she had with Joe and didn't have with Ricky. He often forgot that it was his marriage, too, and he had as much right to be happy as she did. He would sacrifice everything for her. _Everything_. "I didn't mean that, Mike," she said softly. "I know he tries. I just...I wish...He suffers so much and it doesn't have to be that way."

"I'm not sure he knows how to be any other way, Alex. He doesn't want to disappoint you, and he's afraid he does, all the time."

"That's not true. He doesn't disappoint me."

"True and rational or not, that's what he feels. He just wants you to be happy, and he will sacrifice everything to give you that if he thinks that's what it will take."

She sighed deeply. "But...what about him?" she whispered. "What about his happiness, his needs?"

"Those are inextricably tied to you, Alex." He paused. "He wants peace, and you are the only one who can give him that, the only one who can make him whole."

"How?"

"I can't answer that. You're the only one who knows the answer."

She wiped away the tear that rolled down her cheek. "Is he really okay, Mike?"

Mike looked toward the bed where Bobby slept. "I don't know, honey. I really don't. "

She was silent, except for an occasional sniff, which broke his heart. More than anyone in the world, he hated for Alex to cry. She was so strong, and when her strength faltered, he wanted to bear her up until she could make it on her own again, but sometimes it was all he could do to keep Bobby afloat.

Once she got herself under control enough that she trusted herself to speak, she said, "Will you be honest with me, Mike?"

"I always am," he replied.

"Uh-huh."

"I am," he protested. "I learned long ago that it doesn't pay to lie to you."

"Keep that in mind. I don't have to tell you that I'm worried about him, do I?"

"No. You're always worried about him."

"True, but lately, I've been worrying more." She paused. "Mike, the way he's been drinking over the past six months...I've never seen him so...out of control."

Mike was quiet for a few moments before he answered, "It's the way he copes, Alex—the way he's always coped. He feels everything so intensely, and the alcohol numbs him. It gives him a break, and he needs that. There are other ways, but alcohol is legal."

"Has he..." she stopped before completing her question.

He watched Bobby sleep and quietly answered, "Yeah, he has, but he isn't his brother."

He heard a quiet noise on the other end of the line, but he didn't ask. She whispered, "Has he...since the kids and I...I mean..."

"No."

"What...?"

"Alex, let it go. You don't want the details." He paused. "I promise you, we'll get him through this."

"You mean losing Denise?"

"Unless you know of some other devastating event in his life that I'm not aware of."

"What do I do, Mike? How can I help him?"

Mike sighed as he unbuttoned his shirt. "For starters...try to understand that this is hard for him. You honestly have no clue how much Denise has always meant to him."

"That's because he won't tell me those things." She drew her knees up to her chest and hugged them. "Do you think...he's flirting with disaster again?"

"Yeah, he is. Look, he tripped a bit when his mom died. It was unexpected, but not, you know? But this thing with Denise...it's unexpected and devastating. He can't handle it, and he's trying to find some way to cope. I've seen him like this before, and I can deal with him. But let me tell you...he's gonna need _you_, honey, like he never has before. I can knock some sense into him, but you are going to ground him and keep him anchored, kinda the way Denise did when you were with Waters. It's different, but the same, if that makes any sense."

"Only with Bobby."

"You're gonna get angry and frustrated, and you've got a sharp tongue, Alex. Try not to cut him up too bad."

"Mike, I have the kids to think of..."

He frowned. "You think he'll do something to harm them?"

"Of course not. But they don't need to watch him self-destruct."

Mike hesitated, to keep himself from saying the wrong thing. "They will be the ones to keep him from doing that. You have to know that."

"They didn't do much good the last six months."

"Did you let them? Honestly? I seem to recall you spending a lot of time with your sister or with your dad over the last few months. How many nights did he come home to an empty house? You're gonna have to do better this time around, Alex."

"Bite me, Logan."

And that signaled the end of the conversation. She knew he was right and she felt guilty about it, which made her defensive. An argument wouldn't do either of them any good. "I'm gonna go now," he said. "Sorry I woke you. Good night, Alex."

He disconnected the call. It was late and he was tired. He wasn't in the mood to get into it with her, which was exactly the turn the conversation was taking. When Alex felt lost or helpless, she fought hard to gain some kind of control over something. He hadn't been kidding when he said Molly's piss and vinegar was all her mother. Bobby had a mean temper, but it took a long boil for it to erupt. Alex had a short fuse, and she held a grudge. He didn't want that turned against him.

He tossed his phone on a nearby table and watched Bobby sleep. Bobby needed someone like him, someone who understood him and still accepted him without reservation. He didn't always agree with the way Bobby handled it, but he was always there for him. He watched the steady rise and fall of Bobby's chest and silently promised he would never let him down.


	41. Simple Questions, Difficult Answers

Alex smiled at Molly as she changed her diaper and dressed her for the day. Reggie and Aaron were having a barbecue and the kids were excited about spending the day with all their cousins. Even Harry couldn't wait to leave. As she lifted Molly in her arms, the phone rang. "Let's see who's calling," she said lightly to the baby, who cooed at her in response.

She grabbed the phone from its cradle. "Hello?"

"Hey, honey."

She felt a lump form in her gut at the sound of Mike's voice. "How's Bobby?"

"Still out cold. I just wanted to let you know I had to change our flight. There's no way I'll get him to the airport by noon."

"So when are you getting home?"

"Not til late. I got us on an eight o'clock flight, which gets us into La Guardia at eleven." When she didn't say anything, he said, "We'll just go to my place and we'll see you tomorrow at work."

"So he doesn't want to come home?"

"Not if you won't be there."

"What makes you think I won't be here?"

"Just following an expected pattern," he answered.

She bit back a sharp reply. "Bring him home, Mike," she said. "We'll be here."

"We'll see you tonight, then."

"Mike?"

He paused. "What?"

"Is he okay?"

Mike didn't quite know how to answer her. Physically, he knew Bobby would be fine. Mentally and emotionally, though, he honestly wasn't sure. He went for the physical answer. "He'll be fine once the alcohol clears his system. Try not to worry too much."

"Please...tell him I love him."

"I will, sweetheart. See you tonight."

She hung up the phone and left the bedroom with Molly. Maggie met her in the hall with Zeus beside her. "Is Daddy getting home from his trip today, Mommy?"

"Yes, but not until late tonight."

Her mouth formed a little pout and she turned without saying anything more. She'd obviously hoped he would join them at the barbecue. Alex watched her go down the stairs with her puppy, and she felt a surge of anger. This had to stop. It was no longer about him. His actions were affecting the children, and she was not about to tolerate that. Bobby had to get himself together. He had no choice.

* * *

Mike sat in the chair on the other side of the room from the bed and ate another handful of popcorn as he watched the last out in the game between the Cubs and the Brewers. The Cubs' loss put the Mets one game closer to the pennant, but he wasn't holding out much hope they would go all the way. October was a long way off, and it was anyone's season at this point. The Yankees were strong this season, as usual, but no one shined yet in the National League. Bored with post-game chatter, he picked up the remote and turned the channel, stopping on the adult entertainment network. _Not much else on,_ he mused, glancing toward the bed where Bobby still slept deeply.

About an hour later, Bobby began to stir. He woke slowly as Mike watched from his chair. "Good morning, sunshine," Mike grinned at him. "There's a bottle of water there for you."

Bobby rubbed his eyes. "What time is it?"

"Ten after four."

"Didn't we have a plane to catch at noon?"

"There was no way you were getting up in time to catch a noon flight. I called and changed it."

"Alex..."

"Don't worry. I called her, too."

Bobby sat up slowly and leaned back against the headboard, grabbing the water from the nightstand. "What did she say or don't I want to know?"

"She said to tell you she loves you."

"Was she annoyed?"

"What do you think?"

Bobby ran his hand through his hair. "Great."

"You look like hell. How do you feel?"

"Like a leprechaun with a jackhammer has taken up residence in my head."

"You don't get hungover very often, so I take a sadistic pleasure in seeing you this way. It reminds me that you're mortal like the rest of us."

"Very funny."

Mike opened the mini refrigerator beside him and tossed another bottle of water to Bobby. "Just so you know, you sprang for lunch at the steakhouse down the block."

"Whatever. That's fine."

"Want a bite to eat? There's a Waffle House about three blocks away."

"Not right now. What are you watching?"

Mike looked at the television. "Interesting, huh? I didn't think it was possible to get into half the positions they highlight in this show. Like that one...I think if I tried that, I'd break a hip or something."

"You just need to be limber, old man. Maybe you can try a couple when you get home."

"Fat chance. If I even suggested one of these, she'd move the damn bed into Sean's room and I'd have to sleep on the floor."

They watched the television for a few minutes. Bobby got up and went into the bathroom. When he came out, he got another bottle of water and sat in the other chair. "Do you miss her?" he asked.

"You mean when I watch this?"

"No. I mean in general, since we haven't been home."

"I don't know. I haven't given it much thought. I was a little preoccupied with getting arrested and managing you." He studied Bobby for a few minutes. "What about you?"

"Do I miss Alex? Of course I do."

"Do you miss her because you're supposed to miss her?"

"What the hell does that mean?"

"Well, she's your wife and you're away from home. In polite society, you're supposed to miss her."

"And since when are you polite society? I don't just miss her, Mike. I...I feel...incomplete without her. It hurts to be away from her."

"That's called a hangover. It has nothing to do with missing your wife."

Bobby finished the water and threw the bottle at Mike, who laughed. Bobby got to his feet and said, "I'm going to shower and we can check out," Bobby said.

"Good thing they screwed up with our room. I got them to extend our check-out time."

"It wasn't so bad sharing the bed."

"I had it all to myself Friday night, and you barely moved at all last night, so no, it wasn't bad. And since it was you I had to share it with, I really didn't mind. It was a hell of a lot better than that car we shared in Texas."

"That's very true. I'll be out shortly."

Forty minutes later, they were on their way to the airport.

* * *

Maggie had trouble sleeping. She never liked it when Daddy was away. She always felt lonely, even though she had lots of other people around her. Everything just felt different when Daddy was away. She hated disruptions of her expected routines.

She climbed out of bed and opened the door to Zeus' crate. "C'mon, Zeus."

The puppy followed her down the stairs to the back door and waited, tail wagging, for her to let him outside. She flipped on the light that shined out into the yard and opened the door, following her puppy and sitting down on the top step of the deck. Zeus ran along the fence around the whole yard, stopped to pee and searched for his ball. Finding it, he brought it to Maggie and set it in her lap. When she closed her little hand around the ball, Zeus ran partway out into the yard, tail wagging furiously as he waited for her to throw the ball. When she did throw it, he chased it, grabbed it and brought it back to her. He had learned quickly that if he brought the ball back to her, she would throw it again and he could chase it some more. He was a very smart dog.

She played ball with the puppy until someone joined her on the deck. She twisted around and smiled at her mother. "Hi, Mommy."

"It's late, Maggie," Alex said as she sat beside her daughter. "What are you doing out here?"

"Jus' playin' ball with Zeus."

"Why?"

"I couldn' sleep."

Alex felt Maggie's forehead. "Are you feeling okay? You seemed out of sorts all day."

"I'm okay."

Alex put her arm around the little girl. "I know Daddy usually has these little talks with you, but tonight, it's my turn. You miss him, don't you?"

Maggie looked up at her. "How'd you know?" she asked, amazed that her mother had read her mind.

"Because I know how you feel." She touched Maggie's chin. "That look on your face, that's exactly how I feel."

"You feel sad inside, too?"

"When Daddy's away? I sure do."

"Why did he gotta go?"

Sometimes Maggie's simplest questions were the most difficult to answer. "Daddy told you that Denise is sick, didn't he?"

She nodded. "But I al'eady guessed she was b'fore he telled me."

"Did Daddy tell you she's going to have a baby?"

"D'nise is? Really?" Her face lit up with joy, temporarily displacing her sorrow at her father's absence. "You mean I'm gonna have another baby?"

Maggie's reaction was exactly the reaction Alex should have anticipated from her, and she was annoyed with herself that she hadn't. And that was exactly the reason Bobby had not told their little girl about his friend's pregnancy. Maggie took to her heart all the babies born to the important adults in her life, and her instant assumption that Denise's baby would also be hers told Alex just how important Denise was to her. Alex had no idea how to answer her. Concerned more about her husband's reaction to Denise's illness and death, she hadn't given a lot of thought to what would happen to Denise's baby after she died, and now she kicked herself for that oversight. Bobby, she knew for certain, had not been similarly short-sighted, and she felt a tightness in her chest, like a vice had gripped her heart. _Oh, Bobby..._

"Mommy?"

Alex turned her attention back to her bright little daughter. "Honey, Denise's illness makes things...complicated."

"Why?"

That was a good question, and she didn't know how to explain the complications Denise brought to her life, particularly her relationship with Bobby. At six, Maggie still saw the world in terms of black and white, good and bad, right and wrong. In her innocent, young mind, there was nothing bad about any baby, or the prospect of bringing a new baby into her life and her generous heart. "The doctors can't make Denise better, and when she dies, someone else is going to have to raise her baby."

"What about the baby's daddy?"

"That's another complication. Daddy left town this weekend to talk to him about the baby."

Maggie's brow furrowed. "Why did he hafta leave town? Isn't the baby's daddy with D'nise?"

That was exactly where Roger should be, and she felt a sudden, unexpected surge of rage toward the man for abandoning his family. Her sudden insight into Bobby's mind struck her like a physical blow, and she felt dizzy.

"Mommy?"

Maggie was standing, holding Alex's shoulder, her face a mask of concern. With a weak smile, Alex wrapped her arms around her daughter and pulled her into a hug. "You should go back to bed, honey."

Maggie rested her head on Alex's shoulder. "Why is the baby's daddy gone?"

"Adults don't always do the right thing, sweetheart. Sometimes, we make bad choices. Daddy went to ask the baby's daddy to make the right choice."

"What if he doesn' make the right choice?"

That was another very good question. "That's for the adults to figure out, sweetheart. Now you need to get back to bed."

"When is Daddy gonna be home?"

"He'll be here when you get up in the morning."

"Okay. I'll talk to him about D'nise's baby."

"Please don't do that. Let me talk to him about it."

After a pause, Maggie nodded. "Can D'nise come over for dinner?"

Alex smiled. "I'll invite her. Now get going. Sweet dreams."

Maggie wrapped her arms around her mother's neck and kissed her cheek. She then switched sides and kissed her other cheek. "That one is for Daddy," she whispered into Alex's ear before pulling away. "Good night, Mommy."

"Good night, baby."

She watched Maggie and her puppy dash into the house. She hugged her knees and turned her thoughts to Bobby. How could she have missed addressing the fate of Denise's baby with him? She knew it had to be weighing heavily on his mind, and he would feel tortured by the uncertainty of the baby's future. Granted, it was ultimately Denise's decision what happened to her baby. But Bobby's friendship and affection for Denise, and his long involvement with her, would not allow him to step away from the situation. Alex understood that. Her next task was convincing Bobby that she understood—and helping him to work through Denise's situation. By approaching the situation together with him, she would also give him the reassurance he desperately needed from her. As always, they would be stronger together and maybe, just maybe, his world would not implode and shatter when the end finally came for Denise.

Rising, she went into the house to wait for her husband to come home.


	42. I Will Help

It was almost midnight when she heard the car in the driveway. She remained where she was on the couch and waited for him to come into the house. She listened to footsteps on the wooden porch, realizing he wasn't alone. Mike had driven to the airport, but, given the late hour, she wasn't sure why he didn't just drop Bobby off and head home himself. She didn't move when the door opened. "You know where the couch is," Bobby whispered.

"Thanks. I appreciate it. Good night, buddy."

"Good night, Mike."

Mike entered the living room, stopped and called out softly to his friend. "Hey, Bobby. The couch is occupied, and it's for you."

Bobby came back down the stairs, and stood in the doorway, looking at his wife. "You, uh, you didn't have to wait up," Bobby said.

He moved into the yellow glow cast into the room by the light over the back deck. Silently, she caught her breath at the sight of the bruises on his face. Glancing at Logan, she saw his bruises as well. She also noticed that Bobby was limping. "Let me guess: I should see the other guy, right?"

Mike snorted. "We should look as good."

"Just tell me you didn't start it."

"We didn't start it," Bobby answered, trying not to sound defensive.

"Now tell me if you're lying."

"I'm not. We didn't start it."

"So you knocked on Roger's door and he came out swinging?"

"Not quite, but you aren't far off."

She shifted to the far end of the couch and patted the cushion beside her. Encouraged by her mild manner, Bobby limped around to sit down at her side. He had expected a cold greeting or an explosive one. He wasn't quite sure what to do with the absence of her anger. She leaned over and gave him a soft kiss to welcome him home. Sitting back, she looked at Mike and said, "You, too, Logan. Get your ass over here and sit down."

"Yes, mother," he joked.

She rested her hand on Bobby's knee, alarmed by the heat that radiated through his jeans. "Let me get some ice for this knee. How does it feel?"

"It's just bruised. It will be fine in a couple of days."

She left the room and returned with a ziploc bag filled with ice, which she gently laid on his knee. She turned her attention to the bruising on his face. He looked tired and the alcohol he'd consumed the night before still had him looking ragged. she lightly touched the side of his face. "You look like a train wreck that got backed over by a semi."

"That good, huh?"

"So how much trouble did those bruises earn you two?"

Bobby shrugged. "No charges were filed."

"But Ross did get a phone call, which will make tomorrow pleasant for us," Mike added.

"Did you get what you wanted?"

"Yes and no." Bobby answered. "He has convinced himself that the baby isn't his, but when he realized that a paternity test would be ordered by the court once she dies, he decided it might be in his best interest to sign the papers we brought and relinquish any rights to the child he might have."

"Just in case," Mike added. "No sense upsetting the apple cart with a child he doesn't want. Might cramp his style with his new lady friend, or whatever she was."

Alex felt Bobby tense and she gently rubbed his thigh. Silence filled the room until Bobby took the bull by the horns and asked, "Why aren't you angry?"

"You prefer me angry?"

"No, not at all. But I...I expected it. You were furious the last time I talked to you and it didn't seem like that was going away any time soon."

Alex was quiet for a while, searching for the best way to explain what had happened to her mood. Finally deciding it would be best just to tell him about her talk with Maggie, she said, "Well, your daughter has a way of putting things into perspective."

"Why? What did she do now?"

"Sometimes she says something in complete innocence that just turns on the light."

"And what did she say to turn on your light?"

"I told her about Denise's pregnancy."

Bobby groaned, and so did Mike. Softly, Mike said, "I'd have given a year's pay to have been a fly on the wall for that conversation."

"It was interesting."

"What brought it up?" Bobby wondered.

"She missed you and I had to tell her why you were out of town, which, by the way, is your job from now on—_before_ you leave."

"Let me guess," Mike said. "You developed a new appreciation for those little talks he has with her."

"I have always had an appreciation for that." She shifted her attention to Bobby. "What I didn't have was an appreciation for why you went to Chicago. But now...I can see that you were right. Roger's place is with Denise and that's where he should be. I understand your anger. It's just too bad you had to settle for bringing home a piece of paper."

"It's better this way," Bobby assured her.

"You don't think it would be better for the baby to have a father?"

"Not this father," Mike growled. "The kid will be better off with no parent than with a prick like him."

"Did you find out why he left?"

Bobby and Mike exchanged looks and Bobby said, "He...couldn't handle her friendship with me."

Mike added, "He used that excuse to convince himself that the kid's not his."

Alex looked at Bobby and asked, "He thinks the baby is yours, doesn't he?"

"Apparently a lot of people do."

She shifted her gaze to Mike. "And the one who started the rumors?"

He shrugged. "She's an idiot."

"But she really thinks the baby is Bobby's?"

"Yeah. She still thinks he's sleeping with her, but only because Denise has never broadcast her relationships. That simple-minded fool had no idea Denise was seeing someone else so she made a broad assumption and then shared it with the world."

"Was this the same simple-minded fool who thought I was sleeping with my brother?"

"That would be her."

Alex shook her head. She reached out and gently caressed Bobby's cheek. "How do you feel?"

"Better than I did when I woke up this afternoon. I don't feel like my head is going to explode any more."

"Good. You know, at some point, preferably soon, you and I need to talk about Denise's baby."

He became very still. "Why?" he asked, his tone guarded.

"Because we do. I know that you're worried about what will happen to the baby, and Maggie thinks she's going to be getting a new baby."

He groaned softly. "Alex..."

"We'll talk about it, okay?"

It wouldn't hurt to hear her out, he decided, hoping she had some good suggestions, ones that hadn't occurred to him. He was stuck with a problem he had taken upon himself to solve, and he had no viable solution, which was unacceptable to him. He only hoped Alex did not want to tell him to drop it and let Denise figure it out herself. That was something he was not willing to do, and it would only lead to another major fight between them.

Alex moved closer, laying her hand on his and closing it. He raised his eyes to meet hers. She leaned in and softly said, "It will be okay. I promise."

His eyes shifted away from hers and he said nothing. She called his name, drawing him back. "What are you thinking?"

"When did an answer to that question ever turn out well?"

"I'd like to know."

He shook his head. "No, Alex. That's not something you have ever really wanted to know."

He stood up and moved away from the couch. "I'm tired. I told Mike he could stay."

He hesitated a moment, waiting for an argument. When none came, he left the room and went upstairs. Alex watched him leave, not sure how to react to what just happened. She looked at Mike for a clue. He deliberately avoided her eyes. "Talk to me, Logan," she demanded.

"And say what? As close as I am to him, I still can't read his mind, Alex."

"You saw his reaction, Mike. What did that mean?"

Finally, he met her eyes. "You promised him everything was going to be okay. You tell me what his reaction to that statement was."

"How can I reassure him if he won't let me?"

"Don't try. Just be there for him when he needs you. That's the best you can do. That's about all you can do. Someone very close to him is dying. It's not gonna be okay, not anytime soon, anyway." He sighed heavily. "All you can do is prevent a replay of what happened after his mother died. Stay with him and don't let him withdraw too far inside."

"How do I do that?"

His eyes scanned her face. "You are the only one who knows that answer. You'll find the way."

She settled into the couch and leaned her head back. "You get more and more like him, you know that?"

"Frustrating, isn't it? Seriously, Alex, I don't know the answer. The way I deal with him won't work for you because your relationship is very different. He doesn't need two of me knocking sense into him. One of me is plenty—for everyone. He needs something different from you, and you are the only one who knows what that is."

"I hate it when you make sense." She turned her head to look at him. "What's going on with you?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, why are you here and not home?"

He became uncomfortable, which he rarely was around Alex. "We're having...issues."

"Like?"

"Chronic PMS? I don't know what to call it." He paused, then decided he couldn't do any more damage, telling her what he'd told Bobby. "All I know is I can't do anything right and I no longer qualify for sex on a regular basis. Love can't overcome getting constantly corrected or constantly rejected. When I get up with the baby and let her sleep in, she acts like I committed a crime, and then she changes his clothes because she doesn't like what I dressed him in. So I quit trying, and now she says I'm lazy and I don't pay enough attention to Sean. When I'm home, all I do is play with him because I get nothing from her. Anyway, that's why I'm here."

"Have you tried talking to her?"

"Yes. That was the first thing I did. She said I was imagining things and then picked a fight. I'm tired of the whole thing. I didn't think it was a mistake when I proposed, but now...right now, a marriage is out of the question. I'm about ready to find my own place and file for visitation."

"Do you want me to talk to her?"

"It won't do any good. Look, Alex, as long as I get to see my son, I'll be fine. I'm a lot better at moving on than your husband is."

What Mike said was true, but she questioned his cavalier attitude. He had a bigger, more caring heart than he wanted to admit, and he didn't like failure. He felt he was trying, but she wondered what Carolyn's perception was. She decided to talk with Carolyn, whether or not he thought it would help. Mike was hurt and offended, and she wanted to know what was going on with her friend. She said nothing more about it. Rising to her feet, she leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Thank you for looking out for him, Mike. I don't think I tell you how much I appreciate you often enough. Sometimes, I would be lost without you. Do you need a blanket?"

"I know where they are. Go on to bed, Alex. That alarm clock is gonna go off way too early."

"Yes, it is. Good night, Mike."

He watched her leave the room before he got up to retrieve a pillow and blanket from the shelves under the stairs by the basement door.

* * *

Alex entered the dark bedroom quietly. She stood by the door and listened, but she didn't hear the deep, regular breathing she was listening for. He wasn't asleep. She slipped out of her sweats and into her nightshirt before she joined him in the bed. She snuggled into his side, reassured when he wrapped his arm around her and rested his cheek against her head. She settled herself deeper in his embrace. Very softly, he whispered, "I love you."

"I know. I love you, too."

She caressed his stomach and he kissed her forehead. "You said it would be okay," he said softly. "I...I can't see how it will be okay."

"Losing her will never be okay. I realize that. But she will leave behind a baby, and that baby _will_ be okay. We will figure something out. It's the least we can do for her. When is she due?"

"Early November, but they are going to take the baby as early as they safely can. They'll start treatments immediately, but it...it's likely to be too late. It may be too late already."

"Bobby..."

"Please, Alex...My head is hurting again and I...I can't talk about this right now. Tomorrow is going to be a long day."

"Promise me we will talk about it."

"Okay, we will. Just not now."

She settled her head on his shoulder and rubbed his chest. "Please, Bobby. Please don't retreat from me. I need you to stay connected with me."

He was quiet as he held her. Finally, he said, "I'll try."

She nodded, promising, "I'll help."

"That's all I need, then."

She stretched out and kissed his cheek. "Get some sleep. We have to work in the morning."

He continued to hold her while she slept, but sleep was evasive for him.

* * *

The sun barely lit the horizon as Bobby slid out of bed. He took a shower and dressed, careful not to wake Alex or the baby. Once downstairs, he set up the coffee pot, knowing he wasn't likely to wake Mike, who was sound asleep on the couch. Setting three bowls on the table with spoons, he poured a bowl of cereal for each of the three older children.

Restless and agitated, he wrote a note for his wife, and then he left the house.


	43. A Helping Hand

Bobby returned home before anyone was up. He'd planned to walk off his restlessness and then catch the train in to work, but his mind kept straying. Try as he might to focus on the situation that had him troubled, he couldn't keep his thoughts from drifting back to his family. So he returned home, tossed out the note he'd left for Alex and turned on the coffee pot.

Pouring a cup of coffee, he went out onto the back deck and sat down on the steps. He heard the door slide open, and he waited for Alex to say something. He was surprised when Tommy sat down on the steps beside him and mimicked his posture. Bobby smiled. Just two years old and Tommy was making it clear that he wanted to be like Daddy. Bobby ruffled his little son's hair, and Tommy smiled up at him. Returning his attention to the yard, he noticed movement near the back fence. He pointed. "Kitty, Dada."

"I see the kitty. What color is she?"

Tom studied the cat. "Bwoo, Dada."

Bobby laughed and leaned over to kiss Tom's curly blond head. "Close. She's gray."

"Grway kitty."

Bobby loved to listen to his children talk, and the odd mix of 'r' and 'w' that Tom used was as endearing as Maggie's tendency to drop letters. Tom scooted closer and rested his head against Bobby's side. Father and son sat in comfortable silence, watching the neighbor's gray cat explore the backyard until the door opened again and Zeus scrambled across the deck. He jumped up to lick Bobby's chin, slobbered his tongue over Tom's face and tripped down the steps to charge into the yard. The cat was gone before the puppy saw her. The puppy's total lack of grace amused Bobby and he smiled at Zeus' antics.

Maggie knelt down behind her brother and hugged him. "Good mornin', Tommy."

"Morwnin', Maga!"

She walked around to Bobby's other side and sat down beside him. "I missed you, Daddy."

"Me, too, Dada!"

"I missed you guys, too," Bobby answered, gently drawing both children into his lap.

"Where did you go?" Maggie asked.

"I had to go to Chicago."

"Where's that?"

"In Illinois, about a thousand miles away."

She looked up at him. "A thousand miles? That's almost to the moon!"

Bobby laughed, the first genuine laugh he'd had in a long time. "Not quite to the moon, but it is far." He hugged the children again before he looked at the time. He cherished those rare quiet moments he got to spend with his children, but time continued to slip away, as it was wont to do. "Come on. Let's get your breakfast."

"Do you gotta go away again, Daddy?"

"No, honey. I just have to go to work."

As they got to the door, Maggie tugged on his sleeve. When he leaned down, she hugged his neck and kissed his cheek. "Don' be sad," she said into his ear.

He wrapped his arm around her and smiled. "It's impossible for me to be sad around you, mouse."

When they walked into the kitchen, Harry was there, standing near the refrigerator. He froze when he saw Bobby, not sure what to do. Maggie came forward and grasped his hand. "Let's eat brefkiss, Harry."

The children climbed up to the table and Bobby added milk to their bowls. As he put the milk away, he heard a happy squeal. Turning, he smiled at Molly, bouncing in her mother's arms. He leaned over to kiss Alex as he took Molly from her. She laid her hand on his cheek. "Give Molly her breakfast and I'll get Mike up."

Alex watched him set Molly in her high chair and secure the belt at her waist. She never tired of watching him with the children. He was relaxed with them in a way he never was with other people. As Bobby grabbed a jar of baby fruit from the closet, Alex shifted her attention to Harry, who watched Bobby with wary eyes. She wondered what it would take for Harry to bond with Bobby, to finally trust the man who wanted him for a son. At first, Harry seemed okay with Bobby, but that didn't last as the horrors in the little boy's past overtook the promise of his future. Harry had never had a positive male influence in his life. His father and the men he kept around him mostly treated Harry with cold indifference. The direct attention he did get from his father was violently abusive. He didn't have such a great female influence, either, but from what she could tell, his mother had loved him. His mother's kindness enabled him to get past his insecurities and bond with Alex. While she was glad Harry was accepting her, she hated seeing Bobby's pain every time the little boy rejected him. Whenever Bobby tried reaching out to Harry, he only seemed to drive the boy further away.

She went into the living room, picked up a cushion from the floor and tossed it at the couch. It landed on Mike's face, interrupting his snoring. He moved the cushion and looked blearily at Alex. "What?"

With difficulty, she managed to suppress a laugh. "It's time to get up, sleeping beauty."

He threw the cushion back at her. She caught it with a laugh and dropped it on the coffee table. Mike sat up, scrubbed his face with his hands and said, "Someday that crap is gonna backfire on you, sweetheart."

"Bring it on, Logan," she teased. "Go get dressed."

He showered quickly, dressed and went into the kitchen. A chorus of happy greetings from Maggie and Tommy cheered him, and he responded by leaning over to tickle them, growling playfully. Harry watched the happy banter but made no attempt to join it. Mike reached out to ruffle his hair, but he ducked away from Mike's hand. Mike withdrew his hand immediately and settled for a less exuberant verbal greeting. Harry seemed to respond best to quiet interactions from him and Bobby. He poured himself a cup of coffee and sat at the table. When Alex came into the kitchen, he was regaling the children with stories of slaying dragons in Chicago.

"Did you really kill a purple dragon in Chicago, Daddy?"

"No, sweetheart, but I'm going to strangle a different kind of wild animal here in New York if he doesn't watch his step." He handed the puppy's leash to her. "Get Zeus. You guys have to get going or Mommy will be late for work."

A few minutes later, Alex left the house with the kids to drop them off at her sister's house while Bobby and Mike headed in to the squad room to begin their first day as official partners in the Major Case Squad.

* * *

They were not at their desks for ten minutes when Ross appeared in his office doorway. "Logan, Goren, get in here."

They crossed the squad room, entered the captain's office and closed the door. Ross leaned back in his chair, studying them in silence as they stood before his desk. "First, who wants to explain why I got a call from the Chicago Police Department on Saturday?"

The men looked at each other, and Bobby took the lead. "We were there for personal reasons, Captain."

"Your personal reasons included getting arrested for assault?"

Mike replied, "We didn't assault anyone."

Ross looked from one to the other. "Do you care to supply me with details?"

Bobby shifted uncomfortably. "We, uh, we only wanted to talk, sir. A friend of ours is terminally ill and the man we were there to talk to is the father of her unborn child. He...abandoned her when she got sick."

Mike took over the explanation. "We had paperwork for him to sign, that's all. He overreacted and things got out of hand."

"What kind of paperwork?"

The two detectives exchanged another look, and Bobby answered, "A lawyer friend of mine drew up termination of parental rights papers. That's what we brought to have him sign."

Ross looked from one to the other. "Why?"

Bobby rubbed the back of his neck. "Our friend...is dying, sir. Her baby is going to need a family, and we don't want there to be any trouble from the baby's father, if he honestly doesn't want to be involved."

"Did he sign the paperwork?"

Bobby nodded. "Yes, sir. He did."

Ross tapped his pen on a stack of paperwork on his desk. "Denise Rhodes," he said quietly.

Bobby stopped fidgeting and looked directly at him. "What about her?" he said defensively.

"You tell me, detective."

"There's nothing to tell."

"Is she the friend you are looking out for?"

A look of challenge crossed Bobby's face. "Is that a problem?"

"No, detective. It's not a problem, but it is something I want to know about."

Mike stood by, silently offering support as Bobby faced off against the captain. "Why?" Bobby answered, in full protective mode.

Ross met his challenge. "Would you be this defensive if I were asking questions about Detective Eames?"

"No, sir. I would be more defensive."

After a beat, Ross smiled. "Just answer my question, detective," he said, his tone less confrontational.

Bobby hesitated, weighing his options, before he answered, "Yes, Captain. She is the friend I was looking out for."

Ross rolled his pen between his index finger and his thumb. "I made some inquiries, detective. I found out you used to date Miss Rhodes."

Bobby frowned. "Before I got married, I did."

"For a long time."

"There's nothing wrong with that. I am allowed a personal life."

Ross nodded. "I don't have any issues with your past relationships, but there are current rumors that persist about you and Miss Rhodes."

"They are just rumors. There's no truth to them at all."

"None at all? Most rumors have some basis in fact."

Bobby leaned forward, placed his hands on the desk and looked Ross directly in the eye. "The only basis those rumors have in fact is that we used to date. I am not sleeping with her now and I am not the father of her child. Do you have any other questions, sir?"

Ross had heard that Bobby was vehemently protective of those he cared about. He was seeing that for himself, first hand. "Thank you for your candor, detective. I will let you know if I develop other concerns. The other thing I wanted to discuss is your partner reassignment. Do you have a problem working with Logan?"

"No, Captain. I do not have a problem working with him."

"Do you understand my decision to assign you to a different partner?"

Bobby straightened back away from the desk. "You are following protocol," he answered, his tone guarded.

"Precisely. I do not presume to second guess Captain Deakins' decisions, and I will ask that you not second guess mine." He shuffled the papers on his desk. "Goren, you need to talk with Mr. Carver today. Martin Gomez is coming up for trial next week and he wants to review your testimony."

Bobby nodded tensely. "Is that all, sir?"

"Almost. I reviewed the Gomez case. That was good work. Carver told me that Gomez' son is in your custody, that you have filed to adopt the boy."

"That's right. We have already met with Judge Haversham. The adoption should be finalized by the end of the summer."

Ross nodded and met Bobby's eyes. "From what I understand, he is a lucky little boy. You can go, detectives."

He watched the men walk to the door. "Oh, Detective Goren?"

Bobby turned to look at him as he said, "Welcome back."

Bobby hesitated, then nodded. "Thank you, sir."

They returned to their desks and sat down. Mike looked across his desk at Bobby. "Well, that was relatively painless."

"I suppose."

Alex arrived a half hour later, giving Bobby a smile as she walked to her desk. He returned her smile and opened the file on Gomez Mike had handed to him to review.

* * *

Wednesday afternoon, Bobby met with Carver a second time to review the Gomez case. Their meeting ran late, so Mike took Alex home. After leaving Carver's office, Bobby returned to the squad room, gathered his things and left for the day, but he did not go home.

He drove to Brooklyn, to a familiar apartment building where he used to spend a lot of time. Taking the elevator to the fourth floor, he walked down the hall and stopped in front of a door he knew well. He knocked and waited until the door opened.

Carolyn had Sean in her arms, and the little boy reacted happily to seeing Bobby at the door. He lunged from his mother's arms, and Bobby caught him. "Hey, little buddy."

Sean wrapped his arms around Bobby's neck. "Ba!"

Carolyn smiled. "He doesn't see you often enough," she said as she let him into the apartment.

"I'll have to remedy that."

"Mike isn't here, Bobby."

"I know. I came to see you."

She was surprised. "Sit down. Can I get you a beer?"

"Sure," he replied as he sat on the couch, settling Sean on his lap. "He has Mike's eyes, but your smile."

She sat beside him on the couch and handed him a beer. "Are you back at work yet?" she asked.

"As of Monday."

"And Mike is your partner?"

"Yes."

"He hasn't been home since you got back from Chicago."

"I know. He's been crashing on my couch."

"That figures," she said bitterly.

He tipped his head to the left, a questioning look on his face. She waved her hand. "I'm sorry. I don't mean anything against you or Alex. I'm glad he's at your place."

"So are my children. Now tell me why he's there and not here."

"How should I know? I have no idea why he does half the things he does."

He bounced Sean in his lap and the baby giggled. "When he gets the baby up in the morning so you can sleep in, that upsets you. When he dresses him and feeds him, you resent it. What's up with that?"

"I'm not...I don't..."

He arched an eyebrow and looked at her. "Come on, Carolyn. Maybe Mike puts his own spin on it, but I know him. He's not lying to me."

"What did he tell you?"

Setting Sean on the floor, he reached out and took her hand. She looked away, watching Sean crawl to his toybox. Bobby touched her chin and guided her face back toward his. "You're being defensive. Tell me what he's done wrong."

When she averted her eyes and didn't answer, he pressed, "Carolyn, please...tell me why everything he does is wrong."

"It's not my fault he puts mismatched clothes on the baby or lets him dribble oatmeal down the front of his shirt! He has bibs! Why does he have to be such a slob!"

"So your problem isn't that he helps out. Your problem is that he isn't perfect."

"Sean's just a baby!"

"And you don't want to share him."

She covered her mouth with her hands and watched her son. "He's...He's _my_ boy..._my_ baby..."

Bobby moved closer to her. "Do you know what Mike is thinking?"

"How would I know that? He doesn't talk to me any more."

"Carolyn, don't be defensive. I'm here to find out what's going on. I have Mike's side of it. Now I want yours."

"Why? You're always on his side."

He frowned, confused. That was the exact same accusation Alex always hurled at Mike. "What do you have to base that on?"

"You're his best friend. You always stick together."

"I am his best friend, and that's why I'm here. Carolyn, we're not sixteen. I'm not rooting for your relationship to end so we can hang out more. I want to find out what's wrong so maybe we can fix it. I don't want to see this relationship fall apart. Mike deserves more of an explanation than he can't match the baby's socks. He knows he's not perfect, but he didn't know he had to try to be."

He took a drink of the beer she'd given him and watched her. When she wiped one hand across her eyes, he read the anger in her movements. Reaching out, he touched her back. She jerked away, and he closed his hand around her arm. "Talk to me," he urged. "You may not have another chance to fix this."

"So you're my savior?" she snapped.

"He doesn't know what you want. When he tries to talk to you, you dismiss it all as his imagination. Tell me if I'm wrong, if anything he's told me is inaccurate." She didn't answer, and he pressed on. "Have you been in the bedroom since we went to Chicago? Do you know he packed up his stuff?"

"What?"

"Go look."

She jumped up and hurried down the hall. When she came back, her face had lost some of its color. "Why?"

"You tell me. How do you think he feels when he goes out of his way to let you sleep in and he gets in trouble for it? So he stops, and then you accuse him of being lazy and not helping out. When he makes the effort to dress the baby, you come along and change his clothes. How long is he supposed to put up with being constantly reminded that he isn't good enough, that when he tries, he's inadequate?" She sank to her knees beside Sean and took a couple of blocks out of the toy box for him. Bobby leaned forward, bracing his arms on his knees. "When he tries to do the right thing and talk to you about what's going on, you just blow off his efforts. Come on, Carolyn...are you really surprised?"

When she finally looked up at him, tears were streaming from her eyes. "What do I do?"

He felt bad for making her cry. "Tell me what's going on for starters."

She looked at her son and ran her hand over his short black curls. "I...I just don't want to share him."

"Mike is his father."

"I know that, and...I resent him for it. He's a good father, Bobby. He learned that from you, and I should be grateful to both of you for that. But part of me doesn't want him to be a good father. Part of me wants him to be selfish and distant so I can have Sean all to myself. I never knew it was possible to love another person as much as I love my son."

"So you're pushing Mike away, hoping he'll leave and that will be the end of it? Carolyn, you have no grounds to deny him visitation. He's not going to just go away." He cocked his head to the side again. "So why didn't you want him going to Chicago?"

"I wasn't upset that he was going to Chicago. I gave him a hard time because Alex asked me to. I was glad he was going because that gave me more time alone with the baby." She paused. "Am I a horrible person, Bobby?"

He finished the beer and got up. Crossing over to her, he sat on the floor beside her. Sean immediately crawled into his lap. "You're a new mother, and what you feel isn't unusual. But you do have to come to terms with your emotions and balance them out with the rest of your life. Sean can't meet all your needs, and Mike is on the verge of throwing in the towel." He paused to tickle the baby, enjoying the sound of his laughter. "If he hadn't tried or he didn't care, I wouldn't be here. If I thought either of you would be better off without the other, I'd mind my own business. But the truth of the matter is, I care. I don't want to see you throw away a good thing over some transient emotional instability."

"Can I fix it?"

"Do you want to fix it?"

She leaned over, resting against him to poke Sean in the belly. She tried hard not to resent him as Sean grabbed her fingers and curled up in Bobby's lap, yawning. "He's a good man, and Sean loves him."

"What about you?"

Raising her head, she looked at him. "I love him, too."

"Do you want to be a family with him?"

"He knows I do. We've been talking about maybe having another baby soon."

Bobby bit his tongue. According to Mike, she had been doing all the talking and none of the listening. He chose his words carefully. "What does he say about that?"

The idea of having another baby excited her. The color returned to her face, flushing her cheeks, and her eyes sparkled. "I think it would be perfect if we could have a little girl next. She would have a big brother to protect her, and she would be so much fun."

Mike had told him she was unreasonable about having another baby, and he could see that he hadn't been exaggerating. She had no idea how Mike felt about having another child, and it didn't matter to her. She projected her own excitement onto Mike, unfairly so, and convinced herself that he felt as she did. He was dead set on having a vasectomy, whether she approved or not, and he wasn't going to be talked out of it. Carolyn was still going on about having a little girl, and he had no idea what to say about it. It wasn't his place to drown her with reality. She turned bright eyes to him. "Didn't Mike tell you?"

"He mentioned it."

"I told you he was excited about it! So why would he be packing?"

He felt oddly uncomfortable with her sudden manic excitement. It was very unlike her. "I, uh, I think maybe you're still coping with residual pregnancy hormones, Carolyn. That can happen when you breastfeed. It might not hurt to talk to someone...maybe Olivet..."

"You think I'm crazy?"

He shook his head. "I'm the last one who would say that. I'm saying maybe you need a little help to stabilize your hormones. Pregnancy is hard on every system of the body. A lot of women need some help getting back to normal."

"Did Alex?"

"Well, I can only attest to two of her pregnancies. She did suffer through some changes."

"She never said anything to me about it."

"You know how much she hates talking about anything she perceives as a weakness in herself."

That was very true. He patted Sean's back. Part of the reason Alex had trouble adjusting had to do with what was going on when Tom and Molly were born. The other part of her adjustment didn't have to do with either baby—it had to do with him. While Carolyn withdrew from Mike to focus on Sean, Alex had increased her focus on him without sacrificing her time with the children. As always, she amazed him, and he was caught off guard by a sudden surge of desire. He suppressed it, along with a sudden need to be home. With difficulty, he shifted his focus back to Carolyn. "Give Olivet a call. See what she thinks."

"What do I do about Mike in the meantime?"

"He's not going anywhere. Come over for dinner on Saturday and we'll see if we can't help you work things out."

She met his eyes. "Because you're so good with relationships?"

He smiled. "It's always a lot easier when you're on the outside looking in."

She leaned closer and kissed his cheek. "Thank you, Bobby. I appreciate your effort."

In his lap, Sean was half asleep. He gave the sleepy baby a kiss and handed him to his mother. Getting to his feet, he gave her hair a light, affectionate tug. "Good night, Carolyn."

"Good night, and really, thank you. I'll think about what you said."

He left the apartment, and he felt better for making the effort to talk to her. Mike had done so much for him over the years. It felt good to repay some of that. He only hoped he had done some good. Maybe between them, he and Alex could help Mike and Carolyn sort through their differences and salvage their relationship. They deserved a real chance. Climbing into his car, he started the engine and hurried home.


	44. Introspection

When he got home, Mike was sitting on the couch with Maggie, Tom and Molly. Harry was in the kitchen with Alex, the only adult with whom he felt safe. Bobby wasn't sure what he'd done to scare Harry, but whatever it was, it was going to take awhile to rectify.

As soon as he came into the room, Maggie and Tom scrambled off the couch and ran to him. Molly bounced on Mike's lap. "Da! Da!"

Mike grinned at him. "What took so long? You get lost?"

"I had an errand to run." He hugged Maggie and Tom, picked up Molly to hug her and looked around the room for his missing son. "Where's Harry?"

"In the kitchen with Alex. I make him nervous."

"Welcome to the club," Bobby muttered, setting Molly back in Mike's lap.

Maggie and Tommy settled themselves back on the couch with Mike as Bobby went into the kitchen. He didn't see Harry, so he stepped up behind Alex, sliding his arms around her waist as he kissed her neck. She leaned back into him, laying her hand over his. "You really ran overtime with Carver."

Before he could answer, they heard a sob from the corner of the room. "My mommy!"

They watched Harry run toward them, pushing himself between them and shoving Bobby away from her. He latched himself onto Alex's legs and sobbed. When Bobby backed away, the boy braced himself, expecting to be hit. Watching Harry cry into Alex's leg, Bobby stood there for a long moment, his face a mask of emotional turmoil. She placed her hand on Harry's head and looked at Bobby. He continued to look at Harry, but he said nothing. Without looking at her, he turned and left the kitchen.

As he entered the living room, Mike looked at him. "Was that Harry crying?"

Bobby nodded, but when he didn't elaborate, Maggie asked, "Did he hurt hisself he'pin' Mommy make dinner?"

"No, honey. He just got scared."

She was confused. Home wasn't a scary place. "Scared-a what?"

"Me, I'm afraid."

"That's silly, Daddy. You're not scary."

"To Harry I am. Don't worry about it, mouse."

"But Daddy...he's part of our fam'ly. He's gotta stop bein' scared-a you."

Bobby rubbed the back of his neck, trying to find a way to explain why Harry was so timid. He sat on the edge of the coffee table near her. "Do you remember Harry's father?"

Maggie scowled. "He's a bad man."

"Yes, he is. And you know some of the things he did to Harry. Those experiences taught Harry that men are bad and scary. It's going to take him time to get over that and learn to trust."

Maggie struggled with the idea that anyone could not trust. "Can' he jus'...do it?"

Bobby smiled at her innocence. He reached out and lovingly touched her cheek. "It's not that simple, baby. Harry's ability to trust was destroyed."

"He trusts Mommy."

He nodded. "He does, because he knew his mother loved him. Trusting Mommy is a lot easier for him."

She still didn't understand but she had faith that he knew what he was talking about. "I will he'p him."

"Don't push it, honey. Let him come around in his own time."

Maggie nodded in silent agreement. She looked past him at the television and was reminded of a question she had. She looked back at him. "What's a zombie, Daddy?"

Bobby turned and looked at the television. He turned back to look at Mike. "Zombies?"

"What?" Mike answered. "It's a cartoon about all kinds of monsters, not just zombies."

Slowly, Bobby shook his head. "I can't wait for Sean to get older." He stood up and motioned toward Mike. "I'm going to let Uncle Mike explain that one to you, baby, while I go upstairs to change."

He walked around behind the couch and leaned over to speak into Mike's ear. "Explain to them what zombies are, but remember—if I get woken at three in the morning because one or both of them had a nightmare, I'm getting your ass up to deal with them."

Mike laughed as Bobby headed for the stairs. "You think I'm joking," Bobby warned.

"Oh, I know you're not."

Bobby looked at him once more before he left the room and went upstairs.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Alex came into the bedroom. He was standing by the window, shirtless, with a glass in his hand, looking into the backyard. He didn't turn away from the window, though he heard her come into the room. "I guess Mike didn't scare them too bad. They're playing outside with the puppy," he commented.

"Maggie says Zeus is a zombie killer, so they're safe. If Mike isn't more careful about what he puts on when he watches TV with them, I swear, they will never find his body."

Bobby chuckled softly and drained his glass. "How did you get Harry to go outside with them?"

"That takes no effort. He'd rather be with Maggie and Tom than me any day, except for when they decide to cuddle up with you or Mike."

He set the empty glass on the windowsill and turned to her. "He seems to be confusing me with his father more and more, no matter how much I try to prove I'm nothing like him."

"He has an appointment Friday afternoon with Dr. Bennett. You should take him. Ask Dr. Bennett if she has any suggestions."

Bobby nodded and Alex stepped closer. He folded his arms around her. "I hate that he sees my affection for you as a threat, that he sees _me_ as a threat."

"He doesn't know anything different. When his father showed affection for his mother, he was getting her stoned and threatening him. He still has flashbacks to that time."

"I try to show him that I'm nothing like his father was."

"Give him time." She smoothed her hands over his chest. "Now, while they're busy outside, how about we get busy inside? You've been so distant lately, and I've missed you."

He closed his eyes, savoring the sensation of her hands lightly stroking his skin. She was exactly what he needed to forget all the trouble tumbling around in his head, at least for a few minutes. He leaned down and kissed her, slipping his tongue past welcoming lips.

As much as she worried about his drinking, the smoky taste of scotch on his tongue and the warm scent of it on his breath was deeply arousing to her, and she wanted more. Without breaking the kiss, she guided him to the bed.

Every time he loved her, he tried to be tender, but sometimes, he forgot himself. Sometimes he was a little rougher than he intended, but she never complained. From time to time, she realized, he needed to be rough, and now was one of those times. She relaxed and let him have it the way he needed it to be.

* * *

Laying on the bed beside her, eyes closed, he waited for his breathing to return to normal. She nuzzled his ear and whispered, "Are you okay?"

"Uh-huh," he answered because at the moment he was.

She placed a series of tender kisses along his jaw to his throat. He groaned, turning his head so she could tease him with her tongue. Her hands kept caressing his skin, and his head was spinning pleasantly. She worked her way around to his mouth again.

Gradually, she withdrew from him. Eyes closed, he didn't move, focused on his breathing. Slowly, he forced his eyes open, watching her as she pulled her shirt over her head. Sleep lingered at the edge of awareness and he drifted slowly toward it.

Returning to the bed, she sat down and rested her hand on his chest. "Ready for dinner?"

"Dinner..." he murmured, drawing himself back from the verge of sleep. He wasn't really hungry, but he couldn't pass up a chance to spend time with the family, no matter how tired he was. Ignoring the effort it took, he forced himself from the bed and dressed. "Oh...uh, Carolyn and Sean are coming for dinner Saturday."

She gave him a curious look. "Is that why you were late?"

"Uh huh. I stopped by to have a talk with her."

"Did you get anywhere?"

"I don't know. I guess we'll find out."

She placed her hands on his chest and reached up to kiss him. "I love you."

He arched an eyebrow but gave her a sleepy smile, unable to completely chase away his fatigue. "I love you, too."

She wanted to take him back to bed but she knew another round of sex and he would be down for the count. He seemed to want to join the family for dinner, so she suppressed her desire for the time being. "Let's go," she said softly as she slipped her hand into his.

Down in the living room, he sat heavily on the couch with Mike and watched Alex continue to the kitchen. Mike grinned at him. "That's good to see," he said.

"What's that?"

"That look on your face."

Bobby arched an eyebrow. "What look is that?"

"Your after-sex look."

"I have an after-sex look?"

"You sure do. It's a look that says you'd swim across the Sahara to be with her."

Bobby smiled. "I'd do that even without sex."

Mike laughed, but the back door slid open, preventing him from saying any more. The kids and Zeus scrambled into the house and ran toward the kitchen. "Whoa! Hold it right there," Bobby called to them. He pointed in the direction of the downstairs bathroom. "Go wash up before you attack your dinner."

A chorus of agreement from Maggie and Tom accompanied their change of course as they scrambled across the living room in the other direction. Harry turned more slowly, a look of panic slowly leaving his face. "Harry, come here," Bobby called, keeping his tone gentle.

The panic returned to the boy's face but he did as he was told. He stopped by the end of the coffee table and waited apprehensively. Bobby watched him. "Harry," he said softly. "I want you to do something for me. I want you to talk to Maggie and ask her about me. Ask her if I have ever hit her or Tommy, even once, or yelled at them, or punished them without a reason. Ask her anything you want to know about me, and listen to her answers. Then come back to me and we'll have a talk about what she says. Can you do that?"

Harry nodded. Bobby relaxed his face into a tender smile. "Now go wash up for dinner."

Harry scampered away as quickly as he could. Bobby leaned back and propped his leg on the coffee table, rubbing his knee as he tipped his head back and closed his eyes. Mike watched him with sympathy.

Gradually, his hand stopped moving as he began to drift to sleep. Mike motioned to Alex when she looked into the room, and she smiled. She knew he hadn't slept well, if at all, last night, and she was inclined to let him sleep. She should have loved him again and left him sleeping in the bed, and she would have, if she'd known how deeply tired he was. Mike got up gingerly, so he wouldn't disturb his friend's sleep, and walked over to Alex. "He's got a lot swimming around in his head right now."

"I know. He hasn't slept well the past couple of nights."

"He got plenty of sleep Sunday, but drunk sleep isn't good sleep."

When the children charged back into the room, both Alex and Mike made an effort to quiet them, but before they could stop her, Maggie scrambled into her father's lap. He jerked awake and looked at her with sleepy eyes. She patted his cheek. "Dinner's ready, Daddy."

"Okay, okay," he yawned, wondering if Alex had already called him. "I'm coming."

She slid to the floor and waited until he stood before taking his hand. She led him to the table in the breakfast nook, a cozy area they preferred to use for family meals. Mike was already at the table, cutting Tommy's meat for him. Harry sat near Molly's high chair, between Alex and Maggie. Bobby sat at Alex's other side. She set his plate in front of him and ran her hand lightly over his hair. Looking up at her, he smiled and rested his hand briefly on her hip. She sat beside him, slipped her hand into his and waited while Maggie said grace, which she had learned from her grandfather and insisted on saying at every meal.

The meal was quiet, punctuated by quiet chatter from the children, but Bobby had no appetite. He still felt somewhat nauseous from his overindulgence the day before. A light lunch had not relieved his nausea. He watched the children laugh with each other and he relaxed, which he hadn't been able to do in far too long. He slowly lost focus, and finally, Alex leaned over and softly said, "Go on up to bed, before you fall asleep in your plate."

He looked at her for a long moment, until she squeezed his hand. "Go."

Slowly, he nodded, leaning over to kiss her. He excused himself quietly and got up, said good night and left the room. Maggie watched him leave with worried eyes. "Is Daddy okay?"

"Yes," Alex answered. "He didn't sleep well last night and he's very tired."

She continued to look toward the living room, not completely convinced he was okay. When he didn't return, she went back to her dinner, her manner much more subdued. Alex marveled once more at how in tune the little girl was to her father's emotions. They had a special bond she would never understand but would always respect and appreciate.

After dinner, Mike helped Alex get the kids ready for bed. Once they were tucked in, she checked on Bobby. He'd crashed hard across the center of the bed, and she smiled. Closing the door, she went downstairs, surprised to find Mike in the kitchen, rinsing the dishes and stacking them in the dishwasher. The table was clean. "What are you doing, Mike?" she asked.

"Just helping out."

"Do you do this at home?"

"Every chance I get, yeah."

Alex looked puzzled as she stepped closer and took over loading the dishwasher. "So what is Carolyn's problem?"

"Hell if I know. She doesn't complain about me helping around the house, just when I help with Sean."

Alex quietly considered what he said. "Do you get the feeling she doesn't want to share the baby?"

"It's not just a feeling, sweetheart. She broadcasts that loud and clear. But dammit, he's my son, too, and it seems the only way I'm gonna get to spend time with him is to move my ass out and get visitation time through the court."

Mike wasn't usually so candid with her. "Does Bobby know you feel like this?"

"Yeah. We discussed it."

"And what did he say?"

"He thinks I should try to work it out."

"I think he's right."

Mike shrugged. "I don't know. Alex, I'm not like him. If he broke up with you, it would destroy him. But if I broke up with Carolyn...I wouldn't be happy about it, but I wouldn't be totally devastated, either. It's just one more relationship that didn't last, and I'll move on. The world isn't gonna stop turning."

"What would you prefer, Mike?"

"If I had a choice, I'd choose to keep the relationship, but not the way it is. I want it back the way it was, before she lost her mind."

Alex didn't say anything more as they finished the dishes. She didn't have Carolyn's perspective yet, so she was trying to reserve her judgment. She was less inclined than Bobby to blindly side with Mike, but she was definitely leaning toward believing something was going on with Carolyn. Having given birth four times, she understood the emotional storm that could follow the birth of a baby. It could take many months for things to settle back to normal and it sounded like Carolyn hadn't gotten there yet. "Don't be rash, Mike. Give her time."

"How much time am I supposed to give her? It's been eight months, and she wants another kid. I'm not going through this again."

He dried his hands and walked away, unwilling to discuss it any longer. Alex sighed. He and Bobby were more alike than either man realized. She followed him, watching him get comfortable on the couch with the remote. She allowed herself a few moments of introspection. When she was honest with herself, she admitted she was jealous of Bobby's relationship with Mike. He was the only one with free access to Bobby's soul, the only one Bobby trusted completely. Alex had to fight for every gain she made, something with which Mike never had to struggle. As time passed, though, she was getting closer to the husband she adored, and he was letting her in.

She walked around to the far side of the couch and leaned over to kiss Mike on the cheek. "Thank you, Mike," she said softly. "Bobby is lucky to have a friend like you...and I am lucky he has a friend like you."

He gave her a wary look. "What have you been drinking?"

She gave his shoulder a playful smack. "Good night, Mike."

He laughed softly. "Good night, sweetheart."

She stopped in the doorway and turned. "Mike," she said quietly, waiting until he looked at her before she finished speaking. "You are his partner now, and I trust you more than anyone in the world to have his back so he comes home every night."

He understood how much of a sacred trust she was placing in his hands. "Don't worry, Alex. I'll do my job. Believe me, I do not ever want to have to come here to tell those kids their dad isn't coming home and it's my fault."

"Never forget that."

"I don't."

Reassured, she went upstairs. In the bedroom, she changed into a pair of shorts and a sleeveless top. She sat at the foot of the bed and lightly scratched his back. He made a soft noise, but didn't waken. She caressed his hair and her thoughts wandered. Their relationship had always been one of fire and passion, even before they became lovers. As partners, the fire in their disagreements fueled rumors that they were more than partners. No one was surprised when they fell into bed together. Few were surprised when she married him. Despite their professionalism, not even a blind man could miss the fact that he openly adored his wife. While she never wore her heart on her sleeve like he did, her interactions with him at work, while sometimes distant, always carried an undercurrent of deeper caring.

Ross' decision to disband their partnership was not a popular one. She had a singular ability to keep Bobby in line. Partnering Bobby with Mike generated a wide range of responses, many of which involved laughter and mock sympathy for Ross. Many felt he was throwing gasoline on an already raging fire. Both men were loose cannons, and without a set system of checks and balances in the form of partners who could handle them, trouble just waited in the wings to ambush them. The general consensus was that Ross would regret those decisions he made blindly before taking the time to assess his detectives. He'd based his decisions partly on rumor, under the mistaken assumption that because those rumors had persisted for so long, they must be true.

She chased away thoughts of Ross, still resenting him for breaking up her partnership with Bobby. Cutter Albright was proving to be a good partner, but it wasn't the same. She felt a pervasive emptiness over the course of the day; she missed being with him. Granted, at the end of the day, he was all hers, but she missed the challenge of solving a case with him, of trying to follow his leaps of logic, of making sure he followed the rules. She missed seeing the glow in his eyes when he was on the right trail. She missed the little boy excitement he exuded during the thrill of the chase. She really missed watching him close in on his quarry in the interrogation room. Though he might have a misstep or two over the course of an investigation, ultimately, once a suspect was in his sights, a confession wasn't far off. He was brilliant, and he was hers.

She leaned over and pressed a kiss to his temple before she retrieved a pillow from the head of the bed and stretched out beside him. He sensed she was there and, in his sleep, reached out to her. She snuggled into his arms and went to sleep.


	45. Closeted Memories

**A/N: Merry Christmas, folks! I'd planned to post this yesterday, but that didn't work out. My middle girl, Jessie, had to be taken to the emergency room with serious complications of her diabetes brought on by a viral illness, and then I put in a twelve hour day at work. My two youngest had to unwrap their gifts quickly while Katie finished her dialysis treatment so we could leave for the hospital as soon as she was done. It was a marathon unwrapping session, but they got through their gifts and we were off to the ER. Jessie is in intensive care, but she's feeling better. Funny thing-at 4:30 in the morning, my dog jumped up on my bed and sat there, staring at me, until I woke up. He was upset because Jessie was sick. He didn't know what was wrong, but he knew something was and that upset him.** **He woke me up so I could fix her. He's such a good dog, but that 4:30 start made for an extremely long day. So, I am posting this today, with heartfelt wishes to everyone for a happy holiday season.**

* * *

In the darkness of the early morning, she woke with a start. She was alone in the bed. Rising, she went into the bathroom. When she came out, he was back, standing by the window, waiting for her. He drew her into his arms when she approached him and held her close. "Trouble sleeping?" she asked.

"It comes and goes."

She stroked his back. "What's going on in that wonderful mind of yours now?"

"If you keep doing that, not much will be in there at all."

She smiled and brushed his ear with her lips. "Come on," she purred, which was something she rarely ever did. "Share with the class."

He loved her playful moods and the soft purr in her voice sent the blood straight to his groin. He softly groaned and she continued to tease him playfully. As promised, his mind emptied of all thoughts but those revolving around her, and he let her lead the dance.

* * *

She waited until he had recovered before she resumed her quest to find out what was on his mind. She tickled his side. "Now, tell me what's on your mind."

"Right now, you are."

"Nice try. Come on, Bobby. What's been keeping you up?"

Alex had learned a couple of important things since she and Bobby had become lovers. First, Bobby was a very physical person. Aside from his imposing presence, he responded very strongly to physical contact. A gentle touch or a loving kiss went much further with him than a dictionary full of words ever could. Words were often insincere, and he craved the touch of her hand, her mouth, her body. As often as she told him she loved him, he reacted more powerfully when she underscored the words by touching him.

Secondly, and perhaps more profoundly, she discovered there was a time-only _one_ time-when he was completely vulnerable, when he completely opened himself to another person. That fleeting time existed in the minutes following his climax. Of course, it wasn't something he openly advertised, and it took time for her to figure it out. That explained why he'd always tended toward one night stands and casual relationships. He never let anyone get close enough for long enough to figure him out. Only two women had ever become that close to him: Alex was one, and Denise was the other. Alex also found that she could capitalize on his deep desire for physical contact and prolong his vulnerable period just a little with light caresses, gentle tickles or soft nuzzling. For his part, he craved contact with her, and she was happy to fulfill that need for him.

He softly hummed as her fingers continued to lightly dance over his skin. "It's not just one specific thing," he confessed. "Gomez' trial is coming up, and I'm worried about Harry. And Denise..."

He trailed off, and her heart tumbled. Denise had never been anything but good to him—and good for him. Losing her was going to be a nightmare for them both. His life had been a hard one, and fate kept lobbing curve balls his way. She snuggled as close as she could get, draping her leg over his and resting her head against his shoulder. "Tell me how you met."

"Wh-What?"

"Tell me how you and Denise met."

"Why?"

"Because I want to know. Because you need to talk about her. Because I really am okay with your friendship and I'm really not okay with what's happening to her."

His mind scrambled to make sense of her request, but he couldn't. Did she really want to know? Would she have asked if she didn't? Was this some kind of trap...no...she wouldn't do that to him. Would she? She lightly raked her nails over his chest. Hesitantly, he told her the same story he'd told Mike.

As he talked, she felt some of the tension slip away from him. She listened intently as she continued to run her fingertips in abstract patterns over his stomach and chest. It was easier for him to talk about Denise if she wasn't looking at him directly. Then his guilt-driven imagination wouldn't misinterpret her expression or project his insecurities onto her. He loved Denise, and he had for a very long time. Initially jealous, she had finally come to terms with that. After some serious soul-searching, she came to the realization that Bobby's heart was big enough for them both, though his bed was only big enough for her. His was a faithful, loving heart, and she and Denise each had a special place of their own within it.

When he was done with his story, Alex was quiet for a long time. She continued caressing him and was surprised he wasn't restless. She honestly had no idea what was going on with him, how he felt, what he thought. So she blundered back into the conversation blind. "I didn't know she was a cop."

"Not for long. She wasn't suited for the streets."

"Why not?"

"She didn't have what it takes to be a beat cop. She's not tough, like you are."

"She was tough enough to stay close to you for most of her adult life."

"That's a different kind of tough. The streets would have consumed her."

"She saw something in you that was worth sticking around for. I get that."

"You get...what?"

"I understand why she stuck it out, why she was always there for you."

"Y-You do?"

"Yes, I do. She and I see the same thing."

She felt him tremble and she pressed her lips against his shoulder. She decided to shoot straight from the hip. "I don't stay with you for the sex, though the jealous harpies that fuel the rumor mill would like to think that."

Surprised, he lifted his head to look at her. She smiled. "Made ya look," she said softly.

His eyes roamed around her face but he didn't know how to react. She laughed softly at his expression. She reached up and caressed the side of his face and whispered, "Don't get me wrong. The sex is great, but it's definitely not why I stay. I love you, Bobby. Call me blessed or call me cursed, I don't care. I love you and I want to be with you forever, but I have no idea how I can convince you of that. I see your fear, and I don't know how to make it go away."

He rested his head back and looked at the ceiling, tightening his arms around her. She was used to his silence during serious talks, and she had things that needed to be said. She pushed herself up onto one elbow, leaning closer to nuzzle his ear. Her soft voice drifted across his ear on her breath. "You're a good man. Denise saw that in you years ago, and I see it now. Watching you try to take care of her now, to make sure her baby has a good, loving home so she can die in peace...she is no fool. She's always known your heart, and that was why she stayed friends with you all these years. She knew it was worth the effort. She has known all these years that you were worth loving."

"Some friend," he growled. "How many years did I take advantage of her?"

"You can't take advantage of the willing. She knew exactly what she was getting herself into. Stop feeling bad about it. Do you think she didn't get anything out of being with you? Don't kid yourself."

He gave that some thought. "So you think she stayed for the sex?"

"I think that was a big fringe benefit, but no. She's stayed all these years because she loves you, and that will never change. She will always love you, and it's not hard to figure out why." She was glad he wasn't arguing with her. Slowly, she slid herself up onto his body, folding her arms across his chest. "Despite all the challenges and all her problems, Mama Goren raised a good and loving son, and I am a lucky woman because he's mine."

She wriggled her hips and he closed his eyes with a moan. He let her tease him for a few more minutes before he suddenly flipped her over and pinned her to the bed, tickling her. She laughed and squirmed, and he enjoyed every bit of it. Then he stopped and let her settle. "You really are okay with her, aren't you?"

She nodded, laughter still in her eyes. "I really am," she answered.

He looked deeply into her eyes, searching for, and finding, the truth in her assertion. Leaning down, he kissed her, lingering as he lightly tickled her skin again. She wriggled, laughing quietly, and he smiled. "I love you, too," he murmured against her laughing mouth.

He loved her again, a gentle, tender interlude, and afterward, she held him, caressing his forehead and his face, until he slept.

* * *

Bobby stood in front of the mirror, tying his tie. Alex always seemed to know how to make his life better, and he felt good. The bedroom door opened and he looked over his shoulder. Alex looked worried. "I can't find Harry. He's not in his bed."

"Are the doors still locked?"

"Yes, and so is the basement."

"Then he's still in the house."

"Bobby, I looked everywhere. Maybe Maggie knows where he is."

"You haven't told Maggie you can't find him?"

"Not yet."

He squeezed her arm. "Don't tell her; she worries too much. I'll find him."

She couldn't have looked everywhere. He went down the hall to Harry's room. His bed was unmade, which was unusual. Harry was meticulous about making his bed because he'd never had a bed of his own before. A palette on the floor was not a bed. "He's not under the bed or in his closet," Alex said.

Bobby slipped his arm around her shoulders. She was worried and upset. He kissed her head. "He's here," he said with certainty.

He stopped in Maggie's room and Tom's room, checking both closets. He wasn't there. They went downstairs. "Did you check under the kitchen sink and in the pantry?"

"No," she admitted.

Before going into the kitchen, Bobby stopped by the door that led to the basement. It was locked as Alex had said. Beside it was a small coat closet where they stored the winter coats. He opened the door. A small noise caught his ear, and his winter overcoat rustled the tiniest bit. He stepped back and squatted just outside the door frame, tipping his head to the side. He could see Harry's slippered feet tucked beneath him in the far back corner of the closet. Reaching into the closet, he moved his coat, and Harry squeaked, pushing himself deeper into the corner.

"Did you have a bad dream, Harry?"

After a pause, Harry nodded.

Bobby motioned with his hand. "Come on out. It's safe."

Harry didn't move. "Where is Mommy?"

The accusation lacing the fear in Harry's tone puzzled Bobby. "She's right here."

Harry still made no move to come out of the closet. Maggie came up behind Bobby. "Why is Harry inna closet?"

"He had a bad dream."

She was thoughtful for a moment. Then she stepped around her father, leaned up to kiss his cheek and said, "I'll take care-a Harry, Daddy."

She stepped into the closet, looked up at both parents and gave them a reassuring smile. Bobby got up and stepped back, and Maggie pulled the door closed. He looked at Alex. "I guess she's got this covered."

Alex was relieved that they'd found Harry. "I guess she does. How did you know he'd be in one of the closets?"

He shrugged. "That was where I hid when 'they' were after me."

He didn't elaborate. There was no point in telling her his mother would sometimes shove him into the hall closet and lock the door, so 'they' couldn't find him. Then, she would forget he was there. Sometimes she would find him hours later, after searching the neighborhood for him, and she would beat him for hiding from her. More often, Frank would let him out once Mom fell asleep on the couch or went to bed. Those were the times she didn't realize he wasn't around. He still suffered mild claustrophobia stemming from those incidents. By the time he reached his teens, he'd stopped hiding in closets and found other ways to escape his troubles.

She slid her arms around him and hugged him. He cradled her head and rested his cheek against her. No one comforted him the way she could.

In the closet, Maggie sat beside Harry, and he shifted closer to her. She put her arm around his thin shoulders. "What's wrong, Harry? Why are you inna closet?"

"I had a dream that my old daddy was after me. I woke up scared, and I wanted Mommy, but when I went down the hall, I heared her talking to your daddy, and then she was laughin', and I got scared again. My old mommy laughed like that when daddy was home, and then she'd be all funny and stuff. That was when daddy hit me if he could see me. I hid so he couldn't find me."

"So who couldn't find you?"

"Your daddy."

Maggie frowned. She took the time to think about what Harry said, and she remembered some of the stories he'd told her about how it used to be at home before he ran away...before he became her brother. "Why'd you come down here?"

"I didn't think he'd look for me here."

"But why are you scared-a him?"

"He's bigger than my old daddy. Bigger men hit harder."

"But...Daddy never hit you."

"He will. That's what daddies do when they don't want you aroun' or when they get mad."

"But Daddy al'ays wants us aroun'. And Daddy doesn' hit us, Harry. He doesn' never hit us. Sometimes we gotta sit inna corner when we do somethin' we're not s'posta do, but...Daddy _never_ hits us. Not even once. Not me, not Tommy, not Molly, and not you." She was quiet for a minute. "Mommy tol' me that Gramma was mean to him when he was little, so he will never be mean to us."

"Gramma was his mommy?"

"Uh huh. An' she did bad things to him sometimes, but she was sick in her brain. She didn' mean the things she did, but that didn' make it better. Hurt still hurts."

Harry nodded. "Yeah. But my old daddy didn't like me. He didn't want me around, and he got mad when Mommy talked to me or got me dinner after he comed home. If he didn't see me, he forgot I was there."

"Daddy never fregets about us, even when he can' see us. It's a good kinda 'memberin'. He al'ays has hugs for us, and he's al'ays happy to see us. And you are part of us, Harry. Mommy and Daddy want you to be my brother. They're gonna 'dopt you. That's why they been talkin' to Your Other Honor. That means your old daddy will hafta go 'way f'rever. He's never gonna be your daddy no more. Then my daddy will be your daddy, too, and you don' gotta hide inna closet no more."

Harry twisted his hands together. "He's not gonna make Mommy act funny?"

Maggie didn't know what he meant. "Mommy laughs a lot, but she doesn' act diff'rent than she al'ays does. Daddy makes her laugh, but that's 'cause he makes her happy."

"My old daddy made my old mommy happy, too, but it was a bad kinda happy."

She was confused. "What's a bad kinda happy?"

"When he was gone, she was sad, but she talked to me and she hugged me sometimes. Sometimes she said she loved me. When he was home, she didn't remember me no more. She got all happy and they'd go in the bedroom and close the door. Then she laughed a lot, and she acted all funny when she came out. Sometimes she'd fall down, and then she'd laugh again. She acted silly, like when we're on the merry-go-round at school and we get all dizzy. She walked like that sometimes. And she didn't hug me or say she loved me when she was silly. She only wanted to be with daddy. I didn't like it."

Maggie frowned again. "I don' think I'd like it, too. But Mommy is never like that. And she al'ays hugs us and says she loves us, and Daddy does, too."

Harry hugged his legs. "But I still get scared, Maggie. And I still have bad dreams. I'm scared my old daddy will come and get me."

"Mommy and Daddy won' let him get you. I promise. An' I'll pr'tect you, too."

"No! I won't let him hurt you. I will kick him and punch him if he tries to hurt you," he declared with resolve.

Maggie put both arms around him and squeezed him. Harry had a brave heart. "We don' gotta worry, Harry. Mommy and Daddy and Uncle Mike will al'ays keep us safe. Your old daddy is in jail and Daddy will keep him there. The scared will go away and the bad dreams will, too."

"Promise?"

"I promise. Now can we come outta the closet and eat brefkiss?"

"You're sure Mommy is okay?"

"Yes. Mommy is okay."

She got to her feet and pushed her father's coat aside, opening the door. Reaching back, she took Harry's hand and they stepped out into the hallway. Harry was still apprehensive as he looked up at Bobby and Alex. Alex reached out and touched his head, and he released Maggie's hand with a sob and hugged her legs.

Bobby gave Maggie a smile and he went into the living room, but it was a sad smile and she went after him. When he sat on the couch, she climbed up beside him. "What's wrong, Daddy?"

He shook his head. "It's nothing, baby. I guess I just want Harry to be better faster than he's ready to."

"He's still scared-a his old daddy."

"I know, and I can't make that fear go away."

"I tol' Harry you and Mommy and Uncle Mike will al'ays keep him safe, but he's still scared."

"He's been through a lot of bad things. It's going to take a long time for him to put all that behind him."

"Did it take you a long time, Daddy?"

"What do you mean?"

"When Gramma's brain sickness made her be mean, did it take a long time for you to freget?"

"I never forgot, but, yes, it took a long time for me to get over it. I hope that Dr. Bennett can help Harry get better faster than I did."

"He likes her. She's nice." She swung her feet back and forth, watching her sneakers for a moment. "Daddy, I don' unnerstand some of the things Harry telled me. He said his mommy got bad happy. What's bad happy?"

His anger at Gomez flared again. No child should have to experience the kind of "bad happy" Harry did, and he had no idea how to explain that to Maggie. When he remained silent, she tried to explain further, thinking he didn't understand what she meant. "Harry said his mommy laughed a lot when his daddy took her inna bedroom, and then she'd get bad happy. He hadda bad dream and then he heared Mommy laughing with you. That was why he hid inna closet. He thought you was doin' bad things to Mommy."

_Oh, God..._ Bobby swore softly under his breath. Swallowing his anger and unrest, he explained, "Harry's father used to give her a bad kind of medicine. That was what made her act funny."

"Like some of the kids at school? Harry's daddy gived them med'cine, too."

His gut clenched. "What do you know about that?"

She shrugged. "Some of the big kids liked to get dizzy sometimes, after Harry's daddy was there. They telled us he gave them dizzy med'cine and maybe we could have some when we was big, too."

"No!" he said, a little louder and more harshly than he intended. "Maggie, _never_ take any kind of medicine from anyone who isn't one of your adults. Do you understand me?"

She was confused by the harshness of his tone, but she nodded. "I unnerstand, Daddy."

He closed his eyes and forced himself to calm down. He lifted her into his lap and spoke more gently. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell. It's just...Harry's father is a very bad man. Nothing he gave those kids or Harry's mother was good for them. It's because of his medicine that Harry's mother is gone. The fact that he was at your school, giving that stuff to children not much older than you upsets me very much." He kissed her head. "I just want to keep you safe, and people like him make that harder for me to do."

She hugged him. "You al'ays keep me safe, Daddy."

He wrapped his arms around her and he wished that was true. An image of Maggie with her arm in a sling, courtesy of Nicole Wallace, filled his mind. Wallace had proven to him that he could not keep his children safe. Gomez represented a similar threat, and all he wanted was to put a bullet in the drug dealer's skull, thus ending the threat forever. He should have done that in the school yard when he had the chance.

Maggie hugged him and slid off his lap as Harry came into the room with Alex, reassured that she actually was all right. Maggie had absolute faith in her father. The two children scurried into the kitchen where Mike had dished out their breakfast. When Bobby had yelled, Mike looked into the room, wondering what had him worked up. Sometimes his talks with Maggie got a little intense, but that didn't surprise Mike. Bobby was an intense guy, and Maggie was following right along in his footsteps. He helped Maggie into her chair, but knew enough to let Harry climb up by himself. He made sure Molly was secure in her chair, tousled Tom's hair and left the kids with their cereal, joining Bobby and Alex in the living room.

It was quite obvious that Bobby was upset. Alex sat beside him on the couch, softly talking him down from his rage. "Did I miss something?" he asked.

Bobby got up from the couch and waved his hand, agitated. "I'll tell you about it on the way in to work. Are you ready to go?"

"Uh, yeah, but the kids are eating..."

Alex nodded her head at him. "My dad's coming over. He'll be here in about ten minutes. You boys get going."

She met Mike's eyes, and he nodded at her. "Yeah, sure. Let me swallow the last of my coffee and say good bye."

Bobby started for the kitchen, stopping for a moment to give her a kiss. "I'm sorry."

She straightened his tie and smoothed her hands over the lapels of his jacket. "Don't be. Just make sure that bastard doesn't walk."

"I'll see Carver this afternoon. He won't walk."

He held onto his control long enough to give the children a proper good bye, then he and Mike left for work.


	46. Connections

Mike and Bobby left the house and got into Mike's car. Mike started the engine, backed out of the driveway and said, "Is Harry okay with John?"

Bobby nodded. "There's no one in his former life to associate John with, so he had to make his own assessment. John worked with troubled kids, and he knows how to handle the damaged ones, like Harry, so he's been able to make a connection I haven't."

"You want to tell me what happened in the kitchen last night?"

"He doesn't like me getting close to Alex. He's identified her with his mother, and he tries to protect her from me. It would be funny if it weren't so tragic."

"And just now?"

Bobby sighed deeply. "He seems to be associating me more and more with his father. Gomez terrorized him, so he expects that from me as well. We found pot in Gomez' apartment, and I'll bet money Betty smoked a few joints during the day to get her by until Gomez got home with the good stuff, the stuff she really wanted. But she probably didn't do anything to scare Harry. When she was stoned, she was likely really sweet with him, maybe even more than she was when she was straight, which probably wasn't very often. When Gomez got home, she was probably all over him, and he got her high and fucked her. Harry heard all of that from his hiding place. Then when he saw her again, she did a lot of laughing, probably couldn't walk too well and was still hanging all over Gomez. That was what he learned to identify as love between his parents, so when he sees me being affectionate with Alex, he gets scared. He, uh, he heard her early this morning, and he freaked. He thought I was doing to her what Gomez used to do to his mother. So he reverted to old survival mechanisms and he hid in the hall closet. He told Maggie his father used to make his mother 'bad happy,' and Maggie has no idea what that means. I have no idea how to explain it to her either."

Mike scratched his chin. "Think she smoked her joints in front of Harry?"

"I'd bet on it. She probably never thought twice about him being in the apartment. All she knew was that the pot would help get her through until Gomez got home. Her primary concern was her own needs, not Harry's."

"So why'd you yell at Maggie?"

"I didn't mean to. She was telling me that some of the older kids at her school told them they could get the same drugs when they're older. I panicked and got louder than I meant to. What am I gonna do, Mike? How can I keep them safe?"

Mike drew in a deep breath and said, "You can't. All you can do is teach them what's right and hope they make the right choices when they get older."

"That's not good enough."

"It has to be. You gotta trust your kids, Bobby."

"I do trust them. It's the rest of the world I don't trust."

Mike grinned. "They're gonna be fine. The last thing they ever want to do is disappoint you. There's a lot of temptation in the world, but the good that you put in those kids will get them through. You'll see."

Bobby looked out the window, hoping with all his heart that Mike was right.

* * *

Thursday afternoon, Alex left the squad room at lunch time without saying anything to Albright or anyone else. She got on the elevator and, instead of going down to the street level, she went up a couple of floors, to the Chief of Detectives' office. With a wave to the receptionist, she poked her head into Denise's office. "Hi, Denise. Do you have a minute?"

"Alex, hi. Yes, sure. Come on in."

Denise didn't know what to think about Alex's visit. Bobby came by to see her nearly every day, but Alex never stopped in to see her. Alex smiled. "How are you feeling?"

"I have good days and bad days. Today is a good day."

With a smile, Alex motioned toward Denise's belly. "Let me see."

Denise stood so Alex could see her growing belly. Stepping around the desk, Alex held out her hand. "Do you mind?"

"Not at all."

She placed a gentle hand on Denise's stomach, smiling when the baby kicked. Denise rested her hand over Alex's. "He does that with Bobby, too. On days like today, I almost believe I'll live to see him."

Alex gently moved her hand in a light rub. "Don't talk like that. Try to be optimistic."

"I do try, but then reality pops up to remind me that optimism isn't realism."

Alex gave her a brief hug. "Have you had lunch?"

"Not yet. I was just getting ready to go down to the cafeteria."

"The cafeteria? On meatloaf day? How about having lunch with me instead?"

Denise was surprised by the offer, but she could see no reason to refuse. "I...okay. I think that would be nice."

Not surprised by Denise's hesitation, Alex's only motive was to extend a hand of friendship to her. She'd overheard Bobby telling Mike that Denise was feeling lonely lately. Most of her friends had withdrawn from her, not knowing how to handle her medical situation. After all, what can you say to a pregnant mother who is dying? It was just one more thing that upset him, and both he and Mike were making an effort to visit with her when they could. Alex did not begrudge him the time he spent with Denise. The day would come too soon when he would never see her again.

* * *

After a pleasant lunch, the two women returned to 1 PP. As they rode the elevator up from the ground floor, Alex said, "I'd appreciate it if you don't tell Bobby we had lunch."

"Why?"

"It's not something he needs to know. This was our time, and if you don't mind, I'd really like to have lunch again next week."

Denise studied her for a moment before she smiled. "That sounds nice. And if you don't want me to tell him, I won't."

The two women were beginning to bond.

* * *

Friday afternoon, Bobby took off early from work and drove to the office of Stephanie Bennett. Reggie was already there with Harry. When he entered the waiting room, Harry watched him, moving a little closer to his aunt. Bobby noticed. He just waved at Reggie and walked to the receptionist's window. After letting her know he was there with Harry, he sat across the room, opened his binder, and began reviewing the casefile he had with him while they waited for the doctor.

When Bennett came into the room, she was surprised to see Harry's father sitting on the other side of the room. She called to him and motioned for him to join her. "I'll be back out for you in a few minutes, Harry."

Harry nodded and watched Bobby follow the doctor into her office.

Bennett motioned toward a chair and she sat opposite him. She pointed toward the waiting room. "Why did you sit on the other side of the room?"

"Harry gets nervous when I'm around. I was trying to make him more comfortable."

"I talked with your wife. She told me what happened this week. What's your take on the situation?"

"Harry is confused. He tries to see me the way my daughter does, but his past experiences with his father interfere with his adjustment."

She nodded. "That's very astute. Alex told me that he became upset when you tried to be affectionate with her, that he put himself between you and was very possessive of her."

"That's right."

"That is huge, Mr. Goren."

He frowned at her. "You think it's good that he doesn't want me near my wife?"

She crossed her right leg over her left and leaned toward him. "Harry was terrified of his father, too terrified to even think about protecting his mother, and she died. He sees Alex as his new mother, so he is making amends to his old mother by protecting her. The fact that he inserts himself between you is good. It means that, on some level, he knows that it's okay for him to do that. He trusts that you will not hurt him. He feels safe with you."

"If he feels so safe, why was he hiding from me in the hall closet?"

"His only experience with a father is one of fear and violence, and he still expects to be beaten. When that doesn't happen, it gives him a new experience. Those new experiences are reforming his expectations. It takes time, but eventually, Harry is going to let go of his past and embrace his present. You have to be patient with him."

"I'm a patient man, but I..." He paused to find the right words to express himself. "I hate to see him scared of me."

"He's not scared of you. He's scared of what you represent. But you are not what he has come to expect in a father. Maggie is helping him along tremendously. She is making great strides in convincing him that you're a good father. Before this, he didn't know there were good fathers and bad ones."

"So why does he seem to be going backwards?"

She smiled at him. "Sometimes we have to move back before we can move forward. Harry has been conditioned to fear men. It will take time and patience to undo that conditioning. You are doing all the right things. Be patient. Now, I'm going to bring Harry in here. I want to see for myself how he reacts to you."

Bobby raised his hands in a conciliatory gesture. She gave him a look of encouragement and rose from her chair, leaving him alone in the room. She returned with Harry. Sitting in her chair, she watched the boy move cautiously closer. She motioned to him. "Come here, Harry. I want you to introduce me."

Harry hesitated, then slowly moved closer to them. Bennett motioned toward Bobby. "Who is this, Harry?"

"Maggie's daddy."

"Just Maggie's daddy?"

He shook his head. "And Tommy's and Molly's..." He paused, looking at Bobby without raising his head. "An-And mine."

"He's your daddy, too?"

Harry nodded. "My new daddy."

Bennett softly asked, "Do you think you can stand over by the chair he's sitting in?"

Harry thought for a moment before he moved closer to the chair. "Good," she said. "Now, can you tell me how you feel?"

Harry looked around the room before he finally looked at Bennett and then at Bobby. He didn't know how to voice his emotions, what words went with what he was feeling. Bennett pulled out a laminated sheet of paper and held it up. Harry knew what it was. He looked over all the different faces on the page, searching for the one that reflected what he felt. He pointed to the face that looked nervous.

"Think about your new mommy and daddy, Harry. Tell me how they make you feel."

"Mommy makes me happy. She plays games with me and Maggie and Tommy. She's a diff'rent mommy."

"And your new daddy?"

Harry looked up at Bobby with some apprehension before answering, "He's a diff'rent daddy. When we fell off the boat, he came to get me. I was scared, but he got me and I was safe."

Bennett looked at Bobby, but his attention was on Harry. "Do you know why I did that, Harry?" he asked, his voice soft and gentle.

Harry shook his head.

"You were okay. You had that life vest on and you weren't going to be hurt. But you were scared and you needed me to help you so you wouldn't be so scared. It's my job to protect you and to keep you safe. You are my son, and I love you, and that's what matters."

In a very small voice, Harry asked, "What if he comes to get me and take me away? What if he tries to hurt Maggie or Mommy?"

Bobby leaned forward in his chair, closer to Harry, reassured when the boy didn't move away from him. "He can't hurt you any more. He's not your father any more, and he will never hurt you, or anyone else, again." He reached out slowly, touching Harry's chin and tipping his face up to look at him. "I will protect you."

Bobby withdrew his hand, but Harry did not look away. "Maggie al'ays says you pr'tect us."

"Maggie is right. What else did she tell you?"

"She said you want to be my daddy so my old daddy will go 'way f'rever. She said your mommy was mean to you so you won't never be mean to us."

Bobby stiffened at those words, but that was his only visible reaction. "What else did she tell you about that?" he asked, his tone quiet but guarded.

Harry shrugged. "She said her brain sickness made her mean."

Bennett looked at Bobby with open curiosity, but Bobby wasn't about to discuss his past in front of Harry. The boy had enough nightmares from his own past. Bennett stood up. "Harry, go on out into the waiting room with your aunt again."

Harry nodded and scurried for the door. Bennett opened it for him, watched him return to Reggie, and closed the door. "What was he talking about?"

"My wife didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"My mother suffered from schizophrenia. My father was an alcoholic womanizer who was also addicted to gambling. I didn't come from a very happy or stable home, but I make sure my children have one. Maggie knows my mother was sick, but that's all she knows. I understand Harry because I was there, and no one ever came to rescue me."

"Is there a chance his father will turn up?"

"Not if I have anything to say about it. He was denied bail and his trial begins next week. He's going back to jail, hopefully for a lot longer than last time. By the end of the summer, the adoption will be final."

"The best thing you can do is reassure Harry. Watching you interact with him, I can tell you care about him. You're doing all the right things. It's going to take time, but I think Harry is going to be fine." She walked toward the door, and he got to his feet. She held the doorknob. "I'll talk to Harry now before the session is over. Thank you very much for coming today."

Bobby nodded. "Let me know if there's anything I can do."

After Harry went back into the office with Bennett, Bobby's phone rang. "You gotta get back here now," Mike said urgently. "We got a major problem."

"I'm on my way."

He looked at Reggie apologetically. "I have to go."

She just nodded. "I'll bring Harry home. Go."

"Thanks, Reggie."

He hurried out the door and he was gone.


	47. Hide and Seek

The 11th floor was a flurry of activity, detectives scurrying in all directions, some donning bulletproof vests. Alex was pacing restlessly, her agitation barely contained. She was fighting to maintain her composure. Mike remained close to her, his face a mask of rage. Ross was also close by, on edge.

"What happened?" Bobby demanded as he approached them.

Mike shifted his position, preparing himself. Alex looked at him, on the verge of tears. The knot in his gut tightened. "What is it?"

Mike said, "Gomez pulled a Houdini first thing this morning and the pencil-necked boneheads at Riker's never thought to let us know."

"What?"

Ross took over the explanation, first issuing a warning. "I need you to remain calm, detective. We're doing what we can."

"Doing what you can about what?" he asked, trembling from the effort not to come apart. There was obviously something they didn't want to tell him and that made him more on edge. He was having a very hard time restraining himself from going off on Ross. "Answer me!"

Eames grabbed his arm, the physical contact grounding him. "My brother went over to the house to watch the kids because Dad had a doctor's appointment."

Bobby's mind was rapidly putting two and two together and drawing conclusions he didn't want to draw. "What happened?" he raged, making no attempt to control his tone or volume.

He was about to explode, and Mike moved closer to him, standing ready. Ross repeated, "Control yourself, detective. Gomez showed up at your house."

"No... No! The kids...?"

Mike grabbed him, pinning his arms behind his back. "Just listen," he hissed in Bobby's ear. "Listen!"

"We have teams responding," Ross said. "There was a report of shots fired, but Gomez hasn't made any demands yet."

Mike felt the tremors that assaulted Bobby's muscles. "You can't go in there hell bent for leather! My kids...Alex..."

He turned frightened eyes to his wife, who reflected his fear back to him. "They're hostage negotiation teams, Bobby. Not SWAT teams."

"It doesn't matter...He..."

Mike made the mistake of letting himself get distracted for a moment. Bobby lunged suddenly, breaking free from his hold and sending him flying into a nearby desk. He ran, hit the stairwell and charged down the stairs. Ross waved his arm. "Go get him!"

Three detectives banged open the door and charged down the stairwell. Alex helped Mike to his feet. He swiped at a trickle of blood that seeped from an abraded bruise on his forehead where it had struck the desk. "Dammit," he swore as he pulled away from her. "I'm sorry."

He ran to the stairwell and charged down after the men in pursuit of his friend. Ross made a call for officers to be ready at the parking garage and main lobby exits of the stairwell. Alex grabbed her wallet from her desk. "We have to go, captain. Now."

"Go where, Eames?"

"To my house. We have to try to get there before he does."

"They'll stop him."

She looked at him. "No, they won't. Let's go."

Mike knew Bobby well. He exited the stairs at the garage level, identified himself to the officers waiting for Bobby and ran into the garage. He was ever-grateful that Bobby was a creature of habit, and he found the car about thirty seconds before Bobby emerged from the emergency stairwell. He stood waiting at the passenger door, and Bobby looked at him for half a second. He got into the car, unlocked the door and started the engine. Mike barely had the door closed before the car was moving.

Ross hadn't expected him to get to his car, so there was no blockade at the exit to the garage. Mike set the gumball on the roof and Bobby quickly negotiated Manhattan's daytime streets, taking less direct routes with lighter traffic.

* * *

The quiet Ozone Park street was congested with police vehicles, all congregating outside the home where Bobby and Alex tried to provide a safe haven for their children. Bobby slammed his car to a stop and got out. Mike hurried around and grabbed his arm. "Stop! Don't charge the house like a rabid bull. He's in there with your kids and he'll hurt them."

The words penetrated the fog of rage and fear that clouded Bobby's mind and he stopped. The squeal of screeching tires added to the general noise on the street, and then Alex was at his side, grabbing his arm. He pulled her into a hug. Ross approached. "That was a stupid thing to do, detective."

Bobby glared at him. "They are not your children."

"No, they're yours, and you're going to get them killed."

Bobby made a move toward Ross, but Alex and Mike both anticipated the move and intervened. They shoved him against the closest car and held him fast. Ross was unfazed. "We have to wait for Gomez to make the next move. The ball's in his court. I'm going to talk with the incident commander. I'll be back." He pointed at Bobby. "Stay here."

Mike and Alex released him and he began to pace, rubbing his hand restlessly over his hair. He clamped his hand to the back of his neck. "I can't...just stand here..."

"We can't do anything else right now," Mike said. "We have to know his state of mind."

He looked at Alex. "You called Reggie, didn't you?"

"Yes. She's keeping Harry with her."

The phone in Bobby's pocket rang. He looked at Alex as he pulled it out and looked at the caller ID. "It...It's home." He flipped it open as Mike called Ross and Captain Davies, the incident commander, over. "H-Hello?"

"Daddy," she whispered in a hushed voice.

He fell back against the car, his breathing uneven. "M-Maggie...are you...are you okay?"

"Yes. I'm inna basement, Daddy, with Tommy an' Molly an' Zeus. We're playin' hide and seek with Uncle Kevin, but he locked the door. He tol' us to be real quiet an' hide real good. He said not to make any noise 'til he finded us."

"How are you calling me?"

"Uncle Kevin gived me the phone an' said you was playin', too. He telled me to count to six hunnerd an' then call you. I hadda start over twice."

"Are you okay?"

"We're good, but there was lots a noise upstairs. Some loud bangs, too, like that time Harry said they was guns."

Bobby slid down along the car to the ground, his knees weak with relief. He held his head with his free hand. "All right, stay there. Stay quiet. We'll come in to get you."

"Is this part-a the game, Daddy?"

"Yes, Maggie. It's part of the game. Now stay really quiet, so Uncle Kevin doesn't know."

"Okay, Daddy."

He dropped his phone when the line went dead. "They-They're okay...They're okay."

Mike grabbed Alex when her knees faltered as well. "Where are they?" Ross asked.

He looked up at Ross and Davies. "They're in the basement; they think they're playing hide and seek. I don't think Gomez knows they're there. There's an outside door, along the west side of the house. I...I can get them out. He'll never know."

"Show me, from here," Davies said.

Shaky, he got up and walked to the back side of his car. He pointed. "I can approach it from the neighbor's yard. He'll never see me."

Alex said, "He's right. And he has this annoying ability to blend in so he won't be seen."

"Stealth mode," Mike said with a half-grin.

Davies looked at him, then at Ross, who nodded. "All right, detective. In and out. Go get your children."

Grabbing his keys from the ignition of the car, he took off partway down the block and crossed the street.

* * *

In the quiet basement, Maggie sat in a hidden corner with Molly on her lap. Tommy sat beside her with Zeus laying between them. She had convinced Tommy they were playing hide and seek with Uncle Kevin, and that Uncle Kevin was really bad at the game. Whenever a noise filtered down through the floor, Zeus lifted his head and growled. "Shhhh, Zeus," Maggie insisted, holding tight to his collar.

"Hide-a-see!" Tommy would whisper to the puppy.

Tommy often took Zeus with him when they played hide and seek, and the puppy understood that his whispered "hide-a-see" was a command to be quiet until Maggie or Harry found them. He stayed quiet.

They heard the soft click of a key in a lock, and Maggie's eyes got wide. It wasn't coming from upstairs. She pulled the little ones closer to her, as though they could get closer. Light flooded the basement when the outside door opened, and she tried to scoot further into the shadows with the babies...until she heard his whisper call her name. "Daddy?"

Tommy started to yell to his father, but Maggie covered his mouth. "Shhh, Tommy. Uncle Kevin is still lookin' for us!"

"Oh, yeah...hide-a-see!"

"Yeah, hide and seek."

Bobby found the children quickly, holding his finger up to his lips when Molly babbled happily at him. "We're gonna put a new spin on this game. You know, make it harder for Uncle Kevin to find you. You're going to go through the bushes into Mr. Gallagher's yard and then run across the street."

"But we're not allowed inna street, Daddy."

He smiled. "It's okay. Mommy and Uncle Mike are there waiting for you. Run to them. Can you carry Molly to Mommy, mouse?"

"I can carry her."

"Okay, good. Zeus will go with you."

"What are you gonna do, Daddy?"

"I'm just gonna, uh, distract Uncle Kevin, so you can find better hiding places. Mommy and Uncle Mike will help you."

"Oh, okay."

He took Molly from her sister and quietly ushered the children and the puppy out the basement door. He led them through the bushes into the neighbor's yard, where he set Molly safely back in Maggie's arms. "Now go to Mommy."

Maggie kissed him. "We'll hide good, Daddy."

"Go on."

He watched them run along the bushes, around to the neighbor's driveway and out to the sidewalk. He heard Maggie say her mother's name as Alex crossed the street and took Molly from her sister. She led her babies to safety, and Bobby nearly threw up with relief. Slipping back into his own yard, jaw set with determination, he went down into the basement and closed the door, sliding the lock into place.


	48. Vigilante Justice

Alex fussed over the three children while Mike made a similar fuss over the dog. He looked around as he ruffled the dog's ears. "Uhm, Maggie?"

She walked over to him. "Yes, Uncle Mike?"

"Where's your daddy?" he asked softly.

"Oh, he went back inna house so Uncle Kevin won' know we're out here."

"So..._Uncle Kevin_ wouldn't know? Are you sure about that?"

She nodded. "We was playin' hide and seek with Uncle Kevin. That's why we was inna basement."

"Ah, I see." He kissed her forehead and looked up at Alex, keeping the concern from his light tone. "Did you hear that, Mommy? They were playing hide and seek with Uncle Kevin and Daddy went back into the house so Uncle Kevin wouldn't see them leave."

She met his eyes and he saw the flash of anger in them. He nodded. "I'll just let Captain Davies know that, just in case they decide to join in the game."

Maggie sat on the ground beside her puppy. "Mommy, why is there so many police here?"

"Oh, uh, they're looking for someone, sweetheart. And you know what? I just talked to Grandpa. He's home from his doctor's appointment so I'm going to have one of the officers take the three of you and Zeus over to his house. He needs your help making dinner."

"Okay, Mommy."

She spoke with one of the officers, gave him the address and loaded the children and the puppy into the back of a patrol car. She retrieved Molly's car seat and Tom and Maggie's boosters from the back seat of her car and secured them in the patrol car. Mike waved at them as he returned to Alex. "Davies turned six shades of purple and sputtered something about an unauthorized rogue compromising his operation." He pointed down the street. "He obviously hasn't notice the media beginning to gather at the end of the street. Damn vultures. Ah, and there's the she-queen of the lot, Faith Yancey. I love it." He looked over his shoulder. "Hey, cap. We got company!"

Davies and Ross both looked down the block. Ross frowned and Davies let loose a string of expletives. Alex leaned against Bobby's car. "This isn't going the way Davies wants it to go."

"What was your first clue? I pointed out that at least the kids are safe and unharmed, thanks to your brother and their father. That's a big plus and the most important outcome of this whole scenario."

"Now we just have to get Bobby and Kevin out alive."

"And bring Gomez out in a pine box."

She folded her arms across her chest and did not disagree with him.

* * *

Bobby moved silently across the basement to the stairs. He made a mental note to kiss his wife for making him fix the broken stair that would surely have creaked with enough volume to alert Gomez. He got to the top step and slowly, silently turned the deadbolt, unlocking the basement door.

Gun in hand, he eased it open just a hair, far enough for him to see into the hallway. He held his breath and listened. Nothing. Damn. Remaining where he was, he continued to listen, until he finally heard a noise from the living room. A groan. Then a dull thud and another groan. "_Cobarde!_" Gomez growled.

_Coward._ Bobby felt his simmering rage begin to boil.

"Where is my son?"

Kevin moaned, then answered, "I don't know. The only kids living here are my sister's kids."

"Where is the cop? The big one who lives here?"

"At work, I guess."

"Give him a message for me..."

"Why don't you deliver it yourself?" Bobby growled, his back to the wall just outside the living room.

"_Bastardo,_" Gomez snarled. "Show yourself!"

"Come and find me."

"Where is he, cop?"

"He's safe from you."

"He's mine! I want what's mine!"

"You want him? You gotta come through me to get him."

"You give me a challenge?" His voice was getting closer. "I will happily send you to hell, cop."

He was nearing the doorway. Goren heard him engage the slide on his gun, chambering a round that had his name on it. Then, he heard the muffled sound of movement. Gomez swore and stumbled forward into the hallway. Bobby lunged at him, taking him down, fully aware of the barrel of Gomez' gun pressed against his stomach. He shifted to the left as the gun went off, feeling a hot burning sensation along his thigh.

In the living room, Kevin watched the struggle as his vision faded. Heaving himself at Gomez had taken what little strength he had left, and he slipped into unconsciousness as the gun went off.

Bobby finally maneuvered Gomez onto his stomach, pinning him to the floor with the weight of his body. The gun was still in Gomez' hand, but his arm was trapped by his body and he couldn't work it free. Bobby swore to himself, his mind foggy from a blow to the head. This was not an ideal situation. He'd tried to disarm the dealer, but that hadn't quite worked out. But it was better than nothing, and in this position, no one else would get shot, but he couldn't move without letting Gomez free his trapped arm.

Against his injured thigh, his phone buzzed, sending a white-hot bolt of pain through his leg and into his hip. _Oh, God_, he moaned to himself. _Don't do that again._

The phone didn't listen and it vibrated again. He groaned softly, and Gomez struggled, moving his arm a couple of centimeters. Bobby smashed his forehead into the back of Gomez' skull. "Hold still," he growled as stars danced in front of his eyes.

He leaned more heavily against Gomez' torso. "Kevin?"

His brother-in-law did not answer. His head cleared a little more. Cops...outside the house...The scene was secure. Kind of. He shouted, "Clear!"

Within seconds, the front door slammed open and half a dozen men in riot gear streamed into his house. As they approached him, he said, "Wait! Hold it! He's still armed!"

They stopped and aimed their guns at the two of them. "It's in his right hand, and it's pinned under his body!"

With guns still leveled at the dealer's head, two men bent down to grab Gomez' arms. Goren got ready and on the count of three rolled to the left. They jerked Gomez to his feet, wrenching his right arm. The gun flew free.

Bobby slowly got to his feet, his thigh screaming in protest. He watched them cuff Gomez, his face filled with rage and hate, and as they read him his rights, Bobby went into the living room to check on Kevin, being treated by the paramedics who had been called in to standby on scene. He watched them, ignoring Gomez, who was being taken out of the house.

The buzz and hum of voices drifted into the house from outside as the media moved closer to the house. Above the drone of the voices, a scream suddenly rent the warm afternoon air. "Murderer!"

He hurried out onto the porch as a woman burst through the crowd across the street, where mostly cops had gathered, She shoved her hand into the bag she carried and pulled out a handgun, aiming it directly at Gomez as she pulled the trigger. The gun roared twice and kicked back, the second time knocking her off balance backwards into Ross. She was quickly disarmed and cuffed.

Bobby heard the scream and the roar of the gun as he ran out of the house. He also felt a sudden intense burning in his side, along his ribs, and his steps faltered. For a moment, he couldn't breathe, but that moment passed and so did the pain. He dismissed it as nothing; he must have moved wrong, pulled a muscle. In front of him, Gomez slumped forward, supported by the officers who lowered him to the ground on the front walk. Blood spread in a rapidly growing pool under the dealer and his body convulsed.

He stood there watching Gomez, his brow furrowed. His attention was drawn from the dealer, now being worked on by another team of paramedics, when Alex approached him. "Are you okay?" she asked, noticing that he seemed to be stunned.

"Me? Yeah, I think so. Uh, they, they're working on Kevin. You should check on him."

Grasping his arm, she leaned up and kissed him. As she started past them, he grabbed her arm. "The kids?"

"Perfectly fine. One of the officers took them over to Dad's."

"Your dad's...good...good."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah. Go check on Kevin."

Mike stepped to his side as Ross crossed the front lawn toward him. Bobby waved his hand in the general vicinity of the spot where the woman had been. "What was that?"

"We're not sure," Ross answered. "After she shot Gomez, she refused to talk. They're taking her to Major Case. Why don't you two have a run at her, see what you can find out. I'm going to the hospital with Gomez. I'll let you know."

"You got it, captain," Logan said.

They went into the house, where paramedics were easing Kevin onto a stretcher. Alex walked over to them. "He's going to be okay. He has a bullet in his shoulder and some blunt force trauma from being kicked, but nothing life threatening."

Bobby nodded as Mike said, "We're going back to the squad to see if the little lady with the big gun will talk to us."

She nodded. "I'll go with my brother. Ross said he'll have a cleaning crew sent over right away, but I think we should stay at Dad's tonight. Is that okay with you, Bobby?"

"Fine. Whatever you want to do."

"We'll discuss this stunt you pulled later."

He nodded. "I can't wait."

Mike laughed and steered Bobby out of the house. As they approached the car, Bobby handed the keys to Mike. They got into the car and headed back toward Manhattan.

* * *

They entered the interrogation room where the woman waited for them, and Bobby hung back to observe, as he often did when he worked with Alex. Mike sat across from her. "That was a pretty big gun for a little woman like you to be waving around."

"I had to make sure it would do the job."

"Well, you certainly put a big hurt on Mr. Gomez."

"I didn't want to hurt him. I wanted to kill him."

"Why?"

She looked down at her hands. "Before he came around, I had three children. My oldest daughter began seeing him about nine or ten months ago. I didn't realize what was going on because she hid it from me, and I never looked for it. Not in Sally. She was always so good—straight As and so well-behaved. She came right to me when she caught her younger sister smoking a joint over the summer. Heather was always the wild one. Can you imagine how shocked I was when it was Sally who overdosed at school?"

"Sally..." Bobby said. "And Heather...DeMarco?"

"Yes, that's right."

"I, uh, I taught history at the end of the year. I...I was there, when Sally overdosed."

She studied him. "Are you the teacher Heather told me about? Mr. Goren, is it?"

"Yes."

"Heather thinks a great deal of you. She said you helped to calm Sally down that day. She told me you were gentle and kind, that you took the time to talk to her when she went to you later in the day. She was so upset."

"I know. I'm sorry about Sally, Mrs DeMarco."

Tears filled her eyes. "She has been in a coma. She...We...We lost her three days ago."

Bobby's back stiffened. "I am very sorry to hear that."

"He killed her. He took my baby from me. When I saw on the news what was happening in Ozone Park, and that it was him, I decided it was up to me to make sure he didn't send someone else's child to heaven. I did what I had to do, what the police and the courts couldn't do."

Quietly, Bobby said, "Yeah, well, he's not dead yet. What about Heather and Alan?"

She wiped at her eyes. "They're going to go to live with their father."

She saw the question in his eyes before he voiced it. "Heather told you about him?" she asked.

"A little. She said he was wrapped up in a new girlfriend."

She sighed. "Heather is an angry girl. She resented the breakup of our marriage. My husband was confused, so he hyperfocused on his new girlfriend, and that just made Heather more bitter. Since Sally's...accident...he's changed completely. The children will be fine. Thank you for your concern."

Mike asked, "So are you prepared to confess to what you did? Don't you want a lawyer or something?"

"No, no lawyer, and yes, I accept responsibility for what I did. I'll sign whatever you need me to sign."

He pushed his legal pad toward her. "Write down what happened and sign it for me."

He looked over his shoulder at Bobby, whose mind seemed to be elsewhere again. His eyes were kind of glazed over and sweat beaded on his forehead and upper lip. He looked a little pale. Mike looked him over, noticing the left leg of his jeans looked wet. "Uh, please excuse us for a minute, Mrs. DeMarco. We'll be right back."

He rose and guided Bobby from the room, around the corner into observation. "What?" Bobby protested. "We weren't done."

"What's wrong with you?"

"Why? What'd I do now?"

"No. What's _wrong_? You don't look right."

Mike reached out and touched Bobby's thigh. Bobby jerked back, almost losing his balance, and Mike's fingers came away bloody. "What the hell?"

Bobby shook his head, staring at the blood. "I don't know."

"Go sit down. I'll finish up with her and then we'll get you checked out."

Bobby hesitated, but he did as Mike asked, sitting at his desk. He felt the day catching up with him as the adrenaline and the rage worked their way out of his system and he was suddenly, overwhelmingly exhausted. He had to close his eyes, _just for a minute...just one minute...or maybe two..._ That was all he remembered.


	49. Domestic Bliss

When Bobby came around again, the first thing he noticed was that he was comfortable. Sort of. He recognized the fog in his head from the pain killers that took away most of his discomfort. His other senses recovered at different rates. He heard hospital sounds—monitors beeping, hushed voices, wheels on linoleum. He smelled hospital scents—antiseptic, vomit, urine, blood. _Great_. What was he doing in a hospital? Someone touched him and he unconsciously flinched. Familiar voices spoke in hushed tones, answered by not-so-familiar voices.

With an effort, he forced his eyes open. Sure enough, he was in a trauma room. His leg ached, and he moved it to try to relieve the discomfort. Pain flared and shot up into his hip. He groaned, and the voices were silenced for a moment. The next words that were spoken—_Get a nurse_—came from his wife.

His vision cleared slowly and he looked around the room. The first person he saw was Alex, her pretty face creased with worry lines that he knew he was responsible for putting there. Mike stepped through the door, his face also a mask of worry. Over in the corner...Ross? Why was he there?

More sensations began to return, and now he was aware of more focused pain, in his thigh and in his side, but it was manageable. He tried to moisten his lips, but his tongue was dry, too. He shifted his position, groaning softly as the pain flared again, but it faded after a moment.

"Be still," Alex admonished.

"What happened?" His voice was hoarse, and he coughed. "How did I end up here?"

Mike moved closer to the bed, handing Alex a cup of water. "You're a bullet magnet."

"A what?"

"Shut up, Mike," Alex snapped without venom as she held the cup for Bobby to drink. "They're not much more than flesh wounds, but you collapsed in the squad room. They called an ambulance."

"Why?"

Mike's expression shifted from worried to amused, now that Bobby was awake and somewhat coherent. "Did you miss the part where she said you collapsed in the squad room? When people do that, we tend to call for an ambulance."

The door opened and a doctor came into the room. The doctor was young but he had a reassuring demeanor. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine. I want to go home."

Alex looked at Mike and smiled. It was a very familiar song and dance. The doctor shook his head. "We aren't sure about that just yet. We're waiting on some lab work. Have you been sleeping well, detective?"

Bobby shrugged. "I have a lot on my mind."

"You are suffering from exhaustion, which intensified your body's reaction to relatively minor injuries."

"Didn't the pint-and-a-half of blood his pants soaked up contribute to that?" Mike asked.

"It did, somewhat, but minus the exhaustion, his body could have easily handled losing that amount of blood. It was a combination of factors that landed you here, detective. I am leaning toward admitting you for observation, letting you get the rest you need."

"I can..."

"No," Alex interrupted. "No, you _can't_ rest at home. You might prefer to be there, but we have four children and a puppy that you cannot say no to. If you come home, once the sun comes up, you'll be up, too. Another hour and you'll be out in the yard playing tag or something. Besides, if you're here, I will know exactly where you are for a day or two."

Bobby shook his head stubbornly and pushed himself up to sit. The room tilted and spun a little. He grabbed the side rails and closed his eyes, allowing a wave of nausea to pass. "I'll stay on the couch," he promised. "We can play Monopoly or Yahtzee instead of tag. I can teach Maggie to play gin."

Alex looked skeptical. "Is there something I can put in his food to make him stay put, doctor?" she asked.

He smiled. "I can give him something that will encourage rest."

Bobby's eyes narrowed. "You're gonna sedate me?"

"Just a little."

"Medicated sleep isn't good sleep. The medication inhibits the development of REM sleep, which is what the body needs..."

Alex leaned over and pressed her mouth against his, not caring that Ross was in the room. What was he going to do? Split up their partnership? Oh, wait...he'd already done that.

The surprise of her sudden kiss was short-lived and he closed his eyes, lightly touching her cheek. She pulled back slowly. "I'm sure the doctor knows all about the pros and cons of sedation," she gently chided. "That's his job. And your immense store of obscure knowledge isn't getting you out of this one. If you want to come home, then you come home with a bottle of little green or red or yellow pills that will keep your ass planted on the couch or else you keep this-" She fingered his IV line. "-and get an armful of liquid 'keep your ass planted in the bed' medicine. There is no third option."

"You drive a hard bargain," Bobby muttered.

"Take it or leave it."

Mike smiled at the couple. "I have a third option and it's simpler and more effective. We just tell Maggie that Daddy has to stay on the couch or he'll end up back in the hospital. She won't let him get up to take a leak."

"Don't you dare," Bobby growled.

Mike lightly punched his leg. "Then you gotta stay put on the couch."

Bobby's eyes shifted between Alex and Mike. He felt ganged up on, but he didn't resent it. He didn't even want to think about his life if either one of them were not in it. "Fine," he conceded reluctantly. "I'll stay on the couch."

Alex looked at the doctor. "How long?"

"Three or four days."

She twisted at the waist to look at Ross as he said, "Take five, for good measure."

The doctor nodded. "Let me go see if those labs are back before I make any kind of final decision. I'll be back shortly."

Once he was gone, Bobby returned his attention to his wife. "Kevin?"

"He's okay. Gomez doped him up and they have to wait for that to clear his system before they can take him to surgery to get the bullet out of his shoulder. He's up on the seventh floor, sleeping. Penny is with him."

Penny was Kevin's girlfriend, a sweet, little pixie that Bobby loved to tease. She was as tough as Alex, though, and gave as good as she got. The first time she'd met the children, Maggie recognized her name. "Penny, like the money," she observed.

Penny had smiled at her and reached out to pull a penny from thin air behind Maggie's ear. Maggie was delighted. "Daddy can do that, too!"

Penny had easily won the children's hearts, and she always had a supply of pennies and sleight-of-hand tricks on hand to delight them.

"What about Gomez?" he asked.

She turned to look at Ross and the men followed her lead. The captain stepped forward. "He died on the way to the hospital."

Bobby looked concerned. "Has Mrs. DeMarco been charged?"

He nodded. "The original charges were assault with a deadly weapon, reckless endangerment and the illegal possession of an unregistered weapon."

"And now?" Bobby asked.

"Now the assault charge will be upped to murder two."

"See if you can convince Mr. Caver to make it man one."

"Detective, she came to a crime scene brandishing a gun with the intent to kill. It's pretty clear-cut."

"She killed a drug dealer, a fugitive, who is responsible for her daughter's death!"

"The law doesn't change just because he was a bad man. He had a life and she intentionally took it from him."

"Take off your blinders. There are extenuating circumstances. She's not a repeat offender and she was under duress. Her daughter just died as a direct result of something Gomez did."

"He gave her drugs. He didn't make her take them."

"Come on, captain. You're splitting hairs. Justice can't be blind or it's not justice at all. Ask Carver to plead her out. He has grounds for man one. I've seen him give better deals to convicted felons. This is a grieving mother."

"I think she deserves a medal," Alex added.

Mike nodded agreement. "She did a public service, cleaning that piece of garbage from the street. Saved the taxpayers a shitload of money in the process."

Ross considered standing his ground as a matter of principle, but these were good cops asking for leniency. He thought about his sons, and he nodded. "All right, detective. Calm down. I'll talk to Carver."

Goren eased himself back onto the pillow. "Thank you," he said, suddenly exhausted.

Eames stroked his hair and he tried to keep his eyes open, but it was a losing battle and he drifted back to sleep.

* * *

The room was dark as she pushed the door open and stepped inside. No one moved, but she heard deep, regular breathing. She closed the door and tiptoed to the bed. They had spent the night at Grandpa's but Daddy hadn't been there. He'd stayed overnight at the hospital, and Mommy had stayed with him. He had been asleep when Uncle Mike brought them home from Grandpa's. Mommy said that he hadn't been sleeping well at night, so the doctors gave him medicine to help him sleep better. Sometimes, the stuff he drank that looked like apple juice but definitely was not, helped him sleep, too, but when he drank that, he snored when he slept. He wasn't snoring now.

The door behind her opened, letting light into the room, and Alex looked at her. "Maggie, what are you doing in here?" she whispered.

"I jus' wanted to see Daddy. I didn' wake him."

"Didn't you believe me when I told you he was in here?"

"A course I did, Mommy. But I still wanted to see him."

"He's okay, baby, but he needs to sleep. Now come on."

Maggie took one more look at her sleeping father and she followed her mother from the room.

Alex led her downstairs and watched her run to the couch, tackling Mike with her little girl version of a bear hug. Alex had postponed dinner with Carolyn for a couple of days so that Bobby could rest and recover with fewer distractions. She hoped they could help Carolyn and Mike get their relationship back on track. She was getting used to having Mike around, and she liked it, but he didn't belong there on their couch. He should be at home with Carolyn and their son, if they could work it out. Mike had asked if he could bring Sean over for the weekend, and of course, she said yes. Refusing his request wasn't going to drive him back home. It would further alienate him from his son. Getting Carolyn to give Sean up for an entire weekend was going to be a challenge for him.

Molly was off by the toybox, picking out blocks and stacking them. _A builder_, Alex wondered until the baby pulled a ball from the toybox and threw it at the stack of blocks, knocking them over. _Nope, spoke too soon_. She smiled as the little girl began stacking the blocks again.

She walked behind the couch, leaning over to kiss Tommy, who quickly scurried up the back of the couch to give her a big hug. He was such an affectionate little boy, always ready with a hug and kiss. She couldn't help but wonder if Bobby had been like that when he was little, before his mother's disease robbed him of his happy childhood.

Her little son bounced back into his place beside Mike and settled in to watch cartoons. Harry was seated in Bobby's recliner, watching Mike play with Maggie and Tom. His expression was wistful. He wanted to join in, but he was reluctant. Dr. Bennett said he just needed time. Rome wasn't built in a day. Eventually, the little boy would realize that Bobby and Mike were not going to hurt him. On her way to the kitchen, she stopped and leaned over to kiss Harry's head. He looked up at her and smiled, and he warmed her heart.

It had been a long day and she was making a simple meal of grilled cheese and tomato soup, one of Bobby's favorites. She wasn't sure he was going to get up to join them, but if he didn't, she would bring him some later.

As she was dishing out the soup, the sounds from the living room changed and she knew Bobby had come downstairs. She took down another bowl. She'd told the kids they could eat at the coffee table in the living room so she began bringing the bowls into the living room. Mike hopped up. "Here. Let me give you a hand."

Bobby started to move but Mike gave him a warning look. With a sigh of resignation, he settled back on the couch. Molly crawled over to him and he picked her up, settling her beside Tom in his lap. Maggie nestled into his side and he slid his arm around her.

Harry watched the other children snuggle with their father, with the man who wanted to be his father, too. They were happy, and they were safe. Those were alien feelings to him, and he didn't recognize them. He slid from the recliner and climbed up onto the couch next to Maggie. Bobby looked at him and smiled. Harry worked up a small smile in return. Bobby moved his hand, trying not to react when Harry cringed. But the boy recovered quickly, reminding himself that the hand that moved toward him was a hand that would never strike him. He reached out and slid his little hand into Bobby's much larger one. It was big, but it was also warm and inviting and...safe. It was a hand that would protect him, not one that would inflict pain.

Once the soup and sandwiches were laid out on the table, it was time to eat, and Harry released his hold on Bobby's hand. It was a small step, but that's what it was going to take, and Bobby was a patient man. Alex handed him a bowl of soup and sat beside him with her own. Mike sat in the recliner with Molly in his lap, giving her spoonfuls from his own bowl.

It was a quiet scene of domestic comfort that Bobby had once believed he would never experience. Looking around the room, watching his children eat and laugh with each other as his wife nestled against his side and his best friend fed their baby girl, he knew that life would never be better than it was at that moment. It was a rare time, and Bobby was truly happy.

* * *

**A/N: Well, folks, that's it for this installment of the Choices series. Thanks for coming along for the ride! Stay tuned for the next story, in which we will learn of Denise's fate and that of her baby while Harry continues to adapt to life in a happy, loving family. Also feel free to bless me with ideas, if you have any. Even if I don't use them, they are very welcome! _Bis spater!_**


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